Disclaimer: This is the first time I've written anything in a long time, so please, be nice. My new found love for JJ & Hotch is insane. Hence why I have just written this. Please don't assume that I dislike Beth, as much as this pains me to say it, she's growing on me. However I shall continue to be a JJ/Hotch fan. Anyway, I own nothing at all. Reviews are welcome. All mistakes are my own.
It wasn't as though she intended on letting her feelings for the man known... to anyone. But apparently when alcohol, Emily and Garcia were in the mix, she had no choice but to spill about her minor slip up earlier that day. It hadn't been intentional, you know, her comment in the office with Garcia and Emily. (Thank goodness it was the girls!) The moment it slipped up, her face had gone bright red and Emily had a smirk on her face whilst Garcia was wide-eyed waiting for the blonde to elaborate. So, despite JJ trying her best to ignore the comments from her best friends, it was impossible. But hey, what right did Beth have walking into their office like that? None. At all. And JJ's jealousy just kind of slipped up, a little. Maybe a bit more than just a little really.
Hotch could do so much better, alright? We'll just leave it at that.
However just 'leaving it at that' hadn't been successful. Garcia had gone back to her office, which had left JJ with Emily and a completely oblivious Reid in the bullpen. JJ glaring in her boss' office general direction where he sat with her across from him. Emily couldn't help but watch her friend muttering to herself, unsure of exactly what JJ was saying and Reid? Well, Reid had no idea what had Emily so amused. As much as he'd tried to get it out of their friends, it hadn't been successful. JJ had just snapped at him more than once, only to apologise immediately after each time. And Emily refused to give anything away, telling the genius that she needed more details before she shared a single bit of information.
When Beth had left, giving Hotch a brief kiss and waving them all with a cheery 'goodbye', JJ had proceeded to mock the woman, throwing a glare in Hotch's general direction before beginning to pack up her things. So what, she was leaving early. She had Henry to pick up from day care. Alright, so she didn't, but that's not the point, she could easily use that as an excuse.
Hotch had seen her, which had pissed her off even more than Beth showing up at the office had and that was definitely saying something. The usually solemn looking man has concern etched across his face at the blonde preparing to leave early, a clear sign that it rarely happened. Her excuse had been a brief explanation (or lie, whichever way you looked at it), that she needed to pick up Henry from day care as Will wasn't able to and since his daycare was closing early (you know, it was a Friday, it could happen), she had to go then. He questioned why she hadn't mentioned it sooner and the blonde just snapped at him, not making much sense with whatever she said, but by that point she didn't care. She didn't want to be there anymore and the fact that she was at the door was a clear sign of that.
As soon as she stepped into the elevator she was met with Penelope standing there looking confused and the blonde simply shook her head and said that she'd talk later just before the elevator doors closed. The whole way down, she thought about how she'd just spoken to Hotch, not something she'd intended on doing at all. But did it really matter if she hadn't mentioned it beforehand that she had to pick up Henry? No. Why did it bother him anyway? He had the rest of the team there and he'd have Beth later on too. Screw him.
She'd gone home to an empty house. An empty, messy house really since she hadn't bothered picking up any of Henry's toys that morning when she was rushing her son out of the house. Even though Will had Henry every other weekend and she'd got used to that, she really wished she had her boy there to just cuddle with. Don't judge her, sometimes her baby's cuddles make everything better. At least for a while. She tried her best to busy herself with tidying up and ignoring her reaction to Beth showing up at the office earlier that day, but it wasn't working. Her mind kept on drifting back to Hotch and how she wished that she was the one who was able to kiss him like that. Just soft, nothing too much, but as though they'd be doing it for the rest of their lives.
Who was Beth anyway? Some woman he'd met out running. She could run too. If he wanted a running partner, he could've just asked her, you know? They spent time together for the boys anyway, it wasn't like they didn't see one another. He gave no hint at all that he wanted a running partner. He'd given less of a clue to the fact that he was ready to get back in the dating game. Otherwise, hello, she might have actually plucked up the courage to say something to him. If he wanted Beth, then fine. She'd deal with him wanting Beth. Or try to anyway.
She'd been at home for a little over two hours when her cell phone went off and seeing the caller ID, she opted to ignore it. The last person she wanted to talk to at that moment was him, so she could ignore his calls. In fact, if she was quiet enough, she could ignore the front door aswell just incase anyone happened to show up there.
