A/N This is just a one shot that I've been thinking about. I always thought that season two's timing seemed a bit off. This story is what could have happened if Sexy and Blame it on the Alcohol came Before Silly Love Songs. Everything is pretty much cannon up to Silly Love Songs, just in a different order (Sexy takes place around Special Education and Rachel's party takes place on New Years Eve). There is a much different ending to Silly Love Songs. WARNING! Character Death!
A Kiss for Luck
"I don't understand. He said he would be there." Blaine said, confused.
"What exactly did he say?" Wes asked softly.
"He said he had something he needed to finish real quick. Then he kissed me on the cheek and said it was for luck." Blaine thought back. The kiss hadn't precisely been on his cheek, it had been on the corner of his mouth. He'd just assumed his best friend meant it to be on the cheek, but had misjudged his movements.
The handsome Asian put a hand on the smaller boy's shoulder. "I think you'll understand why he wasn't there if you read this." He handed the dark haired boy a small book bound in blue satin.
"What's this?"
"Just read it. He left it open on his bed. It explains everything. I bookmarked the page you should start reading from."
The taller boy left Blaine sitting alone on his bed with the book. The curly haired boy hesitated, examining the book for some clue as to what it was, but finding nothing. Cautiously he opened it to the marked page, acting as if a venomous snake would spring out from between the pages.
The first thing he noticed was a date. November 9th, 2010.
When he read what came next, he almost slammed the book closed. He couldn't read this!
But curiosity got the better of him
…
Dear Diary,
Today I met the most amazing boy when I went to Dalton Academy after Puck told me to make myself useful and go and spy on them. Normally I would have ignored him, but I just felt like giving up trying to make them notice me. I figured maybe if I went, then the boys would show me some respect. Of course nothing could be further from the truth. They don't care about me.
Anyway, getting back to this boy. He introduced himself as Blaine, and he freely admitted that he was gay! After we first met on the stairs, he grabbed my hand and ran with me to see the Warblers perform. I admit I felt a thrill when his hand touched mine. I never thought I'd walk (or run) down a hallway holding hands with another boy without someone screaming homophobic rhetoric at us.
But what happened next was so much better than holding hands with him. It turns out that Blaine is the lead soloist for the Warblers, and he sang Teenage Dream while flirting with me through the entire song! I almost melted in my highly expensive Jimmy Choo boots!
Blaine paused and reread that last paragraph. Had he flirted with Kurt during that song? He hadn't realized he'd been flirting with anyone. Kurt had just stood out with his obvious attempt to pass as a Dalton student, and though he failed miserably as a spy, there had been something kind of sad and frightened about him, and Blaine had kept looking at him trying to figure him out.
Of course they knew I wasn't really a new student, and had called me out for being a spy. But rather than beat me up, they invited me to have coffee with them. The other two boys, Wes and David, I think their names were, were nice, but only Blaine seemed to understand my problems. After they left, Blaine and I talked about my Bully problem. He was very encouraging. He admitted that he'd been bullied too, and that he felt ashamed that he'd run away by transferring to Dalton. He said I should stand up to my Bully, and educate him. Before I left, he gave me his phone number and told me to call him any time I felt like talking.
Blaine shuddered. When Kurt had finally called him, it was to tell him that when he'd stood up to the Neanderthal, the creep had kissed him. He didn't want to read about that. He skipped forward a few pages.
November 30th, 2010
Dear Diary,
Well, here I am, a Dalton student, with one week until Sectionals. I'm so happy the Warblers accepted me, but it seems strange to think I'll be competing against New Directions. I actually miss them, despite the fact that they didn't always accept me. The last few weeks before I transferred, they seemed to realize how bad things had gotten for me there, and had tried to help, but in the end, I couldn't stay, not with that Neanderthal tormenting me every chance he got.
Anyway, the Warblers seem like a nice crew, but I'm not sure I really fit in. They gave me a chance to audition for a solo, but they didn't seem to appreciate my unique style. And then there was the whole Crawford Country Day fiasco. Apparently the Warblers wanted to try out something more sexy for competition.
We performed Animal by Neon Trees. I didn't think it was too bad, but Blaine seemed to think I was ill during the performance. He said it looked like I had gas pains. Basically the guy I've been crushing on thinks I have the sex appeal of a baby penguin. If that isn't a blow to my ego, what is?
Kurt had been crushing on him back then? Blaine never realized the pale boy had felt anything more than friendship towards him. Why hadn't he said anything? Of course maybe he might have if he hadn't thought Blaine didn't find him attractive.
He skipped ahead a few more pages.
December 20th, 2010
Dear Diary,
I'm so confused. Blaine keeps sending me mixed signals, and I don't know what to do! Last night he asked me to rehearse Baby it's Cold Outside with him for some Christmas show he's doing. As we sang and moved around the commons, he kept being flirty and teasing, and at one point I thought he might even have been about to kiss me, but today he treated me like a kid brother (Despite the fact that I am six months older than he is) and he had to protect me from myself.
Blaine paused again. Once more he didn't remember actually flirting with Kurt. The song was playful. He'd just been hamming it up, and thought the other boy had just been following his lead. It had been fun singing with Kurt. As for treating him like a kid brother? He was positive that had never happened. Had it?
