Sep. 30th- evil is released.
This search had been going on for at least a year now, Loki had escaped prison a year ago. Tony wasn't sure what Fury was thinking, if they hadn't found Loki yet they weren't going to find him any time soon. Still it was insisted not only by fury but the other avengers as well that each of them take a patrol a day just to see if they could find any trace of him. It was a typical autumn afternoon, Tony wasn't exactly sure what he was accomplishing by walking around the residential area he was in, but it was a nice walk anyway.
'Well, I may not be doing much of anything,' Tony thought 'but at least it's a nice day.' A few blocks later Tony was almost flattened by a brunette girl with pink highlights caring a fistfull of sharpie markers,
"Of all the times for our sharpies to die!" She yelled as she barreled past him.
"Hey! Where's the fire?!" Tony called after her annoyedly. As he turned to walk on he was shocked to see Loki chasing after the brunette with a shopping bag.
"Hey!" Tony yelped in shock as Loki darted past
"No time now! You can arrest me later!" He called back. Tony pursued at a leisurely distance and contacted the other avengers, Natasha and Clint were closest so they caught up with Tony relatively quickly, Steve joined up with them once they'd gotten to where the Brunette and Loki were going. It was a small house, it seemed more or less ordinary, but there was a presence about it, as if something awful was going to happen. The door was hanging open and they walked in. They heard commotion coming from upstairs, it sounded like someone was fighting with an aggressive animal. Slowly the four of them began to climb the stairs. As they walked Tony bumped into a box labeled "Contents under pressure, fragile." As he bumped into it a scratching, growling sound came from inside the box. Tony picked it up and shook it gently, it growled again.
"Don't mess with that!" Loki yelled running up the stairs with a cylinder of salt. Before they could stop him he rushed past. "I'll explain in a minute!" He called back.
"Hurry with the salt! It's trying to crawl in the vents!" The brunette's voice called.
"What do you suppose they're trying to rangle with salt?" Natasha asked
"Snails maybe." Steve replied. The four of them decided to wait for a few minutes listening to the ruckus, well, three of them did, Natasha practically had to tape Clint to the floor to get him to stay put, but eventually he waited . Eventually the noise stopped, it was then Tony remembered he was holding a box.
"Well, what's ever in here is alive," He said "We should probably let it out." Before anyone else could say anything he ripped the tape off the box and began opening the flaps. There was a sort of a cackling sound and then the box began to shake, Tony dropped it and after it had hit the floor something vaguely humanoid crawled out. It was black and seemed to have smoke dripping from every inch of it, it lumbered about, like it's movements were a cross between a gorilla's and a human's. It began to run to the open door, but before it left it turned and looked at the avengers with glowing red eyes, and smiled with jagged, yellow, teeth, and in a low voice it spoke.
"Thank you, you fools! Now I am free." It said then it ran out the door.
"Oh no!" An unfamiliar voice said from the top of the stairs, they turned and saw a blond girl with scratched up and bleeding arms at the top of the stairs. "You let one out?!" She yelled
"What?!" the Brunette yelled as she came running to the same spot as the blond "Another got out?! What the hell are you doing in our house?!" The brunette yelled. The brunette seemed to have a few scratches on her arms as well.
"Did they let it out of the box?!" Loki yelled walking to the same spot as the girls. The blond ran down the steps
"WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?!" She yelled "WHY WOULD YOU OPEN A BOX THAT HAD "DANGER! KEEP OUT" WRITTEN ON IT FIVE TIMES IN CAPITAL LETTERS WITH RED INK?!"
Tony turned the box and saw the writing the blond was talking about. Next the brunette ran down and took the box from tony
"Where's the label?! Who'd you let out?!" She asked looking all over the box, when she found the label she turned white."J-jack the ripper…..You….let out….Jack the fucking ripper!"
"You're kidding!" The blond and Loki said at the same time then looked at the box themselves. Loki slumped down on the step and buried his head in his hands. The blond turned, and with a look of anger only matched by the hulk she began to yell
"You FUCKERS just let out Jack the Ripper! Do you have any goddamn idea what you just did?! One of the most dangerous demons in the whole damn house and you let him out! Do you mother fucking peices of shit know what that means?!"
"Wait, you had Jack the ripper's soul, and you put it in a cardboard box?" Tony asked
"Technically Jack the ripper was never human so he didn't have a soul." The Brunette corrected
"Well, whatever it was you put it in a cardboard box."
"Where the fuck else would we put it?" The blond snapped "A safe at the bank?!"
The avengers were going to say something, but realized the blond's point, she continued
"As long as the symbol on the flap stays intact and no bone heads open the box it normally works!"
"We're going to have to catch him again…" Loki moaned the girls realized what that meant and went pale again
"H-how long did it take is last time?" The blond asked the brunette "four weeks?"
"Three MONTHS." Loki finished
"This is the end," The brunette gloomed "We'll never be able to find him again."
"He's already got a five minute head start." The blond continued "Five minutes….I can catch him!" The blond yelled then ran for the door.
"Well, that...happened." Clint said "Now what are you doing here Loki?"
"No time." The brunette said "Loki, you take the computer, I've got the police scanner." She finished rushing to a closet, inside was a lot of radio consoles, Loki went to a computer desk and began browsing news sites.
"You've got a police scanner?" Steve asked "Hey wait who are you two any way?"
"If you're quiet I'll tell you." The brunette said putting on a pair of headphones and sitting on the floor, she was listening to the scanner "My name is Sandra, the other girl is Caitlin. We met Loki a little more than seven months ago, long story involving a trashcan lid and an unabridged dictionary. Anyway, Caitlin and I had always noticed the demons around wherever we were, including New York, we had the knowledge to take care of them, but we didn't think we were strong enough to do anything about them, the exception being the coal tars that seem to love the house for one reason or another. Shortly after Loki came to stay with us , I dunno, him being here made us a little braver about going up against demons. I remember one of the first ones we got was a goblin."
"So, wait," Tony interjected "You have MORE demons in boxes?!"
