It has been 8 months since I started living with Takumi and let me just say that I have been miserable. First off, Takumi is never here, which I understand because Trapnest is always working on their music or touring. However, when he is away he never calls to check up on me to see how I'm doing or how the baby is doing. On the rare occasion that he is at home, he is so mean to me. He is very abusive to me both emotionally and physically. No, he has never hit me but when he wants to have sex and I refuse because most of the times I'm very tired, he gets this look in his eyes like he wants to hit me for refusing him. He has forced himself upon me a few times though. I know I should leave, but I wouldn't know where to go. I wouldn't want to go back to the apartment because Nana is mad about me leaving Nobu for Takumi, and I wouldn't want to go home because I know that Takumi would be able to find me and try to bring me back. Overall I am just tired with everything.
Last night I couldn't get any sleep because of my pregnant belly and the little peanut likes to move around a lot since my due date is fast approaching. I am currently in the kitchen making breakfast, when I hear the door open. I turn around and I see Takumi.
"Hey Nana," he says with a bored look on his face.
"Takumi!" I yell surprised to see him. I wasn't expecting to see him for a couple more weeks.
"Why do you sound surprised. Are you not happy to see me?" he yells back at me with an angry look on his face.
"No of course not." I say while walking towards him.
"Hmm…" he says looking at me suspiciously. He grips my wrist hard and pulls me towards him.
"I've missed you!" he whispers before his kisses me. Every time he kisses me, my stomach drops and the baby starts to kick more. At first I thought the baby was happy, but I have come to realize that the baby kicks when it doesn't like something. It's also like the baby is trying to push Takumi away from me.
Takumi deepens the kiss and grips my butt. I know that he wants to have sex because that's all that he ever wants to do.
I release myself away from Takumi, so that I can catch my breath. Takumi moves his lips to my neck. By this point I am starting to get uncomfortable.
"Takumi…" I say but I know that he doesn't want to hear me.
"Takumi!" I say louder. I put my hands on his shoulders trying to push him away.
"What the fuck is your problem Nana. You do this all the time. You know that when we get married, this is going to be one of your mandatory duties to me right? Next to taking care of that brat inside of you."
Before I knew it, my hand was slapping his cheek. "How dare you call my baby a brat!"
"YOU BITCH!" Takumi screams, he then slaps me back but its 20 times worse than when I slapped him.
"WHO THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU ARE? WHO GIVES YOU THE RIGHT TO SLAP ME. YOU SHOULD BE GREATFUL THAT I AM AGREEING TO MARRY YOUR UGLY ASS! Now you get your ass off the floor and come to the bedroom." Takumi turns away and walks to the bedroom.
I feel tears sliding down my cheeks. I do not deserve to be treated like this. I wish I was with Nobu!
"NANA!" Takumi screams from the bedroom.
"I'm coming! I'm just getting the food off the stove." I yell back. I pick my burnt eggs off the stove and wipe the tears from off my face, I know it pisses Takumi off when I cry. I then slowly walk to the bedroom.
I wake up hours later and its dark outside. I feel something heavy across my boobs, I look down and see that it is Takumi's hand. I slowly move his hand away and as quietly as possible, I get out of bed.
"Where the hell are you going." Takumi says angrily.
"I have to pee." I whisper back. I turn around and I see Takumi turn over in the bed and fall back asleep.
I walk to the bathroom and quietly close the door. I turn on the lights and I have to squint because the lights are so bright. When I open my eyes, I am shocked by my appearance. I have a red hand print on my cheek and I have a large bruise on my neck that is also shaped like hand prints. I try to swallow but it's almost unbearable. I quickly cover my mouth to stop myself from making any noise that would alert Takumi that I was crying. I turn on the shower and step inside. I sit in the corner of the shower and cry my eyes out.
"Why me?" I whisper. "I know that I have done things that I am ashamed of, but this is too much!" I feel the baby kick, and I know that the peanut doesn't like it when I cry. "I'm sorry baby, I know it hurts you when mommy cries. It's just so hard to be here." I say as I am slowly rubbing my belly.
After sitting in the shower for about 10 minutes I decide to take a shower.
When I get out of the shower, I walk over to the walk-in closet, so I can put on some clothes. After I get dressed, I was about to walk out when I saw a box in the corner of my closet. Curious, I pull out the box and open it. The contents in the box make me start to cry again. Everything in this box contains things that I got from Nobu. I forgot that I hid it in my closet because if Takumi was to find it, he would throw it away immediately. Inside the box there are photos of us that we took at one of those photo booths. There is Nobu's pick that he used at the first Blast concert. There is a little teddy bear that Nobu bought for the baby. Lastly inside the box, was a necklace that was a ring on a chain.
