Cat's POV
How could she be so blind? Even Jade understands, well, sometimes. Jade and I are best friends; curiosity had to intervene at some point. What? You don't know what I'm talking about? …Okay, okay, I'll restart.
I love Tori. I love her more than anything. More than the blue in the sky and more than air I breathe and more than the color of red velvet cupcakes. I remember her first day at Hollywood Arts, she looked so cut with her bangs over her face like that. Jade was mean to her of course, she always was mean to the new girls. Made sure she broke them, and made sure they knew their place. But Tori didn't break or bend to Jade. She stood tall and the more Jade teased and taunted the harder Tori tried to impress her and that impenetrable façade. All the other girls in the school, save me and Tori had been withered and crushed like Jade. Jade's like a thunderstorm; you stand up too tall and she'll strike you with lightening and leave you to burn.
I was always an exception to Jade just because I was there for her and she was there for me at the right place at the right time. I think we were a little over halfway through with middle school when Jade and I first 'tried something new'. We kissed. It happened once, happened twice, and kept happening until Jade meet Mr. Perfect, Beckett Oliver. The kisses were fleeting then. Friends with benefits, Jade told me. She came to me when an agreement with Beck was too much to take. She'd rip open the door, grab me by hair and hips and tear my clothes off to throw on the floor. What? Did Jade and I - no! Even Jade has a stopping point. We weren't dating and we weren't in love we weren't just going to have sex to solve every problem. Sure, when Jade left and the door slammed closed again I always had bruises in the shape of her hands, red skin growing hotter from her teeth. She only went to Tori when I wasn't there. Robbie…well, you can see the problem there. And Andre's a guy and if Jade just had a fight with a guy she doesn't want to talk to a guy.
At first when she told me she went to Tori I was mad. Jade thought it was a best friend jealousy thing, but I didn't want Jade doing what she did with me to Tori or anything close to it. I want Tori to myself. I want to hold her in my arms, stroke her soft hair, and sing love songs with and to her. But Tori thinks I'm just her crazy, redheaded, ditzy friend who always has her head up in the clouds when her heart is really crushed into the ground. Tori seems to be crushing on everyone but me somehow. Beck and Andre, even my best friend Jade. I'm impulsive, in case you haven't noticed. I follow people around without thinking and I'm always seemingly lost. I understand more than you think. Caterina Valentine isn't just some crazy redhead, you know.
She's a person and she wants to be loved by someone who's around her every day, but won't take enough notice of her. I can't go a day without seeing her, hearing her name or one of her songs. It's like a drug addiction, really. Only the fix I need won't come to me, it keeps running away. Now it's gotten to the point where I need her so bad it hurts and it's not a pain I can stop. My heart squeezes and twists in an invisible vise, my throat blocks itself so I can breathe, and the tears blur my eyes so I smash into everything around me.
Tori, I wish you could see how much I love you, but I'm too afraid to tell and you still can't see. Goodbye forever, Cat.
The note is short and simple; I don't want to spend time writing my entire heart out on paper when that makes it hurt even more. I want you, Tori. Why won't you just look at me like I'm not crazy, more than a crazy friend? My knife is sharp, the cuts deep.
Tori Vega, won't you love me?
Hate or love? Want to hug or throw in the fire? I went into a lot more depth than I planned to, but it's still pretty good.