So, I won't go into some rant about people being forgiving of me because this is my first Bleach fanfiction. It's not, really, but the other one was ignored enough that this may as well be. Though I'd like to think that I'd want people to give me the honest truth about my writing, not taking it easy. Anyway, forgive the bad grammar in here (you'll know it when you see it), as it's a device to show panic. Warning: there will be OCs.

I'll be using Japanese-order names and Japanese honorifics, but I'll try to avoid using gratuitous Japanese except where it makes the story feel more natural.

- This line break begins the story-

Kensei is a good captain. Sure, he's a harsh taskmaster, but he doesn't get in fights all the time like Kenpachi, isn't occasionally irresponsible like Shihoin, doesn't even drink except for the occasional cup of sake with Love or Shinji. If the white-haired man's liver was recovered from last time, he might even dare to have a drink with Rose and Kyouraku.

So for the life of him, Kensei has no idea why last night is a blur of shadows, shouts, and swords.

He must've had a few drinks too many after the mission with the pink-kimono-clad captain and his overly dramatic friend. That must be it, Kensei decides as he sits up and yawns. It's a strangely distorted, muffled sound, and the Ninth Division's captain finds out why when he goes to rub out the sleep from his eyes and meets a for-the-love-of-all-that's-holy-that's-cold mask.

That wakes him up quickly, and Kensei's fingers discover two rectangular holes above each eye, his own eyes looking out of identical slits. Was it some kind of costume party? Weird party, but maybe not for Kyouraku. The stories of what his colleague and friend had gotten up to were legendary, particularly the one involving three pastel-dyed tanuki and a couple dozen defaced orchards of cherry blossom trees.

The confusion turns to a sort of dawning horror as exploring fingers discover rods of bone sticking out from his shoulders, arms, and even his back. Not even fused to his skin, or glued there, but embedded deep within. Like a Hollow.

Kensei fumbles with the mask covering his face, finally hooking his fingers beneath its lower edges and tearing at it frantically, desperation numbing the pain as he tears off patches of skin in the removal. As the white-haired man rips the mask off, sending it skittering onto the floor in front of him, the rods of bone protruding from his body shatter, sending more blood trickling from him.

There's no doubt about it. The blood-splashed mask in front of him is a Hollow's mask with proportions that would never fit a Hollow's face, only a human one.

"We-ell, someone finally woke up. Got yer mask off, too." Shinji's standing right in front of him, lazy grin gone for once. "Mashiro sent me ta wake ya up, y'know. Thought I might haveta break it, too."

The normally unfazeable captain's stomach drops as if he's in one of those living-world moving rooms called elevators. Shinji's right there. He's right there and he's not freaked out or scared. And as Kensei's memories start to clear, it's obvious that he attacked his friends, Shinji and Love and Rose and Lisa and Hiyori and Hachigen and Mashiro was right there attacking them too but what happened?

Focus, Kensei. Deal with this one step at a time. Find out what happened first and stop with this idiotic freak-out. Captains don't act that way. You don't act that way.

It's then that the Ninth Division's captain realizes that the blond is extending a hand to him expectantly.

"C'mon, Kensei. Can't have ya bleedin' over Urahara's nice clean floor. Well," he glances around at their surroundings, "mostly clean, anyway."

He takes the offered hand, hauling himself up to stand roughly an inch above Shinji. Up close to the Fifth Division's captain, Kensei notices dried blood encrusted on his face and hands. What?

Looks like Shinji noticed Kensei's look, because he rolls his eyes. "It's a long story, but let's say that ya weren't the only one to wake up with a mask."

At that moment, someone tackles the scowling man from behind, squealing, "Keenseeii! You got a funny mask too! Now you and Shinji and I can be a club and we can eat bean buns at our meetings!"

"Get off of me, Mashiro!" He blurts reflexively, confirming it when he twists around to see a short mop of green hair and a woman's wide-eyed face beaming up at him.

