I Just really can't stop myself,
Another new story, one that's hopefully, not been done before. If it has than i haven't read it and no copying intended.
If it's ok with the readers, could i get a little feedback on whether or not this is worthy enough to carry on with or should i just stick with my other story. Just maybe a yes or no or whatnot...You know, a sign.
Anyhoo i hope people enjoy the first chapter, and if it's liked enough many more to come.
Disclaimer - i don't own Glee...If i did Rachel would have her happy family, Quinn get's everything...don't like Quinn so much.
For as long as Rachel could remember, ever since she had first learnt what the word meant. She knew that life, as short as it had been. Was nothing but torment.
Everywhere they went all she heard was small mutters of 'Abomination' Or 'Disgusting' she also heard the words bringing up a child in that lifestyle is unnatural and would affect her growing up. If she had been younger she would have shouted at them told them they were wrong, and that her life was just fine. Sure she found it hard to make friends but what kid didn't at that age? But even despite all that. Her life was just fine.
But she wasn't younger, she wasn't that age anymore. And as much as she didn't want to admit it…..They had been right.
She had no friends, everywhere she went, she would get jeered at, mocked and picked on for being that girl with the two fathers, and every new place they went she thought she would have a chance to make some without them knowing beforehand. Once again she was wrong as she later learnt that the parents had told their children just who they were.
Most days she would find herself sitting far from the other playing kids just wishing that she had somebody to talk to, just that one person to see past her living situation and see her for her, and not the family she went home to.
But of course it was Ohio. And none of her wishes ever happened. Not for little girls like her anyway.
She didn't want for nothing, being an only child she was spoilt from a very early age, whatever she wanted she got. No matter the expense. At one time she thought it was because they loved her so much that they were willing to give her anything, and that on some parts was true for they did love her, but as time went and she got older. She started to realize that it was because of who they were and their life choice that they indulged her.
They knew she had no friends, they knew the torment she received, they knew the loneliness she felt. And so replaced real friends with material ones, and for a while it worked. For a while she was fine. Having as many books to read and as many dvds to watch as she could. But after so long the aching hole that was companionship, came back with a vengeance, when she saw her class mates get invites to parties while avoiding her like the plague.
What was it about her that they just didn't like? Surely it couldn't all have just been about her fathers could it? Looking at herself in the mirror one day she went over her image with a scrupulous intent.
Yes she spoke a lot and was more wordily than any her age…..That she guessed was a factor as they did tease her for that, next was her clothes. She'll admit that they may not have been the latest or what was in fashion, but she liked them and it wasn't like she couldn't go out and get them for many a time her dads had offered to buy as many clothes as she wanted. But each time she refused, she liked what she wore they were comfy, and she would rather have comfort over what was in that month any day of the week.
So it could have been the clothes
Next she went over her appearance and found that as she had done before. She noticed that she didn't at all look like the other girls in her class. They were the natural blonde haired blue eyed little sweethearts that could do no wrong, the all American kind of girl. The kind that you would be happy to have in your house
She looked at her hair….It was a dark brown almost black looking color, not the usual. But still nothing wrong with it, her eye color again brown but a lot lighter than her hair, more chocolaty….Again not what blonde haired girls had but kids liked chocolate didn't they?
Her skin color was a lot darker than that of these around her, all except one boy in her class. He had the same shade but for some reason people liked him.
Finally she got to her nose….That was the one thing, if she had to pick. Was what she hated, and it seemed they did to, how many nights had she cried over that thing as she came home from yet another day of bullying…..To many, and though both her parents had tried to console her, tell her that she was perfect the way she was and that they were just jealous. She had to laugh.
No they weren't if they were then why would they say that only elephants had nose like that. Why would they move away and mock that they would get knocked over if she turned around? She may have been young, but she wasn't stupid, and she proved that by saying Elephants didn't have noses, they had trunks.
Another reason for the teasing,
After spending what seemed like hours in front of the mirror working out what it was that made her unlikable. She came to the conclusion that it was down to choices.
Yes, some of them her own. Like the clothes she wore and the refusal to get more just for the sake of fitting in, she knew it wouldn't make a difference anyway and so chose to buy something else. But when it came to it, the other choices weren't her own.
The way she spoke. From an early age they talked to her, read her books and when she was able to say her words. They taught her before she even got to school. Hence her larger vocabulary scale. It was their choice to teach her that.