Thirty minutes later and she was curled up on the sofa watching some terrible movie on Lifetime when there was a knock at the door. If she hadn't heard the familiar voices of Garcia and Emily on the other side of it, she would have chosen to ignore it. Just like she was still ignoring the fact that her phone had a voicemail message from a certain man. If she didn't hear his voice or see him, or anything, she could ignore the fact that she'd snapped at him for no reason and walked out of the office.
The door was barely open when Emily and Garcia pushed their way in, Garcia questioning why she had just left and why she had fed Hotch some crap about Henry. The whole team knew that it was Will's weekend with the boy, so that had probably been the worst excuse she could've used. Emily had just smiled at her friend before holding up a bottle of wine towards JJ, something she'd taken willingly from the brunette.
It started as just a couple of glasses of wine and then Emily had suggested they go out, because it had been 'sooo long since we've had a girls night.' And ultimately, despite JJ's protests, Garcia agreed which meant they were going out. Emily had rushed out to her car to get a change of clothes, coming back moments later with both her's and Penelope's things. Apparently, JJ had been conned.
More wine had flowed as they got ready, JJ getting some snacks for the three of them so they actually had food in their stomach before going out. It wasn't much, but it was better than nothing and she refused to get that drunk where she couldn't remember the night. An hour after suggesting they go out, the three women were ready, finishing off their open bottle of wine before calling a cab to take them to their usual bar. JJ already felt drunk, so she hoped that once they got there, they'd slow down a little bit.
Once there, they'd ordered their first round of drinks, along with some food to share, wanting to pace themselves a little more now they were out. JJ had kept looking at her phone, the reminder of her voicemail message still there, but each time the picture she had of Henry as her background took her mind away from whatever it was her boss had wanted earlier that day.
At first, the conversation flowed easily, talking about cases, work in general, Penelope's newly rekindled romance with Kevin and Emily's crush on Anderson (who'd have thought?!), but then just as JJ hoped that her friends had forgotten her scene earlier that day, they brought it up again.
Which was how she found herself in her current position, eating the fries in front of her, whilst staring at her drink and trying her best to ignore Garcia's questions. It wasn't that she was trying to hide anything from them on purpose, she just didn't really want to talk about it, not whilst she was drunk. Then again, Emily and Garcia would know that and that would be their reason for getting her drunk in the first place.
"Boss man was really grumpy after you left, Jay." Garcia said softly, glancing at Emily for some help on the situation.
Nodding her head quickly, Emily reached across the small table and gave JJ's hand a squeeze before continuing. "He was. He asked me what he'd done and for once, I could actually give him an honest answer. You gonna share with us what's eating you?"
Shaking her head a little, JJ picked up her drink and finished it before standing up and grabbing her purse. "Same again, girls?" Without waiting for an answer, JJ was making a beeline for the bar, leaning against it as she waited to get served. She knew the questions wouldn't stop when she got back, but she just wanted a little more liquid courage before she let on that she was in love with their boss. Fuck. She was screwed.
With drinks in hand a few minutes later, JJ made her way back to the table rolling her eyes at the sympathetic looks she was getting from her friends. "Would you two stop it? I'm fine. I just had a bad day, that's all. Hotch just asked a stupid question at the wrong time, nothing more." As she slipped back into her seat, she could tell that her friends didn't believe her and the blonde found herself near enough downing her drink once again at the thought of where their conversation was heading.
"You were fine this morning. In fact, you were fine until Beth walked in the office." Emily pressed, trying to get JJ to talk. Their attempts so far hadn't been successful, and both Emily and Penelope were hoping that if they handled things right, JJ would talk.
Glancing between her two friends, JJ shook her head a little as she smiled at the both of them. They looked like children, eager to be filled in on a secret. "I love you both, but sometimes you need to give it a rest."
Pouting at her fellow blonde, Garcia placed her hand on JJ's arm and gave it a small squeeze. "We just worry about you, that's all. What did Beth do to make you hate her?"
