A/N I don't own the turtles...

so, this's kind of a sequel to Angels That Won't Return... but its more kind of a spin-off... it gets really bizarre pretty quick, because- well, I'm not sleeping again... I only write when I don't sleep, and I don't sleep cos I'm writting... that's screwed...

anyways! hope ya enjoy! it'd be great if ya reviewed, but I don't really re-view- I never know what to say... bleh! onto the story... woot

oh, and uh... for the sake of habit

poof

Cannon Ball

Chapter One- Dreaming Again – Part 1

Raphael paused. The Candles in the dojo were flickering, casting light into the hall. Raphael grimaced, shoulders tensing. Guess this means Leo's up.

He took a deep breath, moving for the stairs- maybe-

"Raph." Leo said softly.

No dice. Raphael sighed heavily, turning. He already knew the look Leo would have on his face. Raphael looked back up the stairs- his room was right there- if he ran for it, he could make it- slam his door and pretend- and... then what? Leo would still be there in the morning. He wouldn't forget.

Better get it over with. Raphael shook his head, hiding in his room wouldn't do any good, it didn't do him any good when he was little, and Master Splinter was out to give him a lecture, and it wouldn't do him any good now.

So, steeling himself, preparing himself for the usual lecture, Raphael entered the dojo slowly.

Leo was training- why d's he only use a few candles? Is it s'posed to be atmospheric or sum'thin'? Raphael watched his older brother for a second, the cool, practiced, graceful movements. Wonder if me or Don or Mikey ever look like that when we're trainin'.

"What's up, Leo?" Raphael asked finally. He hated silence almost more than he hated lectures, because, usually, the longer Leo remained silent, the more he had to say.

There was a long pause, Leo sighed, sheathed his ninjakens, then turned to Raphael.

Here we go... Raphael thought silently- but the look on Leo's face was different this time. He didn't look... like he was about to lecture him. But his look was painful all the same.

"I need... Raph, don't go anywhere tomorrow night, OK?" Leo said.

"What? Why?" Raphael frowned- this wasn't how the lectures usually started. Maybe he's just tryin' a different angle. Ta catch me unprepared or somethin'.

"Because, I..." Leo shook his head. "I need you to stay here, lead the patrol tomorrow night. You OK with that?" Leo asked, somehow, sounding like Raphael had offended him.

Raphael smiled- sure, he was happy with leading the patrol. But he wanted to know why Fearless wouldn't be doing it. "Why? Ya goin' somewhere?"

"Kind of." Leo muttered. "I just- want to get some time alone."

Raphael frowned. Maybe... it's... because of Satoshi.

"No, Raph. It hasn't got anything to do with Satoshi." Leo muttered.

Freaky-ass mind reader. Raphael shook his head.

"I just... it's been 2 months, and you guys have been watching over me like hawks. I need some space. Just like you, Raph. I need my time alone." Leo said reasonably. "I'll be back before you guys wake up and everything."

Raphael nodded mutely. He knew how it felt. "Sure. Guess I could do that fer ya."

Leo broke into a small smile. "Thanks, Raph."

Raphael nodded, feeling good- he had expected a lecture, and come away with something better. It's nice, I suppose. That Leo trusts me to lead a patrol. A year or two ago, he would have told us to not go on patrol.

Raphael moved back into the hall, heading for bed.

"Oh, and Raph?" Leo asked quickly.

"Yeah?" Raphael turned.

"I'll give you your lecture tomorrow." Leo said, grinning, before vanishing into the dojo again. He may have been grinning, but Raphael knew he wasn't kidding.

"Freakin' sadist." Raphael muttered, good mood vanishing.

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"Come on Donny- I'm fine!" Leo cried in exasperation.

"Leo, I'm more qualified to say that than you ever will be." Donnatello said, tone aggravatingly reasonable, he didn't have to mention that you couldn't exactly trust Leo's word when it came to his physical, or mental wellness. "Just, listen to me, alright? I understand you need time alone, shell, I know exactly how that feels, but, bear in mind you got really hurt-"

"Two months ago!" Leo interrupted.

"Now you're just being childish." Donnatello said flatly. Leo sighed heavily, gazing at the ceiling.

"Don." Leo sighed.

"Don't Don me. You know it doesn't work." Donnatello said, sounding exasperated as he checked Leo's side. Leo grinned.

"Hey- ow!" Leo shouted, pulling away. "You did that on purpose!" Leo cried out indignantly, holding his left side.