It was there choice to give her anything she wanted, for the lack of friends she had. The others had learnt that she was an only child and spoiled and so gave her more grief for that to, she may not have said no to it, seeing as she had no one to play with. But if they knew about the bullying surely they knew that was a main reason why they did it, didn't they?
If they did and still carried on buying her things than again that was another choice on their part to deliberately ignore what was in front of her in the hopes that it would all stop eventually, they only way it would stop was if they moved or she ran.
She went down the long list of things that was wrong with her life until she came to the biggest one, the whole reason why her life was so bad now, the reason why her life was a miserable existence. No matter how hard she tried to block them out. Keep her head held high and take no notice, she couldn't stop the whispers from reaching her.
Incidentally it was the tanned boy with the funny hair that gave her the answer, in the playground one day in just another day of her hell. He spoke a word she hadn't heard before. And when home time came she lied to her daddy who had come to pick her up, saying that she needed to go the library for homework.
It was close to where they lived and despite her age they let her go, as she slipped off to work out just what the word the boy had said meant.
It was after that her choice for what she was about to do next became clear.
She hated the bullying, the name calling and the teasing. But she found she had no choice but to live with it and so after a while had her own routine of coping with it. But there was one thing. The one thing that no amount of books or DVD's or toy's or even having a friend could cover up.
The fact that she had no Mom
Every home time she would see the blonde haired blue eyed little girl's skip out of the school and in to their mothers loving embrace as they got ready to go home. Every day she would watch them as their Mothers would stroke their hair lovingly and mutter little things in their ear, no doubt filled with care and proudness.
She looked at her own fathers smiling happily. And her own already perfect fake smile beamed back at them.
They were the reason she had no Mother, no one to whisper loving things in her ear, and stroke her different colored hair.
Little girls who looked like her didn't deserve a Mother, they deserved the orphanage if what she heard from others was correct. Anywhere was better than with them.
It wasn't that she didn't love them, for she did. And gave them all the hugs and kisses and anything else that a loving kid could give, but the fact that her parents loved each other in a way that should only apply to a man and a woman as she had read on line said, than when it all came down it, after weeks of wondering what it was, what possible reason could it be that no one liked her, what she could blame for her life being the way it was.
It was them.
Ultimately their choice to live in a close minded town that was full of god abiding neighbors meant that each day of her life was filled with hate, name calling, bigotry and even one time. Though she didn't tell them. physical violence.
They were also the reason she didn't have a Mom…If she did then maybe all that she endured wouldn't have and still be happening.
Again it wasn't that she didn't love them as she did, so very much. But with all that went on during the hours they weren't around. Some even with. More and more each day she just felt that love just wasn't enough. Not to compensate for the hurt that she put up with.
She got home one day after a particularly nasty interaction in which she was pushed into the mud by a blonde haired girl who had told her, not for the first time or nothing that she hadn't learnt. That everything about her and her family was wrong. And that god didn't accept people like that.
She was Jewish, so it didn't exactly matter to her but for fear of retaliation. She kept her mouth shut.
She went to her room and got undressed, throwing her dirty clothes in the corner and pulling out her much loved Wicked t-shirt. Throwing herself on her bed she started to think.
It had gone too far this time. It wasn't the first time this had happened or the mud puddle, she had it thrown at her as well but now…..She just couldn't cope.
If this was only elementary school she didn't even want to imagine the horror that would be high school. That was just a whole new nightmare that was lying in wait for her.
Something had to be done…And she knew just what.
Along with the inner belief that her parents life choice was what kept her from having a Mom. She had, one night, come across whilst searching their room a box in the back of their walk in wardrobe. She didn't actually know what it was she was searching for, and so lost interest in favor of seeing the mystery box. Sneaking back to her room she sat on the floor and pulled out old files and papers before she realized that it was only stuff about her birth.
She was about to put them back thinking it was only her certificates and stuff when the file she was holding split and all the papers it contained scattered about. Cursing she hurried to pick them up but stopped when a photo of an unknown woman made her pause and take more notice.
She gazed over the sitting figure who was very clearly in a hospital and with wide eyes realized that she looked exactly like her. The dark hair, the tan skin, the brown eyes and even the nose.
Her breath hitched as it dawned on her just who this person had to be. Her mother…Her missing Mom.
