The skyline of New York city was a sight to behold, as it's many skyscrapers acted as illuminated pillars of light amongst the nearly endless blackness which surrounded them. Speaking of towers and blackness, a livid James Rhodes strode down the dimly lit halls of Avengers tower, a crumpled magazine in one hand, and the other clenched into a rock-hard fist. He stopped as he reached Tony's personal penthouse and knocked on the door.
"Friday!" Yelled an increasingly frustrated Rhodey as he knocked repeatedly on Tony Stark's door, "Let me in!"
"Colonel James Rhodes," spoke the AI, "Mr Stark has said not to let you in until you use the password." James sighed and leaned into the microphone to whisper,
"Chocolate Milk." The door clicked open,
"Welcome Colonel James Rhodes." Rhodey rolled his eyes as he entered the luxurious apartment which overlooked the sprawling metropolis below.
"Toney!" He shouted into the empty room, "We need to talk about what you just did!" He held up the magazine, "What the hell were you thinking Tony?!" He looked around the darkness and couldn't see him at all...all he saw was a bottle of exquisitely expensive cabernet sauvignon, sitting in a bucket full of ice on the coffee table. Again, the unenthused 'War Machine' rolled his eyes, 'what game is Tony playing?' He thought to himself.
"Ah Hem!" proclaimed a victorious Tony Stark as he stood on the pristine glass staircase above Rhodey, "Up here Colonel." He was smiling, and held two crystal wine glasses in his hand, and was wearing his red and gold patented 'Iron Man' bathrobe. James had enough,
"Tony get the hell down here right now!" Tony played the fool and put on a faux worried expression as he descended the staircase,
"What seems to be the problem Rhodey?" He said mockingly as he gnashed his teeth repeatedly, spurring on his agitated ally.
"What seems to be?!" Screamed the now volcanic Rhodey, "The problem is that you just legally rebranded yourself as 'Iron Dick'! You didn't even tell anybody you just went and did it!" He held out the tabloid, it's front cover draped in Tony's crazed face as he held a fistfull of approved legal documents, his newly developed 'Cock Repulsor' Firing a chain of energy blasts into a nearby children's hospital.
"Oh." Said an uninterested Tony, now filling the glasses with the wine, "That." He offered James a glass, he accepted.
"What's gotten into you Tony? Is this about Pepper? She left a year ago Tony! Christ!"
"IT'S NOT ABOUT PEPPER!" Snapped back a furious Stark, pointing an aggressive finger at James, "It's...a celebration of sorts. That's why I have the fancy wine and all." Rhodes squinted at the zillionaire, perplexed by his word choice,
"Celebration?" He looked at his friends' get up and thought about another, more interesting question, "Why are you in your bathrobe Tony?" He asked, somewhat terrified of the answer. Tony leaned forward and squinted, clearly not registering what his buddy had asked,
"What?" He asked calmly as he sipped the cabernet sauvignon.
"You're in your bathrobe." Rhodey said as he pointed at the flowing red garment. Tony's eyes shot wide, everything had just snapped into place,
"Oh! Yeah I just got out of the shower." James nodded,
"Oh ok." James said as he too drank from the wine. He was about to give up on reasoning, that was until he noticed a crucial flaw in Tony's alaby. He was about as dry as Margaret Thatcher's mindge.
"Tony, you didn't just get out of the shower your hair is dry." Tony scowled, bit his lip then let out a sigh…
"This is MEANT to be a celebration." Rhodey threw his glass to the floor and screamed like a loon,
"A celebration of what!" Tony stood up and casually tossed his glass to the side, shattering it into a bazillion tiny shards,
"Of you." He smiled as the lights dimmed even further, and a projector screen descended from the ceiling, revealing images of Colonel James Rhodes and his wife...compulating.
"I've kept a close eye on you Rhodey." Stark said with a glint in his eye.
"Is that my fucking wife!?" Proclaimed a disgusted James. Tony laughed,
"She was...but now I am!" Tony let his robe fall...he had done it. Tony's head was crudely stitched to a women's body. He had successfully transplanted his head unto Rhodey's wife Dorothy.
"You see Rhodes...this was my plan all along...Iron Man, the Avengers, Ultron...all of it. I needed to sharpen my mind, enhance my technology to the point were I could do what needed to be done! Before Rhodes could even react, the automated 'Suit-up' System entrapped him in his War Machine armour.
"Now...you can fuck me, your wife Iron Dick, and be my sidekick! Fuck Machine!" James was without words, but full of tears,
"Dorothy...my love...she's...dead!" he screamed in anger as the newly formed Tonethy bent over, revealing his decomposing ass,
"NO NO NO NO! I AM HER! Now! Become the Fuck Machine!" As he said this, the suit sprang to life, and marched towards Tonethy's now exposed rumpus. Rhodey fought to take control back but it was no use, the armour moved with a mind of its own. Tonethy laughed as he coated his dry and cracked lips with the finest lipstick.
"NOW RHODEY NOW!" Then it happened. A massive metal schlong extended from the suit's crotch and impaled Tony.
"GLAD TO SEE MY UPGRADES WORKED!" James could only watch in horror as he fucked Tonethy Savagely. He began to tear up and scream in protest but there was nothing he could do...only watch. When expired, Tonethy lifted himself from the metal dick and stretched.
"Now that...was awesome." He clapped his hands, then his ass and danced a merry jig as the War Machine died from a brain hemorrhage.
Directed By George Lucas
"Just as planned?" Asked an inquisitive nick fury as he emerged from hiding behind Tony's bar, his firm dick still in his hand. Tony Smiled,
"Yep...you satisfied?" Asked a now sweating Tonethy, Nick nodded,placing his handful of cum into his empty eye socket for safekeeping,
"Absolutely."
The Iron Dick will return in Avengers: Infinity War
The End