Too Late For Apologies
Author: j_rock873
Rating: PG-13
Summary: After an argument, one of the girls makes a mistake but is unable to fix it in time.
Disclaimer: I don't own anything in this story.
Reviews: Yes, I want them.
Author's note: This idea came to my mind as I was sleeping one night.
The front steps of Katie Singer's former home in Evanston, Illinois
Katie's P.O.V.
As I sit here, I think about what led up to this sad time. It's because of her. It's always been about her. The shy blonde was afraid to admit it to everyone, especially herself. Perfect Jessie couldn't be in love with a girl. When she finally did admit it, I was so happy that I almost cried. Her fears about how her family would react were gone as all of them gave their support. My parents, however, weren't accepting when they found out I was gay around the beginning of my freshman year. I was constantly ignored and became an obvious embarrassment to them. It didn't matter to them that I was still one of the most popular students there, got excellent grades, and was an art student with a lot of potential. That's enough about their bigotry. Let's get back to the topic of me and Jessie. We were very different from each other, but somehow we made it work. Things were great between us for awhile. I thought when Jessie had to move to Australia for at least six months that the long distance would kill our relationship before it got a chance to grow to something even more meaningful. We were able to stay together though. You would think that if we could handle that, that we could handle anything. Well, you'd be wrong, and what happened later was mostly my fault.
Almost two years earlier
"Katie, I'm sorry, but I have to go. I love you, and I will be back soon. Don't forget about me, ok?"
"I could never forget about you. I love you as well, Billie. Here's proof that I won't forget."
I gave her the most passionate kiss I had ever given her, and it was front of her family of all people. I didn't care though. Her blush, shocked looks from Karen, Rick, and Lily, and smirks from her stepsisters and brother were priceless.
"I can't believe you did that in front of them, Katie. Are you crazy?"
"Yes, about you."
"You're just lucky that I love you so much."
"Right back at you."
The next six months were very trying for the both of us. The pain from the separation was almost unbearable. Fortunately, it was my senior year, and I had the fears of college to keep my mind busy when it wasn't concentrating on Jessie. Sarah tried to come between us, but she failed as usual.
"Hi, Katie, what's up?"
"What do you want, Sarah?"
"I thought since Jessie was gone, that we could hang out sometime."
"Well, you thought wrong."
"Why not? Did that metaphorical leash around your neck get shorter so Jessie could keep a close eye on you while she's gone? You're so whipped, Katie."
"Shut up, I'm not whipped. She doesn't control me, and I don't control her."
"Sure, keep thinking that until she comes back from Australia with more than an accent."
I was waiting for her at the airport when their flight landed around six months later. As soon as I met her at the baggage claim area, she forgot about everything and everyone else and jumped into my arms.
"You can't imagine how good it is to see your beautiful face again."
"I think I can," I whispered into her ear. "Let me grab your bags, and we'll go celebrate you coming home."
"Dad, is it ok if Katie takes me home?"
"Sure, Jessie. I know you missed each other. Drive safely, Katie."
"I promise."
Before we knew it, we were back in Evanston
"So, what should we do first?"
"My mom's at home. Are both of your parents at home?"
"Nope, my dad had a business trip, and my mom went with him."
"That's perfect. Let's go to your house."
"Does my Billie have something on her mind?"
"Maybe."
"Really, like what?"
"You'll just have to wait and see."
Well, I guess you know what happened next, so I'll just move along to the main reason for this trip down memory lane. We were almost inseparable for the rest of my senior year. She couldn't have smiled any wider when I was crowned queen of the prom or cheered any louder when I graduated. The real problem started when I decided on which college to attend. I had chosen NYU almost immediately. I wanted to know what it would feel like to live in a city that big. Jessie was less then enthused at that idea.
"Katie, how could you do this to us? I thought we agreed that you would attend UIC until I graduated? Then we'd both go to NYU."
"I can't stand living with my parents anymore. They can't accept the fact that I love you. They basically disowned me after that and refused to pay for my college tuition. NYU offered me a full scholarship. How could I turn that down? Besides, we already asked your parents if I could live with you until you graduated, and they said no. I can't afford both school and living expenses."
"Fine, go ahead and leave me behind."
"Hey, don't go there. I didn't try to hold you back when you went to Australia. New York isn't that far away. I'll try to come home as often as I can, but it probably won't be until the holidays."
"I'm sorry," she blubbered.
"Everything will be ok, Jessie."
"You promise?"
"I promise."
College life was as hard as I expected, but knowing Jessie would be there for me when I needed her made it less painful. At least until she found out that I wouldn't be able to make it home for Thanksgiving.
"I can't believe you aren't coming home. You promised me everything would be ok and now you tell me this."
"Not the guilt trip again, Billie. I don't need that."
"What are your plans then?"
"My roommate invited me join her and her family."
"Isn't that the one you said is constantly flirting with you and tries every chance to get you into to bed with her?"
"Yeah, but she told me it wouldn't happen again. She has behaved herself for almost an entire month. So I believe her."
"Alright."
My roommate had kept her word until after we had finished Thanksgiving dinner. As we were getting ready for bed, Jessie called my cell phone.
"How's it going, Katie?" Jessie asked so sweetly that I just blushed. This irritated my roommate and let jealousy rear its ugly head.
"I'm ok, Billie. I would rather be in Evanston right now," I confessed before I was interrupted by my roommate, who spoke loud enough for Jessie to hear everything.
"You were wonderful, Katie. I didn't know you were that flexible. I can see what Jessie sees in you. That's a cute birthmark you have on your…"
"WHAT?" Jessie screamed as she interrupted her, "You promised me that nothing would happen, and you have sex with her because you couldn't be with me. BYE, KATIE!"