I pick up the necklace and I find myself remembering when Nobu gave it to me.
I was sleeping when I felt something slowly following along my spine. "Nobu…" I sleepily say. "Hmm..." he replies quietly. "Stop that it tickle." I suddenly felt the feather like movement stop. I felt Nobu get out of bed. "Where are you going, I want to cuddle." I whine. I know that I sound like a little child, but when I'm not with Nobu I feel like I am suffering from withdrawal from a drug. Nobu turns around and starts walking towards me with that smirk that make him look so adorable. "I'll be right back." He whispers while leaning down to kiss me. Just that small kiss made fireworks start to explode. Nobu stands up and walks out of the room. The things that I feel for Nobu sometimes scare me because it is so intense and I have never felt like this before. I try to compare my relationship between Shoji and Nobu and find that mine and Shoji's relationship are not even on the same level as mine and Nobu. I feel the bed sink down next to me and I jump startled because I was so focused that I didn't hear Nobu return to the room. "What were you think about?" Nobu questions with the quizzical look on his face that is so cute. "You." I giggle. "Can you sit up and close your eyes for me?" I do what he asks me to do and I feel he get behind me. I suddenly felt something cold touch my neck. "Alright you can open your eyes." I open my eyes to see Nobu holding a mirror in front of my face. I look down and see a small diamond ring on a long chain. "Nobu!" I surprisingly yell. "This ring belonged to my grandmother and she told me before she died that she wanted me to give this to the person I wanted to marry." I quickly turn to Nobu with tears in my eyes. "I'm not asking you to marry me yet but I wanted you to know that when I get enough money that I can support you that I will marry you." I quickly jump onto Nobu and attack him lips. "Hachi..." Nobu opens his eyes and stares into mine. "Baby why are you crying?" Nobu asks me with concern. "Because I am so happy! I love you so much that it scares me." I say while still crying. "Oh baby I love you so much that sometimes it feels like I can't breathe right without you next to me." Nobu says with tears also forming in his eyes. "Oh…Nobu…" I say attacking his lips again….
I start crying even harder than before because I remember that I couple week after that was when everything went to shit. I slid the necklace onto my neck and I feel a sort of calm come over me. I get up and walk back to bed.
Takumi was only staying for two days, thank God. When he is home I just get so nervous.
A couple days after Takumi left, I was sleeping when I felt a sharp pain in my stomach. "AHH!" I scream jolting awake. I slowly try to get out of bed, but the pain was unbearable. I reach over to my cell phone and dial Junko's number. After 5 rings, she picks up the phone. "Nana, do you have any idea what time it is?" she groggily says. "I think I'm in labor, but I can't get out of bed because its too painful!" I say crying hoping that she can understand me. "WHAT! Ok hold on me and Kyosuke are on our way. We will also call Nana and Takumi." She says quickly. "NO! Don't call Takumi." I scream at her. Knowing him he would probably think that it was a nuisance. "Ok I won't call Takumi, but I will call Nana and we will be there in about 5 minutes. We are already in the car. Ok Nana?" "Okay." I whisper back.
A few minutes later I hear Junko and Kyosuke running into the apartment. "NANA!" Junko screams but I'm too weak to answer. I feel myself being lifted into the air and being carried out of the apartment.
I must have passes out or something because when I wake up, I am in a hospital room. I turn and I see Junko sitting next to me. "Jun…" I whisper. "Oh thank God you are okay. When you weren't responding to me in the car I thought something bad happened. The doctor came and gave you an epidural and he said that you should be able to push in a couple minutes. I also called Nana and she said that she was calling everyone from Blast and that they will be here in a few hours." Jun speed talks. "Okay and thank you Jun. I don't know what I would do without you."
Before she can answer, the doctor walks in. "Hello Ms. Komatsu. Are you ready to have this baby?" he says. "As ready as I will ever be." I laugh. "Okay I am going to get the nurse in here to see if you are fully dilated then you can start pushing." He says then walks out of the room. "Will you stay with me Jun?" I ask with worry in my voice. "I'm not going anywhere." Jun says while grabbing my hand.
