Everyone was wearing white. All of them, even himself. And every one was crying. Their cheeks wheat with their salty tears, most of them did not notice they were crying until someone came to comfort them. You usually would not see these people who are so strong crying like this. But today was a special occasion. That's why they were all wearing white.
He touched his white cheeks. They were dry. Guess that's what made him different from all the others today. He wasn't crying.
Why?
"Hana-chan…" called a female voice. Hana turned to see a pink haired woman calling for him. A pink haired woman that now he knew as Tamao, and that was always a constant presence in all of his memories. But she looked different today. Normally she would act as if she a strong woman, one that sometimes Hana feared. But today… She was crying.
"You are going after Horo-Horo-kun, okay?" she smiled sympathetically. That was a little annoying. Today everyone was looking at him with pity. Couldn't they see he was fine? His cheeks were dry. He wasn't crying.
Normally all this pity made him feel angry. But not today. Today he was surrounded by sad people, people who all were suffering greatly, and crying. And today all that made him feel… Out of place.
His grandmother came out of the room, opening the paper doors. She was sobbing and her hands were covering her eyes. Her eyes were so full of tears she couldn't see ahead of her, making her stumble and fall on the floor.
Tamao soon ran to help the woman. Assisting her to a chair next to where Hana was. Keiko kept sobbing until Tamao came with a cup of water, and after the miko drank it, she hugged her. A depressing scene. Two woman hugging each other, comforting each other in such a tragic day.
Again, Hana checked to see if his cheeks were wheat. No. Nothing.
Why is he not sad?
Horokeu entered the room. At that moment Hana started to feel a little nervous. He was next. What was he going to do once he got there? Was he supposed to cry as well? Up until now every single person who came out of that room was crying. What was he going to do if he wasn't able to cry?
"Tamao-neechan…" he called. That's how he referred to her now. Tamao-neechan. Now that he knew she was not his mother it felt weird calling her that, even if she was the mother figure in his life.
"What is it, Hana-chan?" she asked in a sweet voice, trying to keep a sweet smile on her lips. But the truth was, no matter how hard she tried, she wasn't going to look happy or sweet. Her eyes were sparkling with salty tears, and her face were stained with the path that those made down her cheeks.
"What am I suppose to do when I get inside?" his voice sounded innocent and curious. Not sad, like everyone else's, he noticed.
The question caught the attention of everyone in the room. Not that there were many people. Around 18 people.
"There is nothing really you have to do." Answered Chocolove, putting a hand on Hana shoulder. When he arrived, the comedian had tried to tell a joke to him, to try to cheer him up. But the young shaman had not laughed. Chocolove and everyone else assumed it was because he was too sad to laugh at anything, and not because the joke wasn't funny. Since then Chocolove did not make any jokes.
"If you want… you can just say a quick prayer." Tamao told him.
"Or you could just talk. Say what you are feeling, let it out." Lyserg said, kneeling down on the floor, so he could look at Hana in the eye "Just keep it simple. That's what I will do."
Hana could only nod in response, because now Horo-Horo was coming out, and it was his turn.
He took a deep breath and entered the room, closing the paper doors behind him. It was strangely quiet. Not that the other room wasn't quiet, but this quiet was different. The quiet from the other room was sad, depressing. You could hear people sobbing silently. This silent was just… Silent. Like you just walked into an empty room, and then exited, not caring about the atmosphere. But it also felt…
Awkward.
He looked around. It was an empty room, with incenses and candles. And right in front of the door there was this small table, with flowers and two pictures.
He walked up to the pictures and kneeled. He took another deep breath and looked at the pictures.
"This is weird…" he started. Hana looked at the eyes of the two people in the pictures, and then looked back down. "I… I'm just going to talk. I don't really know what I'm suppose to do in a situation like this."
"I normally don't wear so much white." Hana said "But Tamao-neechan told me to wear white. Is what you're suppose to wear. Is the color of death, she says." Hana then looked at the two pictures "Ren said that in China is the color of mourning. I guess that's why I'm feeling so uncomfortable and out of place."
He sighed and looked again at the pictures "We found your bodies a few days ago. They thought about bringing you back to life, but decided not to. After all you two have gone through, they decided you deserved a rest. The eternal rest."
His fingers were now on his blond hair, playing with it, as he thought of what to say next. His hair lowered, but his eyes continued on the pictures.
"Everybody is really sad. That you're gone, I mean." He stopped playing with his hair and looked up. There was no way he could continue on this one side conversation looking down. Tamao told him he owned them to go inside alone, so maybe he also owned them to stay with his head up as he talked.
"But… For some reason I'm not sad." He looked at them with cold eyes. "I guess… Because for me it makes no difference. Whet ever you're dead or not. You two were never a part of my life… So I guess to me, nothing really changed."
"I can't feel anything. Not today. I can't… Feel sad. I'm not sad. I know I won't miss you. No matter what the others think, I'm not being… Affected." He continue to look into the eyes of the two strangers in the picture "I don't understand why they are so sad. I'm not sad. I… Feel nothing. Nothing towards you." He looked down, and then back up "And is not even my fault. Is not like I'm an emotion less kid. I just… " He sighed sadly "I guess to me nothing will change. I will continue to live with Tamao-neechan and Ryu-jichan, the only difference will be that I know two… Strangers" he struggled to say that word. Mostly because he knew it was the truth, and because he knew that's not what other people felt towards the two in the picture. "have died."
"Now I get it… I felt weird there because… Because I don't know what they are feeling. They are all in pain and I'm… I'm just empty. I have no feelings for this." He sighed "You can't really blame me. You two were never here. I never knew you two even existed until a month ago! I can't… Even if you are my parents, how can I love or hate someone who I never met? I hope… I hope you two don't hold a grudge against me because of that."
He then got up, bowed slightly, and started walking towards the paper door.
"I'm sure if I was the one in those frames and you two in this room you would feel the same way." His back was to the picture, and his hand was on the paper door. He gave one last look to the picture with a small sad smile "Good luck on your next life, I mean it." And opened the door, leaving the two pictures.
After he closed the door, and couldn't see the two ghosts that appeared after he left, crying.
And neither did the ghosts see the one single tear that escaped the boy's eyes. But it wasn't for the same reason as the other people… He was crying because…
Because he wish he could be sad at that moment.