A.N: Welcome to my first story. Please be gentle, I hope you enjoy. No copyright infringement intended! Please criticize me, I am aware of my desperate need for improvement, haha! I am also very interested in hearing suggestions, ideas and questions, so please PM me or review! Please comment on what you think of this sort of size for a chapter. I feel like it's really short (felt a lot longer when I was typing away) but...I don't know; I'm indecisive.
'This text' is narration. 'This text' is Jay's thoughts. 'This text' is bold for emphasis.
If I end up doing Dio's thoughts (^_^) they will be 'this text.'
Prologue
All those people, driven to the edge by whatever it might be that troubles them, what do you think happens to them? Do you think they get stronger? Do you think they break?
.
.
.
In her final moments, 'Jay' had plenty of time to think. Again.
I should have expected it.
That was the first thing to run through her mind. It was frustratingly cliche, and simultaneously incredibly true. Well. Perhaps it was a bit more than frustrating, considering what her lack of vigilance had cost her.
Isn't there a quote about that? She struggled to remember a single memory among a sea of others that had essentially been thrown together, shaken and then been locked away - a literal- lifetime ago.'Constant vigilance,' or something like that? I think it was from one of my favorite books. How appropriate. Wish I'd listened. Thinking back to those times was always so bittersweet.
And oh, the cost of feeling safe was steep. A price Jay was unwilling to pay. Then again, I suppose some people would just die for a blank slate. I wonder, how can they consider it worth having to go through everything again? Finding your place and all. It's far from easy. I really don't see how anyone could consider it a worthwhile trade, and at this stage I would consider myself an expert (at the very least experienced.)
Naturally it had taken her a while to achieve this thought process. Once upon a time she would have immersed herself in the kind of twisted fanfic her life had become. Jay would do anything to go back; just for a moment. To think she had used to crave excitement, unsatisfied with not being 'special.' She read for hours and hours, pouring over the adventures and misfortunes of others. Bodily locked away in her room while her mind was in other worlds, conjured to give her an escape from being nothing more than a mundane student.
The second thought to occur to her through the haze that was effectively muffling her thought process was one of startling clarity.
Jay was not a rambler. Jay got distracted easily, but she was (fairly) logical and didn't appreciate assumptions. However, dying seemed like an extenuating enough circumstance that she could be excused. So when Jay felt a thought ring through her mind with crystal clarity she was rather startled. As it pierced the fog of (painpainpain) caused by her approaching end, it did not feel like a thought. (What else could it be?)
However, she was a little busy choking to death and so it did not occur to her to question the nature of this 'sudden thought' until later.
I need control. I refuse to endure this again. So control will be key. To get that I will need power. I will need to go from a pawn "useless, worthless, ignorant fool,"
to a queen. Clever and cunning. "Poison is a woman's weapon- smarter not harder."
No, that will not be enough! I want absolute power; absolute control. How could that ever be enough?! For one thing, I'd still be playing their game. I have to change the position of the board completely. But how?
The player. He commands every piece.
This realization began the cracking in her already battered psyche. That's it, to be in control I must become the player! Lying awkwardly on the polished marble floor of her chamber Jay realized 3 things. Those 3 things would become her rules. To live and die by.
'The weak are stepped upon; crushed like bugs.'
Her mind splintered, cracked.
There's no such thing as good and evil is there? Just predator and prey. People are beasts! They can attempt to justify their actions to lure other vermin in with promises- sweet nothings- of safety and equality but it's all shit! So now that I know the game, I will be the most powerful. How could I not have realized?!
Her thoughts, that had been dripping with sarcasm earlier had gotten frenzied with panic. Yet now there was a stillness to them, a certainty that came from her prior experiences.
Enough. I will be revered and loved. I'll get the happy ending I deserve. I will become God.
A sardonic smile- barely more than a twist of her cracked lips- formed on Jay's bloodstained lips as they parted for one last choking breath before she was gone; had fallen off the edge of the metaphorical cliff...
...gone into oblivion.
(But Jay did not realize that she missing something. A fragment, tiny, unnoticeable. So small that Jay had not (would not) realize it's departure until much later, after some interesting events. By then it was much too late.)
What did she really have to fear from such a thing as death?
And though many people would have wished she had stayed there, in the Void, she did not.
.
.
.
Some of them crack, and the pieces are just lost forever. Where do you suppose that those lost pieces go?
- The Pacifist Panda
Who caught the reference?
Yes, I admit it, I hopped on board the SI/ OC train. I hope that you will come to like Jay.
If you are interested, please give me ideas, I have a general idea of what I want to do but it's very flexible.