After a long day at work, there was nothing Jackson enjoyed better than to come home to his expecting wife, have some dinner and relax.
Today, after work, he hit the gym and by the time he got home, April was already there.
It would be like any other day, except for the fact that as he stepped out of the shower, and was about to put on his pajama shirt, he heard soft sobs coming from the living room. He didn't wait a minute longer and stepping out of their bedroom, he found April sitting on the living room floor, next to the coffee table, crying.
"April, what's wrong?" He said, almost running towards her. Sitting next to her, on the floor, he saw a bunch of photographs, apparently aligned by year, placed on top of the coffee table. "April?" he repeated, since she didn't reply the first time, but continued hysterically crying. Then he noticed she was holding a picture firmly against her chest. Placing one hand on her chin, he managed to make her look at him.
"Jackson…I just…" He could barely understand her, since her sobs were louder than her words. He tried to calm her down, rubbing her back with one hand, while placing a lock of her loose hair behind her ear with the other.
"What's wrong?"
"Remember how I told you I wanted to do a scrapbook with pictures of us…you know, a scrapbook about us and our story?" She said, without being able to stop sobbing.
Of course he remembered. He remembered how great that idea sounded when she first approached him with it. How cute it would be to do a scrapbook with their story, their friendship turned love and how amazing it would be to eventually continue the scrapbook with pictures of their soon to be family, with their kids. Nodding his head he simply said "I do."
"Well, I spent all week trying to find pictures…I could only do it when I had some free time, which doesn't happen very often, but luckily I had most of them on my computer, since their digital and everything, but I couldn't find one…" To his despair a trail of tears came running down her face. "…one very important picture."
"Is it why you're crying? Because you didn't find it?" he asked, dying with curiosity to know why his wife was crying so hard.
"No…no." she said. Cleaning her tears with the hem of her sleeve, she cleared her voice and tried to continue. "I couldn't find it, because this one I had in print, it wasn't digital. Anyways, I've been driving myself crazy over this and then I finally remembered where I put it. I went looking for it while you were in the shower and…it was stuck in one of my diaries…" Even though she was trying hard, there seemed to be no way to stop the tears that kept filling her eyes. "…one from my first year as an intern."
Jackson calmly put one hand on top of hers, making her reveal the picture she'd been holding close to her chest. "Can I see it?" he asked.
She hopelessly smiled, before handing him the picture.
Suddenly it all made sense to him. It was a picture of him, April, Reed and Charles back from when they were still interns at Mercy West. He didn't remember when the picture was taken, but they were smiling, all four of them; His arms placed in between April's and Charles' shoulders; April was smiling shyly; they were all in their orange scrubs. He kind of missed those scrubs or at least what they represented – the beginning of everything he fought for.
"This picture was taken before we took our intern exam. One week before, actually." April continued. "I kept it in my diary, because…well, you guys were all the friends that I had back then. Remember how you all thought I was weird when you first met me?"
"I didn't find you weird." Jackson defended himself, even though that wasn't true. At first he thought April was quite weird, very nerdy, too temperamental, but then he eventually started finding her quirkiness cute.
"Oh please, Jackson, you did. I know you did…all of you did. But that's ok, things were different after a while." She acknowledged. "Anyways, you guys were all the friends I had. Reed was my closest friend. And even though we were very different, we clicked. I don't know…it just kills me to know that she's no longer here…that they're no longer here. I miss them so much."
"I know. I miss them too."
"And the truth is I feel like I have no friends other than you." She confessed, falling into a whimper again.
"Don't say that, April. You've got friends…many."
"I don't…It's true, or at least I don't feel that way." He gently rubbed her back, letting her lean on his shoulder. "The night we had our fight, I went to Callie and Arizona's place and, even though they were kind enough to let me stay there, I could feel they were getting tired of me. I could feel how they were starting to get annoyed by my ramblings about…well, my feelings. I was trying to deal with everything and all I needed was someone who could listen, who could tell me what to do, how to manage my problems or whatever I was going through. And I know I'm not the easiest person to deal with, but…it still hurts to think that, in the end, I have no friends…but you."
"Baby, don't say that." Seeing his wife hurt like that was more than Jackson could take.
"It's true. Jackson, you're practically the only one who's not annoyed by my presence for more than a day; you're the only one who gets me; you're only one who knows how to calm me down when I'm losing it. You're pretty much the only one who stands me."
"April, don't put yourself down like that." He knew that April had a hard time in the past because of what people thought of her and that it had been a challenge for her to overcome her insecurities. "People love you, just the way you are. I love you, just the way you are."
"Well, that's you. But you're my best friend. You're everything to me."
"You're my best friend too, April." He kissed her temple. It always felt good to hear her say things like that. It made him feel like the luckiest man in the planet. She was his. He was hers. But she was feeling pretty down right now and he would do anything to light her up again.
