Hello again mortals! It is I, the powerful Noodle! And I wrote fluff.
What a surprise. Oh well, whatever works, right? And I'm not focusing on just fluff, Identity is coming along, I swear. Also, another DGM project for the summer for when Identity gets too intense and I need funny stuff.
But seriously, Allen x Lenalee... WHY ISN'T THERE MORE. Heck, DGM in general... *bawls*
Special thanks to Ameryln on deviantART for letting me use the English lyrics s/he wrote to the Hatsune Miku song "StargazeR." Also, shout out to my man Konpeki Rei for an epic beta read.
So, enjoy the fluff, and know that if I somehow managed to own DGM THERE WOULD NOT BE SO MANY FREAKIN' HIATUSES.
The wind is flying through my hair
Clouds floating in the air
The rare experience of a second full moon in a solitary month. The phenomena had only occurred three times before in all of my recollection. Twice Koumi had been with me to share the night's natural beauty; the other time, I was alone in the Order, nobody willing to let me free of my restraints to get a less hindered view from the window. On this occasion, I was in the dense forest on the outskirts of a village. Tomorrow, we were to arrive and investigate the sudden vanishment of all the animals, save humans. But for this night, this lonely, sacred night, it was just the two of us.
My arms are stretched out far
I tried to catch the stars
A breeze kicks up and rustles between the leaves, blowing my pigtails back. Above me, stars glisten in their constellations. I reflect on the time when my parents were still alive, when I had reached out for the shining points in the darkness and cried when I could not reach them to grasp in my palms. I feel my arms extending, straining to touch them, but to no avail, obviously.
Behind me, there is a chuckle. I do not turn to look at him, as I can sense his smile anyway. Twigs crackle underfoot as he approaches my side. "You know, I used to try that too," he comments lightly.
I shrug, lowering my arm and clenching my fingers. "I think every kid has." Out of the corner of my eye there is movement- he has raised his arm in my stead. His left arm. A gentle flash of green and it transforms from a scarred red to a deadly white.
"I tried to use my Innocence a few times to grab them. I figured since it can stretch, it could possibly grow long enough to touch them." He sighs, and his Innocence returns to its dormant state. "It failed, of course. And I'll admit I was upset, but then I remembered something Mana told me."
They are so far away
So I just let them stay
As they go round the universe
Finally, finally, I turn my head and gaze at his paper hair cupping his ear. "Yeah? And what was that?"
His face grins at my curiosity the accursed scar defiling its perfection almost glowing in the moonshine. "He told me that the stars are messengers for the world, that they watch over everybody. That if I were to take them down, they would get lonely. So I stopped."
"What do you mean, messengers?" I ask, tilting my head a miniscule amount. I watch as his fingers wiggle their way to intertwine with mine. My chest heaves at the touch.
"Well, you know how the constellations change each season, and that not all the same ones can be seen in different regions of the world?" I nod. "The thing is, that's not totally true. The North Star can be seen almost anywhere on Earth, provided you're in the Northern Hemisphere. Sailors use it as a guiding point. But Mana described it as a messenger. It appears every night, everywhere, and it connects the whole world. I'm not sure how exactly that's a messenger, but Mana..." His voice trails off, and I hear the hitch that indicates emotion.
I rub my thumb gingerly over his knuckles. "You miss him a lot, don't you?"
"It's been years. I should be over it, but..."
"It's OK, Allen. He was like a father to you. I'm not over my parents' deaths. Just remember that you're not alone, that there are those that care about you greatly and hate to see you suffer like this," I plead, staring into those smokey eyes. "Please. For me." Because seeing you in pain is a thousand times worse than being hurt myself.
I dream the day when I'll be in a parallel world
In my heart I am told that it will unfold
"Hey, Lenalee." Allen points at a burst of white trailing in the midnight. "A shooting star. I know it's silly, but make a wish?"
With a small laugh, I reply, "Of course." A deep breath is inhaled and I shut my view to the world, sending all my hopes into a single moment of childlike wonder.
It can never be said that I don't dream about him. Everytime my eyelids lower I imagine a place where all the suffering he goes through will be erased, where he no longer has to carry the burden of so many like the mythical Atlas. That is my dearest wish, that eventually the akuma will be stopped and he can live in peace.
That eventually, he can live in peace with me standing next to him. A more permanent state of relaxation than what we are sharing right now. And so that is what I send out to the sky. Let him go, let him just be a boy again. It doesn't matter if I'm there or not, just let him be smiling without hiding something behind the grin.
In the roll of the air I snatch a few of the murmurs of his sound. "...her to be happy, even if..." Her? Who's "her?" My heart plummets into the depths of the earth for a reason I do not fully comprehend.
Let's bring our hearts into a single melody
With that one song we now can sing
He looks at me, and again I feel myself falling into the silver abyss of his pupils. "What did you wish for?" he inquires. I shake my head in disapproval, wagging a finger much like a mother might at a naughty child. "Right," he answers bashfully, scratching the back of his neck with the hand not holding mine, "I guess that's a secret, huh?"
There truly must not be a God, because if there was, He would have never placed such a hell as the burden of this miraculous being.
Here I can see the world is reflected deeply within your eyes
The bright clouds are carried as the wind flies
Those poetic words keep me alive
"Make me a promise," he says suddenly. I blink, my violet eyes widening in confusion. "Promise me that whenever you feel alone, look up at the North Star and just... say my name. You think you can do that, Lenalee?"
I pause. What do those words mean? Say his name to the North Star when I'm lonely? But... does it even matter? It won't hurt to agree. "Sure, Allen," are the words that leave my lips.
