A/n: I got the inspiration for this from a comment on a song on YouTube. I heard about the song from the author's note from the third chapter of 'Bottled Chaos' by Moonlit Masterpiece.
The song: Almost Lover by A Fine Frenzy; A too perfect song about Annie and Ben's relationship.
Disclaimer: I do not own Covert Affairs. If I did, we would already be halfway through a 20 episode season.
*~Realized~*
Yet again, I found myself sitting before the hearth in my sister's guest house. It had been cold these past few nights and even though the heat works fine, I still enjoyed the calming crackle of the fire; the soothing scent of the cedar burning. My eyes burned, not from the fire but from the tears that have been lingering these past few months.
Ever since that mission in Sri Lanka; ever since HIS death; I sat in front of that fire every night wondering why. Why did he leave me? Alone? In that shack on the beach? Why did he leave me with nothing but that stupid note? Why did he come back?
Did he think I was that stupid? That I would graciously open my arms and welcome him back? Did he think I wanted another heartbreak? Did he think I was that forgiving?
My silent sobs joined in with the crackling fire as I remembered the words my best friend had said to me earlier, after finding me crying in the bathroom for the millionth time in the past three months;
"Annie. Stop. He's not worth it."
"Auggie. I loved him."
"No, you loved the idea of love."
"How do you know? Huh? How do you know he wasn't 'The One?'"
Auggie sighed. "Annie, give it a rest. It's been three months since he died and almost three years since he left you on that beach. Alone. With nothing but a note," he pointed out.
"I know. I was there." I said angrily.
"Annie. Know that I'm your friend, your confident. That for the most part I'm always here for you. But if you keep this up, I won't be. Open your eyes, Annie. Ben Mercer left you on that beach because he didn't love you." Auggie half yelled. "Look around. There's some out there for you. Ben, however, is not him. It's past time to forget; time you found someone else. They probably won't be a helpless romantic, but not all of us can be."
"Auggie, I-"
"Don't Annie. You need to see what right in front of you. Waiting. Helping. There's a time and place for everything. If you need to breakdown, do it at home, by yourself. Not in the girls' bathroom of the CIA. What we do is hard, Annie. It always will be, but don't make it any harder than it already is. The Agency needs you; Joan needs you; Danielle needs you; Chloe; Katia… they need you. For God's sake, Annie, I need you!" He yelled. "Ben's gone. For good. There's absolutely no chance he'll be back. Get. Over. Him."
"I can't. I just…can't," I cried.
He grabbed his laser cane and started walking to the door. He paused for a moment debating on saying anything else. "I love you Annie, but Jesus Christ! It's time you woke up!" He left then. Leaving me alone.
"Auggie." I cried. With the memory, came the feeling of abandonment. He gave up on me too. Just like Danielle. Why is everyone leaving me? Maybe he was right. Maybe I need to get up and get on with my life.
I sighed. "Maybe he is." I said aloud. And that's all it took for me to realize something I should have realized a long time ago.
I ran upstairs and found the scrapbook of my travels and brought it down stairs. I knew what I had to do. I needed to rid myself of all memories of him. Every picture I took during those fateful three weeks had to go. I tossed them all into the fire. Watching them burn, I felt something change inside me. I no longer felt the need to cry but rather I felt the urge to smile. Something I hadn't done in a long time.
But there was something bugging me. I search everywhere for the little trinket I threw across my room when I returned from Sri Lanka. I found it in the couch. A cowrie shell bracelet. The hardest thing to rid myself of.
He's not worth it… Auggie's words rang in my mind.
I turned the bracelet around in my hands before throwing it away. Right as I was about to drop it, something caught my eye; a little green dot. I smiled. "You were right all along," I said, dropping the bracelet in the trash. "Thanks for the wakeup call."
I yawned. I needed sleep, but there was one more thing I had to do before turning in for the night. I returned upstairs with my newly cleaned out scrapbook and set it on my desk. In the top drawer, I had thrown a lot of stuff in it since working for the CIA. Just little things from memorable missions; a Powder Puff Girl sticker; an orange wrist band; a gold necklace; some guys card from Data-Tech. But those were useless to me right now.
I had a new mission; to forget my past and get on with the future. I smiled as I found the two things I was looking for; a picture and a small card. Though both reminded me of hard times, and one of Ben, they were also reminders of Auggie's care for me.
I couldn't help but smile as I taped in the picture of Auggie and me in front of the DC morgue. The picture was only taken to get a fingerprint so we could break into the morgue and look at a body, but he was there for me. And it really was a good picture of us.
Taping the card in, however, was a bit harder. Yes it reminded me of Auggie's worry for me but it also reminded me of HIM. I decided it didn't matter. It was Auggie's number on that card not HIS.
My smile returned as I looked down at the start of a new chapter of my life. Hopefully, one that brought back good memories, rather than ones of heartbreak and almost lovers. One that would last forever.
I love you… Auggie's voice said again.
Although, at the time, the tone they were said in was one of disappointment and anger, they now made a flutter of hope rush through me. "I love you, too. I'm sorry it took me this long to figure it out. I hope my inability to forget has ruined our chance for together," I whispered, my fingers ghosting the page.
I went to bed happy and, for the first time in a long time, I dreamt of happy times. And not one of them included Ben Mercer.
Challange?: Here's the set up scene. Write up a follow up scene.
Rules: Has to be based around a song. Has to be within 1,000-1,200 words.