"SHH!" Sandra said listening more intently to the scanner "Of course we do
."
At that Moment Caitlin came back, she had a big scrape on her cheek.
"Didn't Catch him?" Sandra asked
"Well, I caught up to him, but then I realized that I didn't have anything to fight him with, so he scratched me, then I ran back."
"Good try." Loki said from the computer.
"Yeah, I'm surprised he didn't go for the other boxes." Sandra smirked, then the three of them went pale again.
"The other boxes." Caitlin yelled running up the stairs. The rest of them followed. The avengers followed them up to the attic, the attic was absolutely filled with boxes, each of the labeled similarly to the one they'd found on the stairs. Sandra, Loki, and Caitlin were all running around looking at each of the boxes,
"Where's the inventory sheet?!" Sandra panicked.
"It's over here, start taking notes!" Loki replied handing her a clipboard. The then began looking at every box and listing off what was in each of them.
"So, these are ALL demons?" Steve asked
"Yup," Sandra replied distractedly "And….the Christmas decorations?"
"I thought we moved those to the basement." Caitlin replied walking over
"They're right here." Sandra said
"So….what'd we move to the basement?" Loki asked. Once again without warning the trio shot down the stairs this time heading for the basement, on the way Caitlin grabbed a blue spray bottle with a cross drawn on it off one of the railings. They found the box they'd moved by accident in the corner Caitlin sprayed it with her spray bottle and a growl issued from within.
"Well, it growled so it must still be in there." Caitlin sighed in relief.
"Let's move this upstairs and swap it with the right box." Sandra replied in a similar tone.
"So, what's in there?" Tony asked
"We're not sure, it's not labeled like the others." Sandra said as they climbed the steps gently holding the box as if it was an object of great value and importance.
"Tell me again why we didn't label this one." Caitlin asked in an annoyed tone
"I think this one was one of the first boxes, we didn't have a labeling system yet." Sandra replied.
"You know, we're probably going to have to open this and see what's inside eventually." Loki interjected
"But that day is not this day." Sandra finished
After the box situation had been taken care of and the three were satisfied that aside from Jack getting out everything was in its proper place, the avengers sat them down and tried to get a little more information out of them.
"So you three just collect demons in your spare time?" Steve asked
"Spare time?" Sandra asked confused
"We have that?" Caitlin continued
"I think we'd kill for some spare time." Loki finished with a sigh.
"At least one of you has to work." Natasha said "How else would you get money?"
"Money?" Caitlin questioned with a snicker "We have that too? Last I checked we were killing demons for food."
The other two laughed and the avengers sat looking puzzled.
"This IS our job." Sandra explained "If you or your town has a demon problem, call us and we'll take care of it, and we ride on the money from one job to the next."
"So bassically you're exterminators." Tony said with an amused tone.
"Demon hunters, you smartass!" Caitlin snapped
"That reminds me," Loki interjected "There's still that problem in Vegas."
"What's going on in Vegas?" Clint asked
"Who said anything about Vegas?" Sandra asked
"What were you planning to do with all these demons anyways?" Steve asked.
"Well….the initial plan was to have Loki shoot them into space or some such place, but he's still not up to full strength." Sandra explained
"So can you tell us, if you had all those boxes up in that attic, why was Jack the ripper on the stairs?" Tony asked
"He WAS in the attic!" Sandra yelled "One of the chupacabras got out of their box, we were trying to wrangle it up and we kicked the box down the stairs by accident!"
"Chupacabras?" Natasha said arching her eyebrow
"Yes they're real," Caitin interjected "And like hell they only suck on goats! How do you think I got these?!" She finished displaying the punctures, that had only just stopped oozing, on her arm.
"Just out of curiosity," Tony began "do you have any demons that are friendly?"
"We have a box of approximately two hundred and fifty coal tars," Sandra answered annoyedly "They're as friendly as demons get, and even they'll bit ya and if you inhale them your respiratory system will decay and you'll suffocate."
"That's friendly?!" Clint asked
"It's as friendly as demons will get!" Caitlin snapped, then without warning she grabbed Tony by the shirt collar and slammed him against the wall "And YOU let out the STRONGEST ONE IN THE DAMN HOUSE! AND NOW YOU'RE GONNA HELP US, CAUSE IF YOU DON'T THE PEOPLE WHO DIE ARE GOING TO BE ON YOUR FUCKING HEAD YOU MOTHER FUCKER!" It was then that Sandra and Loki came to hold Caitlin back, despite her struggles
"Okay, I'm not sure what's in our power to help, but we'll help where we can." Steve replied "What I want to know is how has S.H.I.E.L.D not noticed this?"
"Maybe because you guys suck at your job." Sandra said. This time it was Tony and Clint that needed to be held back.
"Look, we can see this is a severe situation," Natasha began "But, I don't think S.H.I.E.L.D can trust you until you've had a proper interrogation, especially since you're working with Loki."
"You're kidding right?!" Sandra replied "We've got a potential genocide enactor out there, and you wanna waste time interrogating us?!"
"Standard procedure I'm afraid." Natasha continued half sarcastically "If you come with us to the helicarrier we can get it out of the way and-"
"Like fuck we're leaving this house!" Caitlin snapped "Not with twenty protection circles, five hundred pounds of salt, and fifty hours of AC/DC on loop."
"AC/DC?" Steve asked
"Demons hate their music." Sandra explained.
"What do you do when you go on a trip?" Clint asked
"Exactly that," Caitlin replied "And we worry every minute of it."
"Honestly I don't think you guys have the leverage to get us to leave." Sandra said in a thoughtful tone "By ancient mesopotamian law I think we're allowed to break your kneecaps."
"Actually, I think we're supposed to cut his hand off," Loki corrected "I think this could be qualified as stealing from us."
"Alright, I'll use the wasp knife." Caitlin said
"No that's too messy, use the butcher's knife, that's made for cutting through bones and that kinda stuff." Sandra replied. Tony had moved so Steve was between him and the three of them.
