A/N: So I've been sitting on this idea for a while, I just wasn't sure how to write it. I was watching the episode In Dreams and I thought, "If that really happened, wouldn't April be just a bit more emotional?" So this is my take on the aftermath of that episode in a one-shot. I hope you like it.
Disclaimer: I in no way own, or claim to own, the turtles or their friends or any other characters or places mentioned in this story. I only own my own mind full of ideas. MINE!
Alive...
Many things had happened to April in her lifetime. Things that scared her. Things that hurt her. Things that still haunted her. Her mother had died when she was little. Her father had been taken from her too many times. She had been in danger, mortal danger, more times than she could count. But she was strong. She was an O'Neil. She could take anything that life threw at her and carry the burden. There was always something she could do. Nothing could stop her and nothing could bring her down. Until three days ago.
…...
They were getting weaker. Fading away right in front of her. All of them. Every last one of them. She tried, oh she tried so hard, but nothing was working. They were still sleeping. Still fading. Casey hadn't returned yet and they wouldn't wake up. They couldn't wake up. And she couldn't do anything more to help them! Nothing.
She knelt down beside Donatello and felt his pulse for the hundredth time that day. It was barely there. Out of all four of them, his was the weakest. She knew he wouldn't last much longer.
"Please hurry Casey." April whispered as she cupped Donnie's face with her hands and pressed her forehead against his. She felt so useless. So... helpless.
No. She had to do something. Anything!
"Sorry Donnie." And with that, the frightened red head lifted her arm and smacked the unconscious turtle in the face. Then again, and again.
"You said that wouldn't work!" A voice from the doorway shouted. Looking up, she saw Casey standing there.
"I don't know what else to do! I can barely find their pulses anymore. If we can't wake them up, they won't make it!" Her voice was scared and desperate, but she didn't care. At the moment, that's just how she felt.
Casey pulled in the old man from the store, Bernie, and he asked the most stupid, irrelevant question he could.
"Oh my gosh, is that T.V. set in astro view?" April's jaw nearly dropped. That definitely wasn't the kind of reaction she had expected.
"Really? Not, 'Oh my gosh, giant turtles?'" The girl asked incredulously.
"You see them too?"
The conversation continued behind the couch, but she didn't really pay attention. How could she when her friends were dying around her?
April reached up to the couch and quickly checked on Leo. Still alive. Barely. She thought with relief.
That quickly vanished when she went back to Donatello. He wasn't breathing. His pulse had stopped. His heart wasn't beating. No no no no no no no...
She placed her shaking hands on his cheeks and lifted his head, looking at his unmoving face. He was so still. Too still. Oh god...
"He's not breathing. Donnie's not breathing!" Now she was in a panic. April didn't know what to do. He would know... No, stop it!
She heard Casey speaking. She saw him take the book. She saw him throw it, then smash it on the floor, yet it barely registered in her mind. For that moment, all she could do was sit there and stare at the body of her best friend. Her mutant. Her turtle. He was... he was...
Moving. April heard the sounds of Leo, Mikey, and Raph waking up. Then Donnie. He was awake! He was alive!
…...
Too many things had been going on afterward. There hadn't been enough time for everything that had happened to really sink in. Not until that night, when a nightmare woke her up and wouldn't allow her to go back to sleep. So she didn't. Neither had she the next night. Or this night. Instead, after she had shot out of bed barely suppressing her scream, she had found her way to his door.
That was where she was now, just like she had been the last two nights. The door was only open a few inches, just enough for her to look inside. And that she did. April watched the sleeping mutant, taking into account the rise and fall of his chest proving that he was still alive.
Still alive... No. Those were the wrong words to describe it. More like, alive again. Because he had been... not alive. He had been gone. No longer there. Deceased. Dead.
The thought brought a lump to her throat. That had been the first time she had really allowed herself to think that. She didn't want to, but it was the truth. He had died. Right in front of her. On her watch. And she couldn't stop it. She had failed him. She had let him...
She barely noticed as her hand gently pushed open the door. Her feet were moving of their own accord. Before she knew it, April was at his beside leaning over him, her fingers on his neck. Donnie's pulse beat in a healthy rhythm, just as it should. Air whistled through the gap in his teeth as he faintly snored. The currently mask-less turtle twitched in his sleep at the feel of her cold fingers that still lingered at his pulse point. A small smile graced his face.
April didn't even notice the tears until they were dripping onto the slumbering terrapin's face. She quickly dried her eyes then went to wipe the liquid off of her friends face without thinking of the consequences
Donatello shifted, making the distressed girl jump and bump her hand against the bedside table. Hissing at the new discomfort, April covered her mouth in an attempt to not wake up the turtle. Quietly, she turned and made her way toward the door.
"A-April?" The lamp light clicked on and April turned around. Some Kunoichi I am.
…...
Donnie was staring at her, his tired eyes still blurry from sleep. Why is my face wet? He wondered as he wiped at the offending water. That's when he realized he wasn't wearing his mask.And April was there, seeing him without his mask. That had never happened before. Not that the genius turtle knew of at least.
- - Creak - -
His head, which he hadn't noticed had lowered, snapped back up at the sound. April was at the door, just about to walk out.
"Wait!" He called in a hurry. Swinging his legs over the side of the bed, he sat up. The red head had stopped in the doorway, like a deer in the headlights, but wasn't looking at him.