Letting out a sigh, she leant back on her chair as her gaze drifted around the bar for a moment before going back to her friends. "I don't hate her. She just annoys me a little, that's all." Seeing th e confused look on both of their faces, JJ leaned forward once again, resting her arms on the table as she continued. "You know how whenever I have Henry, we meet up with Hotch and Jack for breakfast on a Sunday, right?" The two nodded, their faces still confused, prompting JJ to continue. "He's cancelled the last two times. At first I just figured that Jack was spending time with Jess. Well, that's what he told me anyway. But last week, I took Henry out anyway because he really wanted pancakes and I can't make pancakes to save my life. Who was there? Hotch with Beth and Jack."
It wasn't the fact that he'd been out with Beth and Jack, it was more to the point that he'd lied to her about it. She'd turned around and promised Henry they'd get pancakes somewhere else, which they had. But she hadn't been able to get her mind off seeing Hotch with Beth and Jack together.
"He lied to you about Jack being with Jess?" Emily clarified at the same time as Penelope muttered the word 'Jerk'.
"Yep. It's not like it would have bothered me so much if he'd told me that he wanted to spend time with her, but he didn't. And you know, Sunday breakfasts have been our thing for the last year." She had tried her best all week not to let it bother her, not to let it affect her work and she'd done so well at it. Offering to work with others whenever she could, avoided being in the same room as him alone. She had been doing so well until he had approached her earlier that day and she'd just been angry.
They were friends, they had been for years. Now, some woman he barely knows comes along and he takes Jack away from her? How was that fair?
"Does he know why you're mad at him?" Penelope questioned softly as Emily got up to get another round of much needed drinks. "You know men are clueless, honey. Have you tried talking to him?"
JJ chuckled and shook her head as she looked at Penelope as she spoke. "You witnessed today the most I've talked to him all week. I just don't know what to say to him. He makes me so angry."
"Does he know you're in love with him?" The eccentric blonde questioned softly, not wanting to press the matter too much.
JJ's mood suddenly turned sombre and she looked up at Garcia just as Emily walked back over with their fresh round of drinks. "Does it matter? He has Beth now." She pulled the drink towards her and began to stir it with the straw, wishing she could just ignore the turn their conversation had taken. "He's already cancelling on me, so it's clear that our friendship doesn't mean anywhere near as much to him as it does to me."
Emily stood next to JJ, rubbing her back gently as the young mom leaned into her friend a little, smiling weakly over at Penelope. "If he didn't care about you, he wouldn't have been in the mood he was this afternoon once you'd left. He's worried about you."
Pulling away from Emily, JJ looked up at her and shook her head slightly. "He doesn't care, Em. I work for him, the only reason he gives a crap is because he doesn't want to risk losing one of the team. If he really cared, he wouldn't bail on me and Henry. My son loves that man and suddenly some woman walks into his life and we're pushed aside. He wouldn't like it if I done that to him and Jack."
"Sweetie, you wouldn't do that to him and Jack. He knows that." Penelope said softly, trying to reassure her friend that things would be alright.
"Precisely. I wouldn't dream of doing that to him or Jack, but apparently it's alright for him to do it to me and Henry." Emily's voice stopped her from talking and she looked up to see why her friend had just muttered the word 'crap'. Crap indeed. There was the rest of the team, seemingly looking around for them. "You two best not have planned this."
"I promise you, we didn't." Emily promised her just as JJ stood up. "Where are you going? I just got you another drink."
"I know, but that isn't going to cut it if I have to have a conversation with him." JJ responded before heading back to the bar once again just as the rest of the team approached their table. The last thing she wanted was for their girls night to end up being a team night out, but apparently luck wasn't on her side anymore.
JJ had known that her best friends would get it out of her at some point and honestly, she had been fine with that. It was just the whole part that she now had to face the man in question, whilst under the influence of a lot of alcohol.
When the bartender approached her, JJ ordered the three of them drinks, adding shots to the order this time, including an extra one for her at the bar. Ignoring the fact that the rest of the team were at the table, JJ pulled her phone out of her purse only to see a text from Will. As she opened it, she smiled at the picture of Henry he'd sent her before responding to his message. One thing that JJ was grateful for was the fact that they still got along and she still considered Will to be one of her closest friends and that was good thing for Henry.
