SUMMARY:

In a cold metropolis, Saïx is hopeless, but Xemnas wants to help him. Yet past is ready to come back again… Xemsai or AkuSai? You decide it! [Oneshot]

So hell yeah. This is the first serious fanfiction I publish there, I sincerely hope you like it and find out the beauty of such complicated feelings. The story forms a sort of climax, so don't worry if it seems to start slow at the beginning.

Please let me know which pairing do you like the most for this story!

Tell me if there are some grammatical mistakes, too!

LIGHT VS. FIRE

Saïx rubbed his dirty hands nervously. He felt uneasy, while sitting on the pure-white sofa in Xemnas's respectable house.

He was just a tramp, but Xemnas insisted in treating him equally, as they were two normal people. However, he knew that it wasn't possible anymore. Saïx was a kind of bum, since his flat had been colonized by the worst kind of friends, alcoholic, on drugs, lazy guys. He had coped with them just because they were acquaintances of his best friend, and he had insisted so much in wanting to protect them, but as a consequence he ended up being infected by their decay.

He was in a terrible situation from months. He couldn't find a job because his degree was based on particularly rare and difficult topics, he didn't have relatives, or friends who were not in his same condition… Nobody could have helped him now. He had strength and intelligence, but they didn't prevent him from such a destiny.

On the contrary, Xemnas was a respectable forty-year-old man met for chance. In the beginning, he wasn't very willing to approach to a beggar like him, but now he was his new friend –or rather his landmark. Since Saix hadn't anything to do, they used to attend each other quite often, discussing about sublime and literature. Saïx used to love them from times of university and they were the main cause of the birth of their relationship.

"There you are." Xemnas came from the kitchen with some tea. Saïx mumbled a thank you, then grabbed the cup of tea with both hands to heat them.

"So… Since we've been out all day, we can have some rest." Xemnas said.

Saïx nodded, gazing at the steaming cup. "Sure. Do you want to see a movie?"

"Actually I'd love to spend the evening talking a bit, if you don't mind." He answered, relaxing in his armchair.

He nodded again, though he was a bit surprised. They had gone to a contemporary art exhibition and had been sharing their thoughts all day long.

"It was interesting, wasn't it?" Xemnas started, sipping his tea. "The exhibition, I mean."

"Yeah… Pretty unusual."

"I have to thank my student, then." Xemnas was a professor in a very famous university.

"Who?" Saïx asked, rising up his eyes.

"Well… She's always on the right, in the third- or fourth last row. She holds a recorder in her hands, sometimes."

"Oh yes, now I recollect her." Once Saïx had joined one of his lesson, they used to quote it quite often. It had been actually memorable: everyone got astonished, even themselves, when they started an enthralling discussion about Euripides's Helena. "She writes a half sentence of notes, then starts to scribble a caricature of you wearing a zebra costume. What does it mean, I wonder?"

"Hem…" He would have told him of that university party sooner or later… But not that day. "When you studied at university, were you used to listen carefully to all lessons?"

Saïx smirked with a sparkle in his yellow feral eyes. "It seems you are investigating what the normal students' behaviour is to compare it with the one of yours during your lessons."

Xemnas coughed a little. "That would be so silly."

"No man is immune from foolishness." He said ironic.

"Maybe foolishness is just not the right name." Xemnas commented thoughtful.

"Then what?"

"I'm just thinking about it, but that's not easy. There are more names, maybe."

While he was thinking it over, Saïx stood up and went next to the window. "You should put something on the sofa. A sheet, for example. Or a pillow."

"Why?"

"Because of me." He answered, serious.

"You're a superstar, of course…"

"No, you know what I mean." Saïx faced him, looking at him intently. "I'm… Dirty."

Xemnas shivered. "That's a strong word… I don't care, I can wash it, besides there are no women who complain if there are stains on the sofa." Xemnas wasn't married, but he hadn't wanted to explain why to Saïx. Maybe it was a trauma. He wasn't used to go out with his friends so often too. "Settle down and take a sit, we just want to relax a bit, shall we?"

