Disclaimer: I think the only thing I think I really WANT to own is Demyx, but I don't. And I don't own anything else either.

This has a bunch of different pairings in it, some cracky and some not so cracky. Leon/Aerith, AkuRoku, Zemyx, SoRiku, Marluxia/Namine, Larxene/Zexion, CloTi, Yuffie/Cid, Xemnas/Kairi. Ages are seriously warped, as you might have noticed, considering that Kairi is Zexion's mom… lol.

"I…"

Zexion choked on his words.

Sure, the marriage had lost its fire. I was planning on filing a divorce anytime now. But I definitely didn't want it to end like this.

"Larxene was a strong woman."

I can't believe I'm reading her eulogy right now.

"Although she could be difficult at times, no one knew me better than she did."

His voice cracked at that. A tear streaked down his pale face. Although he looked sharp in his black suit, he was completely torn apart inside.

It never should have happened like this.

"She was also the mother of my child. My beautiful Xion."

I promised myself I wouldn't cry. Oh, God, I'm so cliché.

Tears dropped heavily on the paper in his hands.

"There wasn't anyone in the world I loved more than my darling Xion."

Zexion, get a hold of yourself, you mushy bastard.

"My sweet Xion."

He stepped off the platform and made a beeline for the exit. He was crying harder than any man should ever have to. Then again, no man should ever have to lose both his wife and his only child all at once. And have to speak at their funeral after having watched them die before his eyes.

That day was just like all the rest. The happy trio was spending Larxene's only day of the week off together. A Saturday. They were in the car, Zexion driving, Larxene in the passenger seat and Xion in the middle in the front with them.

"I love you, Daddy!"

"Aww, I love you, too, Xee."

The little black haired girl giggled cheerfully. Husband and wife looked at each other with warm eyes. They knew they couldn't stand each other, but they strived for these moments. These grey areas in their black fated marriage.

POP!

SCREEEEECH!

"Xion!"

"Daddy!"

"Zexion!"

"Larxene, I--"

"Zexion, I'm sorry--"

CRASHH!

A worn out tire. It popped, the car swerved. Another car smashed into the passenger side. The two girls were crushed. Xion was killed instantly. Larxene wasn't so lucky. Zexion was horribly scratched up and had a broken arm and leg and a few ribs and probably a concussion.

The blonde woman turned her bloodied face towards her husband.

"I'm so sorry," she whispered.

"Larx, it's not you're fault, why are you sorry? Why, Larxy?"

"For leaving you. I'm sorry. Goodbye. Goodbye, Zexion."

His father came up next to him and placed a hand on his shoulder.

"Zexion… I'm so sorry."

"Please, Dad. Right now 'sorry' is the last thing I want to hear."

"Oh, umm… sor-- uh, okay." He smiled apologetically.

Clicking heels could be heard coming towards them.

"Xemnas! What happened? He just left right then and there now didn't he! I wonder if he should be straining his leg so much-- oh Zexion! I'm so sorry!"

Zexion sighed and smiled stiffly. "Aunt Yuffie…" He wanted to tell her no sorries, but there was no telling Aunt Yuffie anything.

She hustled over to where the small man was brooding on the stoop and embraced him with such force that he couldn't breath.

"Mother…." You could almost hear his cousin rolling her eyes.

Zexion smiled, genuinely this time. Tifa was one of the easier ones. She didn't fuss and she didn't hug and she didn't say sorry.

"Tifa."

"Zexion." She nodded politely at him. "C'mon, let's get you cleaned up. No more tears, alright?"

"Of course."

Suddenly, intense sobbing could be heard coming out of the doors.

"Oh, jeez. Speak of the devil."

Aerith was Tifa's older sister, by a year. She was considerably more emotional than Tifa was.

Zexion shook his head. "No, it's alright. Come on out, Aerith."

If he was a car accident, then she was a train wreck. There was mascara all over her face, she was clutching a hankie, and she was crying into her husband's shoulder. Zexion nodded at him.

"Leon."

"Zexion. Sorry for the--"

"No. No more sorries. If I hear that word one more time I'll be worse than she is." He gestured towards Aerith.

Leon raised his eyebrows. "Well, then, you better get ready for it because you've got a whole family in there waiting for you."

Zexion sighed. "Ugh, can't you go in and say something to them?"

"I suppose."

"Thanks."

The taller man walked back into the building and held the door open for Cloud, but stopped him shortly to whisper something. Cloud nodded.

The blond man had tears in his eyes. He looked like he was going to explode in a rush of emotion any second but he was trying to hold it in.

"Hello, Zexion," he said quietly.

"This never should have happened to you."

"I know. It's okay."

"No it's not. Why would they make you read a eulogy at your own wife and child's funeral? It's horrible." Some tears escaped Cloud's eyes and he cursed at himself.

Zexion's eyes widened. He had never thought about it that way. Not only that, but he had never heard anyone say it out loud.

'your own wife and child's funeral'

"Excuse me."

Zexion left then. He walked down the steps and into his car and drove away. He didn't care about seeing the rest of the family. He just needed to be alone so he could cry in peace.

So… loved it? Hated it? Printed it out and burned it? I promise it's going to change a LOT over the course of the story. Lots less sad, lots more funnies and romancey-ness and such. And don't worry, you'll get to meet the rest of Zexion's family. :D Please review! Even if you didn't like it, I really want to hear what you think!