Eyes of Infinity
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter. J.K. Rowling does. I do not own Sirius Black. If I did, I would be making money off of this fic, not staying broke. Also, if I did, Sirius would not be DEAD. Honestly J.K. Rowling really upsets me sometimes. Kills off one of the best characters like it's nothing. I mean, really do you know how much grief I was in when he died?! Honestly! Ahem...anyway…oh yes, I DO own Kat. She is my entirely made up character (I am so proud that I own something). But other than that, I own nothing…I am entirely broke. So if you sue me…you will get nothing…because I'm broke. Anyway, on with the fic.
From Kats POV::Reflections::
It was cold. The lighting was dim in the room, but I didn't care. I just couldn't seem to muster the energy to do so much as light a candle or even pull open the curtains to allow some of the moonlight to flow into the room. I just couldn't help letting myself slip into that state that's sort of like deep thought, where you're kind of spaced out and letting random thoughts flow through your mind. The only problem was that all the random thoughts seemed to have a single person in mind. I felt…Strange. Not just strange, but awkward. It was like everything that made up my life just…wasn't the same anymore. Well, it hadn't been the same for a while now, but I been convincing myself that everything was just the same.
I was interrupted by a knock at my window. It was a very light knock, but in the dead silence of my room, it was still enough to startle me. I sighed. Perfect timing as usual. I got up and went to the window, opening it quietly so no one would hear. "What are you doing here?" I asked, rather pointlessly. He might as well have lived here, as much as he came here.
"Got bored," was the only forthcoming reply. Of course that's the kind of response I would have expected anyway. I could understand his reasoning for coming. I mean, living in a house like that with all those stuck up prats, constantly going on about pureblood madness, it was enough to make anyone want to leave. And naturally, he wouldn't say that it was that very reasoning that made him come all the way over here to seek solace and normalcy at my house. Such was the way of thinking of Sirius Black.
He climbed in through my window with the stealth and secrecy of someone who had been doing it for a very long time, which in fact, he had. He then walked casually over to the small couch that was over to the left side of my room and sat down. Shaking my head, I closed the window and followed suit.
"Kinda dark in here, yeah?" he commented.
"Yeah. I guess it is." I replied.
"You get all your school shopping done?"
"Uh huh. Just finished it today."
"Oh."
There was this…growing distance between us. The gap had just been getting wider and wider as time went on. Maybe he sensed it too. He had to have sensed it. Otherwise, we both wouldn't be lapsing into silence like this. "So…you have another row with your parents?" I asked carefully. I regretted the statement as soon as it left my lips.
"There not my parents!" he began heatedly. He stood up from the couch and began pacing about restlessly, his black hair flowing carelessly about him. "Why would I want to be considered part of a family that's made up of lying arrogant bastards!" He stopped, seemingly to become conscious of what he was saying. "I'm sorry," he murmured, in a voice that was almost inaudible. "I just…never mind." And then the silence returned with a vengeance. He stood quietly with his head bowed and his back to me, and I sat stunned on the couch, not knowing what to say.
I automatically felt a stab of guilt for bringing the subject up. I knew that was what was bothering him, and there was a time when I could have helped. But there was that wall again, that growing distance that seemed to consume everything around us. "I didn't mean to…" I started.
"No, no it's not your fault." He flopped back down on the couch and sighed. "I guess…I just…needed a break. Or something." He looked at me as if searching for something. I returned his gaze, hoping that he would find whatever it was that he was looking for. Apparently he didn't because his next statement left me at a loss for words. "Guess I'll go now" he said, and rose and headed for the window.
"…Okay" I replied in a hollow sort of voice. I followed him to the window, wondering if there was anything I could say to make him stay, without botching the situation further and making him feel worse. But the more I tried to think of something, the more I realized that there was nothing I could say.
"Kat." The sound of my name snapped me back to reality. We were both standing at the window, in silence. I waited, feeling the uncomfortable stillness continuing to wrap itself around us. "So…I guess I'll see you on the train tomorrow then."
"Yeah." I agreed tonelessly.
"Alright…so…bye." He replied. And with that he climbed out the window, and down the tree, and was gone. I stood there for a few minutes, reflecting on what had just happened. Then, closing the window, I walked over to the other end of my room and sat down upon my bed.
