Chapter 5: Across the Universe- UraharaXIzuru
Note: I think this is one of the most looked forward to drabbles in my little collection. If you have heard the song before, which I hope you did before reading these drabbles, it would have been a good idea, you know it's kind of sad, and who's a better kicked puppy than Izuru Kira right? It's not angst the way some of them are but it is… hopeful? I don't know… just read it… Oh! And something I noticed, Shizuka and Kagekiyo Kira are Izuru's parents, but there are characters of those names in the RPG Genji: Dawn Of the Samurai, which is an awesome game, but now there is no chance of my forgetting their names… though that might be a good thing. But hell, when am I gonna need to use them eh?
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Izuru sat on his bed. Alone. In the dark. A poster boy for emo soul reapers.
But he wasn't sad. Not in the same way he'd defined sad before this. He was actually a little angry. He was not glass, despite the fact that he had went silent at the mention of his taichou mere months ago. He never cried. Not where anyone could see.
And he eventually got over it. He was still scared. He would admit that he was the type of person exactly happy in command, he felt he needed someone to watch out for him. To protect him. Gin had filled that role until his betrayal, and then Kira was lost. All the self assurance he'd had had disintegrated when he was under Gin, and all he need was a chance for the fear of doing every little thing wrong to dissipate, which it did in time.
But not soon enough apparently.
Apparently, everyone thought him this broken up mess of a person, torn to shreds by his loyalties to Gin and his love of his friends. But that wasn't it, that was never it. Gin and him had had a very precarious relationship and he was broken up by his loss, but not because he had been loyal. It had been different. He had been dependant on Ichimaru Gin. Like a parasite, he followed and did as he said because he thought Gin had his best interests in mind. And only when it suited him was that ever true of Gin.
But who else was going to protect him and love him like that?
Kisuke Urahara had come into the picture without warning and with a bang that would have shamed Hollywood.
He saved him.
And that was enough for Kira to feel like a parasite once more and get that deep visceral urge to latch onto him.
But Kisuke wouldn't let him. No matter what he did, no matter the things he did to be noticed and to get closer to the ex-shinigami he just brushed it off. Kisuke was like an Izuru-invulnerable being. And it made him frustrated. Then when he'd pulled out all the stops and genuinely flirted with him, Kisuke had said nothing but excused himself and left him sitting alone in the kitchen of the shoten. Maybe he was just straight and was too nice to say anything. And that was what had gotten him upset. If you don't like me, say it. I'm tired of people sidestepping me for fear of hurting my feelings. And so he was sitting here thinking about ways to fix his image and failing. It's hopeless. I'm forever to be remembered at Izuru Kira, fucked up vice of third who has the emotional fagility of a 15 year old girl on her first date. He sighed and burried his face in his pillow. Well, not really his. One of the shoten's pillows. Renji and him had been staying here for a while now. Since the reinforcements after the first Arrancar attack arrived. Shuuhei had managed to get Keigo's sister to let him stay with Yumichika and Ikkaku, and of course Rukia and Byakuya still stayed with Ichigo. His pillow had obviously been stored in the closet with the extra futons because they smelled the same, cinnamon and that sweet candy smell. Those same smells Kisuke had on him at all times. Not that he had intentionally done something creepy like sniff Urahara Kisuke. It was unintentional every time.
Kira sighed again and shifted, looking at his door. Open it Kisuke. Come in here and demand to know why I've avoided you the last week. Come on in and I'll tell you. I'll be upfront and forceful and I'll show you that I'm not fragile and that you can reject me and not hurt my feelings. I'll find someone else if you can't give me what I want. There are plenty of able bodied hosts out there.
Then to his own surpirse the door actually opened.
"Kira-kun? You awake?" Kisuke asked.
"Sort of." he sighed.
"Can I turn the light on?" Kisuke asked softly, Kira hating the sympathy in that tone.
"I don't care, go ahead." he almost growled, managing to hold back the annoyance just enough. The light flicked on and he sat up. "what do you want Urahara-san?"
"I was wondering if you were okay, you haven't eaten dinner with us in a week." Kisuke asked, sitting on the floor in front of his futon. Kira sighed. Of course he didn't make the connection.
