This illness of mine must be a punishment.
I know that religion and science are often at odds, but I have tried all the same to keep some reverence for Him. According to my father, this obsession-that-is-not-an-obsession of mine with reaching the stars is a sin. It makes sense, in a way. After all, the heavens are said to be His home. Why must humans always strive for that which is forbidden? Why must I always strive for what I know is currently out of reach?
And now this.
I'm not quite sure when this... wrongness, for I have no better word for it, started; perhaps two years ago, when I first took him in, or perhaps only recently. I know I have only noticed it recently, though I'll have to ask him how long I have been acting strangely. Knowing him, though, he'll laugh the question off. He always does, and that laughter-- my God, that laughter-- it is so soothing on the ears. It would be a treat indeed to hear it unshaded by secret grief and pain.
Why must something as innocent as a first love turn out such a curse?
For that is what this strange feeling must be; there can be no other explanation for how he affects me. This... warmth, peace, protectiveness (though he will never let me protect him, nor will he need me to), sheer happiness, whatever it is... I am at ease when I am around this glorious young man with eyes the color of the sun. No one else has ever made me feel this way.
I will only know what my eternal punishment shall be once I die, but I feel that the day shall come soon. For now, I live with this rot in my lungs, and know that my damnation fast approaches.
Author Notes:
Yes, I know. Homosexuality is not actually condemned by the bible, and mistranslations abound. However, it's possible (and probable) that Alfons was raised on this mistranslated Bible.
THIS STORY IN NO WAY REFLECTS MY OWN BELIEFS. As anyone who watches my profile knows, I love yaoi/shonen-ai.
This just kind of popped into my mind as I was procrastinating on packing for the trip I leave for on Friday.