"Doctors Prerogative." Donnatello replied, eye ridge raised. "You're just lucky I didn't give into Raph and Mikey and stick you in a full body cast."

"You wouldn't."

"Oh, I think I would." Donnatello turned back to his computer to disguise his smile.

"Doctors Prerogative, right?" Leo repeated.

"Got it in one." Donnatello replied. Leo didn't move from the chair. "I'm done."

"I know."

"What's up?" Donnatello asked, Leo's prescence distracting him from his computer.

Leo shrugged. "Works for Mikey." He said in way of an explanation. Donnatello stared at him.

"D'ya really wanna spend the next few months immobile? Then, you'll understand what it means to want time alone. Because I'm starting to regret not fixing you up in a full body cast."

"OK! OK!" Leo stood slowly. "Jeeze, when're ya gonna stop using that against me?"

"When it stops working." Donnatello said smugly.

Leo sat back down.

"And when it stops working, I'll actually do it." Donnatello smiled. Leo got up and left. Donnatello smiled and shook his head, then went back to his computer.

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Leo sighed and stretched. So being on his own wasn't all it was cracked up to be. But he wasn't going to go home just yet. He'd fought too hard to get this time alone.

He had gone to check the rooftop where he and Satoshi had fought, even though he knew Satoshi's body wouldn't be there anymore. Are you really dead, Satoshi? Have we really... seen the end of you? Leo sighed, he just wasn't used to things being so... simple. Shredder had come back so many times already, and Leo was willing to bet he'd find ways to come back even more.

So, Satoshi just... dying the first time- seemed far too easy.

So what if it was easy? We deserve a few breaks... Besides, it wasn't exactly easy... Leo sighed again. Damnit. Just wish... that there was some way for us to be sure...

Leo stood, his side had started to hurt a little a few minutes ago. Guess I should head home... If I'm early, maybe Don'll let me off for good behaviour. Leo smiled, thinking about himself and Raph and Don. You and me, Raph, we're not so different. I'm holding you down, and right now, Don's holding me down. I'm... I like to think I'm doing it for your own good, and I know Don is doing it for me...

Leo stretched again, now standing, his side didn't really hurt, it was just... making itself known. Two months, and it's still not completely healed... Leo shook his head in exasperation.

He looked around the neighboring rooftops, and checked his shell-cell again. I guess patrol went OK, then. Leo thought mildly, knowing he was just being stupid worrying. We haven't seen any sign of the Foot since I killed Satoshi... Raph knows how to lead, leading curbs his wild side, he will have been careful. He won't have left anything happen to them.

Leo rubbed the back of his neck, he could feel tiredness coming on, and that decided it for him. His first night of freedom for months or not, he was tired, getting cold, and his side was starting to hurt- besides, he wanted to find out what had happened at patrol.

So, he made his way home, keeping half an eye out for his brothers.

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Leo crept silently into the Lair, all was dark now. But a greenish, blueish glow was now coming from Donnatello's lab. Leo smiled and looked in.

Donny. Leo shook his head, his younger brother had- yet again- fallen asleep at his computer. Leo approached silently. "Don, hey, Don, c'mon." Leo whispered softly. Donnatello muttered something.

"Hey, Leo."

"Don't wake up." Leo replied, helping Donnatello onto his bunk.

"'kay." Donnatello muttered and turned onto his front, falling quickly back into sleep.

Guess patrol went alright, then. Leo let out a breath he hadn't know he was holding. He sighed in releif and went upstairs. He checked on Michaelangel- who was snoring deeply, saying something about pizza and the Silver Surfer. Leo frowned and closed the door behind him as quietly as possible.

He hung outside Raphael's door for a while- Donnatello had informed them, some time ago, that Raphael was an insomniac. Leo smiled, he could still remember Raphael's reaction. He had stormed off, declaring he was no such thing. Leo opened the door slowly, quietly.

"What're'ya doin'?" Raphael asked, sounding wide awake.

"Nothing. Just checking." Leo sighed- expecting a fight, or at least an argument or a sarcastic reply about Leo's doubts in Raph's ability to lead.

"And? Everything a-OK?"

Leo shook his head, starting to close the door. "I was just worried, Raph, that's all." He muttered.

"It was fine. We didn't- run into any trouble at all, Leo." Raphael said quietly, feeling a twinge of guilt. The tone of Leo's voice when he had just spoken had sounded- defeated. He probably jus' doesn't wanna fight so late. Raphael turned over.

