A/N: This is pure crackfic. It's based off of the popular, speculative fandom idea that Santana might move in with Kurt and Rachel in the later half of season four. I'm not trying to bash Kurt or Rachel at all, I LOVE both of their characters….I just wanted to take the perspective of how Santana would react to them, plus, I wanted to make a silly crackfic that parodies them slightly. I think they are adorable and the cutest "couple" on the show. In fact, I'm nervous about the idea of Santana moving in…
Before Santana's knuckles even made contact with the door, it flew open and the Latina was left with her fist raised in mid-air, her mouth open slightly in shock.
"Welcome to our home!" Rachel Berry trilled happily, ushering her over the threshold with a grand, sweeping gesture that belonged in a lavish movie musical from the 1940's. "Well, your home as well."
Santana blinked. She wondered if she was doing the right thing moving in with them. Rachel's smile was blindingly bright and white. She didn't know if she could stand living with such perkiness (not the good kind) all the time.
"Happy Homecoming!" A voice called.
Out of the corner of her eye, Santana could see something glowing. Flames. Kurt (AKA: Fruit Loops) was so gay he was practically flammable, but that wasn't it. Kurt was coming towards the two girls with a cupcake on a small plate. The cupcake had a single, lit candle sticking up from the middle of it.
"….Thanks?" Santana took the plate from him. The cupcake was slathered in pink frosting with rainbow sprinkles on it. Beautiful calligraphy written in red icing said "Welcome Home, Santana!" on the face of the cupcake. Santana snorted. It was weirdly sweet. She bit into the cupcake….a vanilla/chocolate swirl. Yum.
As she was enjoying her cupcake, her two new roommates were grinning at her like proud parents. The weirdest thing was how close they were standing. They had their arms wrapped around each other's waists, with Rachel leaning her head on Kurt's shoulder. They made a cute couple. Had Santana not known them, she would have sworn they were fucking on a regular basis.
"You guys remind me of Will and Grace." The Latina remarked.
Kurt smirked at her, then looked at Rachel….the way he was looking at Rachel, and she back at him, made it look like they were communicating almost telepathically.
"Not anymore." Came Kurt's sly rely. Then, to Santana's horror, he began singing in a voice slightly lower than what she was used to hearing him sing in:
"Come and knock on our door…."
"Come and knock on our door…" Rachel gleefully echoed him.
Oh, dear God. They are not seriously doing this? Santana wondered, her eyes widening slightly. She hoped she was having a bad dream. She choked down the last remains of her cupcake as the serenade continued.
"We've been waiting for you…" Kurt sang in a slightly old fashioned, jazzy tone.
"We've been waiting for you…" Rachel trilled after him, an octave higher.
And then, the Siamese spirit twins sang together. It was creepily cute:
"Were the kisses are hers, hers and his
Three's Company, too!"
Weirdos. Those two seriously needed to get a room. Before they could continue, Santana set her empty plate down and slowly started to back toward the door, a thoroughly creeped out look on her face.
"Where are you going?" Kurt practically whined. You could tell he really wanted to get to the 'rendezvous' line.
"I think we scared Santana away…." Rachel pouted.
Santana fought the inner urge to smirk. She was just teasing them, of course. She didn't want to end up paying rent by herself when she could share the responsibility with two other roommates. She just liked messing with them.
"I changed my mind…" Santana went on, but slowly, a smirk started to form on her lips. "I think the crack head next door is looking for a roommate. I don't want to catch your….Brady Bunch-itis…"
"Oh, you!" Rachel scoffed, catching onto the joke. She linked arms with Santana and practically yanked her away from the door. "We're sorry…we're just really excited to have you here!"
Santana didn't say anything. She looked from Kurt to Rachel, then back to Kurt. She couldn't help but feel like she was intruding somehow. Like she didn't belong. She didn't want to rain on the gay-tastic, sparkly, musical lifestyle that was Hummelberry.
"I don't know, guys…"
"So, you're not as musically or pop culture obsessed as we are!" Rachel chirped on. "We don't have to be "Three's Company"….we can be…"
"RENT!" Kurt piped up. "Let's be RENT!"
The Latina thought it over for a split second. RENT was pretty bad ass.
"Well, okay…" She smirked. "But I get to be Mimi."
THE END
A/N: I would LOVE to have Hummelberry as my roommates, personally! Although, they might cause me to die prematurely from cuteness overload. XD