Saïx got closer to the sofa, but it was really a difficult issue for him. He could never loosen up, every second he was assaulted by the thoughts of his problems, always the same gloomy ideas. "I'm sorry, you're right, I… I'm just a bit tired… It was a nice day, though" He forced himself to say.

"Yes. How much has it passed since you returned home?"

Saïx was a bit surprised by the sudden change of subject. "Two days… Why?"

"Do you think they will complain that you're disappeared?" Xemnas asked, leaning towards him.

"No way!" he smiled. "I can go wherever I want, just like a stray cat. People there can disappear few days, but no one gets worried at all."

"So you trust each other."

"Trust…and hopelessness!" he shrugged.

"You should definitely set off." Xemnas stated. There was a tense silence. "You are different. Besides, they are only a harm to you."

"I know."

"I'm saying that for your sake. They might be nice people, but they'll bring you down this way." He looked at him and his eyes seemed to say: Even further than this. Saïx felt almost humiliated, but he tried to show that he didn't give too much credit to what Xemnas might think.

"It was Axel who took them to my house."

"Yes, and Axel is the first one you should question your friendship with." He continued seriously, but at the same time as his words were like small burdens to carry along while he was looking at him in his eyes. It wasn't the first time they spoke about Axel, though.

Saïx started, tired: "I don't see him for a while. He's always going around so we don't happen to meet each other."

"That's another reason why he hurts you so much" Xemnas explained, laying the cup on the table to gesture more widely. "Your friendship seems at a critical point."

"Because he always hangs out with Roxas."

"You didn't tell me much about him."

"He's a friend of his" Saïx explained shortly. He had never described his condition in details, since he was a very reserved person and he wasn't proud of it at all. "He met him when they all lived in my house, and from that day on I've seen him fewer and fewer. I'm used to it, it doesn't matter anymore."

"I agree, it doesn't matter, but I'm really sorry that someone just like you has ended up this way. I'd like to find a job for you at university."

Saïx's heart seemed lighter at the perspective. "It would be amazing." He simply stated, even though he was actually moved by his words. However, he didn't want to make it seem as he had become his friend just to receive some sort of favour.

"It would be really the right thing for you." Xemnas smiled. Then said, a bit harshly: "I don't want to see such a brain wasted."

Saïx deeply appreciated his words, but he didn't show it. "It's not sure, anyway. We have to…"

He couldn't end up the sentence since his mobile had started to ring. Saix took it and noticed it was Axel's number. That was weird. Almost scary, since he hadn't received a call from him for a while.

"Hello?" he felt very tense.

No sounds from the other side.

"Hello?" Nothing happened. "Hello? Axel?" Xemnas suddenly stiffened in his armchair. Saïx was turned over and couldn't see his reaction.

"Axel, are you at home?"

Then, a low voice: "Yeah…"

After a moment, he put his mobile in his pocket again and turned himself towards Xemnas with an uneasy smile on his face. "I'm sorry…"

"You have to go, I guess." Xemnas smiled comprehensive, but he looked sad. He seemed hurt that Saïx had to suddenly go away because of Axel.

Yet, he let him go, and looked at him while Saix hurried down the stairs quickly and then rushed into the street to the closest metro station.

He found Axel waiting for him in front of his house. He was slouched on some stairs, wearing a sort of overalls, with his head bowed, as he was feeling sick.

"Axel!" Saïx got close, worried. "What's the matter? Are you ok?"

The redhead rose his head. "Yo, dude, you came." He greeted, but his voice was curiously hoarse. "You're fast, uh."

"Yeah, I was at Xemnas's house."

"Who?"

Probably last time they met they had spoken so quickly that Axel hadn't memorized nothing of what he said. "It doesn't matter, he's a friend of mine." He looked around astonished, as something was missing. "Where's Roxas?"