"Thanks, Raph." Leo said lightly, and Raphael looked over his shoulder- but the door had closed and Leo had gone.

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Leo jerked up, awake almost instantly. But it took his head a while to focus. He dropped his head again, blinking, then rubbing his eyes.

God, he hated being tried.

He stood up slowly, stifling a yawn, and wishing his head didn't hurt so much. Today... is just going to be one of those days. He decided, resigning himself to whatever fate may throw at him today. He blinked a few more times, pulling at his eyes- they hurt so much. He wondered why- they felt so dry. But they were tearing up because they were so tired.

He was very tempted to just crawl back into bed and hide under the covers until whatever was wrong with him wore itself out. He moved for the door, but was hit by a bizarre, twisting sense of vertigo, that while it wasn't pleasant, it wasn't exactly... unpleasant, either.

He steadied himself, righted his footing, then stood in silence for a few moments. After the vertigo, had come this strange feeling that he was still asleep, merely dreaming that he was awake. Leo shook his head, and after a few seconds the feeling vanished.

Leo left his room quietly, he had no idea what the time was- for some reason, he hadn't looked at the clock- or maybe he had... and he just couldn't remember. He looked at the hall, as if seeing it for the first time. Everything was the same, but different. As if Mikey had painted the halls a different shade of the same color and put every picture on the opposite wall. Leo shook his head- he was just being ridiculous.

So, I don't feel well. Big deal- that is no reason to be thinking Mikey would-

Besides, he thought mildly, interrupting his attempt at reasoning with himself, I don't smell paint. Despite this, Leo reached out and touched the wall with one finger, he drew the hand away- nothing. He rubbed his fingers together, still nothing.

You've cracked, Leo. A voice sounding distinctly Raph-like said flatly.

Leo ignored the nagging voice, and the twinge of doubt at the hall, at his room- at the day. Everything felt... not wrong, exactly, just... off kilter a bit. Like everything had been moved a few inches to the left, or something stupid.

Something Mikey would do. Leo sighed and went into the living room. By the looks of things, no one else was up yet. Finally, something normal. Leo chastised himself, everything is normal. You're just being stupid.

Leo moved into the dojo, a slight pounding starting in the back of his head. I'll just... see how I feel after I warm up... Then... Maybe I'll go back to bed.

I'm just tired, that's all. Maybe I'm starting to get the flu... Leo continued to reason with himself as he started to warm up.

"Leo?" Michaelangelo asked, appearing in the doorway of the dojo. "What're'ya doing?"

"Training." Leo replied, frowning. Michaelangelo entered the dojo, standing beside Leo. He reached out and touched Leo's shoulder. "What are you doing?"

"Ya sure you ain't dreaming?"

"What? Mikey, what's wrong?" Leo frowned. His little brother seemed... different. Not wrong, but not right. Damnit, am I ever going to shake this feeling?

"I'm fine. Nightmares. Maybe I'm dreaming." Michaelangelo mused.

"Mikey." Leo sighed. Look's like we've both cracked.

"Maybe we're dead."

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Leo jerked up, awake almost instantly. But it took his head a while to focus. He dropped his head again, blinking, then rubbing his eyes.

Dreaming. He said softly, scowling as the dream came back to him. He got up out of bed, and moved downstairs. Michaelangelo was sprawled on the sofa, the TV was on- but the sound was down. Leo frowned.

Donnatello stepped into the living room, out of his lab. Leo frowned at him, and Donnatello led him into the kitchen. "How are you feeling?"

"Fine. What's going on?" Leo asked.

Donnatello watched Leo carefully for a few seconds. "How do you know when you're awake? How do you know this is real?"

"Don..." Leo sighed. He shook his head.

"What?" Donnatello frowned. Leo left the kitchen- Michaelangelo was gone, the TV was still on, the sound still down. Donnatello followed quietly. Too quietly, like he was floating. Like he was dead. The thought came unwelcome into Leo's mind.

"I'm going back to bed." Leo said tersely.

"Why? Do you know you're dreaming?"

"I know I'd better not be awake." Leo muttered.

"Maybe you're not dreaming." Michaelangelo said, sitting on the back of the sofa, now the TV was off. Leo turned to Michaelangelo. "Maybe you're dead."

Leo sighed heavily. He didn't know what to think- didn't really want to think anymore. He just wanted to go back to bed and wake up.