Placing her phone back in her purse, JJ got the money out to pay for her drinks only to see a familiar hand cover hers and tell the bartender that he wanted more drinks with the order too. Her stomach felt like it was full of butterflies and the blonde profiler couldn't work out whether she needed to go and throw up or not. Even if she wanted to move though, she felt like she was frozen in place as she listened to Hotch order his drinks, his hand still over hers.
"Are you going to just ignore me?" He asked as JJ pulled the tray of drinks towards her, picking up the extra shot she'd got for herself and downed it quickly.
"I have nothing to say to you, so I wouldn't exactly call that ignoring you. Plus, you've only just walked in the bar where I'm happily enjoyed girls night with Em and Garcia." Her voice was cold as she looked at him whilst she spoke and for a brief moment she felt bad for talking to him the way she had. Then she remembered Sunday morning and the anger she felt towards him was back.
"How's Henry?" Hotch questioned, changing the subject only for JJ to roll her eyes at his words. "Has Will got him?"
"Oh, so now you're bothered about my son. Not that it's any of your business, but he's fine." Grabbing the tray of drinks, JJ made her way back to the table, receiving sympathetic looks from Emily and Garcia. Smiling at the both of them, she shared their drinks out, not waiting for the others before downing her second shot. As she placed the glass down, she noticed everyone was looking at her, a mix of concern and curiousity on everyones faces. "I'm fine. And I suggest one of you go and help your friend with the drinks he's getting for you guys."
Rossi moved away from the group and made his way to the bar just as JJ felt a comforting arm around her shoulder and she smiled as she leaned into Morgan. "You sure you're alright?"
Nodding her head, she looked up at the dark-skinned man before pulling her drink a little closer. "I just need more alcohol and to forget this week has even happened and I'll be fine." Lifting her drink to her mouth, she noticed that Rossi and Hotch had joined them once again, yet she felt comforted with Morgan's arm still draped over her shoulder as he picked up his own drink. She could feel Hotch's eyes on her and she tried her best to ignore him, enjoying the company of everyone else around her.
This time, her drink didn't go down as quickly as before, perhaps because despite the fact he was there, she wasn't trying to get drunk quite as quickly anymore. The serious conversation that she'd been having before was no longer happening and the whole team were just relaxing and enjoying their start to the weekend. She still wanted to get drunk and forget about her boss, but with him there, his eyes seemingly constantly on her, it was near impossible to.
Before long, Garcia and Morgan were dancing, Rossi and Emily were joking between them and Reid and Kevin seemed engrossed in conversation over something. Which meant JJ knew she wouldn't be sat alone for very long and she dreaded that happening. Seeing her almost empty glass once again, the blonde got up from her seat and made her way back to the bar, letting out a sigh as she found herself standing next to the man she was trying to avoid.
"Would you like a drink?" She asked softly, not bringing her gaze to meet his. It wasn't a peace offering, and she was still mad at him, unbelievably so, but she still couldn't ignore him forever.
"Are you going to yell at me if I say yes?" He responded, his eyes not straying from her just as the bartender approached them.
Shaking her head gently, she ordered her own drink before looking at Hotch to order his, taking her money from her purse as she waited for them. "I have every right to be mad at you." She said simply, looking down at her phone, another text from Will showing. As she replied to it, she could feel Hotch reading the text beside her and honestly, she found herself not caring. She didn't hide things from him, she never had done. Well, not anymore. Putting her phone back just as their drinks arrived, she handed the money over, telling the bartender to keep the change before taking a sip of her drink.
"Jack misses you."
The words, as much as she loved hearing them, just made her angry all over again. She missed him too, more than anything. It wasn't Jack's fault that his father had cancelled on JJ and Henry the last two times they were meant to meet for breakfast. "You don't get to do that. Use him to get me to talk to you. I miss Jack too, more than anything. It's not his fault that his father is a complete and utter asshole." Turning away from him, she picked up her purse and just as she was about to pick up her drink, she felt his hand on her arm. "Get off me, Hotch. I'm not in the mood for this."
"No. We're going to talk this out. You're mad at me, that much I know. Why? That's what I'm unclear on."
