Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter.

Title: Like Another Teen Movie

Pairing: DMHG

Rating: R

Summary: Draco, Harry and Ron are Hogwarts' Golden Trio. Inseparable since kindergarten, the three normally take pleasure in being the biggest wankers on the planet. But then they make a bet—one of them has to bag Hermione Granger before the end of the semester. Who will get first prize? [R R]

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Chapter One

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"I got lucky last night," Draco Malfoy told his two best friends and fellow Gryffindors, Harry Potter and Ron Weasley. They were sitting in the Great Hall, piling mountains of food onto their plates. The Great Hall was especially loud because it was dinnertime—and no one in his or her right mind missed dinner. Ron had built a mini Mount Everest and was working from his succulent lamb chops to his fluffy white mashed potatoes.

Harry looked at him in interest. "Who was the girl?"

Draco frowned and began to think—clearly, this was hard work.

"Or shall we just not jump to conclusions that it is in fact a girl," said Ron. "We don't know what you do behind closed doors."

"And we don't want to," Harry added.

"Amanda!" Draco said at last. "Wait, no… no… I lost it. But if it's any consolation she sure seemed to remember my name, if you catch my drift," he added, winking.

"Draco, I'm pretty sure Dumbledore would even catch your drift," said Ron, "If you know what I mean."

"Sure," said Draco, even though he didn't.

"Look," said Harry, "what he's trying to say is whenever you say something you can't follow it up with 'if you catch my drift' when it's completely obvious, 'cause even a ten-year-old could decipher what you just said."

Draco pondered this for a moment. "How can you catch a drift anyway? It's not like a ball, is it?"

Ron looked absolutely horrified. "Was this girl like… deaf or blind or something?"

"Well, no… but I'm pretty sure I was after what happened," said Draco, "If you catch my drift."

Harry slammed his head on the table. Ron mumbled some unholy words under his breath.

Draco tried to lift a girl's skirt up by blowing into the air.

They were different in their own way. Draco was the stud, Ron was the laugh and Harry was the voice of reason. They bore no resemblance to the other. Ron had flaming red hair and freckles, Harry had jet-black hair and fairly light skin and Draco had shocking silver hair and pale skin. However, they all managed to be a success with the girls—each had had two three-week relationships, two one-night-stands and five or six drunken snogs.

But none of them had gotten one girl—Hermione Granger. She sat opposite them on the long wooden table ignoring her food and reading a book written in Latin. Her horribly bushy hair was plaited down the middle and made her look awfully sophisticated and awfully old. It was a masterful mess. Even the boys joked if they ever ended up getting to snogging with hair-touching their fingers would probably get lost amongst all the bits of pieces people tend to sneak in there sometimes. They'd got in about fifteen. All it said was: I've recommended you to my stylist. She saw a picture and ran. They were really just plain cruel.

"Eh, Granger!" Ron said, patting his stomach from the mighty feed.

Hermione looked up and gave him a fake smile. "Yes?"

"What you reading?" he asked.

"A book," she replied.

"What's it say on the front there?" Ron continued.

Hermione rolled her eyes. "Can't you read?"

Ron's face crumpled up. "Well, I didn't want to bring it up…"

"Now, look what you've done," Harry said.

"You've made him cry," said Draco.

"This is bull," said Hermione. "He can always read stuff in class off the blackboard."

"That's because the teachers let him come in early to memorise it so he doesn't make a fool out of himself," Draco said.

Hermione's look of triumph turned a look of panic. "Oh, um…"

"God, he's crying!" Harry said. "He's fucking crying, Hermione! He never cries."

"I-I'm sorry," she said, her brown eyes full of concern.

"Me too," Ron squeaked.

Hermione frowned. "Sorry?"

Ron lifted his head from his knees with no trace of a tear. He beamed at her. "Sorry you're so fucking gullible!"

The trio erupted in laughter. Dean Thomas and Seamus Finnigan, who were sitting close by, also joined in. Hermione was utterly humiliated.

She stood up, placed her book in her shoulder bag and turned back around to face them. "You are pathetic the lot of you. See how it feels when you get tricked—see how you like it." And with that she stormed off, angry tears streaming down her face.

"Er…" Draco began.

"Was that a threat?" Harry asked.

"If it was it was pretty lame arse one at that!" Ron exclaimed.