Everything else forgotten she sat back down and gazed longingly at the picture of the young woman who was holding her as a baby wrapped up in a white snuggy blanket. The smile she noted seemed bittersweet and fake…..Just like her own.
Looking at the papers that it came with she sifted through them until she came to a formal looking piece. It looked like the ones her daddy had when he came back from the office and so picked it up before reading down the page.
At the very end, she dropped the paper and slumped back against her bed. It was a contract.
She knew what that was after asking one day as he sat at the table working on one and so knew the ins and outs of what it entailed. But this.
Struggling with her thoughts of what she had just read. A surge of emotions running through her body, shock…..Sadness, happy that she finally knew. And the anger.
And with that anger came the niggling, recurring thought that she had associated with the two men wormed its way into her head. That they had been the ones that denied her a mother.
And this piece proved it.
Still angry, she at that moment. Made her choice. Picking up the papers, she went through each one that she thought was important and after reading through them all. Gathered up the ones that held any information on and about her birth, including the contract.
Placing them to one side. She put the others back and tucked the photo in her pocket. She would keep that for herself, before hurrying back to her dad's room and replacing the box in its rightful place. She was about to leave but something in the back of her mind stopped her and instead, turned back and started looking for more.
If there was anything else she could find than she knew she had to have it and so searched high and low before smiling in victory at the second and third copies of the original contract. Whoever this woman was, they wanted to keep her away that was for sure. Before taking them to and adding them to the first she had in her room.
She knew that daddy kept all his personal files in his room and so doubted anymore of these floating about. She figured that he wouldn't suspect her of knowing about them never mind having them so didn't see the need to keep them safer.
A mistake he would soon learn.
Knowing that she would have to hide them well, she stuck them to the underside of her bed. They never went into her room only to inform her on dinner or to get her gym stuff. Anything else they left alone so it was a perfect place to put them until she needed them.
Once that was out of the way, she moved on to the next part of her plan. It hadn't been a spare of the moment decision. She was far too rational for that, and so only made her choice after months of seeing what she longed for dangled in front of her face. That and the papers she had in her keep.
She was going to find her Mom.
Correction. She was going to go and find her Mom. Wherever she was.
And now she had the means of doing so.
So for the entire week she sat in her room reading every bit of information that was on the papers she stole. She poured over every word until she came to what she wanted the most, the parts about the unknown woman.
In a questionnaire style answering form courtesy of Dad, she discovered that her Mother's name was Shelby Corcoran and that at the time she was only eighteen. She was desperate to go to New York and be on Broadway, something which made her heart swell. Broadway was her life and to find that she and this woman had the same goal only made her that more determined to succeed.
She read on and apart from her birthday and the health stuff, everything else was menial. But she had what she wanted, a name and a destination.
Her Mother had to be a singer. There was no way she got her voice from any of the men as they were worse than drowning cats and so smiled at yet another thing they shared, knowing now that her mind was fully made up. she moved on to the third part of her plan.
She had been saving her money since she was six. And the things that she didn't buy she put in the bank. Along with the birthday, and special occasion money she got. She was a person who was smart, wasn't frivolous with their money like other kids and so by now had more than what most her age had. She didn't know just how much exactly, but seeing as she did receive a lot from both men for said birthdays and times that she got bullied.
She had to laugh at the irony of for once, being grateful to the mean kids for they had made her quite the rich little girl.
So with that and the knowledge she didn't need much to sustain her meant that she had more than enough to cover her trips, the next part was getting it out.
She looked on line for something expensive. Knowing that it was the only way she could get it all without seemingly being suspicious, before deciding on the prefect thing.
The next day she surprised both her fathers by asking if she could buy a genuine prop from the film that her idol slept in from the way we were. To say they were shocked was an understatement and on asking and hearing just how much it cost, were, for the first time. Hesitant.
Seeing their faces she pulled out her acting prowess and said that the kids were being mean again to her, knowing they indulged her due to the bullying, they very slowly relented. Seeing them give in she smiled internally and knew that it was only a matter of time before she could finally put her whole plan into action.
At the bank the next day she withdrew all her savings and added it to the money she had at home. All in all, she had just a little under $4,000.
Seeing just how close she was to leaving made her stop for a moment. She was leaving, really….Going out and finding the Mom She never had. It scared her a little, but more than ever did she want it.