If she wasn't so mad at him, she'd find his cluelessness adorable. But she was and it just angered her even more. "You really have no idea, do you?" Seeing him shake his head, JJ just scoffed and rolled her eyes before she continued. "How was breakfast on Sunday? Good? Did Beth enjoy spending time with you and Jack because it really fucking looked like it. I'm glad that you're happy or whatever, but cancelling on me and Henry for someone you barely know on something we do every fortnight and have been doing for the last year for her? No, you don't get to do that and then wonder why I'm mad at you. Henry, my son, was devastated at not being able to see both you and Jack. Me? Fine, screw me over. But when it comes to my son? You don't get to do that!"
JJ didn't even wait for a response before walking away from him, saying a quick goodbye to Emily and waving at Garcia before heading outside. She wasn't in the mood for drinking there anymore, she just wanted to go home and forget any of it had ever happened. Garcia and Emily would probably be able to work out what happened and once she was in the comfort of her own home, she'd make sure she text them to let them know she was there safely.
A part of her wanted to walk home because it really wasn't that far, but she knew that she was in no state to really defend herself if she needed to and it was just so much easier to get a cab. Hailing a cab was easy and she heard his voice just as she sat down in it, letting out a sigh, she closed the door, choosing to ignore him.
It wasn't long before she was back home, changed into her pajamas she put on a pot of coffee on to sober herself up a little. Pulling her phone from her purse, she saw a few missed calls from Garcia and Emily, as well as texts from the two of them. The most recent from Garcia caused her to silently pray that he wasn't really on his way to her house. When did things get so complicated? Even her relationship with Will wasn't this complicated.
Just as she began to pour herself a coffee, she heard a knock at the door and JJ let out a groan as she slowly made her way to the door, quickly looking through the peephole only to see him standing there. Pulling the door open, she heaved a sigh as she looked at him. "It's late. I'm not in the mood for this. I just want to sober up a little and go to bed and forget anything about tonight has happened. So I'd really appreciate it if you went home."
"We need to talk about this, you know. You can't continue to ignore it." Hotch's voice was soft, soothing almost and JJ found herself almost wanting to give in. "Please?"
Shaking her head, JJ looked down for a moment before bringing her gaze back to meet his. "I'm tired. I'm angry and upset. The last thing I want to do tonight is fight with you about anything."
"You mean my relationship with Beth. You don't want to fight about that." He replied, his words the thoughts that had been running through JJ's mind.
"Stop. Don't start this tonight, please? You're with Beth, fine. Go be with Beth. Let me live my life without you and you live yours without me." She'd been so successful in not letting tears get the best of her all night and here she was, stood in front of Hotch and she felt as though she wanted to cry. "I'm sure Henry and Jack will both get over not seeing each other as often. I'll explain to Henry when he's back from Will's that breakfasts with you and Jack won't be happening anymore."
As she went to close the door, a hand came out to stop her from shutting it completely and the blonde just glared at the man in front of her. "I'm not going until we've talked about this, JJ. I'll sleep on your doorstep if I have to."
Knowing that she wasn't going to let him do something as ridiculous as that, JJ reluctantly opened the door for him and let him inside before pushing it closed once he was in and turned back around to him. "If you're not going anywhere until we've talked about it, you might as well get comfortable on the couch because I'm not discussing this tonight." Leaving him standing there, JJ made her way back into the kitchen to get her coffee and phone so she could go up to bed and respond to Emily and Garcia's texts properly. "There's coffee in the pot if you want any."
The blonde could feel his eyes on her as she made her way towards the stairs, re-reading the texts from both Emily and Garcia as she done so. Yet his words stopped her in her tracks. "Beth and I broke up."
Taking a deep breath, JJ turned back to face him, tilting her head to the side slightly as she spoke. "I'd say that I'm sorry, but I'd be lying and the last thing I want to be is a liar."
"You're not going to let that go, are you?" His voice wasn't accusatory, but somewhat remorseful at his mistake. She could tell he felt bad and as harsh as it was, she was glad by that. "I'm sorry, I truly am. I know I've screwed up and I'll do anything to make it up to you."
Shaking her head slightly, she felt the tears in her eyes and she brought her gaze to meet his. "I think it might be too late for that. Goodnight, Hotch." Without waiting for him to say anything else, JJ quickly made her way up the stairs to her room, placing her coffee down before climbing into bed, her tears now flowing freely.
