Disclaimer: I do not, nor will I ever, own any part of Grey's Anatomy.
This story takes place after Sloan shows up at Mark's door, everything after is completely AU.

Try Sleeping With A Broken Heart

"Why don't you hold me, need me? I thought you told me you'd never leave me? Looking in the sky I could see your face and I knew right where I fit in
Take me, make me, you know that I'll always be in love with you, right till the end."
- Try Sleeping With A Broken Heart by Alicia Keys

Her presence astounded him. It twisted and tore at his insides. His heart sunk and a burning sensation radiated up his stomach, through his lungs and produced bile in his mouth. He wanted to throw up. He wanted to run or scream or faint. His confusion turned into frustration and then to pain. Blistering, gut-wrenching. excruciating, mind-blowing pain.

The moment he opened the door his breath hitched. It felt as though the world around him was crumbling to the ground. This was what he wanted; he wanted his daughter to come to him, in her own time. He wanted his daughter to share with him the miracle of his grandchild. He wanted his daughter to trust him with her life and with her child's. He wanted his daughter to accept him, believe in him. Believe that he could be responsible, believe that he could be a father and a grandfather, believe that whatever was thrown at them, they could handle together. But all of it somehow seemed twisted and malformed and just wrong; all of it was wrong.

The only person that had ever believed in him like that, believed in him at all wasn't here. She wasn't here. She wasn't around to know what to do. She wasn't around to calm him down, to calm Sloan down. She wasn't here to be quirky and cute, yet smart and sophisticated. She wasn't here to talk him through this. She wasn't here. She wasn't by his side. She wasn't where he wanted her to be, where he knew she was supposed to be. He couldn't do this without her. He couldn't be the person he wanted his daughter to trust him to be without her. He wasn't the person he wanted his grandchild to trust him to be without her. He couldn't be that person without her. She made him loyal and capable and worthy of any chance. He wasn't anything without her.

It was funny, ironic even. Though the pain of seeing his own long lost daughter stabbed at him and broke him in unimaginable ways, though the pain of the brief but powerful memories he had acquired and shared with her and the dark, ominous memories of when she left ripped at his heart, though the audacity of her departure left him empty inside, it was nothing compared to the pain he felt when he turned around at the sound of his name. It was nothing compared to the knife that tore through him at the voice that wasn't as high and elevating as the one he wanted. It was nothing compared to the collapse he felt inside himself when he was met with piercing blue eyes instead of the big, brown doe ones he so desperately desired at this moment.

"Mark," Teddy repeated, clad in only his recently discarded shirt. "Mark, she needs to go to the hospital."

Mark shook his head, attempting to numb his thoughts, numb his pain, "Right, hospital, right."

"I don't think we have that much time," Sloan cried out loudly. "The baby wants out, now!"

"I'll go get Torres and Yang," Teddy stated quickly, before taking note of Mark's far off look. "Mark?"

"Right, Torres and Yang." Mark repeated to himself, placing an arm around his daughter as he walked her into the room. The only thing registering in his mind as he laid blanket and towels on the floor and assisted Sloan onto the ground, were his daughter's repetitive and panicked words, "Dad, where is Lexie?"

Where is Lexie?

Sloan slept silently in her hospital bed on the third floor of Seattle Grace as Mark paced outside the closed door. It was only four in the morning and already his mind was spinning with the happenings of the day. Sloan had given birth on the floor of his apartment to a beautiful, healthy, little boy. Mark couldn't comprehend it. What was going through Sloan's head? Did she want to keep her son? Did she still want to give him up? Would she let Mark take care of him? Could Mark take care of another life? Would Mark ruin him? Could Mark redeem himself, show once and for all that he was capable of responsibility and a sturdy relationship? Mark thought of the little boy that now laid a few flights of stairs away, sleeping silently just as his mother was doing now. How could such a lovely and innocent little face stir such trouble?

A voice broke him from his troubling thoughts, "I just heard, I came as soon as I found out. How is she doing? How's the baby doing?"

Mark's mind went blank. Here she stood, within mere feet of him. He couldn't fathom it. She was here, in front of him, caring about Sloan and the baby; the very thing that broke them up to begin with. She was here for him, even though he hadn't picked her, he hadn't chosen her, and yet, she was here. "Lexie."

She looked up to meet him face-to-face. Her big, doe brown eyes showed nothing but concern; not anger, not regret, not sadness, just sympathy. He smiled slightly as he took in her appearance. Her scrub top was on backwards, her pant legs were haphazardly thrown up, more than likely to ensue a speedy access to her shoes, which were mismatching and showed only one sock. She held his gaze as she ran her slender fingers threw her dark blonde hair and worked it into a knot atop her head. After awhile she fidgeted, pulling at the hem of her scrub top, "Is it-" she paused briefly, fearing his response, "Um, is it alright that I'm here?"

