DISCLAIMER: This fic is based off Headcanon #57 from the headcanons-for-villains Tumblr. The headcanon has been used as the summary, but here it is again:
57. AS A REWARD FOR ALL GETTING AS IN THEIR 2ND YEAR EXAMS, PROFESSOR PIKE SAID THE ALPHA CLASS COULD COME UP WITH A PRANK HE WOULD TAKE PART IN. THIS IS HOW HE WOUND UP RUNNING INTO THE DINING HALL, SCREAMING "TROLL IN THE DUNGEON" BEFORE COLLAPSING IN FRONT OF NERO.
In other news, yes, I do own HIVE. I, um, persuaded Mark Walden to let me have it. I assure you, no guns were involved. Bazookas, though...now that's a different matter entirely...
Professor Pike was astounded.
Each and every Second Year student got an A on my exam?
He re-checked all the papers.
Then he made sure he hadn't accidently given them the First Years' paper. Because he was Professor Pike and he did stuff like that sometimes (often).
Then he re-re-checked the papers.
And then asked HIVEmind to re-re-re-check them for him.
And when HIVEmind replied that yes, everything was in order, he just stared at the wall for a couple of hours.
But how? Professor Pike wondered. SciTechs, I expect nothing less from them, and of course Malpense and Brand are technical genii, but the rest of them? They're very intelligent, but their aptitude lies in Villainy Studies. Not Science and Technology.
His mind drifted to the class a few weeks ago, when he had been teaching them about molecular de-stabilisers.
Trinity had thought his revolutionary machine was an ice cream dispenser.
She thought his molecular de-stabiliser was an ice cream dispenser.
How on earth did they all get As?!
When the Alphas shuffled inside Professor Pike's lab, they were expecting another boring class on molecular thingamajigs and thingamabob prototypes and other weird watchmacallits ("At least ice cream dispensers are useful," Shelby had grumbled, while Laura and Otto had looked scandalised).
They had all given up any and all hope about getting their results back. Pike had been taking a weirdly long time to finish checking the papers. Most of the students believed he had absent-mindedly used their papers to fuel his generator-thingy-or-something-like-that-don't-call -it-a-thingy-in-front-of-Malpense-and-Brand-they-w ill-give-you-an-extensive-lecture-accompanied-with -diagrams-and-PowerPoint-presentation.
Others believed that he had kept them on his desk and...well, everyone knew what Pike's desk-and the mess on it-was like. Once someone made the mistake of keeping something on it, you had a better chance of recovering it from an alternate dimension than from The Supreme Mess That Is Professor Pike's Desk.
Either way, it was a surprise when they saw the whiteboard blank (well, the very small part of the whiteboard labelled "TEACHING" blank), with Pike standing in the front of the classroom, holding their exam papers and glaring at them.
"Alright, out with it," he snapped, before they were even seated, "What sorcery is this? What did you do?"
The Alphas looked at each other cluelessly and immediately began a mental tally of all the wrongdoings they had done recently-taking into account all they got up to, it took a while.
Finally, someone had the good sense to just ask the good Professor what he was talking about, rather than unwittingly giving away something by a apologising for a deed Pike had no clue about.
"I'll tell you what I'm talking about. How on earth has each and every one of you gotten an A on my test this time?!"
They looked around. "All of us, sir?" Shelby finally asked, with wide, innocent eyes.
"Yes, all of you. Even you, Trinity-I might just actually build a real ice cream dispenser for you as a reward."
"Really?" she squealed.
"No." Professor Pike was still sore that his downright-fantastic-thank-you-very-much molecular de-stabiliser had been mistaken for a mere ice cream machine.
As the news of their results finally sunk in, the Alphas erupted into enthusiastic cheering and hugging and high-fiving and other immature acts which Pike felt were forgivable, because after all, they had all scored As.
"How did you do it, though? Professor Pike asked, partly suspicious and partly awed.
They all began talking at once.
"-I studied really hard this time around-"
"-the last time I took any crap from the SciTechs-"
"-you listen to Malpense and Brand lecture long enough, you pick up a few things-"
"-Otto was an extremely helpful tutor, his assistance proved invaluable-"
"I think, Professor Pike," Otto said warmly, "you're a better teacher than you give yourself credit for."
Pike's heart melted, and his eyes filled with tears of gratitude as he hugged the students standing closest to him.
"I'm so proud of you all!" he exclaimed happily. "Wait till I rub this in Francisco's nose!"
"So can we have that ice cream dispenser?" Shelby asked hopefully.
"No, no, not an ice cream dispenser," Otto said dismissively, "But can we have a different treat?" A wicked glint entered his eyes, but Pike didn't notice it. "You see, there's this prank of ours we want you to take part in..."
"Of course!" Pike beamed, "Whatever you want!"
The dining hall was a sober place.
Dr Nero preferred to keep it that way. He had enough inter-stream shenanigans in the cafeteria at breakfast and lunch-the food fights were particularly violent. One day an inter-steam war was going to break out, he was sure of it.
At dinner, at least, at the end of his usually exhausting days, he wanted some peace and quiet. Was that too much to ask?
Mrs Leon glanced up. "Where on earth is that knuckle-headed Pike?"
"Theodore often loses track of time, I doubt it's anything serious," Nero said distractedly, trying to figure out why he had this...this strange sense of foreboding. One did not become the headmaster of a school for juvenile master-villains without developing a sixth sense.
Speaking of juvenile master-villains...
They all were studiously focussed on their food, eating quietly with their heads down. That in itself was suspicious...but the way they were suppressing grins, shooting looks at the doors...what-?
The doors banged open. Nero's head sprang in their direction, and Raven flew out of the shadows, whipping out her katanas. But there weren't any mutated plant monsters or android assassin robots (this was HIVE, both those things had happened, after all) making their way through those doors. It was only-
"Professor Pike!" Nero exclaimed, standing up. "What-"
"TROLL!" he screamed, "TROLL IN THE DUNGEON!"
Teetering to a stop in front of Nero, his eyes rolled back as he whispered, "Thought you ought to know," and collapsed on the spot.
The teachers' reactions ranged between worried, amused and unconcerned (again, this was HIVE; weirder things had happened).
Raven stared at his limp form uncertainly, as if wondering to sheath her katanas or stab herself with them.
Dr Nero sighed and massaged his temples. Peace. Quiet. Was that really too much to ask?
Turning towards Otto, who was sitting next to her, Shelby raised her hand for a high-five.
Otto raised his eyebrow. "Really, Shel? Are we really that immature?"
"Oh, come on!" she said impatiently, wiggling her hand. Turning to Wing, she said, "High-five, big guy!"
Wing raised an eyebrow. "You do realise I did not approve of this entire enterprise."
"Didn't stop you from cashing in on it," she grinned. "Laura?"
Laura obligingly high-fived an enthusiastic Shelby.
"That," Shelby cackled, "was the absolute all-time best reason ever to leak the SciTech question paper!"
"They had all given up any and all hope about getting their results back."
I'm not sure about this sentence, it sounds weird to me-hope about? Hope for? Hope over? If anyone knows if this is sentence is correct, and if not, the correct form, please do tell me.
*cackles* I read this headcanon and I couldn't resist.
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Happy (belated) April Fool's Day, which also happens to be Fred and George Weasley's birthday, (appropriate, haina?). Hope you juvenile master-villains went out and trolled someone really well XD
Have a nice day!
~Fly~