Tsunayoshi Sawada, better known as just Tsuna, never had a fulfilling childhood. He was always being bullied by peers of his age, ignored by those who never joined in the teasing, and outright belittled by adults around him. But he always managed to have a gentle smile on his face, even to those who hurt him. After all, he couldn't make his mommy sad. She always got sad when Tsuna was feeling glum. So he smiled for her, to keep her well and happy. (Though, even his smiles didn't help her when his stupid papa forgot to call his mommy on her birthday, or when he never came home after promising his mama that he would.) Sadly, that changed once he entered middle school. Yes, his beautiful crush, Kyoko, was in his class, as well as the popular Takeshi, but that did little to alleviate the pain Nezu-sensei caused. He would almost always single out Tsuna, well knowing that he did not have the correct answer. A student can only learn if his teacher is willing to help, and none of Tsuna's teacher were willing to aid a "lazy" and "loser who will go nowhere in life" student.

Or so he thought.

Turns out, he could become even more pathetic than he believed. And the cause? Kyoko Sasagawa called him Dame-Tsuna for the first time, in his pitiful survival.

He had trusted her. He trusted her to not become like the assholes in the school. She had never once called him anything degrading, and instead always made small talk with him, helped him when he got injured, and stopped as many bullies as she could. He believed in her. And yet, she had the audacity to go and ruin what little faith he had at school. What little faith he had in life.

Fucking bull.

He couldn't remember how he managed to finish his school day before he broke down into a sobbing mess, in the safety of his room.

(What had he done to deserve this?)

Zombielike, Tsuna slowly made his way to his desk and got out a key that he always carried in his book bag. (He couldn't risk his mother finding out what was in it, so he always kept it locked.) When the drawer opened, it revealed two box cutters, a notepad, and one pill bottle. (He always had a way out, but he knew he wouldn't do anything, for his mother's sake. Or so he thought.) Without much contemplation, Tsuna grabbed a box cutter and took out about an inch and a half of the blade, before quickly slicing it across his wrist. Almost as quickly, blood began to pour out of his wrist, but, thankfully, it wasn't too heavy and caused Tsuna to be entranced by the blood coming from a wound that was inflicted by himself. He just wanted to escape. However, he began to feel pain soon enough, causing him to snap out of his endorphin induced trance. Internally screaming, he recovered the wound with an old shirt and ran to the bathroom. And after waiting a couple of (panic induced) minutes, the bleeding stopped. He quickly, but carefully, cleaned up the wound with water and antiseptics, before grabbing some first aid equipment that he had. Since the wound opened quiet large, but not really deep, Tsuna decided to first use some butterfly bandages, then put on a couple layers of gauze strips, before finally wrapping his entire wrist in gauze. He then proceeded to clean up the "scene of the crime" properly, and put everything back in its place. (He would not subject his mother into witnessing that.)

After the whole ordeal that felt as though it had dragged on forever, when reality it was only about 10 minutes, he quietly walked back into his room, hiding his bloodied shirt just in case his mom walked by. Locking his door behind him, Tsuna quickly put the soiled garment in a plastic bag, tied it up and hid it under his bed. (His mother never cleaned under his bed anyways.) Letting out a sigh of relief, Tsuna changed to a long sleeve shirt, to hide what he'd done, and loose pajama bottoms. He sat in silence for a while, before quietly giggling to himself. Because, of course, only he would try to get rid of his being, before promptly freaking out and do his best to reverse the process.

Silent tears cascaded down his face once he realized how pitiable he truly was.

Pathetic.

He truly lived up to the name of Dame-Tsuna.

The following couple of months carried on in the same manner (With the difference of now ignoring Kyoko, with some headphones he got for his birthday.) of him coming home and crying his eyes out, prior to slashing at his skin. Although, he began to do it on his thighs instead of his arms. (Summer was right around the corner after all, and he did not want his mother to become suspicious of him wearing only long sleeves. It seemed she was already thrown a bit back by him suddenly wearing bracelets on his left arm.) Tsuna did then as barley scratches but there were a multitude of them, so his legs looked quite terrible. He found out he enjoyed that sensation better than the deep one on his wrists. Tsuna also realized that by doing this, he had at least one little piece of control in his life.

One thing that he could make him feel both punished and alleviated.

He gave an empty laugh at the irony of it.

Years had passed and now he was a senior in high school, just shy of graduating. But sadly, he still had the habit of slicing his skin open. It lessened over the years, as he tried to stop multiple times, but he always continued the habit. And sadly, he had been "clean" for about 3 months before he had a crash of emotions (It's what he gets, really, for holding it all in for too long. Once a Dame, always a Dame.) and reverted back into the circle of hell. He hasn't had a single "clean" day since.

He gave a weary sigh, pushing away all the colleges that he had to choose from. (Honestly, why did he even have to try? No school was going to accept him.) But of course, he was only doing this to make his mama proud. He didn't exactly care what school he should go to, just as long as it was close to school and had cooking as a major. (It was the only thing he was good at. Bless his mama, for having patience with him and teaching him all of her tricks and recipes. Though, it was ironic how he barley ate anything himself, only when his mother begged him to eat. He never truly felt hungry, and when he did he tended to ignore it.)

Pathetic.

He did not, obviously, get better over the years. His eyes looked dull, with dark bags under them and he was constantly tired all the time. He, in addition, stopped talking completely, only speaking, rarely, to his mama from time to time. (Usually, on his good days. Which were rare.) He would also, when not in school, wear bracelets on his arms to cover up what he had done (He gave up, and started on his arms after two years of only attacking his legs.), and while in school he would wear long, school appropriate, long sleeves. Tsuna also allowed his hair to grow out, slightly, so the front would cover his eyes, and the back cascaded down just past his shoulder, but usually kept it in a pony tail and on his left shoulder. Yet, somehow, the rest of his hair still stayed fluffy and semi-spiky. Though, that didn't matter, as he usually did not take proper care of himself (What was the point?) and his hair was constantly greasy and limp. The only reason why he had a clean room and clean clothes was because of his mama. (How much more of a burden could he be?)

Tsuna shook his head, to try to get rid of the thoughts. (He had to stop slipping into dark territory. He didn't want to damage himself twice in one day.) He decided to change to his pajamas and just go to bed, too tired to deal with the world around him. He gave a little noise of approval. (Yes, sleep sounded divine.)