"But you know what scares me the most?" She asked, looking up at him. He shook his head. "Well, if you fail me, then…I'm lost. I'm gonna be all alone. Jackson, you're my everything, but if something happens to you, and God forbids anything from happening, then I'm gonna be all by myself. I'm lost without you."
"Hey, don't think about that, honey. Nothing's going to happen. I'm here, you're here…we've got our baby in the way. Nothing's gonna happen, ok?"
"You don't know that." She replied, tearing up again. "You think everything's great; you get up in the morning, you go to work, you do charts or rounds or even surgeries and then…then life changes in a heartbeat. I mean, what are the odds of a gun man breaking into a hospital, shooting everything that moves?"
"I know but…" He tried to comfort her, but before he had the chance to, she cut him off.
"I remember that day like it was yesterday. I woke up, just like every other day and then…then I stumbled on my best friend's dead body. It was covered in blood. I was covered in her blood and then everything turned into complete madness." She took a deep breath. He could feel her body tremble in his arms. "Jackson, I could have died that day. I came face to face with that man. He pointed a gun at me and it was a miracle he let me go."
He remembered that day as well. How could he forget? He had nightmares about it for months. He had been in the same room as the gun man. He had had a gun pointed at him too. But thinking back about it made him realize that if that event was to happen now, the thought of losing his wife was more painful than everything else. "It was just an ordinary day." He stated. "And then everything changed."
"We lost Reed and Charles that day. And now, looking at this picture…" she said, holding it up back again. "…it makes me so sad to think that they're not here. Look at us…so young and happy."
"I know."
"I mean, one second we're here and the other we're not. Life's tricky like that. It makes me realize that I shouldn't take anything for granted, that I shouldn't take you for granted, because if it's not a gun man, then it's an airplane that crashes, or a natural catastrophe of some sort or…something else. Life's so fragile and people that we love die and everything's pretty unfair sometimes. People die and we don't even have the change to say what we wanted to say, to do things differently… to say good-bye."
"You're right, we've been through a lot these past few years. After Charles and Reed, we lost Mark and Lexie too." He suddenly felt empty again, like all the memories, anger and pain from those events never left him. "I know how it hurts to lose someone important and miss them. They say time heals every wound, but…it's hard. And even though people die every day, death is never fair." He could feel her body caving in into his arms and so he hold her with all the strength he had. He was her safe haven and she was his. "But hey…we're together, ok? Nothing's going to happen."
"I just feel so scared that I might lose you. I can't lose you, Jackson."
"I can't lose you too, baby. I love you. You're my everything too." He said, before kissing her forehead. "But hey…it's me and you, ok? Me and you until the end. I'm not going anywhere…I'm staying right here where I belong…with you."
"But what if…"
"Don't think about the 'what if's', ok? One day at a time. Life's fragile and people die in the most random ways, but I want you to know that if anything happens to me…" he saw her roll her eyes and decided to continue with a firmer voice. "…if anything happens to me, if I die, I want you to know that I'll die a happy man, ok?"
"How so?" she wondered.
"Well, I'll die happy, because I found you, I loved you and I was loved by you. Not many people get to die knowing they married the love of their life." She cupped his face with both of her hands and leaned in for a kiss. He was not used to expressing his emotions, but April changed him. He was a different man around her. He wanted to please her, to make her feel loved and happy, because the truth was he was only happy when she was and that made him realized that that's what love is all about.
"Don't you dare die on me, you hear me, Jackson? Don't you dare! Even if you die happy, ok?" She said, finally smiling after all the crying.
"I won't." He whispered against her wet, salty lips. "You're stuck with me forever."
"I'm glad I am." She murmured, placing her arms around his neck.
"Now why don't you go wash your face so we can start working on this scrapbook?" he suggested, cleaning the traces of tears, that fell down her cheeks a few minutes ago, with his thumb.
She suddenly seemed more light up. "Are you gonna help me with it?"
"Of course I am." He replied, playing with the tips of her hair. "Going down memory lane can be a good thing, right?"
She simply nodded her head affirmatively. "I'm sorry, Jackson. I'm sorry about my crazy emotions, ok? I guess I'm just one big hormonal mess right now."
"Don't worry about it, babe." He reassured her, kissing her lips again. "I love you anyway…with or without crazy crying."
"Ok…" she smiled against his lips. "Give me a minute while I'll go clean my face…I'll be right back."
…
A few minutes later, as April reentered the living room Jackson handed her a bowl of chocolate ice cream. "To make you feel better."
"Thank you, baby."
"Chocolate makes everything better!" he added, holding her waist with both hands, from behind, placing his chin on the crook of her neck. They were standing in front of the coffee table where April had placed the photographs in perfect order. "Anyways, where do we start?"
"Well, first we have to choose which ones we want to use in the scrapbook." She replied, leading a spoon full of ice cream to her mouth. "I already made a pre-selection, but…you can have a say in this, you know…which ones you like the best?"