His facial expression is so cheerful I find it hard to remember why my heart is breaking. "Thanks. It means alot to me." Allen glances back at the atmosphere. "Looks like the shooting star is gone... oh cool! It left a trail!" He gestures at the fading mist in the blackness with the energy of a toddler.
The shooting stars leave only vapor
Discarded here now I realize why I'm a stargazer
. . .
He was sent on another mission, the third this month alone. I would never bring up the subject of his frequent absences, though, especially near my brother. No doubt any particular interest I would give into his status would be suspicious, causing more duties for the both of us in an effort to keep us apart. So rather than endanger Allen's life anymore than need be, I worried for the boy in silence.
Fading sun shines its light upon sounds I made
Still I don't understand why you said that to me
The sun begins to descend in the sky as I observe it from my room's window. His request is at the forefront of my thoughts. I ponder the phrase he set to me. "Promise me that whenever you feel alone, look up at the North Star and just say my name?" What are you trying to tell me, Allen?
In truth, I've mulled over this odd appeal many a time. How could I not? It's unusual and cryptic, even for him. I sigh aloud. Somedays I wish he would just tell me what he feels straight out, no puzzles to decipher to get at the message. Or maybe I wish I could be more direct with him, finally admit what has bothered me and entranced me for so long at the mere mention of his name. Why can't we be honest with each other? Why must all our conversations seem to be in unbreakable code?
I want to speak to someone, a friend. And I suppose everyone here at the Order would be giddy to be considered my companion. I do cherish all of them deeply, from Jerry to the Finders to the Science Division and all the Exorcists in between. It would be a snap of the fingers to converse with someone. Lavi is here, healing after a slight ankle injury during a recent mission. My company would likely be a welcome diversion from the agony of bedrest. Kanda is at Headquarters as well, probably practicing alone in his room. On occasion, he has welcomed me as a sparring partner. Miranda has been growing more outgoing to all, but she still seems to cling to me and Allen, since we know her the best, I suppose. I do not deny that having another girl to talk to can be refreshing at times. There is Krory, and Johnny, and even Koumi...
I am surrounded by people who love me, and yet I have never felt more alone in all of my days. Even those cursed months of being locked up when I first arrived at the Order were less miserable.
Like the sun, my song faded away in today
I will wait until you can hear me say
The sun has completely set, leaving only twinkling specks in its wake. Tears I did not realize I was shedding splatter on the windowpane. My forehead seeks the coolness of the glass. Why am I so sorrowful? What bitterness do I have with anything? I need a distraction, anything. Identifying constellations, that will work just fine. I say each star group's name to myself with each success.
"That's Cygnus, the swan... over there is Sagittarius... obviously, that's Ursa Major. So that must be Ursa Minor, and there's Polaris..." I freeze, finger still tracing the outline of the bear cub in the night. Polaris, also known as the North Star. I sprint, resisting the urge to use my Dark Boots to go faster, towards the library. I brush past the other readers and locate the shelf dedicated to books on the science of astronomy. I pluck a volume of star charts from the fray.Ursa Minor, Ursa Minor...
Ursa Minor is also known as the Little Dipper. The most famous star in this constellation is Polaris, the Pole Star. Also referred to as the North Star, Polaris has served as a guiding light for sailors and travelers for centuries, as facing it directly means that one is facing north. It is visible every night in the Northern Hemisphere.
"Allen..." I mutter to no one but me. I make my way to the window on the far wall of the library, scanning the night until my eyes settle on the glowing form of Polaris directly overhead. I breath, "Allen, if you can hear me... I miss you. I can't wait for you to come home. There's so much I want to tell you..."
I'm holding it now, this treasured feeling tightly in my arms
My voice reverberated through the sky
I've waited for this day to arrive!
The North Star shimmers, a twinkle to an otherwise stationary figure. I take in a sharp gasp. There is no sound, but somehow I sense that my message has gotten through. My words are being carried over sea and valleys towards him.
That unknown rise in my chest resurfaces, and I am all too willing to give it a name. Hope. Hope for the world, hope for him, hope for... us. Allen. Believe in us.
What was that I had wished for that blessed evening so many weeks ago? His happiness. His desire is clear to me as well now, and realization of what he dreams of brings a wet, sorrowful smile to the corners of my lashes. "I wish for her to be happy, even if I'm not around." I wrap my arms around myself, sinking to the floor, sobs of joy wracking my entire body. Between the heaves of dry tears, I chuckle. Oh, Allen, I really am a dummy at times, aren't I?
It is not long before the other patrons of the library dismiss themselves to go slumber. I remain cross-legged on the floor, slowly crying myself into the land of dreams, as a shooting star dances past the heavens.
The world unfolded right before my eyes
Orbiting around the stars all day and all night
Here I'm standing next to you
I am transported back to that darkness when he stood by me, held the pads of my fingertips, made a fallen wish for me. If I close my eyes, it's almost as if the warmth of his palms never left mine.
"I'm here, Lenalee. I always am." The world snaps into view. The heat is real. He will forever stand at my side, perhaps not physically, but I carry his soul, protecting it from the Millenium Earl and the Noahs and anybody else that seeks to corrupt it. A smile raises the corners of my lips as I know he is doing the same thing for me. The shooting star is gone, but its message has been received. Thankyou, Allen.
The next morning, Koumi finds me in a heap on the library floor, asking me what I had been doing to cause me to fall asleep there.
I answer, "stargazing."
The shooting stars leave only vapor
I'm determined to remain here as a stargazer
End