Her worries shook Mark from his daze, she was here, this was his Lexie. No, this was Lexie, just Lexie. But he would take just Lexie for now, if it was the only Lexie he could have at the moment. He shook his head and watched as her eyes fell, misinterpreting his response. "No, no, of course it's okay that you're here. Sloan-" He shook his head again, "I, I'm glad you here."

Color filled her cheeks as Lexie faced the window into Sloan's room, "How is she doing?"

Mark shoved his hands in his pockets as he fought the urge to wrap her in his arms. She was here, Lexie was here, everything was going to be okay. Sloan, the baby; he was going to be okay. Mark forced his gaze away from the woman who would always hold his heart in the palm of her delicate, ineffectual fists, and towards his daughter. "She's holding up. She's stable, just tired."

Lexie nodded, it took everything within her not to look at Mark. She could tell he was hurting. Sloan was stable physically, but she knew just as well as he did that her emotional state was about to spiral out of control. Lexie knew Sloan left, promising Mark she'd never be seen again, nor would her son. Lexie knew Mark was alone, just like her. Maybe they had others, other trysts and affairs, but with anyone but Mark, Lexie felt completely alone; she was completely alone.

It's dangerous, falling that hard for a man who wasn't sure if he could fall back. She had never calculated the risks of their relationship, and that wasn't like her. She went with her heart instead of her head and it had led her astray. She had placed all of her trust, all of her belief, and all of her love into her relationship. Mark was her rock, her reason to wake up in the morning and her reason to come home at night. He was her best friend, the only one she could truly rely on, the one she could tell all her secrets too. Mark Sloan was the love of her life. In the fog of her feelings, she didn't realize how much she would lose if she lost him. It was dangerous, love was dangerous, Mark Sloan was dangerous.

"How's he doing?" Lexie asked quietly, her eyes focusing on Sloan's hanging IV bag.

Mark turned to face the side of Lexie's head. She was biting her lip and pulling at her top, he could tell she was stifling what she really wanted to say; in fear of nervously rambling. "He's beautiful, Lex."

At his sincerity, Lexie turned to meet Mark's eyes, "Yeah?" She asked with a genuine, and yet broken, smile.

Mark nodded with pride, enamored with the woman standing in front of him. She was hurting, falling to pieces in front of him, and yet she still took happiness in other people's happiness. His daughter was stable, healthy after birthing a thriving baby boy. His grandson was handsome, like all Sloans naturally were. The love of his life was a mere three feet away from his fingertips. He had everything, and yet, he had nothing at all. He didn't feel relief, he didn't feel pure jubilation, he didn't feel anything he was supposed to feel. He just felt empty.

Mark took a single step forward, closing the distance between them. He heard her take a sharp intake of breath in anticipation of what he was about to do. He leaned down and brushed his lips against hers. Eternity past in a matter of seconds, as his lips softly pressed into hers. It was everything, this was everything, Mark thought. It was everything, but it wasn't enough. Before he could resolve a next course of action, hands slid to the back of his neck and pulled him closer towards Lexie.

She pressed her lips hard against his, running her finger through his hair on the back of his head. His hands instinctively gripped her waist and pulled her body into his, leaving no room for air nor doubt. His tongue swept the inside of her mouth and she whimpered. She had missed this, this feeling of complacency and anxiety all at the same time. She had missed the way their bodies had molded together, fitting perfectly together like a key in a lock. She had missed the way nothing else mattered in his arms, nothing but them. She had missed him. She had missed him so much.

At this thought she kissed him harder, she kissed him with the pain she had held within her tired bones these past weeks without him. She kissed him with the loneliness she had been left with at the helm of his choice. She kissed him with the anger, the passion, and the remorse that their absence from each other had left them with. She kissed him with everything she had left inside of her. She kissed him with an intensity unmatched by any either had ever known.

It was too soon when he pulled away. It was too soon when she opened her eyes to be met with his. It was too soon when he whispered to her, his arms still wrapped around her small frame. It was too soon when she felt his breath tickle against her cheeks, "I miss you." It was too soon.

Lexie pulled herself from his embrace, taking two firm steps back. She looked down at her mismatching shoes as her mind raced. Just because this moment was perfect, just because their kiss was perfect, just because the idea of them was so incredibly and unbelievably perfect; that didn't change anything. He was still Mark, she was still Lexie, and in the end they were still the couple that, in the end, didn't work out, couldn't work it out. They were still them and they were still devastatingly unperfect.

Lexie spoke softly, "I'm glad Sloan and the baby are okay." She turned silently, avoiding Mark's eyes.

Mark whispered brokenly to her retreating back, "I still love you, Lex."

She paused, her back towards his desperate eyes. She willed herself not to shed any tears, not in front of him. "It doesn't change anything."

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