I am not Elizabeth Gaskell, I do not own her characters or story lines. I do not even do them justice.
*My goal is to be historically accurate and to the best of my ability stay within character. Please feel free to critique writing, historical or character accuracy…. Be kind with grammar, I struggle
They continued in delicious silence indulging in delicious kisses. Mr. Thornton's hands cupped Margaret's face and neck. Her small white hands slide along his lapel and fingered the button holes of his overcoat as if with a mind of their own. His arm wrapped around her waist, fingers sprayed out across her back. His other hand cupped Margaret's jaw and steadied her head. Margaret thought it was only he that was keeping upright, otherwise she would melt onto the floor into a puddle. She felt his hand burn through her clothes as if his hand were against her skin.
Margaret had never been held like this before and certainly never been kissed like this before. She began to realize what exactly she was doing, deeply kissing a man in a passionate embrace, and quickly became hot with embarrassment at her situation. However, this did not stop her mouth or her fingers from exploring their new found territory. A thought that Mr. Thornton might expect her to show restraint and may later be horrified at her actions briefly crossed her mind. Before she had any time to weigh on the thought, she quickly broke the trance they were both suffering, pulled away and exclaimed,
"I must explain myself from before, at the train station."
He gave her a puzzled look, his mind not yet reaching the sting of that long ago encounter, he had formed his own theory between what Mr. Bell and lately Higgins had told him of her brother being in town at that time. However, the possibility of it being Mr. Lennox or even worse another unknown lover hung in the back of his mind.
Still he resigned, "You owe no explanation. Your integrity and propriety speak for you and no information could cause me to esteem you any less and there is no capacity to love you more." He put his forehead on hers and closed his eyes, breathing in her scent.
"I want to tell you. I wanted to tell you then but well, I, .. I will start in the beginning….." She continued on with the full account the tale and then paused with some hesitation as she now prepared to confess her great sin to her most perfect and beloved one.
"When the police officer came to the house I had not yet heard from Fred. I dared not implicate him in the death of a man as he was escaping England for mutiny. I did not have faith and I lied. When he came again I still had not heard and so I continued to lie.I resolved that if he should come again I would have faith and tell the truth but he never returned…. to ask that is."
At this Margaret began to feel a lump in her throat begin to build and the warmth of oceans filled her eyes to blur her vision, on the edge of cascading over the edge. Her lip quivered as she spoke, "When he did return it was to tell me you had saved me, without knowing the truth, and prevented the inquest. Thank God at the time I only felt ashamed that you knew I lied, and to a police officer. It wasn't until your mother came to reprimand me that I realized you thought it was probably a secret lover and the great impropriety of my conduct became known to me, although it was well known to everyone else by that time."
At this time Margaret became overwhelmed by her confession and began to think of how great this man was to have stood in the face of her transgressions and never faltered even when he thought her unjust and disloyal. How could she ever prove herself in the face of such behavior? How would she ever prove she was worthy of his affections and attentions? She thought 'I have shown him nothing but disrespect and disguised. He has never known any kindness or goodness in me. Until this moment I have given him nothing but pain'. The tears began to spill over as she continued, "I'm so sorry. I am sorry I lied and I'm sorry I didn't tell you. I'm sorry for all you have suffered and will suffer because of me. Please forgive me John, I am so very sorry."
By this she could no longer contain herself and the tears came heavy and uncontrolled. She buried herself in John's shoulder and he immediately wrapped his arms around her and guided her onto the nearby sofa. Although she was crying, the moment was perfect for John. Hearing her speak his name for the first time was angelic music combined with the soft weight of her body pressing against his chest in his arms. He rubbed her arm and pulled her close, smiling to himself at his own contradiction. He had said whatever she was to say could not make him love her more because he was incapable. Now, he found her full confession and sentiment warmed his heart and stretched it to a new limit. Her obvious concern over his past distress showed her heart had been his for some time and he briefly damned himself for not seeking her sooner, when his fortunes were better.
"There, there. Do not cry Margaret. I knew whatever the circumstances were, you were in the right and would never do wrong. I was simply jealous to not be the man you were….secretive with. I also knew you would die before causing or allowing harm to any creature, and if you had anything to tell the officer you would have then. I thought your lie was simply to save face in light of rumors of being out with a strange man. However, I must admit I am rather glad it was your brother, out of all those it could have been. There, there now do not cry. You must be happy and congratulate me for today my love has agreed to marry me, but I must make her set a date before she changes her mind."
