Everyone assumes that I am in love with Danny, and yeah I like Danny, but he's not the type of guy who can give me what I need. One time I considered asking him out, it was after the subway surfer case, I raced down to the subway station and ran to the car to try and catch him, but by the time I got there he was already flirting with a pretty brown haired girl. That was when I knew that no matter how much I wanted it to work Danny and I could never be more that friends. I wanted to tell him when he asked me out and I stood him up but I couldn't, I'm not the type of girl that can do things like that.

I was so afraid after the holly case. I would wake up in the middle of the night shaking, dreaming that Mosi Ghedi had gotten the chance to pull the trigger. After that case nothing was the same. It was the first time since the mermaid case when I had seriously considered going back to Montana. But one night when I woke up something possessed me to call Mac. He'd answered the phone, groggy, and Id immediately apologized and told him I would talk to him in the morning. But he was already awake.

Flashback:

"Lindsay? What's the matter are you ok?!" He asked, he could hear the tears in my voice.

I sighed, "Yeah, I'm really sorry Mac I wasn't thinking, I just…Needed to hear another person's voice."

"Lindsay, don't lie to me, you're not okay."

"I just… I cant sleep Mac, every time I go to sleep I can see him pointing the gun in my face." At this point I burst out sobbing. During the day I was fine, but the night, the night brings terrible things, monsters.

"Lindsay, calm down Ill be there in 10 minutes."

"No Mac you don't need to…"

"Ill be there in 10 minutes no discussion." And he hung up the phone.

I pulled myself together and got up to make some coffee. I wouldn't be sleeping anymore tonight anyway.

A few minutes later the buzzer rang and I let him in, without checking the peephole. He looked kind of angry, why was he angry?

"Did you even check to see who I was?!"

"Uhh.."

"Lindsay! I could have been a killer; this isn't Montana you need to be more careful!"

"I'm sorry" I said very quietly.

He pulled me into a hug and said it was okay. I could smell women's perfume on him. He must have had a date tonight. This caused my gut to clench.

He spent the rest of the night getting me to talk. When he found out about my nightmares he made me go to see the department therapist. I didn't wan to at first but it's really been helping me. But not all of the nightmares have gone away, only the recent ones. The ones about home have never gone away, never will.

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Today I got a call from my dad. He doesn't live in Montana, he lives in Norfolk. My step dad and Mom live in Bozeman. I was from my dad's second marriage, his first wife and daughter had been killed by a Mexican drug dealer. He told me that there was an opening at NCIS, where he worked. Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs. He said that he had told his director that I was good for the job and that she had agreed to hire me. I told him that I would need to think about it. I love New York, but I miss Norfolk to. I used to spend every summer there. I remember everyone from his team to. Well everyone but that new girl Ziva. I've never met her. Abby is my favorite, she and I have been friends since the day we met. Tony and I had a steady flirtation for a while but we both decided to leave it be.

I think that I will take the job. It would be good for me to be with family again. I love the people here in New York but they can never replace my family. Ill tell Mac tomorrow. For now I better start to pack.

I walked into the Crime Lab, head held high, walking with confidence. But I didn't feel confident, I'm scared shitless. Deciding to tell Mac was one thing, but actually doing it was a whole other issue. Its not that I'm afraid he'll get mad. Quite the opposite actually. I'm not sure he'll even care that much, which is exactly the problem. I want him to care.

I reach the door and knock. He tells me to come in. I nervously walk into the room. He notices my tension and smirks.

"Lindsay I'm not going to eat you so stop being so nervous. Unless you're here to quit?" He asked jokingly.

I tense up. He notices. The expression on his face is confusing. "Lindsay, you can't… I mean why are you…?" He trails off. I offer him a small smile.

"I've been offered a job in Virginia, working near family at NCIS. It's a great opportunity. I'd be crazy to turn it down."

He looks up at me and I can see the anger, confusion, and maybe hurt? He stands up and walks over to me.

"Lindsay you can't leave."

Is he going to declare his undying love for me and beg me to stay? I know ridiculous, but a girl can dream right?

He's about to open his mouth when Dr. Driscoll walks in and says, "Are you ready to go to lunch?" Ah so this is the mysterious perfume donor then. There's no way I can compete with that. She beautiful, she's smart; she's got a freaking English accent. I sigh and turn to Mac, "Ill talk to you later Mac, you better go."