IN DREAMS
Rose Tyler was beautiful, it was a kind of beauty that was both innocent and provocative at the same time - and she captivated the Doctor. He'd suddenly find himself thinking of her... he couldn't help it. He paced the TARDIS floor most nights. Counting sheep had never worked for him. Well nothing worked for him really. He couldn't get her out of his head, it was as if she was in his blood. The worst part was knowing that nothing could come of it... that was an absolute. He was a Time Lord and she, well she was an insignificant life form, an evolved ape, a little human girl a long way from home. At least that was what he kept telling himself. But the truth was she was a woman who crept into his head at the most inconsiderate moments and made his thoughts... wander.
He wanted to hold her in his arms, to touch her soft skin, he wanted to kiss her, but more than that he wanted her to be his. His and only his. Their last little trip to the planet Raxun had made him realise that - if nothing else.
They had been shopping in a busy market, ( millions of miles from Earth but Rose still had to have the latest outfit.) Anyway, they had been separated and by the time he had found her she was the centre of attention, surrounded by a group of young bucks each one better loking than the last. She was being chatted up and loving it. But it had been enough to make a 900 year old Time Lord feel old. He had stood a few feet away, watching her smile sweetly and laugh and generally flirt her socks off, all the while oblivious to the pain she was causing him, the agony that was ripping his hearts out of his chest.
Back at the TARDIS Rose had been full of excitment, bubbling over with the stories the tall dark and handsom ones had told her. He in turn had been quiet, withdrawn, and consumed with an alien emotion, that until that moment he had only ever heard of... jealousy. And green had never been his colour, not with his ears.
And so began the sleepless nights, the pacing and the general misery he was currently going through. The only good thing was that he was confident Rose was utterly clueless about it all. She didn't know the mess he was in and he wanted to keep it that way. He could only imagine the look of horror on her face if she ever found out that he was in love with her.
xxxxx
Rose turned over in her bed for what must have been the hundreth time and let out a frustrated sigh. How could this many pillows possibly be so uncomfortable? She sat up, miserable, and looked around her room for something to occupy her troubled mind. But her head was already too full of the Doctor to be bothered by mere mundane things.
The Doctor. Her Doctor. Except he wasn't. That was the real problem. She threw back the duvet and swung out of bed to begin her nightly ritual of pacing back and forth. She didn't know why it helped - but it did. Mostly. The truth was it was driving her crazy to be this close to him and yet not be able to ... be close to him. It was as if an invisible wall had suddenly sprung up between them. Just the other day they had been in the control room and she had brushed past him and she could have sworn he had flinched... but maybe she was imagining it. No. No. It was real. It had to be. He barely spoke to her nowadays, it was only 'pass the salt', and 'do you know where I left the sonic screwdriver?' Nothing important, nothing... like it used to be. He used to talk about the birth of stars. Hell he'd take her to a cosy little view point and she'd actually see it all unfold, sometimes with popcorn.
He didn't do that anymore. It had just stopped. Raxus had been the last planet they had visited and that had been weeks ago... maybe. Time was different now - more confusing. She had tried to coax him into a little trip to the planet Hesfae, when he'd accidently mentioned its three moons and pink oceans. She had said it sounded romantic and he had muttered something about urgent repairs needing doing and had disappeared into the bowels of the TARDIS for at least a day.
No. Something definately was up. And she was going to find out what - or die trying.
Pulling on a little white cotton wrap over her shorts and T-shirt she pulled open her bedroom door and marched out into the dimly lit corridor and past several doors until she came to a sudden stop outside his door.
She lifted her hand, about to knock on the dark solid surface infront of her, but then she stopped. Doubts creeping in. She bit at her bottom lip and slowly lowered her clenched fist to her side, then...
"Bollocks to this." She said under her breath, and without hesitation pushed open the heavy door and strode into the Doctors bedroom.
xxxxx
He looked up startled as his room door swung open. That sort of thing just didn't happen. Then when he saw Rose walk in, all full of purpose, well - surprise just didn't cover it.
She stood with her back firmly against the closed door, staring into his eyes, she was buying time. She hadn't expected him to be awake, she hadn't expected him to be standing in the middle of his bloody room still dressed and looking at her like she was a lunatic. Which maybe she was. Suddenly she wasn't so sure anymore.
"Nice night." He said brightly. "For a walk... don't often get visitors." He smiled that damn disarming smile of his. "Would have cleaned up a bit if I'd known."
"Shut up.!" She held his gaze.
"Sorry." He pushed his hands into his jacket pockets and waited. "Coffee?" He asked. Then shook his head. "No, not at this late hour - too much caffine. It'll keep you up all night. No, what you need is hot chocolate."
Rose couldn't help but smile at him. "You're mad."
He grinned from ear to ear. "Certified on seven planets as it happens, but what do they know?"
She laughed for the first time in ages and with it she rememberd why she was there. He wasn't going to wriggle off the hook tonight. She wasn't going to let him.
"I want to know what the bloody Hell is going on Doctor. I'm not leaving till I get answers!"
xxxxx
The Doctor silently congratulated himself on how calmly he was taking this sudden and most unexpected development. Of course on the inside he was falling apart - but Rose wasn't to know that - not with his poker face.
"Answers." He said quietly, and then. "Am I allowed to know the questions?"
Rose at last moved away from the safety of the door, slowly taking a few tentitive steps forward, toward the Doctor. When she stopped she was only a foot or so from him, gazing up into his eyes.
He stepped back.
"There!" Rose said with barely contained conviction. "That's exactly it! Right there. You back away from me whenever I get close. It's like I have B.O or something! I walk into a room and you walk out of it."
Mortified, the Doctor looked at his feet. She was right - he had stepped back. Without thinking he had stepped back. Bloody stupid, stupid, stupid man! He'd thought he was so clever. But he'd been sussed by an evolved ape. He took a deep breath and smiled to himself as he looked into her questioning eyes. It was cards on the table time.
"So much for my poker face."
"What the bloody Hell has poker got to do with anything?" She frowned at him and then a sudden thought crossed her mind. "Have you been playing cards with Mickey again? You said you'd stop taking his money after last time!"
"It's not my fault he hasn't the brains for snap let alone poker." The Doctor said defensivly. "Anyway." He continued. "You and me... this. It's nothing to do with Mickey, it's nothing to do with anyone."
"Then what has it to do with?" She inched forward, glad that this time the Doctor didn't back away from her.
"You're all I think about." He said solomly. "Day and night, night and day. Rose Tyler. I can't sleep because if I do I'll dream of you, and in my dreams... everythings different. We are different. But when I wake, that world is gone and I have to pretend that I don't want to touch you or kiss you or make love to you."
There, now she knew. He waited for her to laugh, to ask if he was joking, or worse still to turn away and not be able to look at him. But she just stared at him, her clear bright eyes gazing deep into his, and giving nothing away. As it turned out his poker face was nothing compared to hers.
"You don't have to pretend." Rose said softly, reaching up with her fingertips to gently brush his cheek. She smiled then, a beaming smile. "You never had to pretend."
"Rose?" He stared into her beautiful face, barely able to believe what she was saying.
"Yes Doctor?" Her arms moved up and around his neck.
"Am I dreaming?"
She smiled brighter still, and he smiled back, his big stupid grin of a smile that she loved so much, almost as much as she loved him.
"No Doctor." She said softly, feeling his arms drawing her body in close to him, as his mouth came to brush against her lips. "Not yet."
Then he kissed her and swept her up into his arms to carry her across to his bed, knowing that she was right. Sleep would come much, much later.
THE END