"Wow, Kat, you're really something" I thought to myself. "You had to go and bring up the one thing that he came all the way here to escape." Another pang of guilt assailed me.
"But it was only natural for you to try and talk to him about it." Another voice inside me argued. "After all, you used to be able to talk to him about anything.""Used to" being the key words. It was driving me crazy. Here I was, ready to start my 6th year at Hogwarts. Passing grades, plenty of friends, what more could I want? I mean, the loss of one person can't possibly outweigh how much I have gained over the years. Never mind that the one person I'm slipping away from is the person I have known since I was 4 years old, and the closest friend I have ever or will ever have. I sighed, and threw myself back on my pillow, trying vainly to reason things out.
Sirius Black was probably one of the most difficult people to ever understand or get close to. But once someone was able to break through those walls, it was well worth it. And now all those walls were coming up again. I remembered his eyes as he spoke. They were so pained. The most beautiful crystal blue eyes I had ever seen before were just so tormented, almost like there was a demon inside trying to get out. And yet there was nothing that I had been able to do to ease his pain. That one fact was the one that hurt the most of all. If there were anything at all that I could do to prevent such pain, I would have done it gladly. But I remain powerless against it. It had never been this way before…
::Flashback::
It was late afternoon, and I was bored. I tried to think of something to do, something that would occupy my attention for a while, but every idea I came up with was as unappealing as the next. Ok, so maybe I wasn't bored, just nervous. Although, everyone else seemed really excited, I remained uptight and a nervous, and a bit scared. So I had resigned myself to sitting in my room with some music playing in the background in order to calm my nerves, and maybe help me to forget about what was coming the next day.
The knock at the window came as a welcome surprise. I sprang to the window, glad of the company. "Sirius," I exclaimed happily. "What are you doing here, I thought today was that big party thing at your house?" The last I had heard, his parents were going to have a going away party for him. Maybe I had mistaken the day…
"Yeah, some party. I told you, Kat. Any sort of party at my house is just a lame excuse for the whole family to get together and talk about other families behind their backs." He shrugged. Then he cocked his head to the side and added as an afterthought "Oh, and yell at me for tarnishing the family name, and warn me not to continue my disreputable behavior when I get to Hogwarts." Then he smirked. "Besides, I'd much rather be at my best friends house on her birthday that at my house any day. It's not every day that you turn eleven you know."
I watched as he walked carelessly into the room. I shrugged, knowing full well that his family was horrible to him. "You shouldn't say that about your family, even if it is true." I stated. "And you shouldn't act like it doesn't effect you, because it does!" I added, letting some anger well up in me.
"I know it affects me" he snapped back. "But it's easier to deal with if I laugh it off!" I flopped down unceremoniously on the couch, still angry, but unsure as to whether or not I wanted to start a fight over this. Sirius seemed to understand what was going through my head because he came over and sat beside me. "Listen, I don't want to fight about this either." He put an arm around me consolingly. "Trust me, I'm fine with how my family acts. Know why?" I shook my head. "Because I have you." He stated simply.
Now normally I would have responded with some comment or another, but that statement was so genuine that the only thing I could do was open my mouth several times as if I were going to answer, but no sound would come out. Sirius laughed. I turned and glared at him. "It's not funny." I said simply.
"Yes it is," he replied. He had one of those looks on his face like he was going to get all philosophical on me. I waited to see what he had to say. "Honestly, Kat, you're my best friend. I mean, it's good for my health that I have someone like you to rant about my family to. Because if I didn't, it would really get to me."
"Well goodie for me." I said dryly. I grinned. He rolled his eyes.
"Alright then, so here's another reason that I came over today." He stood up and pulled something out of his pocket and held it behind his back. "Which hand?" he asked innocently.
"What is it?" I asked eagerly.
"Guess the right hand and you'll find out, now won't you?" he said teasingly. His blue eyes sparkled mischievously. I considered for a moment before choosing his right hand. "Are you sure?" he taunted.
"If that's the hand that has something in it, I am." I replied.
"What if it's not?" he countered, smirking.