Kensei's lieutenant pouts as she releases him. "Don't be such a meany, Kensei. Bean buns are delicious! I don't see why you never want any!" Kuna Mashiro exclaims, stopping suddenly and putting her index finger to her chin thoughtfully. "I wonder if Urahara-taicho has any bean paste around here? Or is it just all these boring science thingies?"

"Boring? You wound me, Kuna-chan." The man in question says from the doorway, leaning on the frame as he shuts the door behind him. "I'm afraid I don't have any bean paste, though. These dreadfully long hours keep me without any time to go buy some." Urahara sighs theatrically. "Good to see you up, Mugurama-kun." His expression turns serious. "We'll need to wake up the others soon if we're to have a proper cover story fabricated before someone comes looking for you."

Glancing around, Kensei sees with more than a bit of shock that there are others lying around the room. A dark-haired figure that looks like Lisa is sprawled on the floor with a diamond-shaped mask, fingers touching Hachigen's elbow as he lies there wearing what looks like a tusked demon-mask. Across the room, a long-beaked bird mask covers Rose's face and nearly distracts the Ninth Squad Captain from the much smaller Hiyori, whose usual scowl is obscured by a horned mask with diamonds above her eye. Love is halfway under a table, but enough of him is visible that Kensei can see an oni-like mask.

They all have Hollow masks. Every single one. What did Urahara do this time? It has to be Urahara; no one else could pull something like this off. Some part of Kensei wants to think that Urahara created person-sized masks for each one of them as a joke, because he can't process the idea that it might not be a joke, that the captains and lieutenants of the Gotei 13 might have become the monsters they fight.

The famously tough man turns to the blond and grinds his teeth. "Urahara. What did you do to us? I thought you were a captain, you psycho! You've taken these experiments too far!"

Shinji steps in at that point, his jaw clenched. "'Fraid Urahara-san didn't do it this time. Aizen did this to us. That smiling traitor called it Hollowfication. He made us Hollows. Urahara just reversed it as much as he could."

Kensei's eyes widen. "Aizen? Your lieutenant? I remember- I think I remember that backstabber-" he bites off the curse that he'd rather use for Mashiro's sake, she can be so childlike sometimes "-Tosen slicing me up, but not Aizen." The tanto-wielding man frowns sharply, shaking is head. "We can't be Hollows. No holes, not mindless, not soul-eating, Shinigami form. Impossible."

A scrabbling sound comes from Hiyori's corner of the room, and with a crack and the splash of blood, the blonde midget sits up and scowls. "Hollows? What're ya talkin' about, Kensei? Don't tell me you're bein' a dickhead like Shinji."

Said 'dickhead' releases a sigh that someone could've mistaken for one of relief. "Ask Urahara about it. All I know is that Aizen turned you an' me and everyone else here except him an' Tessai into Hollows, and Blondie used somethin' called the Hogyoku to turn us back most of the way."

"Most of the way?!" Hiyori demands. "Do it all the way, you lazy idiot!"

"I can't." Urahara says bluntly, standing up straight and entering the room fully. "You're never going to be fully Shinigami again. I'm sorry, Sarugaki-san. Now that you've shattered the border between Shinigami and Hollow, there's no way to go back. It was all I could do to keep you sane and in human form."

Hiyori pales. "But-you mean I'm stuck like this for the rest of my life?"

He nods. "The Hollowfication changed your souls. For all I know, it could pass on to your children like spiritual power tends to do." The scientist holds up a hand to forestall any more questions. "No more questions for now, please. I need to get these masks off before someone comes in for work."

Numbly they go to work, prying off their friends' masks. Lisa grabs Urahara's wrist and pins him to the ground when he gets within a few inches of her face, mumbling an apology when she realizes that he isn't Kyouraku and ripping her mask off with surprising force. Kensei handles Rose's mask, noting with just a little bit of bitterness that the resident drama queen- or king, he supposes- actually does smell of sake. Hiyori opts to simply slam the hilt of her sword into Love's face, cracking the mask enough for it to fall off.

