Burn

Part 1

Prologue: This is an A/R type story- NC-7 for language and possible adult situations later ?

1) Lucky is alive and is best friends with Jason- Sonny has started to come between them and Lucky and Sonny really don't like each other all that much. Lucky and Carly weren't very close and Lucky only tolerated Carly out of respect for Jason. Carly is working for Luke and living between Lucky's apartment above Luke's and the Brownstone with Bobby.

2)Hate Sex did happen and Jason did leave - everyone blames Carly for driving Jason away.

3) A.J. threw Carly out a week after Jason left and filed for divorce- a month later he got full custody of Michael and took off with him. Carly got no alimony and no visitation.

4) Story begins 5 months after Jason left. Flashbacks will be in italics.

Feeding another picture into the fire, she tried to ignore the tears that were threatening to fall. She was surprised that she had any tears left to cry. How many hours had she spent crying in the five months that he had been gone? Looking around she felt the emptiness of the penthouse and felt nothing but sorrow. How many times since he had left had she ended up back here- searching for any sign of him, wanting to be somewhere that he had been?

Occasionally she even spent the night here- when Lucky was working late, Sonny was out of town, or she didn't feel like crashing at Lucky's place or with her mom. Where she slept no longer mattered to her? Very little mattered to her these days.

In a daze, she threw one of his t-shirts that she had stolen into the flames, wincing as it burnt quickly. She had held on to anything and everything that had to do with him for so long, somehow managing to pick herself up and face the world that first horrible month and then she lost everything.

A.J. screwed her out of custody and made sure she lost any rights to visitation. He had taken her sweet boy out of her arms and out of town. No one would tell her where he went or when he would be back. They took pleasure in her misery, relishing every plea. The ones that didn't completely hate her managed to feel some sort of pity, but no one was willing to help. No one without Spencer blood anyway.

Adding a pair of boxers to the fire, Carly smiled as she thought about her mom, Luke and Lucky coming to her rescue. Never in a million years would she have expected them to take her side. But they did. Luke gave her a job and kept an eye on her, while also searching for hints as to where A.J. might have scurried off to. Lucky had become her lifeline- even now he was searching for the arsonist that had burnt down Jason's warehouse, so that she would have some leverage against A.J.

Of course it had been over two months ago that he had left and no one had heard from him. It would take something big to shatter her trust in him, but there were times when she couldn't help but worry that he had bailed on her too.

Sonny had become a total pain in the ass- never wasting a moment that could be spent torturing her and tearing her down.

Closing her eyes she tried to rid herself of the last major confrontation they had. His words, however seemed imprinted in her mind, always replaying... that night had almost destroyed her- until Lucky had stepped in and saved her.

~3 months earlier~

"People like us- we don't get to be happy. We destroy everything good we touch and everyone that gives a damn about us. Nothing is sacred- we want what we want and to hell with anyone that gets in our way. You think I regret that night, huh? Let me tell you something, little girl. Helping Jason to see just how big a whore you are makes it all worth it. Me, I can live with Jason's anger, I can live with it because I got him away from you. You can't poison him anymore and Michael- well, that little boy is better off without you. We all would be better off if you just simply- disappeared..."

Carly stood there frozen at his attack. This was the most Sonny had said to her since the night they had slept together and after everything she had been through recently, she just couldn't fight him. She stood there silently, shivering on the docks, taking everything he said without reacting. When he realized that he wasn't going to get the reaction he was looking for he called her a whore, spit at her feet and walked off laughing.

Watching him walk away she struggled to breath, desperately trying to pull air into her tortured lungs. His hateful words played over and over again in her head.

"He's right..." She whispered, finally allowing her tears to fall. At that moment she really believed that everyone would be better off if she was gone.

Before she could stop, she found herself standing at the edge of the pier, looking over into the dark water below. Vaguely, she was aware of herself slipping out of her heavy coat and kicking her shoes off. She could see her breath with each desperate sob she let escape.

Every horrible name that she had ever been called and every vulgar threat and hurtful comment played through her head.

Gasping she covered her ears in a desperate attempt to block it all out. But, the voices wouldn't stop. Making her decision, she felt a small sense of peace descend upon her. She didn't scream, she didn't make any noise whatsoever. Carly took one finally choking breath and stepped off into the air.

So lost in her misery, she never noticed Lucky appear out of nowhere, screaming her name and running towards her.

Before she even had time to enjoy the numbing sensation from the icy water, Lucky was pulling her up on to the pier and yelling to Johnny for help.

They told her later that Johnny had carried her wrapped in his own coat to the car and she would later recall hearing his voice shouting and swearing along the way.

In fact she didn't even become aware of her surroundings until much later when she found herself wearing a dry t-shirt and sweat pants that belonged to Lucky and bundled in at least three blankets and sitting on his couch.

As if he sensed that she had returned to the world he had knelt before her and asked her if she was ok.

She would never forget that moment because she had seen genuine concern in his eyes. Carly had fought back her tears until she thought she would burst and managed to whisper, "I have nothing."

It was in this moment that Lucky had claimed a huge piece of her heart and earned her undying loyalty. Taking her hand and brushing a strand of hair out of her face he smiled, "You have me."

Those three words had changed everything about their relationship. Blood should have made them family, but from that moment on they were really family for the first time.

Blinking back more tears Carly smiled softly at that thought. Lucky would barely speak to her after he had found out about Sonny, but in his own way he had forgiven her and accepted her and for that she was eternally grateful.

Between Lucky and Johnny, she was rarely alone. They kept an eye on her and kept Sonny and her from being in the same areas. Between them and her mom and Uncle Luke, they had stood beside her and held her hand until she was able to stand again on her own.

As she through in another picture she tried to prepare herself for her world to implode once again. Everything good that had happened over the last months was about to be blown to hell.

Deny. Deny. Deny.

Those three words had become her mantra and she was desperately clinging to them. The time was way past for her to come clean with her family and now she didn't have a choice. They would find out anyway.

Lost in her thoughts she never heard the door open.

"Don't you know Spencer's only burn down kitchens, not entire penthouses." Lucky laughed as he stepped into the room.

Without a second thought Carly jumped up and ran to him, throwing her arms around him and holding on tight. She was afraid to let go, afraid that she would lose Lucky.

Lucky chuckled, "Johnny said you were here. Hey come on, you're acting like you actually missed me or something."

Carly pulled away with a watery laugh, "Or something."

Wiping a tear of her cheek, Lucky smiled tenderly, "Well, Sweet Car-o-line- I got it. We're gonna get that rat bastard by the balls and teach him what it means to fuck with a Spencer."

Biting her lip Carly closed her eyes and pulled away sadly, "You are gonna hate me, Lucky. You're gonna hate me and I don't think-"

Lucky's brow wrinkled in confusion, "Hey- you are supposed to be happy right now, telling me how I am your hero and that I'm the best cousin in the whole world..."

Carly began to cry in earnest, "You are the best cousin and I don't want to lose you..."

Leaning forward he wiped the tears from her face, "Never gonna happen. Spencer's tend to stick remember..."

Carly interrupted, "You don't understand... I haven't told you something... I have been keeping something from you."

Lucky frowned, "Tell me... what's going on? What in the hell are you talking about? You got some surprise up your sleeve?"

Not being able to say the words, Carly picked up his hand and placed it on her slightly rounded belly, "Surprise!"