"Jessie, nothing happened. You have to believe me."
"How else could she know the location of that birthmark if something didn't happen?"
"I swear nothing happened."
"Sure, goodbye, Katie."
"Jessie, WAIT!" I begged, but all I got was silence and a click before I turned back to my roommate. "Why did you do that? Now she probably won't talk to me for who knows how long."
"Because I can give you what she can't right now."
"The only thing you will ever get from me is rejection. I'm so out of here," I replied before I got dressed, packed my bag, and hopped on a train back to my dorm.
In a few hours, I was back in my dorm room. I saw that I had a notice of a missed call from Jessie on my cell phone. I didn't call her back because I was still angry over the arguments with both her and my roommate. I decided to get some fresh air when I bumped into a friend who lived at the end of the hall.
"What's the matter, Katie?"
"My girlfriend accused me of having sex with my roommate."
"She actually believed her? I know you wouldn't do something like that. However, my boyfriend did. I just broke up with him."
"How about we go out to the clubs, get plastered, come back home, and suffer through hangovers in the morning while our significant others beg us to take them back."
"Sounds good to me."
That's not exactly what happened to us that night. After we got back, I was still upset with Jessie and did something I only partially regretted.
"Katie, what are you doing?"
"I'm trying to seduce you. What else does it look like?"
"I thought you loved Jessie."
"I do, but since she apparently doesn't trust me, I'll do something that she'll never forget. Ever been with a girl before?"
"No, but there's a first time for almost anything."
That's where I ruined everything. I didn't feel that regretful because I was tired of Jessie's guilt trips, and that she began not trusting me. When she called me again the next morning, I didn't hide what I had done.
"H-hi, K-Katie. Can we talk for a few minutes?"
"About what, Billie?"
"I wanted to apologize for making you feel bad about wanting to go to NYU earlier than we had planned and not trusting you."
"It's too late for that, Billie."
"W-what do you mean by that?"
"I mean it's too late. When I got home, I ran into a friend of mine. We had a few drinks. To make a long story short, I slept with her, and I don't regret it that much."
"How could you?"
"Well, you didn't trust me before. So I thought I'd do something that you'd never forget."
"So you ruined everything for a one night stand? If you wanted to hurt me, you succeeded. I guess Sarah was right."
"Yeah, I guess so."
"I never want to see you again, Katie."
"No problem there."
Even though it began to hurt later, I still survived. I thought a break from her would do some good. Maybe we could work it out when I came home for the summer, but it wouldn't happen. I had to hear the bad news from my best friend, Tad. I had just arrived home and called him to see if he wanted to hang out that night.
"Hey, Tad, what's up? Got any plans for tonight? If you do, we could check out the girls hanging out at the lake tomorrow."
"You didn't hear the news about Jessie?"
"No, what news? I was going to call her next."
"I'm afraid you can't do that, Katie."
"Why not? What's wrong with her?"
"You can't talk to her because she's dead. She committed suicide about a week ago. Her mom went to let her know it was time to leave for her graduation. She… She…She had slashed her wrists."
"OH MY GOD! Please tell this is a bad dream, Tad."
"No, it's not. She's gone, Katie."
"Why didn't anyone tell me that she was doing that badly?"
"Because she told her family what happened between you two. I don't think they want you attending her funeral. That's why you just found out."
"When's the funeral?"
"In a few hours."
"A few hours, I need to get ready. I'm going."
"That's not a good idea."
"I DON'T care. I'm going to go whether they like it or not. Are you going to give me the directions, or do I have to go through the local paper to get the information?"
Tad gave me all of the information. I prepared for whatever the Sammlers and Mannings had ready for me if I showed up for the funeral. It broke my heart that I didn't try to contact Jessie earlier. Maybe she'd still be alive, and we'd be together right now if I had done that. I see mixed reactions from Jessie's family. They're angry because I'm the reason Jessie's dead. They're happy to see me in as much pain as they are in right now. As I make my way to the coffin to pay my last respects, I see Eli and Grace walking toward me.
"You're not welcome here, Katie. You're the reason we're here."
"I just want to say goodbye to her, and then I'll leave."
"Make it quick, Singer," Eli growled.
"I'm so sorry, Billie. I meant to call you earlier. I didn't think you'd do something like this. I know we hurt each other, but there was no reason to resort to this. I hope someday you will forgive me."
I know I had told them I'd leave after paying my last respects, but I decided I would try apologizing to them as well. I had only taken two steps before I was stopped.
"I thought we told you make it quick, Singer?" Eli snarled.
"I know. I just wanted to…"
"We don't care what you have to say, just leave," Karen sneered.
"I just wanted to apologize. Let me do that. Please!"
"You want to do something for us?" Lily asked.
"Yes."
"Ok, read this aloud and then never talk to us again," Grace ordered.
"What is it?"
"It's one of two suicide notes she left. The first one was to us. This one is for you. Now READ it.," Rick demanded as he glared at me.
The note:
Dear Katie,
I loved you. You used to make me so happy. In one night, you ruined everything. If you would have talked to me before sleeping with your friend, none of this would have happened. I was going to apologize and hope that you would forgive me. Your one night stand hurt more than just the two of us. It hurt my family. We cared about you more than your family did. They loved you almost as much as I did. You broke all of our hearts, Katie. If there's any justice, your heart is breaking right now. I don't think I could ever forgive you. I don't think they will either.
Jessie
I looked at every single one of them. It was crystal clear that they enjoyed this moment too much. As I quickly turned away and headed home, I heard several laughs. I never thought they'd be this vindictive. If that's the way they want to be, then that's fine with me. I no longer have a reason to come back to Evanston and put up with their new, self righteous attitudes.
The End