It's as much chaos as nine people- ten, when the somber Tessai joins them- can manage after that. Questions fly through the worry- and anger-laced air as quick as Hiyori's jump-kicks, which she refrains from for once. The white-haired captain yells at anyone who gets too close to him, meaning Mashiro. Kensei eventually puzzles out that Aizen was commanding Tosen and the smirking child prodigy Ichimaru Gin, had some sort of illusion-covered double following Shinji in place of him for the past month, and somehow managed to create a counterpart to one of Urahara's inventions to Hollowfy them. Most depressing is the revelation that there's no way to connect Hirako's ill-chosen lieutenant to this, and much more that would implicate the man who saved them. Knowledge of Hollowfication, the artifact to do it, the fact that Urahara wasn't seen while the transformation was going on while Aizen was, all of it points to the blond.

And as the resident mad scientist, uncharacteristically grim, tells the eight hybrids, there's a very high chance that they'd be hunted down as monsters if the truth was revealed. Yamamoto unflinchingly kills anyone who doesn't fit into his view of justice, and that includes Hollows. At best, he orders the Onmitsukido to put criminals into the Maggot's Nest. Yesterday Kensei would've thought of himself like that. Now? That would mean rejecting what Urahara tells him is a part of his soul, even if the Ninth Division's captain could still look in a mirror and see the same man as yesterday.

Somehow they manage to work out something resembling a cover story: Urahara and Tessai were too worried about their subordinates to stay behind and went to find them, discovering and killing a badly wounded Hollow retreating from their bodies, forcing the two to teleport the group to the nearest division headquarters, which happened to be the Twelfth Division. Tessai and Urahara didn't have time to call the Fourth Division and used a combination of technology and Kido to repair their comrades. They manage to create a surprisingly detailed image of the Hollow that allegedly attacked the eight, claiming it to be a Vasto Lorde-class natural Arrancar with the ability to mask its power.

All in all, as long as Hiyori and Mashiro aren't the ones giving the report, the secret should be fine for now.

Just as Tessai manages to calm the near-homicidal Hiyori down for the fifth time, a thump on the door comes from outside, followed by a bellowed, "Hey, Kisuke! There's a meeting, come on!"

It's Shihoin Yoruichi, of course, who's standing there when Urahara cautiously opens the door, golden eyes bright and smile brighter. The Onmitsukido commander's eyes widen slightly when she sees the eight captains and vice captains with various levels of clothing damage and blood stains trying to compose themselves.

Kensei privately reminds himself to thank Urahara some time when the enigmatic man rubs the nape of his neck and the goofy smile returns to his face. If there's anyone who can pull off the pretense of harmlessness, it's him.

And if there's anyone who can utterly shatter a pretense of harmlessness, it's Yoruichi. The purple-haired- it is purple, as much as Sui Feng might try to romanticize it as violet or amethyst- woman steps into the room, flashing a quick wave at everyone present.

"You had a sleepover, huh? You should've invited me, Kisuke. You know how much fun I am at sleepovers." She teases.

The man in question ducks his head mock-bashfully, having the grace to blush slightly. "Oh, I know. It just slipped my mind, that's all."

"I'm sure." Yoruichi replies, serious suddenly. "What happened? Kyouraku's frantic, and Yamamoto's furious that some of his captains and lieutenants have gone missing. I had to organize search parties, Kisuke! All Soul Society's in an uproar!"

Urahara's head jerks up, the picture of confusion and worry. Flawlessly, he rattles off the cover story, occasionally peppering it with hand gestures and subtle signals for someone to add a comment in here and there.

When he's finished, the Second Division's captain sighs, rubbing her temples and shaking her head exasperatedly.

"You're aware that it's my job to lie and figure out other people's lies, right? It's pretty transparent that something very different from that happened last night, Kisuke."

Cue nine captains and lieutenants, as well as one Kido Chief, gaping at Yoruichi.