"He's gone. He's pissed off." Axel stood up, in silence. He looked tired. "Come on, let's have a walk."

Saïx hadn't caught anything about the situation. He put his hands in the pockets of his big black long-sleeved sweatshirt, while both walked through the city districts that Saïx wasn't familiar with and that were instead Axel's usual area. He was puzzled.

"Well, first, there's one thing…" Axel started. It seemed he had decided to come clean. Now he had a louder, more resolute voice. Next to him, Saïx was listening carefully. "I was hanging out with Roxas… Got it?"

"Yes, nothing of unusual."

"Well then, I'm out there and he wanna tell me something serious, you know." Saïx seemed very focused. "He told me… He feels something for me."

"Oh." Saïx had guessed so, but he hadn't believed it to be possible. "Wow, what did you tell him? He wasn't drunk, was he?"

"No, no, not yet!" he swore solemnly. "First, I was really happy about what he said."

Saïx was even more stunned. "I didn't think you're gay."

"What the hell are you saying?! I'm not gay!" he yelled. Then, as nothing didn't happen: "I was really glad Roxas returned my feelings. So, I tried to kiss him… But… I couldn't do that!"

Saïx noticed that Axel, probably for the excitement, had started to walk faster. "Why?" he asked carefully.

"Roxas, or another one, I couldn't do it!" he uttered. Saïx looked at Axel: what did it mean? Suddenly Axel sat down on the stairs of a building and Saïx was forced to stop.

He sat next to him. "Why, pal? Don't break off. What's going on?"

Axel shook his head, staring at the dull asphalt covered with litter. There was a pause. Saïx waited patiently for his friend to recollect himself.

"It's… It's like…" He started, scared. His eyes were kind of desperate. Saïx was to urge him to go on, but Axel continued: "… I couldn't get you out of my head."

After that sentence, Saïx closed his mouth and stared at him.

"I… I couldn't do anything with Roxas, though he knocks me out so much. Roxas… I really like him, that's a pity. I wished I had not a heart, Saïx" he continued, desperate, with his eyes glittering with tears, while the other one kept on staring at him without saying a word, "if I hadn't a heart, I'd have kissed him, I'd be with him and everything would be ok… But I had to turn away from him for some reason I cannot understand, and he went away so mad, and right now… Right now, I don't know what to do… I don't know anything…"

Axel had buried his young face in his rough hand palms, while Saïx, close to him, didn't say anything. And then, Saïx could not explain even to himself how he ended up pressed against Axel in some dark alley of the city, stuck into his mouth, while he was pressing him against the wall of a building. He was almost able to feel his own lips getting red because of their passionate kisses.

Yet, he couldn't understand how he ended up there. Since when Axel was gay, and since when he felt something for Saïx? And since when he felt something for Axel? Yes, he had always had a strong bond with him, but pushed it even to this? And what else could push him, how was it called, this contradictory feeling, which made him act beyond any sense, what was its name…

He was so dumb, he was kissing with both eyes shut, but actually he was always blind. His hands, sealed to the wall to hold Axel tight, had become icy. He remembered when he was at Xemnas's house, in the moment he had taken the cup up, the heat had spread all through his fingers… Like an eclipse. And now, he was so wretched, with his scratched palms against the rough wall…

Yet, why did he keep on to hang onto it, and his traitor sighing lips, which had promised just some minutes before, with any good intention, to break his relationship with Axel, now trapped him there, more enraptured and more distant than ever. The good and fair smile of Xemnas, his saint and strong gaze, with the halo of silver hair, while speaking about what could be the best for him, and the blinding fire of a kiss, that leaves with eyes shut and consumes oxygen, a confused sight of red spiky locks.

He squeezed Axel's hands more strongly, he didn't know whether for accepting them, controlling them or killing them. He would have wished just a name. But he found in himself just rising anger, furious and merciless, and clear, the feeling of being a nobody.