"Is something wrong April?" No response. Something was definitely wrong. Why won't she look at me? "We can talk if you want. I'm not going anywhere."
She just stood there, rock still. Her flaming red hair was out of it's normal ponytail, hanging down the sides of her face, hiding it. She was wearing an old green sweater and a pair of white and yellow polka dotted pajama pants she had found in her parents old room. They were big on her and it showed, but she hadn't really cared. Neither did he really. She was still beautiful.
Not bothering to grab his mask from the bed frame, Donnie got up from the bed and walked over to her. He put one of his large, three fingered hands gently on her shoulder and used the other to brush the hair away from her face.
April quickly shifted her head to the side and looked away from him. Is she hiding something?
Donatello placed a hand to the side of her face and made her look at him, surprising them both. She looked up at him with wide eyes. Wide red eyes. Tears were leaking down her face slowly, making his heart sink. He used a thumb to wipe at them, but more replaced them.
"April, what's wrong? Why are you crying?" He asked her softly. She was clearly uncomfortable. Most likely she didn't want him to see her like this. But he had seen her like this before. There had been times when he was the shoulder she cried on, and the other way around. What was so different about this?
Now that he really thought about it, April had been acting strange for the last few days. She had been noticeably tired, that's for sure. But she almost seemed distressed over something. Her smiles hadn't come as often as normal. And for some reason, he felt like she had been... avoiding him. At first he had chalked that up to paranoia. But then, every time he approached her, she barely spoke and mostly avoided eye contact, cutting the conversation off quickly and leaving. Did I do something wrong?
"Was it me? Did I do something? Whatever it was, I'm sorry April. I hate to make you cry. I'm so sorry. I'll make it up to you. Whatever you want, just tell me what's wrong. I can-" His rambling was stopped by a hand at his beak, effectively shutting him up. An obviously forced smile was pasted onto her face.
"It wasn't you Donnie. Well, sorta." The girl said in a watery voice, her smile faltering.
The olive green turtle gave her a questioning look. He didn't understand what she meant. How could it not be his fault, yet still be... sorta?
"I'm sorry Donnie. I just, don't wanna talk about it." With that, she turned to go. He wasn't having any of that.
He shut the door before April could pass through it, earning a yelp from the red head. Donnie turned her to look at him.
"April, something's been wrong with you for the last few days. You rarely talk to me. You hardly look at me. You don't even stay in the same room as me for two seconds if there isn't someone else there." He spoke softly yet firmly, locking his reddish-brown eyes with her bright blue. "Please April. Please tell me what's going on, because I don't understand. I want to understand, but I can't if you wont even speak to me!" She only stared at him shaking her head, her eyes still leaking that salty water, but she didn't speak.
His voice was beginning to raise. He knew that, but he kept going anyways. "We can't just continue on like this April! I don't want to lose you over this! I don't even know what this is! What did I do? What did I-"
"You died Donnie!"
"..."
What...?
A suppressed sob wracked her body and she went to her knees. She was barely keeping herself together now, wrapping her arms around herself. It looked like took everything in her to not just break down. She rocked back and forth, tears like small rivulets running down her face.
And he couldn't move. He was... shocked, confused... shocked. He had known that him and his brothers had come close with those Dream Beavers. They didn't speak much of it, but he knew that they would have all been goners if Casey hadn't have done what he did when he did it. No one had told him this though. I... did I really...?
"I what?" His voice was barely above a whisper, but it carried in the small enclosed room. April didn't look at him, but she spoke all the same.
"You died Donnie." She repeated, softer this time. "You stopped breathing. Your heart stopped beating." April's voice cracked and she looked up at him, her pain clear in her eyes. "I tried to- to stop it. I t-tried to help you guys, but I couldn't. I... i-it wasn't working. I couldn't reach you. Nothing I did w-was working! N-nothing. And then you... I failed you Donnie. I lost you. You were dead! Y-y-you were..."She trailed off, her gaze shifting back to the floor.
"I couldn't save you." She whispered.
…...
Before either of them knew it, his long arms were wrapped around her, pulling her close to his plastron. He rubbed her back in comfort as he held her there.
"But you did reach me April." He whispered into her fiery locks. "While I was in there, with the Dream Beavers. I saw you April. Heard you. Twice. You were trying to tell me I was dreaming. Begging me to wake up. It's because of you I figured it out at all." He pulled away just a couple inches so he could look down at her face. Donnie gave her a small reassuring smile. "You were there for me April. For all of us."
She shook her head. "But that wasn't enough. I still let you die Donatello."
"April look at me. Really look at me. Do I look dead to you?" He asked. She gazed at him with wide eyes. Donnie took her hand and placed it on his plastron, right over his heart. "My heart is beating." Then he put her hand right in front of his mouth. She could feel the air passing through her fingers. "I'm breathing fine." Letting go of her hand he continued. "So I died. So I was gone for a moment. I came back April. Like I always do. Like I always will."
April stared into his eyes, knowing he was being honest. She could see his heart there, in his eyes. Like doors to his soul. There was no blame. There was no anger. There was only... love. Relief washed over her like a warm blanket and, finally, she let down her guard.
She cried her heart out, there in his arms. All the guilt and fear and pain she had stored inside of her for the last few days poured out in her tears. He rocked her back and forth, comforting her as best he could. She didn't know how long they stayed that way, but soon she could feel herself falling asleep. Before she faded off into darkness, she heard him speak.
"I'm right here April. I'm alive."