"Okay, we get it." Tony said "You don't want to go to the helicarrier and we can't make you."
"If you don't want to come to the helicarrier than we could arrange for an interrogation crew to come here, but it'd take about a day, and someone would have to stay here to make sure you don't run off." Natasha said
"Because god forbid we actually catch Jack before he causes a problem." Sandra grumbled. After a bit more grumbling from the two girls they agreed to stay put for the evening.
"BUT," Sandra insisted "Iron moron over here is gonna be the one to stay with us."
"Why him?" Clint asked
"Because, If we have to suffer so does he." Sandra pouted
"And he's the one who caused this." Caitlin pointed out. The avengers conceded to the conditions and went to make preparations while Tony stayed with the girls and Loki. For the most part he stayed out of their way and they stayed out of his. Until it got late, Tony began to climb the stairs to look for a place to rest, he figured there'd be a spare room up there given the size of the house.
"Where are you going?" He heard Loki ask, Tony turned and saw that the girls had gotten up and were looking through the doorway, Loki had draw their attention to him.
"I was going to find a place to sleep, it's almost midnight," tony answered "why? What's up here that I shouldn't be touching?"
"Other than the boxes, which are all in the attic, nothing." Caitlin said slowly
"But….we don't sleep up there," Sandra explained "Too close to things that'll want to slit your throat while you sleep."
"We all sleep down here," Caitlin concluded "It's safer."
After considering their logic Tony decided to follow suit.
"Okay, so there's the couch, which sleeps one, the futon, which two people have to share, and the floor which the last person has to sleep on." Caitlin explained
"Who gets what?" Tony asked
"We play rock-paper-scissors to decide." Sandra replied. "It's the only fair way."
Caitlin got the couch, Sandra and Loki got the futon, which meant Tony was on the floor.
"I was never good at that game." Tony grumbled as he set up his spot on the floor.
"You should feel honored," Catlin said while leaning over the back of the couch. "That's my floor you're sleeping on."
Tony grumbled again. They turned the lights in the livingroom out and for the most part seemed to be asleep, but a half hour later, the three of them sat bolt upright suddenly.
"What?" Tony asked slightly scared
"I heard a skitter." Caitlin said, although it seemed to be directed at Sandra and Loki rather than Tony.
"Didn't you hear a skitter?" Sandra asked
"I heard the skitter." Loki concurred.
"There was no skitter." Tony said annoyedly.
"Imma check anyway." Sandra said climbing the steps with a salt shaker. Fifteen minutes of waiting in suspense later she came back.
"There was no skitter." She stated.
"Told you." Tony moaned.
"Well, can't be too careful." Sandra said while laying back down. Fifteen minutes later there was a loud thud that came from the attic, everyone sat up as fast as they could. Caitlin was the first one to get up, she ran up the stairs and after stumbling through the dark Sandra and Loki began to follow.
"False alarm." Caitlin called down the steps. "It was just one of the boxes hopping around a bit." The three of them walked back to their respective spots.
"Is it like this every night here?!" Tony whined
"Pretty much," Loki answered.
"What? Not quiet enough for you rich boy?" Caitlin teased. What was probably ten minutes after that there was a squeaking noise, quiet at first, then it got steadily louder and louder. Tony looked at the stairs and a small pair of little orange-ish eyes stared back at him. Tony let out a small involuntary yelp, Caitlin was up as fast as a bullet leaves a gun. She sprayed the owner of the eyes with her spray bottles, the small creature hissed and backed up as if in pain. Sandra had gotten to the lightswitch and turned on the lights. The creature was something that looked like a black rabbit, but instead of having a rabbit's head it seemed to have the skull of a rabbit, it also had large claws. Caitlin grabbed the hissing creature by the ears.
"This what you were screaming about Stark?" She asked.
"It looked worse in the dark." He muttered
"That's what they all say." Sandra smirked "Give it here Caitlin, I'll put it back." Caitlin carefully handed Sandra the nightmare bunny and Sandra went to stuff it back in it's box.
The rest of the night progressed in a similar way. Tony wasn't in a particularly good mood when at 7:30 in the morning Caitlin pelted him with a pillow.
"Rise and Shine rich boy!" She ordered "It's time to wake up."
"Wake up?!" Tony asked "I think you need to sleep to wake up."
"Whatever primadonna, get up, It's floor washing day."
"Huh?"
"Not everyone has a cleaning crew, I need to wash the floor."
Tony lifted himself stiffly off the floor.
October 1st.- These are simple questions.
Tony wasn't sure which was worse, his sore back, or the fact that he felt like he'd gotten no sleep at all.
"What does everyone want to eat this morning?" Sandra called, seemingly cheerful, from the kitchen "We've got chocolate-chip eggo waffles and these weird frozen blueberry thingys Loki bought." Tony walked into the kitchen, but stopped walking when he smelled something akin to dead flowers and mold.
"What is that smell?!" He asked
"Lilac tea." Loki stated plainly "Drink it or don't, we don't care."
"Still looking for an answer on breakfast guys." Sandra said slightly annoyed
Caitlin and Loki looked at each other "Meh," They shrugged and then they turned and looked at Tony.
"Which do you want?" Caitlin asked him.
"Uh," Tony began a little shocked that they were treating him like a person rather than an inconvenience. "Let's just have the waffles."
"Alright, I'll start making everyone one." Sandra replied.
"You all seem happy for the night we had last night." Tony yawned
"What're YOU whining about?" Caitlin asked while sipping a mug of tea. "You got an hour of sleep. That's remarkable."
"An hour is remarkable for you guys? How much sleep did you get?"
The trio looked at each other, seemingly trying to decide on the exact amount of time.
"I'm feeling about fifteen minutes." Loki pondered
"Eh, I'm feeling closer to ten." Caitlin mused
"Let's split the difference and say twelve and a half." Sandra suggested.
"Twelve and a half MINUTES?!" Tony asked
"You may not think so, but that's a good night's sleep for us." Sandra said in a matter-of-fact tone.