"How do you know you'll wake up? Maybe- this is reality. Maybe the other place is the dream."

"Yeah, well then I'd rather be there. This isn't reality."

"How do you know?" Donnatello frowned.

Leo shrugged. "I just do."

Michaelangelo walked over slowly. "I think, sometimes, my dreams are so real, I'd like to stay there too."

Leo shook his head again. "Just... go away."

"Why? We're here because you want us here." Michaelangelo whined.

"Then where's Raph?" Leo challenged.

"Sleeping. Of course." Donnatello smiled. Leo grimaced. His younger brother's face twisted, he had- too many teeth, bone white, his eyes were too large- blood shot. His younger brother scared him. Leo didn't know why, but staring at his two youngest brothers, he started to feel fear boil up inside him.

Leo made for the stairs. Michaelangelo back flipped over him and landed gracefully on the stairs. "Why are you leaving? Don't you like it here?"

"No, I don't." Leo replied flatly.

"But... this's home." Donnatello said quietly.

"No, it ain't. This's a dream. And I'm gonna go and make sure I wake up this time." Leo snapped, moving past Michaelangelo easily.

"Ever wondered what happens if you go to sleep while you're dreaming?" Donnatello asked mildly.

"Hopefully, I'll wake up."

"Your logic is twisted. Go to sleep in a dream, wake up in reality? Why would that work?"

"Why wouldn't it?"

"You know what happens if you die in your dreams?" Donnatello asked, in the same, quiet, soft- almost dangerous tone. Leo paused. He didn't like where this was going. "Scientists think you die in real life too. Your heart just stops."

Raphael appeared infront of Leo. "Leo? What are you doing here?"

"Trying to get out." Leo said flatly.

Raphael frowned. "I don't know if you can." Leo's eyes narrowed.

"Why?"

"I don't know." Raphael shrugged, seeming- younger, more innocent, like a child.

"What is it, Raph?" Michaelangelo asked.

"I don't know."

Leo frowned. "Come with me, Raph."

"Where are you going?"

"Home."

"This is home." Raphael said confidently.

"No, this isn't. This- is a dream." Leo said quietly.

Raphael's frown deepened. He looked around the lair.

"I don't know where the door is." Raphael said quietly, voice despairing.

"Come on Raph. Now!" Leo yelled- fear now over-whelming him. He grabbed Raphael by the arm and pulled him up the stairs at a jerking run- Raphael followed behind him, body seeming more to spasm than run- like a puppet being dragged up the stairs.

The hall grew longer under Leo's feet- and the sense of vertigo hit him again- he stumbled, Raphael crashed into him- they fell.

Michaelangelo threw back his head and let out a high, hysterical- maddness filled laugh.

"Damnit Raph! Geddup!" Leo screamed, voice suddenly high with fear, he dragged Raphael down the ever lengthening hallway. "We have to get out!"

"This place- doesn't have any doors." Raphael said softly.

"What?" Leo looked to the sides of the hall- doors hung- in picture frames- none open- none real. This's just a dream. Just a dream- I'll wake up any second- I'll wake up!

"Wake up!"

Run- run- run- run- runrunrrunrunrunrunrunrunrunr-

Not fast enough- Leo pulled harder on Raphael's arm. He could see Donnatello and Michaelangelo's shadows on the hallway walls- twisting horribly- becoming-

something else.

"Wake up Leo!"

"Come on Raph!"

The hallway twisted under Leo's feet, Raphael staggered- stairs-

Leo felt his foot slip- he began to fall down the stairs- but there was no end- just darkness- like jaws- horrible, large sharp teeth- and laughter.

Mikey's insane laughter-

"Wake up! Wake Up!"

The words became one in Leo's mind- and he-

falling-

falling-

Wake up-

Michaelangelo grabbed Raphael- his arm slipped from Leo's grasp.

Donnatello's words echoed in Leo's mind as he fell- body twisting in the shadows- becoming- what?

You know, if you die in dreams, your heart just stops. You die in a dream. you die in reality too.

Wake up!

"No!"

Darkness

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I hope it was OK, gah, I'm cold. it's always so cold downstairs at night... I don't know why... well- you probably don't really care... meh...

ok-I hope ya enjoyed, reviews would be great- it probably gets weirder- I'm in a weird mood right now... pondering the meaning onf the universe and reality and...

well, yeah.

poof