When he finally made it home, brain dull and senses blurred, Esposito wanted one thing and one thing only - to hold his Meredeth and feel her heart beat.

The crime scene he'd arrived on had been brutal, a domestic violence case gone way wrong. It had been bloody and violent and altogether draining, so much so they'd cancelled poker night and all gone home to their families - Beckett to Castle and Alexis, Ryan to a rosily pregnant Honey-Milk and Esposito to Meredeth.

He opened the door and was greeted by Arturo's happy barks as he trotted out from the kitchen. He bent down to give the mixed breed a healthy scratch on the head and receive happy puppy kisses in return.

'Hey babe,' Meredeth called from the kitchen. 'I'm making that sweet potato and chicken soup you like so you can have a quick bite before poker with the gang tonight.'

Esposito didn't respond, just dropped his work bag and coat on the stairs before he wandered to the kitchen. For a moment he just stood there and watched her, turning from the stove to search in the fridge for a bottle of cooking wine, sniffing at a jar of spices before adding a pinch to the stockpot. She had her hair clipped up off her neck, and he could see the glint of her writer's plume necklace as she sang along with Ritchie Valens while she cooked.

Without a word, he went up behind her and wrapped his arms around her, breathed her in; he could smell the traces of her French perfume and cucumber soap and wanted to weep. Her long legs, her curved stomach, her beautiful breasts, that soft ticklish spot behind her right ear, everything about her was both arousal and comfort. He let his mouth pressed against the curve of her neck where it met her shoulder, and almost broke when he felt her tilt her head so her cheek rested against his temple.

'Hello, my love.'

'Hello, yourself.' She tried to turn so she could give him a welcome-home kiss but found herself unable to; he had such a tight embrace on her. Immediately she could sense something was up. 'Javi? Everything alright?'

'No. It was a really shitty day.'

'You want to talk about it?'

'No. I don't. Not yet, anyways.' He didn't want that horrible image in his mind, not here, when Meredeth was still alive and breathing, making him soup before the poker game she didn't know was canceled. Loosening his grip, he watched as she turned around, those laser blue eyes searching his face.

'It was a bad one today,' she murmured.

'The worst kind.'

'Okay.' Meredeth turned back to the stove, turned on the teakettle; despite being a prolific coffee drinker she knew after he'd a rough one, when a stiff drink just made things worse, he always wanted tea. 'I'm just about to blend this soup up, so you eat and head out.'

'We canceled the game tonight.' Esposito went to the cupboard to pull out the bottle of whiskey, then just let his and fall away from the handle before he could open it. 'We just weren't up to it.'

Meredeth wiped her hands on a towel. She'd seen him deal with bad cases that mad him angry or sullen, but not one that had him looking so lost and miserable. The only time she'd seen him look so defeated was after her first hypnotherapy session five months prior. Clearly whatever the case was had gotten to him, in such a way she knew that trying to get him to talk about it would be as fruitful as waiting for Godot. Instead, she pulled out the box of organic earl grey tea and fixed him a cup, added the cream she knew he liked in all his hot beverages.

'Have a seat,' she murmured, pressing the cup into his hands and rubbing his back gently. 'I'll finish up with dinner.'

Too numb to really think anymore Esposito sat at the kitchen table, absently scratched Arturo's ears when he wandered over. He nudged around the papers on the table, saw Meredeth was in the middle of drafting a fight scene between her leading lady Tabitha and Tabitha's long-time, long-suffering cohort Joshua - he could tell from the labelled stick figures on her colour-coded chart paper. There was also a flyer for Gristedes, the loose change from Meredeth's hoodie pocket, a receipt from Starbucks and inexplicably, three little green army men. All those little details that made up his world.

He'd zoned so far out he nearly jumped out of his skin when he felt Meredeth beside him, run her fingers over his head, down to his shoulder.

'Baby, you're exhausted.'

'Hm?' He looked up at her.

'I'm going to run you a bath.'

Meredeth kissed the top of his head before removing her favoured green apron and heading to the second floor, knowing he'd follow her up shortly. Sure enough, just as she'd turned off the water, she glanced over and saw he standing in the doorway, towel wrapped around his waist. 'I added those bath salts I know you like to unwind with,' she said, giving him a quick kiss on the cheek. 'Since you're not going to poker night tonight, we can stay in, watch a movie. Your choice.'

She started to walk past him but he caught her, and gave her a kiss, rubbing his thumb over her cheek. 'Thank you for not pushing me to talk about my day.'