"When was the last time you got more than a half hour of sleep?" Tony asked.
The girls began laughing "More than?!" Caitlin chuckled
"I can't remember the last time we got a half hour period." Sandra giggled.
Loki smirked and nodded.
"How do you live like this?" Tony asked
"How do YOU live?" Caitlin asked taking a dramatic tonal change, from cheerful to annoyed in one second, "Sitting around with your thumb up your ass waiting for something interesting to happen. I'd go nuts with boredom."
Breakfast was done now and Sandra handed Tony one waffle on a paper plate with a quarter of an apple.
"That's it?" He asked
"Shut up." Sandra said defensively "Not everyone has money to have a feast whenever they want. And normally we each get a third of an apple, but with you here rations are spread thinner."
It was then Tony realized exactly how shabby the girls looked, They had tiered faces, with deep bags under their eyes. They were thinner than girls of their age should've been, borderlining on unhealthy, and the scars, oh the scars, it was remarkable they still had limbs with the amount of injuries they seemed to have, both old and new.
'They're practically falling apart,' tony thought 'what's holding them together?'
"You staring for a particular reason?" Caitlin asked angrily.
"Huh? No." Tony replied "Thanks for the food."
The girls casted a skeptical glance at Tony then began to eat, chattering with themselves and Loki.
"Do you mind if I ask a question?" Tony interjected
"You just did." Sandra smirked
"But, we suppose we'll allow another one." Caitlin continued
"Okay… I was just curious, what exactly prompted you two to start this whole demon hunting schtick?"
"That's none of your fucking buisness." Caitlin snapped
"No, it isn't." Sandra concurred.
Loki nodded in agreement.
" Okay, different question then, how did you find the trickster over here?"
"We don't wanna tell you." Sandra replied.
"Okay then, what was the point of me asking questions if you weren't going to answer them anyway?"
"We decided to humor you for about a fifth of a second." Caitlin replied
"Speaking of things we don't want to answer," Sandra said. " Loki, did you take care of that thing in Colorado? We may have to travel through there pretty soon here."
"Yeah, I took care of it as soon as it popped up again." Loki replied.
"Thanks, I don't know how they keep tracking it down, but it's good we have you here to deal with that sorta stuff." Sandra replied.
"What happened in Colorado?" Tony asked
"Who said anything about Colorado?" Caitlin asked
"You did, just a second ago." Tony insisted.
"You got it on a tape recording?" Sandra asked
"Video?" Caitlin demanded
"Written form saying we did?" Loki finished
"No." Tony replied
"Then why're we talking?" Caitlin closed. "Alright, that's enough standing around for one morning." Caitlin said stretching.
"Yeah, we got to get the gear together, as soon as this S.H.I.E.L.D interrogation is over we're moving out." Sandra agreed.
"You two should wash up if you have the time." Loki suggested.
"Okay, sure thing Tricks." Caitlin dismissed "After we pack the bag."
"Okay while you two do that I'll check to see if Jack is back at whitechapel yet." Loki replied
"Why do you think he's going to whitechapel?" Tony asked
"Because, that's where we found him." Sandra replied as she left. "I sure hope we can get to him before he skips the country."
Not sure what to do with himself Tony followed the girls, he sorta wanted to see what demon hunting gear looked like. The girls were in one of the unused bedrooms, a duffle bag rested on the bed, and the girls were digging through plastic bins and the closet. Tony walked over to the bag, it currently held five cylinders of salt, a bundle of lilac, and an empty spray bottle.
"This is demon hunting equipment?" Tony chuckled.
"What were you expecting?" Caitlin asked angrily "Silver knives? Handguns with special bullets? Magic swords?"
"Like hell do we have money for that kinda stuff." Sandra huffed
"Alright, but still, what are you going to do with a spray bottle?" Tony asked.
"Well," Caitlin began while hoisting a gallon of water with a cross and rosary beads in it "we fill them with holy water and spray demons with that."
"Holy water?" Tony scoffed "You're kidding right?"
"Gotta better idea? Huh rich boy?!" Caitlin demanded. "Considering it was holy water that backed down that big scary bunny last night I figured you'd be more on board with the idea."
"I'd prefer if we never brought up the bunny incident again." Tony said.
"Not happening." Sandra replied while sticking two baseball bats into the duffel bag.
"What're those for?" Tony asked
"Two thi
ngs." Sandra replied "One they make it look like an ordinary sport bag, two you can still bludgeon demons till they pass out or die."
It was around noon, agent Hill was with the rest of the avengers and they were ready to interrogate the two girls that Natasha told them about. They approached the house, but before they could get to the door an old lady in the next yard caught their attention.
"You here to make an arrest?" She asked.
"We're here to interrogate the girls." Hill replied "Why do you ask?"
"Well, they're nice girls, but words been goin' round they're cereal killers. It started when that man moved in with 'em."
"If we find anything like that we'll be sure to make an arrest." Hill replied then they went to the door. Natasha knocked on the door.
"S.H.I.E.L.D Open up!" She ordered
Caitlin answered the door "A simple hello would suffice." She said "Come on in we're ready to get this interrogating thing over with." The avengers filed in, the first thing they noticed was Tony nodding off in a chair.
"Sleep well, Stark?" Natasha asked
"Those two girls are crazy!" Tony said "And they've infected Loki with their weirdness! Caitlin was chasing after an escaped demon down the street in a bra with bloody claw marks on her back screaming like hell. Sandra would've followed in a towel if Loki hadn't stopped her."
"I think you're exaggerating." Steve replied
"He's not." Sandra replied while climbing down the stairs.
The girls and Loki were seated on the couch, Agent Hill and the avengers sat in chairs across from them, Thor casted a particularly suspicious look at his brother.
"Alright, so we're going to start with some baseline questions." Hill began "Just somethings to help us test your honesty."
"Mkay, whatever." Caitlin replied.
"Alright, first how old are you two?"
"One thousand four hundred and fifty seven." Sandra replied.