The three laughed again, patting each other on the back, because I'm afraid that's what boys do.

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"The look on her face," Draco chortled. "God, man… priceless."

It was eleven o'clock that evening. Draco, Harry and Ron were sitting in the Gryffindor common room still chatting about the events at dinner.

Ron snorted suddenly. "Sorry, just… God, that was funny!"

"Hey, do you reckon she will get us back?" Harry asked.

"No way! She's too smart with her books and shit to be wasting time fussing about us," Ron observed.

"Got a point there, Weasley," Draco agreed.

"But what if she's not," said Harry.

"Shut up, Harry. You're ruining our victory," said Ron.

"Sorry," blushed Harry.

"She is kind of hot though," Draco announced suddenly.

Ron and Harry burst out laughing. "What?!"

"She's got nice legs, nice boobs, good body. I mean, her hair's a horror, but she could wear a wig," said Draco.

"What have you got in mind, Draco?" Ron asked, laughing.

"You're role playing this early in the relationship?" Harry joked.

"Shut up," Draco said. "It's just an observation…"

The trio pondered this thought for a few moments. "You know, she does have nice boobs," said Ron.

"Awful temper though," said Harry.

"What if you didn't have sex the way she wanted to? It'd be like fucking a drill sergeant," Ron laughed.

"Oh, Ron," Harry complained.

"Well, it's true, isn't it?" Ron said.

Draco suddenly sat up. "I got an idea."

"Cue light bulb!" Ron deadpanned.

"No, no, really," said Draco. He turned to Ron. "How much money you got, like here… right now."

"Oh, I don't know maybe… five galleons," Ron replied.

"Okay… Harry, what about you?" asked Draco.

"Erm… yeah, five. I got five galleons, too," he stuttered. It was obvious that Harry's family had far more money than Ron's but he never liked to boast about it. In fact, Harry was sure he had about twenty-five galleons scattered around his suitcase.

"What about you, Draco?" Ron asked. "How much you got?"

"Ten," Draco replied, defiantly. "But… best make it five."

"Best make what five?" Harry questioned.

"The bet," replied Draco.

"The bet?" Ron asked. "What bet?"

"The bet that I made up," said Draco. "The bet that I made up and we're all going to take part in."

"Okay…"

"Look," Draco began, "can we all agree that we find Granger the slightest bit attractive?"

"Yep," Ron agreed.

"Sure," Harry said.

"All right, we have a bet with Granger in it," Draco said.

"Does she know about this bet?" Ron asked. "Is there something going on between you two?"

"No," Draco scowled. "The idea is we all try to seduce Granger—"

"—But she hates us," Ron cut in. "She won't have anything to do with us."

"I know, Ron, that's why it's interesting. We have to win her trust, we have to befriend and then… we bed her… before the end of the semester. First one to do so gets fifteen galleons," Draco explained.

"No, no, no," said Harry. "That won't work. First off, I'm pretty sure Granger's a virgin and I really don't wanna be the one to take 'deflower' her and second off, one of us could just come up and say we nailed her."

Draco frowned. He hadn't thought of that. But, then again, thinking for him isn't a regular occurrence.

Suddenly—light bulb take two. "We get Hermione to admit it," he said, finally.

"Come on!" Ron said. "She's like… really private. I bet if she snogged someone she wouldn't even tell Ginny. She's way too personal—trust me."

Draco's eyes lit up. He spoke only one word. "Veritaserum."

It didn't occur to any of them that in order to have Veritaserum you must steal in from Professor Snape's office first. If you were caught, if could result in you being expelled. However, the idea of money and a fair-looking girl put together was just too enticing. It wasn't until Ron spoke only two simple words that everything started.

"I'm in," he said, digging around in his pockets and throwing a pile of gold coins on the common room table.

"In," Harry said, throwing his money near Ron's.

The two looked at Draco expectantly, half-wishing he would back out and it would be fair play between Harry and Ron. But Draco's face broke into a smile as he threw down his share. "What the fuck's wrong with you? I'm in!"

And so it begins.

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Okay, just to clarify this is total AU. Draco is not Gryffindor material. Ron and Harry HATE Draco and vice versa. And Harry and Ron are not cruel to Hermione and do not call her Granger. See, it's fun when it's less predictable.

Five reviews!

Thank you—

Jordan