'I figure when you're ready, you will. And if you don't, I know you'll vent to Ryan, which is frustrating sometimes since I keep you warm at night, but I get it.' Meredeth kissed him back, then headed back downstairs.

Esposito slid into the steaming water in the old-fashioned claw-foot tub,. She'd added those fancy oils of hers, judging from the scent of the steam. A deep breath had him inhaling the scent of cucumber before his head went under water. He popped his head out of the water, rested his arms on the sides of the tub as his mind began to drift, not to the case but to Meredeth. He never asked her to do these things nor did he expect it to automatically be done. And yet she did, for the sole reason it would make him feel better, just like he tried to make her feel better with a foot massage and her favourite pizza, when she'd spend long days working with the production staff on the Lady Hawk series. And she never pushed him to discuss it; it was amazing how when he said he wasn't ready to talk about his day, she left it be until he brought it up. She just gave him the time to sort through it himself. Maybe it was because she'd gone through her own trauma, or because she understood that not everyone dealt with things by pouring their hearts out on request, but it did matter. She gave him his space without making it feel like he was being ignored, and he loved her for it.

Twenty minutes later, when his body felt better but his head still felt fuzzy, he was dressed in sweats and headed downstairs to smell not only Meredeth's sweet-potato soup but also the crispy olive oil and boconccini toast she made to go with it. He saw she'd changed from her jeans into her favoured yoga pants and a loose Mets t-shirt, had a bowl of soup at her elbow while she solved some puzzle in the newspaper. When she glanced up, she flashed him a soft smile and he felt himself fall in love with her a little more.

'Sudoku?'

'Crossword. Soup's ready if you want a bowl. If not, I'll break it down and put it in the freezer. You can take it with for lunch tomorrow, unless Ryan and Castle are taking you out for your birthday.'

'Why don't we skip real dinner, stuff ourselves with popcorn, watch Heroes and get a little drunk.'

Meredeth arched an eyebrow; he hated watching Heroes with her, called it a cheap X-Men knockoff with too many pretty people whining and not enough action. But she'd seen the look on his face when he'd sat down at the table, and knew today was not a day to question his motives.

'Okay. Go pick a disc.'

'Hey.' Esposito grabbed her around the waist as she stood up to make the popcorn, pulled her close to him and planted a kiss on her. 'I love you.'

'I love you too.'

By the time he was ready for bed, Esposito finally felt most of the way back to himself. They'd wasted the night on the couch, eating popcorn - some of which was thrown at the screen by his woman when she thought the characters were acting like a bunch of tools - and drinking brass monkeys. He knew she was completely thrown for a loop when he'd suggested one of her favourite shows that he couldn't stand, but he'd wanted more than anything to just watch her reactions to the on-screen story.

When he flopped onto his stomach on their bed, eyelids sunk to half-mast, he wrapped his arms around his goose-down pillow, briefly thought about trying to seduce his girlfriend. She'd been so good to him tonight, the least he could do was give a little of it back, in what he thought was the most pure way to show her just what she meant to him.

He felt the bed shift with her weight, then her hand rest on his back. 'I'm glad we didn't have poker night tonight,' he mumbled, 'not after that day. I just wanted to come home and see you.'

'You guys caught a bad one, huh?'

'Domestic violence gone wrong.' He waited a beat before he spilled out what had been bothering him all night. 'She looked like you.'

'What?' Meredeth propped herself into her elbow as he rolled to his back and stared at the ceiling.

'She looked like you, the woman who was killed. If I hadn't left you in bed here, I swear to God I'd have thought you were dead in someone else's house.'

'Oh, Javi.' Meredeth curled her fingers against his chest over his heart. No wonder he'd been such a zombie when he'd come home. 'I'm right here, alive and well.'

'I know, but...' He dragged a hand over his face in frustration. 'I've never been that scared on a scene before.'

Meredeth sat up, knowing what he needed just now. Reaching under the edge of the bed, she picked up their toy box and pulled out the little jar of coconut oil she used whenever she gave him a massage, relaxing or erotic. 'Turn over.'

'Mere-'

'Just trust me.' When he complied, she tugged his shirt up his torso and she began to rub the sweet fragrant oil into his skin. 'That feel better?'

'Oh yeah.' He groaned in reflex at her touch, buried his face in the pillow. It was something she'd done on their very first sleep-over together and had become one of his top five ways to spend time with her. She worked those magic hands of hers into his back, and he wasn't at all surprised that his body responded to her touch the way it always did whenever she got out that coconut stuff. Before he even said it, she tugged his shirt off the rest of the way and tossed it aside, then kneaded her hands into his shoulders. She slid her hands down to his hips, surprised when he turned to face her and pulled her in for a kiss. Esposito lingered there, tasting the rum and popcorn butter on her lips as he fingered the hair that had fallen over her brow.