"I didn't feel like eating here." he answered simply, staring holes at Kisuke and mentally swearing that if he didn't make the connection after this he'd strangle him.
"Oh." Kisuke sighed and glanced away. He took his hat off, pushed his hair back, it just falling back into the same position and he replaced the hat again, blowing a stray strand of hair from his nose and sighing. "You don't need to latch onto someone powerful."
"What?" he asked, but he knew what Kisuke meant. He knew that Kisuke understood the whole situation with that sentence.
"You are powerful enough in your own right, you can fight, you can win. If you rely on others completely you'll lose those abilities." Kisuke said, knowing that he understood simply with a look. "It happened once with Gin, do you want that kind of separation again?"
"No." Kira answered, Kisuke smiling warmly.
"I like you Kira. A lot, you're a good man. A good shinigami. And I'm not." Kisuke answered in a finality that made Kira not want to argue with the logic. But it was wrong. Kisuke was a great man, a great shinigami. A great person. He had faults the same as anyone, but Kira's were greater, far heavier burdens.
"You are." he said sharply, Kisuke looking back at him.
"What?" Kiuke frowned, as if he had no clue anyone could argue with him when he phrased things that way.
"You are a great person Kisuke. I wouldn't… feel the way I do about you if you weren't." Kira admitted, Kisuke smirking a little.
"Ah, but the last person you had feelings for was a traitorous bastard if you remember." he reminded, the pain in his eyes not hidden completely by his striped bucket hat.
"He hurt you too." Kira said softly.
"No. Gin didn't." Kisuke answered, not lying.
"Aizen did." Kira nodded.
"Yes." Kisuke said softly. There was silence for a second then he sighed. "Aizen was a friend. It hurts me that he did that to Soul Society, that he stole my Hougyoku. But it wasn't a personal hurt if you understand. I wasn't intimate with him like-"
"I never had sex with Gin." Kira sighed, rolling his eyes a little. Kisuke looked genuinely surprised.
"You-" he started, Kira smiling and shaking his head.
"Gin had lovers but never me. He protected me and kept me. Covered my mistakes. And he loved me in his own way, but I never had sex with him." he smiled on, Kisuke slumping a little and chuckling.
"Well, a thousand years and pervy Gin never took advantage of you. I'm a little impressed." he grinned, Kira winking.
"I'm a sex kitten." he smirked.
"Sure are." Kisuke laughed. Kira laughed too and then sighed.
"Listen, Kisuke, I do like you." he said, Kisuke nodding his agreement.
"And I like you too Kira." Kisuke smiled.
"Then, lets see where that road goes." Kira put his hand on Kisuke's knee and smiled fondly at him.
"If you keep calling yourself a sex kitten I'm going to have call you on it, is where that road is going." Kisuke grinned almost perversely. Kira laughed, no one had had the gall to look at him that way since the betrayal. It was nice to make jokes of a sexual nature without having the person think you were actually serious.
"I don't think I'd mind too much." he smirked.
"Aiie… everyone outside this room still thinks 'poor Izuru-kun, I hope he's okay, he hasn't eaten in a week' and you're in here making lewd comments." Kisuke chuckled.
"Despite how I hate people thinking me fragile, Matsumoto-san never baked me brownies when I was normal stuck up Izuru. Not to mention Renji takes me drinking and pays for the entire tab." Izuru smiled.
"Ah, you're not a liar, you're just a freeloader like Renji." Kisuke nodded knowingly.
"Renji's not a…" Izuru frowned, trying to think of a possible way that could be true.
"Sorry, inside joke." Kisuke waved it off like he was dispelling smoke from the air. Kisuke stood and smiled. "Start by coming back to the kitchen tables in the evening. You can sit beside me."
"Thanks Urahara-san."
"Call me Kisuke, Izuru."
"Good night Kisuke."
"Likewise Izuru."
End. Eh… that wasn't nearly as good as I thought it'd be. Blegh. The Let It Be Drabble was better.
I'm never going to live up to that…
*sigh* sometimes I'm so good I hurt myself…