"Ok." He agreed. "Ok, I think I can do that." Bending down to take a closer look, Jackson picked a photograph of him and April from their first year as residents. "Oh, I remember this one…it was my birthday, wasn't it?"
"It was." She answered, taking a seat on the couch, while taking another bite of the ice cream. "I love that one. You look so handsome."
"Look at how young we were. I have a baby face in here." He noticed, sitting next to her.
"Well, you shaved for once and your hair was longer. I love it when it gets curly like that." She pointed out, raising her hand to massage his shaved head. "But you look handsome anyway, with or without your curly hair."
"How could I've been so blind? I mean, look at you in this picture, April." Jackson said, admiring her younger beauty. "You were pretty hot back then. I don't know why I didn't make a move."
"Stop it, Jackson. You never looked at me once back then. Plus, you were dating someone."
"Was I?" he questioned, truthfully clueless.
"Of course you were; you were always dating someone, so…"
"Well, if I was then let me tell you that that never stopped me from checking you out while you changed into your scrubs, every morning." He admitted, placing a soft kiss on her neck.
"You whaaat?" April questioned, pulling his lips away from her. She was completely surprised with this confession. "Jackson?"
"What?" he wondered, with a grin on his face. "You're gonna tell me you never noticed I did that?"
"No, of course I didn't notice."
"You were very shy and all, but let me tell you…you were never not hot!" he confessed, putting the picture down on the coffee table, while his eyes searched for another one. "And yes, I used to check you out!"
"Pervert!" she accused him, taking another bite of ice cream.
"Yeah, right, because you never did that."
"No, I'm a lady. I never checked you out while you were changing." That one was a lie and he knew it, but he decided to let it go with a small laugh.
"Hey, this one definitely has to go on the scrapbook." He said, holding another photograph in his hand. It was one from their honeymoon, taken with Jackson's iPhone, right after a session of love making. They were lying in bed, white sheets covering April's chest; Jackson was holding the camera, with his left arm up; he was smiling directly into it, while April was semi hiding her smile in the crook of Jackson's neck; Her right arm was holding his naked chest, while her wild hair was somehow beautifully placed on the pillow; her pale skin contrasted with his darker one; but most importantly, they looked very much in love and very, very happy.
"No way, Jackson!" she said, trying to steal the picture from his hands, unsuccessfully. "Give it to me!"
"It's my favorite picture. We look damn good in it. So, why not put it on the scrapbook?"
"Because this is supposed to be a family album, you know, something we'll show our kids someday. Can you imagine how awkward it would be for them to see their parents after sex? I mean, you don't want to traumatize them, do you?" April quickly tried to turn his idea down. "Besides, I didn't mean to print this one, ok. It's here by mistake. Nobody's supposed to see this…ever."
"Babe, relax. Would you?" he said, smiling. "I was joking…of course I'm not going to put this on the scrapbook."
"Good! Then give it to me." April demanded, reaching her hand to him.
"Maybe I should frame it." He teased her once again. "Yeah, I'm gonna frame it and put it on my desk, in my office, at work. You know, so everybody can know how hot my wife really is."
"Jackson, I'm serious about this. Don't you dare." She threatened him, putting the ice cream bowl on the table, before attempting to take the picture from his hands once again. She then climbed to his lap, placing her tights in between his. "Jackson…"
"Nope, the photo is mine now." He continued to tease her, holding the photo above his head with one hand, while with the other he hold her waist.
"I'm serious, though."
"Ok, ok…fine…" he gave up. "But I'm gonna keep it. You look beautiful in this one." He put a lock of her hair behind her ear, before proceeding to attack her neck with his lips.
"Jackson…" she whispered, when he found her soft spot.
"I'm gonna keep this photo." He said in between kisses. "And I'm gonna put it in my wallet, so I can look at you, at how beautiful you are, whenever I want. How about that?"
"Well, that's a solution." She agreed, ready to feel his lips in places other than her neck. "Jackson?"
"What?"
"Don't you want to recreate the photo…in our bed…right now?" April asked, holding his hands and getting up from his lap.
"Do you wanna recreate the photo or what happened before it was taken?" he replied, with a smirk on his face.
"You'll see, babe…you'll see!"
…
AN:
Hey guys,
So this is my first attempt to write Japril fanfic.
Hope you guys liked it.
I plan on keep on writing this and post a new chapter hopefully every week. I'm planning on making this a continuous story, with small time gaps into the future. I'm mostly planning on writing throughout April's pregnancy.
You should also know that I'm taking into consideration your ideas, so if you want me to write about something, send them out.
Anyways, I do this for fun, so I hope you guys enjoyed it and have fun reading it as well.
Also, please take into consideration that English's not my first language, so any spelling or grammar mistakes you might find, let me know.
Review as you please.
Much love,
Annie.