With this Margaret began to laugh and wipe her tears with her hand, somewhat ashamed of the very wet spot on his jacket from her crying. He handed her his handkerchief, a strong, blue JT marked the corner. She took it, used it, and sat back a little on the sofa. Still close and with his hands wrapped around her back and waist.
"I don't mean to be forward but, I would hope for a short engagement." She said with a new confidence gained from the weight of deceit lifted from her shoulders.
Smiling he looked at her swollen lips and urged himself not to kiss her again, "I hope you are forward, we have wasted several years and now I wish to move forward. So, the banns can be called in a month, how is that?" he said rather insincerely.
"If it were my pleasure alone I was seeking I would suggest Gretna Green or a license tomorrow. However, I think we can scarcely do less than six months without much scrutiny. More than we shall have as it is."
"Six months is unacceptable, that is too long. I will have rebuilt my mill, recovered my losses and paid you back with interest in that time. I will have little use for you then." Smiling ear to ear he wondered if this level of jest would be acceptable to Margaret. He worried their love was too young and insecure to hold under the weight of such jokes. Softly he whispered near her ear, "Give me three months, I can do no more. It is like drowning to be without you. I was forced to breathe underwater but now, I have come above the surface to sweet air and sunshine and cannot go back down."
Margaret melted at the sound of these words. She felt as if his hands on her back were the only thing supporting her weight. The softness of his cheek almost deafened his words and she struggled to focus on their meaning. But his exquisite intimacy burned her ears and blushed her cheeks. 'How can he know my inner most feelings and how can he find words, which I cannot, to my own feelings? Surely he cannot know all of my thoughts?' She became embarrassed at the prospect that he could know all the improper things that she was thinking. She barely knew what improper things she was thinking or wanting of him, but she knew that she was and her thoughts improper… or were they. She bowed her head down into his neck feeling her face blush. Raising her head but not yet meeting his eyes she said,
"Perhaps five months if we announce this week. I don't know how your mother or Aunt Shaw will take the rush though. We could imply there has been a long standing, well, um understanding, between us. I believe there have been rumors for some years now. However, we are old enough that a hasty marriage, within reason, may not be thought of. I dare say though that if your Mother makes any protest on the particulars I fear I shall secede allowing she does not greatly delay the date. If I can find any way of pleasing her in this affair I will take advantage. So please tell me of any comments she makes or ways which you feel she is inclined" Margaret persuaded herself as well as John.
"This is not her wedding, it will be as you desire it to be. She will be happy to see me happy and will come to love you. I have no doubt. But things shall be as you wish them to be." Still holding tight in his embrace he picked up her hand and began to kiss each finger while her other hand held tight to his neck and shoulder.
"My only wish is to be married to you, I feel confident the wedding itself will fulfill my needs. Any other detail which will appease my mother-in-law, I will be happy to oblige and use that opportunity as I see fit." Now in a more somber tone she continued, "But John, you must tell her about my brother and the station. Please tell her that I very much wish for her to know but was not at liberty before now. I wish to write her but I do not want that information written in any form. You will tell her as soon as you can?"
He clung to her words, hearing his name pass her lips with such warmth and favor for the second time today almost silenced all her other conversation but he understood his task and agreed to her promise. Some time passed with silent kisses and delicious soft words. It was decided Mr. Thornton would come the next day to speak with Aunt Shaw and all being agreeable would stay for luncheon. Margaret would tell Aunt Shaw tonight and prepare her for the shock. Margaret hoped Mr. Thornton would supper at Harley Street the following evening as he would return to Milton the next day.
For now, Margaret stood at the door way of the back room and kissed him one last time, knowing it may be the last time they were truly alone. Six or even five months seemed like such a long time and to be so far away. Before she watched Mr. Thornton walk to the street she decided she would have to go to Milton. She could not stay placid and subdued in London with this new fire in her heart and her future.
She needed to be in Milton with the hustle and bustle of life, and with John. Margaret could honestly admit in her heart she missed Milton and its energy and movement. She longed to be back in to the flow of life with all of its society, both high and low. Now to face Aunt Shaw and Edith. This only seemed a weak prelude in preparation for facing Mrs. Thornton. Margaret hoped Mrs. Thornton's practicality would be satisfied by Margaret's fortune and her heart warmed by her strong regard for her son. In turn all thoughts came warm and flowing back to John.
She could feel his hands on her side as if there were not layers of dress and corset and chemise and others between her skin and his. Her hands burned where he had placed delicate kisses on each finger, palm and back. Any hardship she faced in her journey to the alter would be well worth her prize and certainly could not be any worse than the history they left behind them.