She also knew just how hurt her fathers would be, and how much worry she was going to put them through almost made her give up her plan. It wasn't like they didn't treat her bad, hell if anything she was treated better than the kids who actually had a Mom. But then the image of the contracts came back to her mind and so did the teasing and the name calling and every else she had to put up with.
Knowing that it was their doing had her angry again and so the plan went ahead…she just had to pick the right time.
The day and opportunity came when she was picked up from school after having the same day, she was in the back of the car when she was told that both him and her daddy had to be in the hospital and office that night and so the sitter was coming around. She nodded but danced internally at seeing this was the right time.
She had her bags packed two days ago, and was just waiting around but now, she could finally go.
They got home as she made her way upstairs with both dad and daddy running around getting their belongs. The sitter they hired didn't live to far and knowing just how sensible Rachel was for her age, decided that on certain times she could be left alone for the odd hour or so, nothing to serious.
She smiled and kissed them before waving them off as they drove down the road. She watched and waited until they rounded the corner before running back inside and raced to her room. She threw herself under her bed where she had been keeping her packed bags before pulling them out and reached for then contracts they still hadn't know she had.
She had hidden her money inside her socks which was kept in her shoulder bag before making sure that all her clothes was packed. After double checking she had everything, her money, her clothes and most importantly, the picture of her Mom and her name. she knew it was time to leave.
At the bottom of the stairs she write a note. Her dad's had a tendency to come home early, even if they had to rush into work and so wasn't taking any chances for them to know something was up. she wrote to them letting them know that she and the sitter had gone to the park, it wasn't a whole lie as they did know due to her lack of friends that she sometimes went out with the help, and not to worry if she wasn't in when they got back.
And that she loved them because she did. Very much.
Going to the kitchen and packing some bottled water for the trip she was just finished packing the biscuits and Crisp's, when a knock at the door told her the sitter had arrived. She put the water down and took a deep breath before opening the door to reveal a girl just a little older than Rachel.
"Hey you," She smiled as she faced the little girl, Rachel beamed back before replying.
The sitter, named Gemma did truly enjoy her time with the brunette. She was a lot more mature than the others she looked after and could even hold a conversation with it being about the latest show or music video. She just didn't understand why no others saw the bright, young, friendly girl that she did.
"Both out then" She asked as Rachel nodded, she smiled again and was just about to step in when Rachel spoke.
"But Daddy's coming back" This surprised Gemma as she stopped moving and looked at her younger girl. Rachel for her part didn't budge and still smiled even with the curious look the sitter gave her.
"He's…..Coming back?" She asked slowly, as if not believing it, as the little girl nodded again.
"He went in but they realized that the problem had already been sorted and so they didn't actually need him for tonight." She lied smoothly as the older girl still kept her quizzical gaze on her.
"Really?"
"Really….He rang about three minutes before you knocked and told me, he said he was getting ice cream on the way back so went to the shop first." She gave a non-committal shrug as if to feign disinterest. "But he also said to give you this," And she went back inside to her bag before quickly pulling out some money and picked up what was her actual wage before going back to the door.
"This," She gave Gemma the notes in her hand as she reached out still cautious and took the notes from her, she looked down and realized that there was more than what she normally got.
"There's too much here" She started but was cut off
"He said to give you so more as in apology to wasting your time." Normally it wasn't in her to interrupt but she needed to leave and so gave her the speech she had rehearsed when making sure she had everything. Gemma still looked at her for another few minutes as if trying to get something else that she was hiding out of her before biting her lip, and nodding.
"Ok…Well tell both berries I said hi, and thanks for the extra tip." She shrugged not knowing what else to do and accept the surprise hug she got from Rachel who was genuinely going to miss her before stepping off the porch and with one more wave went on her way.
Breathing out a sigh of relief, Rachel knew she had to leave now and so quickly retrieved her bag and side purse before making one last quick round to ensure she had everything before stepping out the door.
She looked at the bus route she had in her hand, she was going to take the bus to the station and then catch the train to new York. There she would work out the next part of her plan. For now though, she just had to leave before anyone spotted her.
Walking down the pathway she turned to look back at the house she grew up in and feeling something on her cheek wiped away the tear that had subconsciously fallen before taking in another deep breath and looked away.
This was it, no stopping her now.
"I'm gonna find you Mamma" She muttered before starting the journey to find her missing piece.