'Mere.' He tucked the strand behind her ear.

She didn't let him get any farther than that, as she pressed her mouth to his again. With he sounded like this, she knew exactly what he needed. She sat up, pulled her Mets shirt over her head so she was just in her panties now, stretched herself over top of him as she kissed him again, slow nips at his bottom lip. His strong steady hands ran over her skin, pulling her close. He just wanted to drown in her, completely lose himself in this beautiful woman who with a few simple moves made one of the worst days of his police career bearable.

She'd straddled him, pressed her hands against his stomach as he reared up to pressed his face in that sweet, seductive valley between her breasts, nearly losing his mind when he heard her murmur to him, 'I'm here, Javi, whatever you need. Tell me what you need.'

'Only you.'

He rolled so they were crosswise on the bed, she underneath him, those long soft-fleshed legs tangling with his as he feasted on her. She had freckles in the most interesting places, like little chocolate chips sprinkled here and there over the sweet vanilla cream of her skin. His favourite was the one on her right breast barely an eyelash length from her nipple and he indulged himself by tasting it; her whimper of pleasure was like music for his soul. He ran a trail of hot open-mouthed kisses up her throat and back down again to her other breast before she had time to think. When he felt her dampen against him, Esposito smiled against her skin as he tugged the cute red cotton briefs down her legs, pausing to admire every curve, bump and dimple she thought was ugly and he thought gorgeous, as they were all a part of his Meredeth.

'You're so beautiful, Mere,' he told her, running a hand down her center before letting it rest between her thighs. He watched as her eyes clouded when he plunged his fingers inside without his usual finesse. Her body bucked at the suddenness of it, as he stoked that fire inside her. 'My beautiful Mere.'

'God.' It was a single word, an oath as her head spun. As the wave of the orgasm crested inside her, she popped up on her elbows when she felt his hand slide away.

'Javi-'

'Just getting naked, baby.' He shed off his sweats and his boxers, then blindly reached for his bedside drawer. His fingers closed over the condom pakcet; he ripped it open and rolled it on as quickly as he could. This time when he came back to her, he gripped her hips, lifting them ever so slightly and sank inside her. He heard that oh-so-sexy little gasp she always made whenever he entered her, and like the rest of his moves this time, made no attempt for finesse or style, just let the primal need to be with her, be inside her, take over. He heard her breath catch in her chest as she whispered little demands in his ear, felt her shudder as the orgasm winged into her.

Meredeth felt it blind her, sensation so familiar and always exciting with him swimming through her body as she matched him stroke for intense stroke. Hooking a leg over his hip, she dug her nails into his back as the riptide burst through her, flooding every nerve ending. She struggled for breath as she felt him keep going as the sensation moved into her core, wound like a spring until she came again, dragging him over the edge with her.

Esposito lay sprawled on top of Meredeth, still steeped inside her as they both struggled for breath. Maybe he should have done this when he first got home, he thought absently, then he wouldn't have spent the whole night being edgy and moody.

He felt her shift a little beneath him as she tapped her fingers on his spine. 'Feeling any better?'

'Oh yeah. I think that did it.'

She laughed a little. 'I would say we can try it again, but I'm beat, so you'll have to make do with what you got.'

'What I got was very, very, good,' he told her, punctuating each word with a kiss against her neck. He slid out of her, dropping the used condom into the trash before he stretched onto his side beside her, cuddled her close as she pulled the sheets up over her body. It didn't matter how warm or cold she was, she always slept with some kind of blanket.

'You're not so bad yourself.' Meredeth linked her fingers through his as she began to drift. 'Besides I know you'd return the favour for me if it was the other way around.'

'Of course I would. You're my Meredeth.'

'And you're my Javi.'

He stayed awake for awhile after he'd heard her breathing turn into the deep sighs of slumber. It had ranked in the top ten of his all time shittiest days on the job and by some miracle he'd found a woman who, when he went home, never pressured or cajoled but met him on an even ground as a partner with respect and love. She was his Meredeth, he'd told her, and he knew without a doubt he wanted her to be his Meredeth for good.

The next morning, before Meredeth was awake to make him his requested birthday omelette and crepes, he sat at the kitchen table for with his laptop to search online for information on engagement rings.

R&R&Enjoy.