"Then I'll just have to pry it out of your other hand." I retorted. At this he laughed, and finally gave in. He presented me his right fist, which was still closed. He turned it so that his palm was facing upward and opened it. In his palm sat a small silver ring. I gasped. I picked it up to look at it more closely. On it was crafted the shape of a unicorn. It was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. I had never seen a ring that had looked like this one before. "How…Where did you get this?" was all I could manage.
"Well," he started, tossing his long dark hair behind his shoulders. "There's this place I know of…a little place… and you can make stuff there. Like jewelry. I mean, not just normal jewelry. They like…use magic on it to make it better, and make it personal. So I went there, and I told the lady that you liked unicorns, and she helped me make it." He paused. "You do like it, don't you?"
I then proceeded to look at him like he was psycho. "What are you talking about, 'do I like it?' of course I do! It's beautiful!" I hugged him like there was no tomorrow.
"Alright, alright!" he said, loosening my grip on him. I slipped the ring on my finger and stared at it. "Oh yeah, and the lady, she put a charm on it so that it will shrink or expand to fit the wearers finger, so you won't ever outgrow it."
"Wow," I murmured. "I'll never take it off." I vowed quietly. "Magic really is something."
"Yeah." He replied. "Which brings me to my other reason for coming here today." His face grew solemn.
"What?" I asked, becoming a little edgy by the seriousness of his tone.
"Hogwarts." He said. And it was that word that reminded me with a pang of fear where I would be going the next day. Everyone else in the world seemed to be excited about going away to a new school, and learn about magic. Was I the only one that had doubts or fears about this? I mean, there were just too many 'what ifs' for my eleven-year-old brain to process. Sirius seemed to be expecting this sort of reaction, and he steered me over to the couch and sat me down. "Alright. Spill it." Was all he said. So I proceeded to tell him about how scared I was, how I didn't want to leave because what if it turned out that I didn't fit in at Hogwarts, how everything was happening so fast and September first was tomorrow and we had to leave already and everything was just crazy! And he didn't say one word the whole time. He just sat there and let me rant on, and get everything out into the open.
After a while, my protests stemmed to a halt, and quietness descended over the room. I had to admit that I felt a lot better now that at least my concerns had been voiced to someone other than my parents, who could only answer that 'everything would be fine once I got to Hogwarts' or 'it's perfectly normal for you to be nervous'. I felt a nudge on my arm. I looked over to find Sirius smiling reassuringly at me.
"I'd be lying if I said I knew for sure that everything was gonna be alright. But it can't be all that bad I don't think. I mean, I'm scared too, but from where I'm sitting, it can't be worse than living at my house. Look at it this way…at least we are going there together."
"But Sirius, what if we aren't in the same house!" I whimpered. "What if we get put in completely different houses, and we never have a single class with each other, and we never see each other at all!"
"Well then we will just have to MAKE some time where we see each other." He said resolutely. "Kat, I understand what your saying, and I'm nervous about it too. But if you think that I'm just gonna forget about the existence of my best friend if we get separated, you're crazier than I give you credit for. Even if we don't get put in the same house, we'll still be able to do things together. And if you ever need me for ANYTHING in the future, you know I'll be right there by your side." I suddenly felt relief wash over me. I leaned into Sirius and felt relaxed, and further worries about Hogwarts were no longer a problem.
::End Flashback::
I stared at the silver ring on my finger. How much had changed since then? Everything used to be so simple. I lay down on my bed and wondered how things could have changed so much without me realizing it. It was still true that Sirius' parents still treated him horribly, and still accused him of tarnishing the family name, but now he wouldn't even so much as come to me for support. Now he loses himself by having people surround him all the time. Different relationships with different girls every few days. Quidditch practice. Anything to take his mind off the pain. But although he acts as though nothing is wrong, as though his world is perfect, I can see through it all. It's his eyes that give him away.
I closed my eyes, hoping that sleep would come. Maybe tomorrow on the train things would be different. As I felt sleep come over me, all I could see were those startlingly blue eyes, looking back at me in anguish, hoping for a release from the pain.
Well that's the first chapter! Hope everyone liked it. EVERYONE R&R!!! I need some good reviews to keep me going, otherwise I lose interest. This is my first HP fanfic, but I've had this idea for a while now. I'm just now getting motivated to put it on here. Anywho… see ya next chapter!