Disclaimer: I don't own Skins or any of it's characters, as much as I wish I did. Enjoy!
Cassie stared blankly out the window of the cheese-scented taxicab that she was sitting in, focusing on the tiny water droplets that coated the glass. It was such a strange feeling, having left the color and excitement of New York City, the place she had called home for the past three and a half years, to come back to Bristol, the place she'd spent her whole upbringing wanting to get away from.
Sid rested his hand on hers, and she gave him a small half-smile before pulling it away. The past year had been hard on their relationship; the pair was worn down, stripped of all their passion for each other after two years of Cassie working nights at a sketchy pub and days in a bookshop, while Sid didn't do much of anything. Before, he'd spent time as a pizza delivery boy, a bagger at a grocery, and a cashier at a liquor store; but after getting fired by each and every one of his previous employers, he now spent the great majority of his time on the ratty brown couch in their apartment, watching the television or playing video games with Carlos, the couple's roommate (who was an artist, but worked as a window cleaner). And now, as much as Cassie loved Sid, a small part of her hoped that after the funeral, Sid would decide to stay in England with Tony and the rest of their old friends, and she get on the plane to New York alone, and set off to do what she wanted to do in the first place- to leave the old Cassie behind entirely.
After what seemed like hours of watching blurry grey buildings swim past the window, the taxi stopped at it's destination- the Stonem residence. Cassie was overwhelmed with a sense of nostalgia and familiarity, and her big brown eyes lit up for the first time in ages. She stepped out of the cab, and moved around it to stand next to Sid. The pair always looked so odd together, and that hadn't changed. Cassie, with her knee-high lavender stockings, pale yellow sundress, sequined hobo bag, and pale, waif-ish frame looked far too cheery and fairy-like to be standing next to Sid, with his grey hooded sweater and dingy sneakers. Cassie was still thin, but healthier than she looked the last time she had been in Bristol. Her new American lifestyle had put a little weight on her, but her hair was just as wild and blonde and curly as it had always been, and she'd retained her trademark smile. New York had somehow made Sid almost dirtier, but in an older way. His face had a stubble to it now, and his frame was thicker.
Before they could even approach the house, the front door opened, and an older, smiling Tony Stonem was standing in front of them. Cassie flung herself at him, leaving her suitcase on the sidewalk and throwing her arms around him.
"Tony! Wow, it's been so long!" she cried. Tony hugged her back, but quickly turned his attention to his childhood best friend.
"Sid…" he started, as Cassie stepped out of the way. Tony and Sid stared at each other for a moment, before hugging each other tighter than they ever had before.
Inside, they sat around the Stonem kitchen table and Tony poured a glass of apple juice for Cassie (as she requested) and grabbed beers for Sid and himself.
"How's your mum taking it?" Sid asked.
"Hasn't left her bedroom," Tony replied, without making eye contact.
"How are you taking it?" asked Cassie.
Tony didn't answer.
Cassie knew Tony had really loved his sister. "The cleverest person I know," he'd once said about her. Cassie remembered her as a beautiful, petite sixteen year old. Cassie'd seen her almost as a darker version of herself. The same underlying self loathing and destruction was there, they were just different shades of the same screwed up.
The funeral was the next day. Tony had phoned Sid (for the first time in half a year) two days earlier, and he and Cassie scrounged up what little money they had (and Cassie pulled out the only black articles of clothing she owned) for the first flight back to England.
"Dad was the one that called me," said Tony, "and I left University as soon as he did."
"Poor Effy," said Cassie, staring down at her apple juice. There was silence at the mention of the name, and the three old friends couldn't look at each other.
"You two can sleep in the guest room," Tony broke the silence and changed the subject. "Let's go to the pub, yeah?"
That night, Cassie took her pills and settled into the guest bed, where Sid was already waiting. She faced away from him, but it wasn't long before his hands wrapped around her waist and he began kissing her neck. She gently pushed him aside.
"Cass," he protested, "We haven't done it in weeks."
"I know," she replied, still not turning to face him.
"What's wrong with you?" he asked.
She rolled over to look at him. "What's wrong with me? What's wrong with you? You want to shag in Tony's house after his sister's just killed herself? Really?"
"I just thought that… you know…"
Cassie sighed, and kissed his forehead. "I love you Sid. I do."
Cassie rolled back over to face the wall. She knew that Effy's room was on the other side of it. Just through a few layers of paint, drywall, and wood was the room where the dead girl used to sleep, used to fuck, used to begin and end each day. Existence was so fragile, and Cassie felt it.
Cassie wondered what had happened to herself. She used to see such beauty in the world, no matter how fucked up she was on the inside. No matter how much people hurt her, no matter how many times her heart was broken, through suicide attempts and through starving herself, she knew that there was something beyond it all. And ultimately, that's why she made it. Because she saw that life could be worth living. People could be worth loving. But now, she wasn't so sure. Her life had turned dull and repetitive, and everything was the color of Sid's dirty sneakers.
Tony hadn't told her much, but she knew Effy's suicide had to do with her boyfriend's death a year earlier. Apparently the boy, Freddie, had been murdered. And somehow Effy blamed herself. Cassie knew what that was like. Blaming yourself for things outside of your control. She did it all the time. But it unraveled Effy, made her go completely mad
Cassie closed her eyes tight, and fell asleep shortly after, to dreams of Effy, her blue eyes and mysterious smile, inviting her into the great unknown.