Sending a quick text to both Garcia and Emily, assuring them she was fine and she'd text them in the morning. Putting her phone down, she then picked up her coffee, the latest conversation she'd had already sobering her up more than she anticipated the coffee doing. After having a few small sips of it, she placed it back on the bedside table before sinking down underneath the bed sheets, pulling the spare pillow close and clutching onto it tightly.
Unfortunately sleep didn't come easy and each time she found her eyes drifting closed, she pictured the man who was currently downstairs in her house. She was so angry at him, but she missed him just as much. They hadn't had a real conversation in what felt like forever and she missed him, she missed her best friend.
Pushing the sheets aside, the blonde got out of bed and quietly made her way downstairs, the light glow from the television causing the room to lighten up. She could see him on the couch, still sat up just staring at the television, the blanket that had once been draped over the back of the couch now covering him.
Silently, JJ made her way over to him and pulled the blanket aside so that she could sit down beside him, letting her head fall against his arm as she pulled the blanket back over them. Already she felt more comfortable than she had done in her own bed. "What are we watching?"
"I have no idea. Some crap movie probably. I thought you'd gone to bed." He murmured softly, not wanting to press matters and cause another argument.
"I couldn't sleep." JJ responded quietly, shifting her arm so it linked through his. "I'm still so mad at you, but I hate being mad at you. And you have so much making up to do. If you even think about cancelling on my boys again, I'm not giving you another chance. I can't go through that again. I refuse to let either Henry or Jack's friendship suffer because you're too busy being an ass. And if you so much as try to take my Jack away from me again, today's anger doesn't even begin to account for how mad I'll be with you then."
His soft chuckle caused JJ to look up at him and glare just as she felt his hand find hers under the blanket. "JJ, sweetheart, I promise you I'll never take Jack away from you again. I was stupid to cancel on you in the first place."
"Yeah, you were." JJ muttered, earning a gentle glare from Hotch.
"You done? Can I finish now?" Seeing JJ nod her head, Hotch continued with his own speech this time. "The whole time we were there on Sunday, Jack couldn't stop talking about you and Henry. It really annoyed Beth, but I couldn't tell him to be quiet, he loves you two. Since then, Beth and I have done nothing but argue. Today she came to try and sort things out and for a while, I thought that maybe we had. Until Rossi came into my office after you'd left and told me I needed to sort my life out and look at what was right in front of me. I went to see Beth after work and told her that it wasn't working and I think she knew that it was coming. I didn't count on your reaction at the bar earlier though."
Once he'd finished speaking, JJ remained silent for a moment, taking in what he'd just said. Had he really ended things with Beth for her? That wasn't just her mind playing tricks on herself was it? "I was angry at you." JJ muttered quietly. "I'm still mad at you. And I had a lot of alcohol in me earlier, so you being all stupid and charming just made me even angrier. Because no matter how mad I am at you, it doesn't change how I feel which is incredibly frustrating. It would be so much easier if it did and I could hate you. But I don't. Because you give me butterflies by just standing next to me and your voice makes me go weak in the knees and your touch, it always leaves me wanting more. And I'm going to regret all this in the morning, so you're going to forget that I've said a word of it. I'm going to go to bed and wake up with a hangover tomorrow and forget this conversation as well."
As she went to push the blanket off her, she was stopped by Hotch when he let go of her hand and wrapped his arm around her shoulder, his other hand gently taking hers and pulling her closer. "You're mad at me, I know. Like I said, I intend on doing everything I possibly can to make it up to you for being a complete and utter asshole. Your words might be the alcohol talking, but mine aren't. I have never felt for anyone what I feel for you, not even Haley. Each time I touch you, or you touch me, even if it's something as our hands brushing against one another, I just want to pull you closer and show you how much I want you. I'm not going to forget what you've said in the morning because I don't want to. I was stupid and stubborn and if I hadn't been, I probably would've admitted a long time ago that I've been half in love with you since the moment you stepped into the BAU. So, I know I've got a hell of a lot of making up to do, but I just hope you'll give me a chance to prove that this, whatever it is with us, is worth it."
"Just promise me one thing?" JJ tilted her head to look up at him, continuing once he nodded his head. "Don't break my heart."
"I promise, JJ. I'll do all I can to put back together what I've already damaged and I'll continue to show you every single day how much I love you."
His words made her smile and she found her confidence and leaned up to lightly brush her lips over his briefly. "As mad as I still am, I love you too."