Heartbreak


A fan fic by December 25 1987


Based on the TV show 'Lizzie McGuire'


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My stomach knots up as it does everytime I see her walk down that hallway towards my locker. I nervously check my reflection in my locker mirror, hoping that I look alright enough. I fix up my hair a bit, which is today done up with blue hair extensions that stand out vividly against the natural black of my hair and the kind of clips the pre-schoolers wear. I even out my already evened-out lipgloss on my lips, rubbing the lipgloss in more, and smacking them together. Just as I finish doing all this, she stops beside me and gives me a very bubbly "Hi Miranda!"


I smiled at her. "Hi Lizzie," I say back, mentally hoping that I look alright enough. She looks gorgeous as usual, with her hair in long, blonde waves, and her makeup perfectly placed. She returns my smile, and says to me,


"How was your weekend?" I shrug and close my locker.


"The usual. The 'rents try to do something with me to make me spend more time with them, 'bond' with them, you know, all that. Why can't they just understand that I'm a teenager that just wants to hang out with other teenagers?" She laughs, sending my heart beating faster. Her laugh is so beautiful. I always love it when I can make her laugh, though I don't find how anything I say to her could be funny.


"I totally know where you're coming from, my parents try to make me 'bond' with them all the time. It's especially worse for me because they try to make me bond with Matt as well...and we both know that'll never happen." We both laugh and start off towards the hall as the bell ring signaling that it's time for us to get to class.


As we walk down the hallway just talking girl stuff, Gordo sees us and joins. Even though I think Gordo's alright, I sort of loathe when he joines Lizzie and I. I want to spend time alone with her, and I can't do that when he's around. And he's always around. "Hi Gordo," Lizzie says as he joins our group.


"Hi Lizzie, Miranda. What were you two talking about?" He asks. Lizzie shrugs.


"Just girl stuff. You know." Gordo rolls his eyes.


"Of course you were. What was it this time? Boys, clothes, or boys?" Lizzie giggles.


"Girl stuff that you will never understand," she says, putting her arms around the both of us as we walked cheesily down the length of the hallway and on towards our classes. Despite the cheese, I must admit that I enjoy when she puts her arms around me, even if it's just a friendly gesture. Electricity and warmth, comforting warmth always flows through her to me whenever she touches me. I wonder if my touch feels the same to her.


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"Oh Miranda there's Ethan!" Lizzie whispers to me as we settle in Algebra, our first class of the day. I nod and smile at her, replying,


"Yeah, there he is," trying to hide the jealousy in my voice. I knew that I could never expect for Lizzie to be into me as I was into her. She was, after all, a normal girl with normal interest in boys. But I also could never get over how I would love for to her to hold me in more than a friendly way, or to kiss me. I knew that these were all pipe dreams though. I wholly envied Ethan for being so lucky as he was to have Beautiful Lizzie McGuire crushing on him.


"He is so gorgeous," Lizzie said, with a sigh. "I wish that he would break away from Kate to be with me, you know?"


"Yeah, I completely understand," I reply, thinking to myself 'I wish that you would stop crushing on him and pay real attention to me.'


"But I guess it'll never happen. He could never break away from Kate, not even if he tried. Kate has this way of cementing people in her grasp and not giving them up." At this she uttered another sigh. After a moment, she whispered, "It would be nice though." At the moment the bell rang, and I blew out a breath I'd never knew I'd been holding. I guess it came from anticipating the end of that conversation.


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If I thought that the conversation was bad, I obviously had no clue as to what was about to happen next. What's just happened now. Lizzie just called me with the news. She was so ecstatic like it was good news, but it was all bad news for me. That one phone call has thwarted any hope I ever had of making it with Lizzie.


I was busy slaving away through my Algebra homework (what's the point anyways of Algebra?) when my phone rang. I looked at the clock and realized that it was time for the ritual phone call performed every night by Lizzie, Gordo, and I. I picked up the phone expecting for Gordo and Lizzie to be on the line, but to my surprise, it was only Lizzie.


"Hello?" I said as I picked up the phone.


"Hey Miranda, it's Lizzie."


"Is Gordo on?" I asked her.


"Nope, it's just me." At this point my heart rate begin to increase. She was calling me without the accompanyment (spelling?) of Gordo. She was talking to me and only me. I thought my heart would just burst out of my chest when she followed her last sentence with, "I didn't think he'd really care for what I'm about to tell you."


"Well what is it?" I asked, trying to hide the shakiness in my voice. A long silence and then she replied,


"Ethan just called me and asked me out." I felt my heart crush from dissapointment. I didn't show this to her though.


"Oh Lizzie, that's great!" I lied, trying hard to hide the sound of tears that was making my voice shakier than before.


"Yeah it is. I'm so shocked that I can hardly think. I mean, how can you think when the guy of your dreams has just asked you out?"


"I don't know," I replied. "Uh, Lizzie, I really need to get on this Algebra homework, I'll talk to you tommorow at school."


"Yeah, OK," she replied. "Bye then."


"Bye," I said before hanging up. As soon as I click my phone off, the tears just burst forth. I fell unto the bed that had been supporting me through my Algebra endeavors, and sob into my pillow. That's when it hit me that I could never have her, not even in my dreams. That's when it really hit.


I now know what heartbreak feels like.


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