"And I'm three." Caitlin replied.
"No, you're not." Hill replied irritated.
"Says who?" Sandra asked.
"Alright, fine then, where did you go to school?"
"Miskatonic university." Caitlin replied.
"Ditto." Sandra concurred.
Hill had Clint look up the university on the database,
"Not a real school." Clint said
"Isn't it?" Sandra said in a fake dumb voice.
"I think that's what our online diplomas say." Caitlin replied mimicking her tone.
Barten spent five minutes but were eventually able to pull up the alleged diplomas.
"Alright, where are your families?" Hill said beginning to lose her temper "If anything maybe they'll be honest with us."
"We don't have families." Sandra replied "We were born of nature's elements. I was birthed from mud and clay."
"And I was made of sea foam," Caitlin interjected "Which is why I'm so much sexier."
"Depends on who you ask." Sandra said giving Caitlin a small shove.
"Mud can be sexy." Loki agreed.
"Enough of these games!" Thor bellowed "Brother what are you doing with these mortals?"
"Our relationship with Loki is simple." Sandra answered "We get into trouble, he gets us out."
"And there's the occasional drunken orgey." Caitlin added
"What?" Almost all of the S.H.I.E.L.D agents stammered together.
Sandra and Loki suppressed laughter.
"Y'know, when we can find the time," Caitlin began "normally on sleepy sunday evenings we just get totally wasted and-" Steve lunged forward and covered her mouth.
"That's enough." He said
"I was just getting to the good part."
"Nobody wants to hear that." Steve finished
"Are you sure?" Tony asked playfully.
"Can you girls take these questions seriously?!" Agent Hill demanded
"You want us to take these seriously?!" Caitlin yelled "There is a demonic, undying, cereal killer on the loose and you want us to take your fucking game of twenty fucking questions seriously?!"
"We just need to know if we can trust you." Natasha said
"You can trust us more than the dumbass who let Jack out." Sandra snapped.
"The point is we're wasting time, these questions are dumb and really you can't accuse us of anything." Caitlin finished
"We can accuse him though." Clint said pointing at Loki.
"No, you really can't, he wasn't in his right mind." Sandra replied
"What?" Tony asked
"He was brainwashed into attacking new york." Caitlin said.
"You're lying." Natasha said.
"No we're not, we can prove it too." Sandra said, then she walked over to the computer, opened up a file on the desktop and printed out a picture.
"This is from when Loki was on the helicarrier." Sandra said
"How did you get that?!" Hill demanded
"Not telling. Point is here he has blue eyes, like the other brainwashing victims, and now they're green." Sandra concluded. The avengers looked to Thor, Thor nodded. What the girls said had been true.
"Okay so, we are not wasting anymore time with these dumb questions, right?" Caitlin asked.
"If you're not going to cooperate there's no point, so no." Hill sighed.
"Great, in that case we're off." Sandra said picking the duffel bag off the floor next to the couch. "We've gotta get to Vegas."
"Wait, I thought you said Whitechapel would be the most likely place for Jack." Tony said
"It is." Caitlin replied "But, to get to whitechapel we have to have money, which we're low on at the moment, so we're doing a job somewhere else first."
"A hotel in Vegas is having a bit of a succubus problem, it's a flashy place, that means flashy pay." Sandra elaborated.
"You know," Clint began "We could probably just fund-"
"Like fuck do we want the government's blood soaked money." Caitlin yelled
"Isn't it blood soaked by the time you get to it?" Bruce asked, he'd been so quiet this whole time that the others had forgotten he was there.
"Not anymore than an exterminator." Loki replied.
"I thought you didn't like being called exterminators." Tony said
"We don't like it when YOU call us exterminators." Sandra replied.
It was pretty apparent that the girls and Loki were being difficult for the sake of being difficult, and weren't about to budge. They were going to do things their way, and that was that.
"Well, wherever it is you're going, the avengers are going to have to follow you." Hill said
"Figured that much." Caitlin replied grumpily.
"If it can't be helped we'll tolerate them." Loki sighed.
"We're leaving in five minutes, I want everyone who's going outside by the time we're ready to go, or we're leaving you behind." Sandra ordered. The avengers followed orders and waited outside.
"Why are we letting them walk all over us like this?" Tony asked angrily.
"Well, I think for now it'd be a smart idea to follow without causing a stir." Steve replied "We don't know what they've been told about us, and it might be a good idea not to anger them further."
"Not to mention that they know more about what's going on than S.H.I.E.L.D does." Natasha added.
"Uhh, I hate to interrupt the conversation," Bruce began "But, is that what we're traveling in?" He finished pointing to an old RV. It was a cramped looking vehicle that looked like it'd been through hell and back. The tan paint was scratched and dented so badly that in a few places metal was showing through, one of the rear-view mirrors was being held on with duct tape, and one of the rear windows was cracked and being shielded by cardboard.
"Judging by the state of it, I'd say that's theirs." Clint replied.
"Yeah, I don't think I can travel in that, it looks too tight." Bruce said earnestly. "The other guy, doesn't like small spaces."
"I brought my motorcycle," Steve began "It has a sidecar, you can ride with me."
"Yeah, I can do that." Bruce replied
"Alright, Everyone in the RV." Caitlin ordered as she came out of the house.
"Bruce and I are taking my motorcycle." Steve insisted.
"Like we care." Caitlin eye-rolled "Do whatever the hell you want, you're adults, aren't you?"
That now settled the remaining avengers piled into the vehicle. It was just as shabby inside as it was outside, the seats were ripped in several places, the table next to the bench in the back had a map of switzerland drawn on it with sharpie marker, and there were a few weird burn marks that nobody had the faintest idea where they came from. Caitlin, Sandra, and Loki went to sit up front, the two girls in a seat and Loki on the ground between them, Sandra was the only one who wore a seatbelt. The avengers took a seat on the bench by the aforementioned table, It was a tight fit for the four of them. Sandra was driving first, and Loki was navigating, he had a relatively in-date map in his hands.