A few hours of pushing and I am exhausted. "Come on Ms. Komatsu, you are almost there, we can see the head." The nurse says to me. With the last of my strength, I push. Suddenly I hear a loud baby cry. "OH! He has some pipes on him, doesn't he?" the nurse laughs while cleaning off my son. "Can I hold him?" I say with tears in my eyes. "Of course! Here you go." The nurse places my son on my bare chest.
The first thing that I notice is that my son has blond hair. I quickly turn to Junko almost asking her if this is my son. "Yep, that is your son. A healthy, bouncing blonde baby boy." Jun smiles at me. I stare down at my son's big brown eyes. I feel tears slid down my cheeks. It was almost like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
A little while later, Junko turns to me and asks, "So what are you going to do?" Junko asks me. "About what?" I reply, even though I already knew what she was talking about. "The only reason that you left Nobu was because you didn't think the baby was his and you didn't want him to give up his music career and go back home to help run his family business. You love him so much that you were willing to be miserable for the rest of your life, but as you already know this baby is defiantly not Takumi's, so what are you going to do?" Junko yells at me. "Why are you yelling at me Junko, you're going to wake the baby!" I yell back even though I just told her to be quiet. "Because I know Nana!" she yells back. "What do you know?" I yell back. "THAT TAKUMI HITS YOU! You didn't think that when we went out for coffee the other day that I didn't see how swollen your face was and that you clearly had hand print around your neck! Why do you put up with that bullshit Nana?!" Junko screams at me. I look up and see tears falling down her face. "It kills me to see you go through this. Why don't you just leave?" Junko whispers. "BECAUSE I DESERVE IT!" I scream, by this time I also have tears streaming down my face. I also woke up my son. "I'm sorry baby. Mommy didn't mean to scare you." I soothingly say to my son. "Why do you say you deserve it?" Junko questions. "Because I hurt Nobu so much! He thinks that I cheated on him with Takumi." "Well did you?" "No but I wasn't really telling the truth either. Nobu said that we could go out after I broke it up with Takumi. When I called him to ask him to come see me, he just pissed me off so much that I yelled at him saying that I never wanted to see him again. I thought that he got the message that I didn't want to be with him anymore. However, now when I think about it, anyone would think that I was having one of my usual temper tantrum. I should have properly broken it off with Takumi. BUT I NEVER CHEATED ON NOBU! I LOVE HIM! That is why I say I deserve it." I say. It felt good to get all that off my chest. After I said all that I felt exhausted. "Well I will leave now so you can rest and we will talk about what you can do later. Hand me your son, I will put in the cart." Junko says holding out her hands. I kiss my son's chubby cheeks. "Mommy loves you." I whisper into his ear and I slowly handed him to Junko. Junko also kiss his cheek and says, "I'll see you later little fella." I soon found myself falling asleep.
I wake up to a soothing voice. "Hey buddy! I'm your daddy. I promise to take good care of you and mommy. I love you." I slowly open my eyes to see Nobu sitting in the rocking chair with my son. "Nobu…" I whisper. Nobu looks up to me with tears in his eyes. He slowly gets up and walks over with my son in his arms. I slowly sit up thinking that he is going to place my son in my arm. However, that is not what Nobu does. He walks over to my hospital bed and leans down and kisses me. I am so shocked that I do not even kiss him back. Nobu pulls away and places his forehead against mine. I see tears falling down his cheeks. "What's wrong Nobu? Why are you crying?" I ask worried. "This is our son Hachi. We created this amazing little life. When I first found out that you were pregnant, I was scared because I thought that I was not ready to have a kid. But now that I'm holding him in my arms, I couldn't imagine a world without him in it. If you will let me, I would like to be in his life and help you raise him." Nobu turns to me with pleading eye.
I sat there speechless for a couple minutes. I never thought that Nobu would want anything to do with me after everything that I did to him. "Hachi?" Nobu's voice drags me back to reality. "Sorry, I was just so shocked that you wanted anything to do with me." "Why wouldn't I? I still love you Hachi and I don't think that I will ever stop loving you." Nobu says while staring down at our son. I grab his face and kiss him. His kisses make me feel like I'm coming home after being away for such a long time. Before we can deepen the kiss, our son starts to squirm in Nobu's arms. Nobu breaks away and looks at our son and while laughing says, "I guess he got jealous and wanted to get some loving too." Nobu then starts kissing our son all over his face. I look at them and can't help but feel giddy. We are like a little family and I don't want anything to change, but in the back of my head I get this sinking feeling that Takumi isn't just going to let me go and that terrifies me.