"I should probably go to bed." I looked to Caleb, and took a quick moment to admire his sculpted cheekbones and strong jaw, before adding, "It's really late."
Caleb looked over at me and smiled, "Your just too chicken to finish the end of the movie." He teased, flashing me a million dollar grin.
"As if!" I said indignantly, even though it was half true. We'd been watching The Woman In Black for the past hour, and to be honest, I was one- little- girl- with- a- knife away from pissing my pants.
"Goodnight, Hanna." Caleb said, turning off the TV and getting up. He extended a hand and I used it to pull myself up.
"Goodnight, Caleb." I replied, hesitating before pecking him on the cheek, he stood frozen for a moment, then grinned and quickly made his way down to the basement. I sighed in content as I put my ice-cream bowl in the sink, and grabbed the coca-cola on the counter. When that entire bowl of ice cream came right back up in approximately 5 minutes, the cola would soften the blow.
I'd started purging around the time people started calling me 'hefty Hanna', and now, even though I knew I was at a healthy weight, I couldn't stop. Lately I'd been doing it less and less, just because someone was always around… Mom… Caleb… Emily…. But tonight Caleb was in the basement and mom was out for drinks with a co-worker. Plus, Melody Diller was having a swimsuit party this weekend and the bikini I wanted to wear wasn't going to look good a layer of pudge.
I grabbed the toothbrush off the kitchen counter and poised it on the back of my tongue.
Be careful, Han, you don't want to sink your surfboard.
Ali's words from the summer the we had spent in the Hamptons echoed through my mind, I shoved the toothbrush down my throat.
Are you sure you want to wear that miniskirt? I mean, think of your figure hon.
Ali's response every time I asked her opinion on a skirt or dress.
Oh I'd let you borrow it, but, it doesn't have a lot of stretch.
I couldn't ever borrow Ali's things, after all, they'd never fit hefty Hanna.
"Hey, Hanna do you have an extra tow-"
"Caleb!"
My head darted up from it's position over the toilet bowl and my eyes met his.
"Hanna?" Caleb's worried brown eyes kept going back and forth from the toilet to the toothbrush in my hand. I hastily grabbed a towel off the kitchen counter and wiped my mouth.
"You really should knock." I said quietly, after a moment.
Caleb still stood in the doorway, frozen in shock. He seemed to come out of his trance, and he knelt down beside me.
"Why?" he asked me softly. I didn't respond. I watched my tears splash down onto the marble floor. He placed his hand under my chin and forced it up, making me meet his eyes, "Why?" He repeated, his voice a little stronger this time.
"I think you know why." I grumbled. You could practically see the bulge in my sweatshirt from space.
Caleb let out a delirious laugh, "You think I know why?" he asked incredulously, "Because, Hanna, I have No. Fucking. Idea."
"Aria and her perfect petite figure, Spencer and her long legs, Emily and her perfectly toned body, and Hanna and her fat ass… That's why, Caleb." I said, looking at him angrily. Why did he have to make me say it? I felt nothing less than pathetic.
Caleb's jaw tightened visibly, "Is that what you think of yourself? That you have a fat ass? That you have an ugly body?"
"Why do you care." I said, looking away from the evident disappointment in his eyes.
"Look at me." He said in a low voice, I forced myself to meet his eyes. He brought both of his hands up to cup either side of my face, "Hanna Marin… You are the most exquisite creature I have ever seen on the face of the planet. Whoever made you this insecure was nothing more than a jealous bitch." He pulled me into his lap and stroked my hair.
The tears had ceased, by now, and I was just enjoying the beautiful feeling of him holding me. His pine scent... His faded shirt...
"Stay with me tonight."
"I would even if you didn't want me to."