"Take a left at the next intersection." Loki instructed her a half-hour into the trip. Sandra got in the right turn lane.
"Left! Left! I said left!" Loki yelled.
"Don't yell at me! I got confused!" She said back "I'll go around the block, I'm sorry."
"Didn't realise you two were a married couple." Tony teased
"I could do with as little commentary from back there as possible." Caitlin yelled.
After another fifteen minutes of confusing turns and re-routes they were on the right track.
"Can we listen to music?" Sandra asked her co-pilots, who both agreed.
"I'd prefer if we didn't." Natasha said.
"Nobody was asking you." Caitlin called back. With great expertise Loki reached up from the floor and put in a CD. Lady Gaga's "Bad Romance" began blasting over the speakers. Once the trio got their bearings within the song they began to sing along.
"Loki never used to sing," Thor said absent-mindedly, it didn't appear the three of them could hear him, but the other avengers could.
"You sing a lot in asgard?" Clint asked
"There are festivals, and drinking celebrations that include singing, he never used to sing then." Thor replied.
"Which means what?" Tony asked
"It means, that these girls have had an effect of some sort on him." Thor replied
"I told you, they've infected him with their weirdness." Tony insisted
"Perhaps." Thor replied, although he had a feeling it was something else.
It had been several hours before they stopped for gas, the sun was just barely going down. Desperate to escape the girls and Loki the Avengers got out to stretch their legs and report back to Steve and Bruce, Except for Thor. While The girls pumped gas Loki went in to pay and get coffee.
"May I join you brother?" Thor asked him
"If you must." Loki replied.
"I've never heard you sing like that before."
"And?" Loki asked
"Nothing," Thor replied "You seem to really like those two."
"They're exceptional partners." Loki said.
Thor contemplated the possibility of hidden context for a few moments then shook those thoughts from his head.
"If I may ask," Thor said "What attracted you to them?"
"I'm not entirely sure I want to answer that," Loki replied "But, I will say this, they do grow on you after some time."
By this time everyone's tasks had been done and everyone was back in either the RV or the motorcycle.
"I would appreciate it if we cut out the singing for at least an hour." Tony said in an annoyed tone.
"Or you'll what?" Caitlin asked.
"I think we need to get something perfectly clear." Sandra stated "All you big scary avengers/S.H.I.E.L.D agents/whatever the hell else you are, you don't scare us, and we're in charge here."
"You should fear us." Clint said
"Yeah, when you know that your murderers will have to deal with the twenty or so demons who've made claims to our soul, the idea of being killed loses its fear-factor and you just feel bad for the people who killed you." Sandra stated dully.
"You've sold your soul twenty times?" Tony asked.
"Not "Sold" Dipshit." Caitlin replied "Vows of vengeance."
"Every time we mess with demons of a certain power level or higher, they vow that when we die they'll be there to take our souls." Loki elaborated.
"And that doesn't worry you?" Natasha asked.
"Eh, you hear that kinda thing enough and it just becomes white noise." Sandra responded.
"Not to mention it doesn't kick in till after we're dead," Caitlin added "If all goes well they'll be twenty dimensions away by then."
"You get points for confidence." Tony said sarcastically.
"Again, we'd like as little commentary from you as possible." Sandra replied.
It was about fifteen minutes down the road when Sandra veered off to the left unexpectedly.
"Why are you turning? I didn't say turn." Loki said
"There's an organic food store and florist shop." Sandra explained
"Ah, okay then." Loki replied
"Wait, what?!" Tony asked. No response came. They pulled into the parking lot, it was a quaint, tiny store with a nice hand painted sign and a selection of windchimes for sale out front.
"Alright, we've got about fifteen minutes to spare, no questions till we're out are we clear?!" Sandra asked.
"Uh," Thor stammered
"Am I clear?!" Sandra yelled.
"Yes." The avengers managed to spit out.
"Good, Now, Keep up." Caitlin replied. And without warning the three of them jumped out of the RV without warning. The avengers stumbled clumsily after them. When they got into the store the girls and Loki were in the flowers.
"Is this the time for flowers?" Clint asked. It was about now when Steve and Bruce pulled into the parking lot.
"What's going on?" Steve asked as he came into the store. The other Avengers shrugged at him.
"Ah! Here's the lilac." Loki proclaimed holding a sprig of the aforementioned flower.
"Ooh, it's fragrant too!" Sandra observed. "Perfect! The weak stuff doesn't work as well."
"Hey guys!" Caitlin called from a few shelves away "This garlic is good! It smells without even peeling it."
"Grab some." Sandra replied "You never know what you might run into."
"Don't places like this typically have clove oil?" Loki asked
"You're right." Sandra answered. "We should see what is costs before we leave, repelling herbs will definitely come in handy.
"Found it!" Caitlin called back "It's expensive as all hell though."
"Let's just get basil and caraway seed then." Loki said
"Right! We'll definitely be needing caraway if nothing else!" Sandra insisted, then she flagged down a store hand. "Miss! We need your entire stock of lilac and caraway seed." The store hand looked at sandra as if she had asked her to wrap up an elephant, but fetched what Sandra had requested anyway, Two large boxes marked "Caraway" and a large bundle of lilac.
"Ma'm I'm sorry to cut your shopping trip short, but I'm afraid we're closing in five minutes."
"Oh, of course." Caitlin replied, and had also somehow managed to grab a small wind chime. "Hey, thunderer," She ordered at Thor "You've got a strong back right? Carry these boxes for us."
"And you can carry the flowers." Sandra Ordered Tony whilst ladening his arms with the blooms of lilac. The three of them payed for what they'd purchased and then all of them left the store.
"Would any of you care to explain what just happened?!" Clint demanded
"I think it was pretty obvious," Caitlin replied "We were getting supplies."
"What in the world does flowers and spices have to do with demon hunting?" Steve asked
"Are you serious?" Sandra asked "These are for repelling demons, the lilac is just for demons in general, but the caraway is for incubi and succubi specifically."
