Disclaimer: If I owned Kyo Kara Maou, it wouldn't be aired 'coz I'll be sued too early.

KKM will be proof that I'm on drugs and have too much sugar and free time.

(… Please don't take my "drugs" joke seriously. I'd hate to be detained or something.)

Nazekeoya

Xielle

"Time gives us happiness… But it can also take everything away from us."

Chapter 1: Conrad

Silent Soliloquy

- - -

"Yuuri's soul is Julia's!"

"Conrad…? Why…?"

"I'm sorry, Your Majesty."

"Yuuri. And it's … I understand. I really do. It was for the best…" But the king's words were already trailing off…

No. No, you do not understand. I'm sorry. I'm –

" – You'll return to Shin Makoku with me, right?"

" – Sorry. I'm sorry, Yuuri."

- - -

How? How could I face Yuuri? No amount of apologizing would excuse what I've done: pointing my sword at the king.

Even his forgiveness won't be able to allow me to forgive myself. But as for my other sin… I have to try…

"Hm. Oh. Um… hey, Conrad?"

"Yes, Your Majesty?"

"It's Yuuri. You should call me Yuuri. After all, weren't you the first person who saved me, who called my name? The first person I met here that's happy to see me. Happy that I've arrived, that I'm here; Me, Yuuri Shibuya. Not King Yuuri.

I couldn't reply to that without looking apparent that the words were being dragged out of me.

So instead, Conrad just smiled.What would I say if I were to reply, anyway?

"Your question, Yuuri?" Conrad's voice dragged out slowly, each syllable forced and strained with attempt to mask his relapsing unease that had become common (though thankfully undetected) since coming home.

Lying to Yuuri is not Conrad's métier, and was something he evaded.

– That despite what Yuuri believes; That no matter how much I, myself want to take it all back, make myself believe that such thoughts never really crossed my mind, my heart…

"Huh? Question…? Um… Oh. Ohh."

The truth was, no, is, that the reality hurts too much.

It gnaws at my heart; the heart that I could confidently say couldn't be bothered no matter how many fall by my hand and sword, if in exchange for taking upon myself the burden of sin and blood, it would be for Yuuri's well being.

I would take sinful burdens on my own conscience if it would mean that Yuuri will remain alive, safe, and untainted…

But the truth is that –

" – Well… it's, um… I sort of forgot my question, actually… ahahaha…"

– It hasn't always been that way.

"I think my question was something about Julia-san though…"

Julia. It was Julia that I saw, that I wished to see. That time, that time, and that time, I recalled my initial thoughts then, at the time before and for the most part of after Yuuri's first arrival.

Conrad loves Yuuri.

Yes. Conrad loves Yuuri – even if at first, what, no, whom Conrad wanted and wished for was Julia.

"Yuuri's soul is Julia's!"

Through admitting it out loud to everyone as well as himself that Julia's soul is behind Yuuri's; by practically saying that Yuuri is Julia, Conrad realized something he should have even back then as he smiled at his future – no, his king, and as time passed by them while they played baseball.

Conrad realized; Yuuri isn't Julia. And he loves Yuuri because he's Yuuri.

Yuuri is an individual, and despite possessing the same soul – her – soul, Yuuri was his own man.

So this is why Conrad felt that he was being unfair to Yuuri…to Wolfram.

This is why he couldn't ever fully forgive himself for still being able to stand by His Majesty and his fiancée's side, Conrad's brother, when he harbors reprehensible thoughts.

And worse still, even when guilty with those thoughts, he also harbors forbidden feelings for Yuuri, all too aware that Wolfram feels the same for Yuuri. And there's a part of him that nonetheless, refuses to acknowledge that he must distance himself: for he doesn't desire to.

Some sins are just unjustifiable, especially a sin like mine.

His Majesty doesn't deserve this of me.

And Yuuri may never know what, nor understand why. But even so…

I'm sorry, Yuu – Your Majesty.

10.28.07