Summary: Buffy's thoughts after she saves the high school (and well the world) from my mayor during graduation. This is when she sees Angel in the distance and he is leaving. See what all went through her mind in those few last seconds during a last, longing look.

Read and REVIEW please and thank you kindly.

Let Me Let Go

"Fire bad. Tree pretty."

What am I thinking? What am I doing? I can't think – I can't do. All I can do, is see.

I just saved the school. Heck, I pretty much just saved the world, again. I should be hitting the mall to reward myself or celebrating with my friends, like normal girls. Then again, normal girls usually don't save the world. Still, I can't do any of that stuff. I can't even smile, I can't even move. All I can do, is see.

I know there are sirens and crying surrounding me, but their sounds never meet my ears. All I can hear is the shattering of my heart, again.

I don't know what is harder, killing him, or watching him leave me. Leave. Leave and maybe never come back. Oh God, I can't do this. I tried to be strong. I tried to be brave Buffy, but all I want to be is his Buffy. Maybe he'll change his mind. Maybe he will run over to me like in the movies and he will tell me he isn't going anywhere.

He isn't moving, not towards me anyway. Oh God, oh no. This isn't real. This can't be real. He didn't come back from Hell just to leave again.

His eyes pierce through mine and straight into my heart, into my very being. It is then I know, there is no hope for us. He isn't going to hurl towards me and swoop me up into his arms. He's leaving, he's really leaving.

Angel!

I want to scream his name and beg him to stay, to not leave me. I don't think I can handle anymore heartache. I don't think I will be able to hold it together. I don't –

I look up, forcing back tears, to face a now empty space where Angel just stood. Gone.

I can't breathe. It hurts too much. Everything hurts. In this split second, I wish I would have been eaten by a giant snake. Then, for a moment, I wish the same fate on Angel. Rage floods my body but only lasts a minute.

I can't be mad at the person I love, the person I may never see again.

I turn around to join my friends, reverting back to strong Buffy, for them.

They say you never know what you have until you lose it, and once you lose it, you can never get it back. Well, I got what I lost back, and then lost it again. I wonder what they would say now?