"You don't have money for guns and knives, but you can afford spices and flowers?" Tony snorted.
"We've priced it out, this is cheaper," Loki replied "And you get in less trouble when you cross state/country borders."
"And considering that it was our budget methods that beat that scary nightmare bunny," Caitlin scoffed "I figured you'd have more faith in our methods." Sandra and Loki chuckled.
"I asked you not to bring up the nightmare bunny."
"And we declined." Sandra giggled.
"Nightmare bunny?" Natasha asked
"Mostly harmless things," Sandra explained "The most they can do is give you nightmares and itty bitty scratches, and they look like black bunny rabbits."
"It had a skull for a head! You forgot that it had a skull head!" Tony insisted
"Point is that it was as close to a fluffy bunny as you will get from demons and you were screaming like a baby at it." Caitlin teased.
After about four hours of more driving Sandra pulled over at a rest stop.
"Alright," She began "We're gonna rest here for the night. But we're back on the road as soon as the sun is up."
A knock came to the RV door. It was Steve and Bruce.
"We need a radio or something," Steve complained "It'd be nice to know when we're stopping."
"Ah what gramps?" Caitlin said "Our turn signal not enough for ya?"
"Your left turn light is out." Bruce explained.
"Fuck." Sandra cursed.
"Hey, that's another thing," Steve began "I don't think it's necessary for you girls to cuss every two minutes."
"Ah, well if that's your opinion you can shove it up your ass." Caitlin replied.
"We're adults." Sandra added "If we can cuss if we fucking want to."
"You're not going to get anywhere with them on this." Loki confirmed
"Whose side are you on Tricks?" Caitlin demanded.
"Yours. I like the way you speak, it's charming in a strange way." Loki corrected
"Uh-huh, well I must say that's one of the better ways you've saved your skin with us." Sandra teased. Loki smiled. After another five minutes the sleeping situation was cared for, the two girls in the pull out bed, Loki on the bench, and the avengers on the floor. After a while it seemed like the girls had gone to sleep, until Sandra held something up on her hand.
"Whatcha got?" Caitlin asked
"I think it's confetti." Sandra replied.
"Oh." Caitlin said.
Sandra blew the piece of colored paper off her hand.
"I wanted to do that." Caitlin half-complained-half-giggled.
"Don't you two ever sleep?!" Tony moaned whilst burying his head in his pillow.
The two of them sat up, looked over at Tony, and then said in sync,
"Sleep is for cowards!"
Loki gave a small laugh from the bench.
"I think now would be a good time to remind you and your teammates," Sandra began "That it's YOUR fault you're all here, Stark."
It was a restless three hours later the avengers were in for a rude awakening.
"Good morning everyone!" Caitlin yelled at the top of her lungs.
"It is currently five thirty AM," Sandra began, mocking the tone of a morning radio talk show host, "Sixty five degrees fahrenheit, twenty percent humidity and a fifty percent chance of precipitation."
"Perfect weather for a road trip." Loki interjected.
Moans issued from everyone.
"I didn't want to have to do this," Caitlin began, then walked over to the steering wheel and blasted the horn. That got everyone moving.
October 2nd.- The demon hunter's guide.
The avengers were sick of this, they were sick of the trip, they were sick of Sandra and Caitlin, and they were sick of not knowing anything. They figured that Loki would be the best way to get answers. The first stop of the morning, at a gas station, was when they figured it was the best time to "ask" Loki. They cornered him alone and pressed him against a wall, Tony holding onto one arm, Thor the other, and Clint pressing on the upper part of Loki's torso.
"Alright trickster." Clint began while holding him in place "We want to know everything, from what you're doing with these girls onward."
"I have no idea what you're talking about." Loki began, seemingly struggling for air "And I'd appreciate it if you'd let go of my throat."
"ARE THEY ABUSING YOU?!" The group heard Caitlin yell.
"A small bit." Loki attempted, somewhat successfully to call back. The girls came
running, once they arrived they gave each of the avengers that were holding Loki down a punch to the face.
"What's the big idea?" Tony asked rubbing his cheek.
"What's the big idea with YOU?!" Sandra demanded "Picking on Loki like that! He hasn't done anything wrong!"
"That's debateable." Clint growled
"Shut up!" Caitlin ordered "We're still looking for an explanation!"
"Well," Bruce began "We just wanted to know a bit more about Loki's motivation, that's all."
"His motivation is that he doesn't want Jack the ripper to murder the entire population of whatever country he's currently residing in." Sandra snapped.
"I have a hard time believing he's that concerned about the human race." Clint said.
"What do you girls see in him anyway?" Tony asked.
The two girls looked at each other, then Caitlin replied
"He's great in bed."
Sandra and Loki smirked
"Will you stop talking like that?!" Steve asked in a slightly disturbed tone.
"What? You don't like the idea of me having a little baby Loki?" Caitlin demanded in a playful tone.
"I think if either of us were to have a baby it'd be me." Sandra replied in an equally playful manner.
"No fair, why do you get to have the baby?!" Caitlin demanded
"Because, I remember in highschool you said you never want to get pregnant." Sandra replied.
"That was then, this is now, and anything can happen in the future." Caitlin insisted
"You know, technically you both are women." Loki interjected
"I suppose we could BOTH have kids," Sandra pondered "But we might want to stagger the pregnancies, it'd be dangerous for us both to be laid up."
For the majority of the conversation the avengers had just been listening in shock, it was that last sentence that snapped them back to reality.
"Don't you two have gas to pay for or pump or whatever?" Tony asked
"Oh, I'm sorry, we completely forgot you existed." Sandra replied.
The avengers scowled. Almost everyone went back to what they were doing, except Steve and Bruce, who hung back for a minute.
"Were they kidding?" Steve asked
"I honestly couldn't tell." Bruce replied.
It was probably another hour into the trip. The bundles of lilac made the whole vehicle smell like a grandmother's house, and it was making the Avengers sick.