He saw the date of the next entry and shuddered. This he did recall with glaring clarity.
January 1st, 2011
Dear Diary,
I am so angry right now, I don't know if I can actually write anything here, other than once again, someone else is getting everything I've always wanted, and leaving me with nothing.
Wait, what? Blaine was confused. That wasn't what he was expecting to read.
January 2nd, 2011
Sorry, Diary, for ranting yesterday without explaining what happened. You see, The other night, New Years Eve, Rachel had a party in her basement. At first it was really boring, and I felt guilty for inviting Blaine along. But then Puck busted open the alcohol cabinet, and everyone but Finn and me got drunk. Blaine seemed to enjoy himself then. But them stupid drunk Rachel had and go and suggest we play spin the bottle.
At first it wasn't really a big deal. But then Stupid Drunk Rachel spun the damn bottle and it landed on Blaine. I thought it would be funny, but when they started kissing, and didn't stop, I about died.
But it didn't end there. No, Stupid Rachel had to go and ask Blaine out, and the idiot said yes! Apparently he's confused now as to whether he's actually gay or not. Doesn't he realize how much I admired him for being out and proud? We got into an argument over it. We both said some mean things, though I don't think either of us really meant them. But I did mean it when I shouted at him that if he was that confused, maybe he should just kiss a boy and see what he feels about that. Of course I was kind of hoping he'd agree and kiss me.
Damn it, Kurt had wanted to kiss him? Why hadn't he? Why hadn't he just said how he felt? A small voice at the back of his head that sounded suspiciously like Kurt asked, "Why didn't you tell him how you felt?"
Blaine swallowed. He had begun questioning his feelings towards the older boy around that time. Kurt was beautiful, inside and out. He loved the pale boy's voice, his sense of style, his humor. But he didn't think Kurt wanted to be anything more than friends.
That voice spoke up again. "If you had feelings for Kurt, why did you ask him to help you serenade another boy?"
Blaine turned to the last entry in the journal.
Valentines Day, 2011
Alone. I don't think I can go through with this. It hurts too much. Blaine has chosen someone else. He said he was in love with this other boy, Jeremiah. I told him I'd join the Warblers in helping him serenade the other boy, but I just can't.
I'm sorry, Blaine. I know I promised you. I'm sorry. But I know he'll love you. Who wouldn't love you? You're perfect. You'll have someone to love you, but I never will. I had hoped you would be the one for me, but I guess no one could love a baby penguin. At least I got to kiss you at least once, even if it was a goodbye kiss.
Blaine closed the book, and sat there staring in to space. He was so blind, and now he's lost everything. He'd wanted answers, but now that he knew, it just made him so sick to think that HE caused this. He was responsible for...His mind brought the image up so clearly...
…
Three hours ago
Blaine pushed through the front door of Dalton and all but ran for the stairs, trying to hide his embarrassment from everyone else as he headed for his dorm. He'd made a fool of himself. Jeremiah had rejected him so badly, humiliating him in front of all his friends. Well, not all. Kurt hadn't been there.
Why hadn't he come? He said he'd be there. Maybe he lost track of time, he said he had something he needed to do. He thought about that awkward kiss Kurt had given him. It had been kind of sweet and shy.
As he reached the top of the stairs, he heard music playing, but didn't really pay attention to it. A lot of the boys played their music too loud. He made his way down the hall, noticing the crowd of boys standing around the window at the end of the hall. It appeared that the glass was broken. He heard sirens drawing closer, and the whispers from some of the boys
"..do you think he did it?"
"I can't believe it...
"Do you think he's still alive?"
Curious, Blaine pushed his way through the crowd to see what was going on. As he reached the front of the group, the music finally registered in his mind.
I've got it all sewn up, a hardened razor-cut
Scar-map across my body
And you can trace the lines through misery's design
That map across my body
Blaine couldn't understand what he was seeing at first. The window at the end of the fourth floor hall was shattered, as if something large had been thrown through it.
A collage A random pattern with a needle and thread
I'm all sewn up
A montage
I'm all sewn up
The overlapping way diseases are spread
To a tornado body with a hand grenade head
And the legs are two lovers entwined
Something thick and red dripped from one of the sharp shards still attached to the window frame. Blaine's mind refused to identify it.
Inside I'm hollowed out, outside's a paper shroud A collage
And all the rest's illusion
That there's a will and soul, that we can wrest control
From chaos and confusion
I'm all sewn up
A montage
I'm all sewn up
He moved closer to the edge until he could see what lay below the broken window. His eyes took in the outline one the concrete, even as the paramedics pulled up in the parking lot across the small square of grass that bordered this side of the building.
The automatist's undoin', the whole world starts unscrewin' I've got it all sewn up, a hardened razor-cut
As time collapses and space warps
You see decay and ruin, I tell you, "No, no, no, no
You make such an exquisite corpse", oh yeah
Scar-map across my body
And you can trace the lines through misery's design
That map across my body
Blaine's mind took in the auburn hair, always so perfectly coiffed, now smeared with crimson. The pale porcelain skin stained with scarlet lines. Blaine wasn't aware of screaming in denial.
A collage
I'm all sewn up
A montage
I'm all sewn up, up, up, up, up