Rose recovers first, composing himself as always. "Oh? What gave it away, Shihoin-san?" He asks.

Yoruichi gives him a sidelong glance. "I've known this idiot for years. He can't hide all his tells from me, and he can't do anything about other people's carelessness. There're eight Hollow masks sitting on the floor, sized for human faces, and I bet if I tested the blood on them, it would match perfectly to the blood on your faces. Those're the obvious clues, anyway. Start talking, Kisuke."

All at once, the carefree mask drops again. "The short version is that Aizen Sousuke used an inferior version of one of my inventions and his own remarkable power to turn them into Hollows, and I managed to reverse it...partially. He's got Ichimaru Gin, Tosen Kaname, and an unknown man as accomplices, and we don't have any evidence against him except them." He waves a hand at the people behind him. The part of Kensei that isn't still a bit shocked that the noble woman discovered the ruse so quickly is irked at being referred to as 'them', even if it does make sense.

Now it's Yoruichi's turn to gape, or come as close to it as she can, which means a parting of her lips and widened eyes. "Shinigami-Hollow hybrids? Aizen? I knew there was a reason I never liked that psychopath, but is that even possible?"

Kensei snorts. "Dunno. All I know is that I woke up with a mask grafted to my face."

The dark-skinned woman blinks a few times. "Well, I don't know anything about how you got here or what happened last night. All I know is that there's a captain's meeting and six people in this room are late for it." She turns to go, purple hair brushing her face with the movement, before stopping and calling over her shoulder. "Hey, Kisuke. That research you mentioned earlier about finding ways to make provisions last longer in the field so Shinigami don't have to run on empty stomachs, could you update me when you find out more? The Onmitsukido could use that, even if we'd have to keep it secret until it was ready for other divisions." Yoruichi's tone makes it very clear that she in no way means actual research on rations.

A sly smile spreads over the mad scientist's features. "Of course, Yoruichi-san." He replies.

The rest of the day is a mess of paperwork, reports, and questioning. Blessedly, Kensei is able to fill out the report for Mashiro, since the Gotei 13 is tired of finding paperwork filled out in crayon and stained with suspiciously sweet-smelling sticky marks. Urahara doesn't even have to ask to fill out a report for Hiyori, who maintains a legendary dislike for paperwork and was banned from it after one too many papers were found with holes and curses written on them.

So far, the bases are covered. It's only a matter of figuring out exactly how long they can keep on the masks hiding their masks...

-I am a line break, ending the story-

So, how'd you like the title drop at the end there? This'll be told ensemble-style with no one character holding the position of narrator for the entire story. I suppose I don't need to ask for feedback, what with everyone and their mother adding that in at the end, but I really do appreciate it~

Omake!

"Aw, c'mon, Kensei! Don't you want a cool mask for Halloween?" Mashiro asked, perched on the captain in question's desk amid stacks of forms to be filled out. "We can go around asking for candy and saying 'Trick or Treat' and we don't even have to look for costumes! It'll be-Hey!" Kensei had shoved her off of the desk, an aura of exasperation hanging around him.

"No, I don't want a mask for Halloween! I don't want a mask at all!" He snapped. "Besides, it's completely the wrong season for Halloween! We're in spring, you ditz!"

The green-haired girl wailed, leaping back to a standing position and covering between her legs with her hands. "Kensei, you pervert! You did that because you wanted to see my panties!" Forgetting the notion as abruptly as she had conceived of it, his lieutenant placed her hands on her hips. "Besides, don't you know that jokes like that are completely up to the whim of the author when she wants to put in an omake but can't think of anything else? It doesn't matter what season it is, silly!" Mashiro laughed.

"Do your work, Mashiro." He replied, ignoring her comments and looking back down to the report he was completing.

"But I don't want to!" She whined.

"DO IT!"

For miles around, any birds that might have been roosting near the Ninth Division flew away with the volume of his yell.