"Are the flowers really necessary?" Tony sniffed
"They are if you want to keep demons away." Caitlin (who was driving now) replied.
"How do you even know this works?" Clint demanded
"We've used them on demons before, they hate lilac." Sandra explained.
"It could've been a fluke." Natasha offered.
"Not as often as we've used it." Loki clarified.
"Which is how often?" Thor asked.
Sandra let out a sigh then reached into the glove box and pulled out a small book. She then proceeded to throw that book back at them, it hit Tony in the head.
"There, that's a log of almost every case we've handled together." Sandra began "Read it, you'll see we know what we're doing."
The book was horribly abused, several pages were torn, it was stained with blood, scorch marks and a few other things that weren't distinguishable, and there were claw marks all over it. Tony cracked the book open, the others gathered around him. The first thing they noticed about it was that it was written in journal format, with dates scattered all about the pages. The first date had a conclusion to a case under it.
We managed to subdue the circus's chimera problem. It was a long hard fight, Caitlin and I have both sustained minor bites and scratches,Loki was flattened against a wall and got some moderate bruises. Honestly we should've charged double for what they put us through.
Next to the entry was a detailed pencil drawing of what the avengers assumed was a chimera. It looked like a lion-like creature with bird feet and a lizard tail.
"These illustrations are pretty good." Thor commented
"We were art students." The girls replied in sync duly.
"How do you go from art students to demon hunters?" Tony asked
"Because we do what we want." Sandra replied.
"But why did you want to?" Tony asked
"Because demon hunting makes you instantly badass." Caitlin replied.
"You know," Loki began "They gave you that book so you'd stop asking questions."
"I have one final question." Tony began, realizing the page of the book his thumb was resting on was sticky, "What color was this book when you bought it?"
The girls and Loki pondered the question for two minutes
"It was white, wasn't it?" Sandra suggested
"I thought it was pink." Caitlin pondered
"No, I bought it, I'm pretty sure it was light blue." Loki assured
Tony dropped the book on the table in disgust "Whichever it was it's not any of those colors now."
"Ah, quit being such a baby." Sandra teased "It's clean…..er."
"Er?" Clint inquired
"Well...I seem to recall having to cut it out of a blood worm once, that was pretty disgusting." Sandra answered
Tony wiped his hand on Thor's cape
"Not as gross as the time we had to pull demonic leeches off of each other." Loki recalled
"Oh yeah, that was gross and painful." Caitlin shuddered.
"Demonic….leeches…" Natasha stammered.
"Yeah, the worst part is after you pull them off you have to squish em' between your fingers to kill em," Sandra replied "That was the last time we're ever going swimming in a swamp that's supposed to have water demons in it."
"More than that," Caitlin continued "It was terrifying, you couldn't see what was under you, that was probably the worst idea we've ever had while under the influence."
Sandra and Loki nodded in agreement.
"Okay different question, why is there a map of switzerland on the table?" Tony asked. The conversation was dead silent for a whole five minutes.
"Why is that there?" Caitlin asked
"Have we ever even been to switzerland?" Sandra wondered
"Loki you're the smart one." Caitlin insisted
"It looks like Sandra's handwriting." Loki replied.
"I don't remember drawing that." Sandra said while scratching her head.
"Were you drunk?" Caitlin asked
"It looks too accurate and neat for me to have been drunk." Sandra replied.
"Wait, so you're telling us that you have a map of switzerland on the table and you don't even remember why?" Clint asked
"Ah, It doesn't surprise us really." Caitlin replied "This old rattle trap is so ancient that we don't know where half of this stuff came from."
"Wait, is this thing second hand?" Tony asked
"Duh," Caitlin replied "Do you think we have the money to buy something like this new?"
"We got it from a family in Maine," Sandra explained "They had an imp problem, but didn't have a way to pay us so they said we could take the old RV. It was in pretty bad shape then, and it isn't much better now."
"I want off this thing." Tony demanded.
"Gladly." Loki replied "You can walk."
"But we're not stopping for you." Caitlin said "You'll have to roll out while we're still moving."
"Turn right here." Loki told Caitlin.
Caitlin began to go left.
"I said right." Loki replied. Caitlin didn't appear to be listening, so Loki grabbed the bottom of the wheel and yanked it in the right direction. The avengers, who were caught off guard by the sudden trajectory change, went flying to the right. Thor on top of Tony, Clint on top of Thor and Natasha on top of the whole pile.
"What's the big idea Tricks?!" Caitlin demanded
"You were going the wrong way." Loki replied.
"It was a shortcut." Caitlin replied.
"Shortcut?!" Loki scoffed "Your idea of a short cut is either lost or the scenic route, neither of which do we have time for right now!"
"Let's just stop fighting and appreciate the fact my heart started again." Sandra joked.
Caitlin and Loki laughed.
The avengers were less amused, especially Tony.
It was late at night, probably a half an hour after they'd stopped for the night. This time they were in the parking lot of a small park. Natasha was half asleep when she heard the creaking of swing hinges. She looked up, Everyone was asleep, or at least pretending to be in Loki's case, except Sandra And Caitlin. They weren't anywhere in the RV and Natasha deduced they must've been outside on the swings. Natasha went out to check on them, they were indeed out on the swings. But what Natasha hadn't predicted was they were out there in their pajamas, which for Sandra and Caitlin meant their jeans and no shirt. Natasha knew that confronting them outright on any of the many questionable things they were doing would cause them to become hostile, so she decided to take the roundabout approach.
"You know," She began in an apathetic tone. "You might want to be more careful how you dress in public."
"It's four thirty AM." Sandra began "Who's gonna see us?"
"Plus they're sport bras, they're more covering than most swimsuits." Caitlin added
"So you're aware that it's late." Natasha said.
"Technically it's early." Caitlin replied "And yes, we're aware of the time."
"So why are you out here?" Natasha asked
"We couldn't sleep and got bored." Sandra replied.
"Aren't you a little old for the swings?" Natasha teased.
"Screw you, you're never too old to have fun." Caitlin replied.