Wwwwaaaaayyyy late on this one, I am soooo sorry! But this is EC Week's Day 2! Regina's old diaries from the Leopold years resurface. Enjoy!
"Tell me again how I got roped in to this?" David grunted with a playful smirk as he dropped another stack of dusty books upon Regina's table.
"You volunteered," Regina smirked back and then puffed a short breath over the top of the books and sent a cloud of dust in to the shepherd's face. He took it in stride and merely closed his eyes and rolled his lips in to a downward curve as he nodded his head.
"Thanks," he nodded and the mayor chuckled lightly under her breath. He couldn't help but smile at the sound himself as he blinked his eyes open and began examining the books he had carried to her. They were all rather similar in appearance, all bound in brown leather, worn and old. Except for the selection at the bottom of the stack. But he was more curious about the matching eight or so.
"What are these anyway?"
Taking a better look at them herself, Regina shrugged a shoulder and answered simply as she turned to eye over her vault, "old diaries I believe."
"Oooo!" David grinned with his teasing tone and the feisty brunette he had come to call a friend, looked over her shoulder with a smirk and a roll of her eyes, "they wouldn't happen to be your diaries, would they?"
"Yes, they are mine," she told him and he wiggled his eyebrows as his hands slowly slid the top one from the stack, "before you get too enthralled, I should tell you there is very little in any of those that is an accurate recollection of any time. Leopold, after a year or so, read my diary every morning to see what I had written the evening prior. He thought I didn't know. But once I found out, I wrote in them in whatever way would please him or manipulate him. Whichever I needed at the time. The writing stopped altogether after his death. So read away, Charming," she chuckled lightly and didn't stop him as he started flipping through the pages.
"Leopold read your diaries?"
"Mhm," she answered distractedly as she pulled another book from the wall.
"That's kinda rude," he commented as he skimmed over pages here and there, mostly just admiring her handwriting.
The comment made her smile to herself as she plucked another book from the wall and replied simply with her smile already gone, "Leopold wasn't exactly the man everyone thought him to be."
"Hm," David hummed shortly and their conversation on the latter ended there. Neither one of them pushed it further and they both fell in to a comfortable silence while he aimlessly flipped through the pages and when he got to the last entry he couldn't help but huff a laugh through his nose.
"What?"
"What I assume to be your very last entry," he told her and then flipped the book around so she could see, "The king is dead," he read aloud, putting extra weight in to the tone of his voice to portray the seriousness and she laughed a breath through her nose as she shook her head and he teased, "very dramatic."
"It marked the end of all the lies those books held. I was free. It was important to note," she reasoned and then pulled one more book from the shelf before she turned and put them on the table alongside the rest. "I cried for hours after I wrote it down just because I was finally free of him," she told him simply as her mind was quietly pulled away in to a memory. She hadn't thought much of the statement at all. It had just slipped out and when she blinked back in to the present, David was watching her mindfully.
She merely smiled and shrugged a shoulder, "you can read through the rest of them if you'd like. They are only going to be burned along with the rest of these useless things," she drawled out and then walked around the table and past him, "I am going to go start on the next room, thank you for coming down here, it really is a huge help."
"I'm pretty sure I'm not helping the clean up at all," David chuckled as he watched her go, "if anything I am only slowing you down."
"Nonsense. You are doing all the heavy lifting," she smirked over her shoulder before she disappeared from view and smiled at the sound of his quiet laughter.
David's laughter soon faded in to silence once she had disappeared but his smile lingered for a little while longer as he turned his attention back to the diaries and aimlessly flipped through them, not truly reading anything unless a story caught his eye. He really just liked the feel of the soft leather, the smell of the old pages, and the elegance of Regina's penmanship that she still carried through to this day. It never took any guessing in the sheriff's office when a note or a file had come from the mayor.
It was only when he untied the fourth diary that he stopped. And that was only because something had slipped out from the between the cover and the first pages and settled at his feet. So he crouched down to retrieve the envelope and as he stood tall once more with the diary in one hand and the envelope in the other, he knew he shouldn't open it.
He should give it to Regina for her to decide what to do with it. He should ignore his curiosity and respect the woman the envelope belonged to. But as he peered down the hall in her vault she had disappeared through, he couldn't bring himself to do it.
Instead, he carefully put the old diary with the rest and carefully held the envelope in both hands as though it would disintegrate upon the slightest breath. And across the front of the envelope was Regina's unmistakeable scrawl and in it read only one thing.
Daniel.
He knew he shouldn't open it but he could not help the burning desire to know more from the woman who kept herself so secluded. Especially emotionally. No one truly knew what had happened in her past. She kept her mouth shut and had become an expert at vague replies and dodging questions. But this, what he could only assume to be a letter to the one person she loved and trusted in the world, was a figurative goldmine. And it was so wrong to open it, such an invasion of privacy, such a stab in the back to their tentative friendship.
But he opened it.
Carefully and silently, he popped the wax on the back of the envelope and as though it were made of the most fragile glass, he pulled the paper from the envelope and unfolded it to his eyes with one more glance down the hall to ensure the brunette was not coming.
Daniel, my love…
I miss you.
I miss you so much it hurts to breathe.
With every day that passes I am reminded of one more thing I have lost in losing you. Yesterday it was the ability to give and honest smile. Today it was the smell you left on my clothes. The smell of horses, grassy hay, sweet grain, and sweat. I do not believe I can bear what loss tomorrow will bring.
I have tried every distraction, attended every gathering, endured the company of Snow White, planned every gala, but no matter what I do, my love, you whisper in my ear or tug on my heart every moment of every day. I cannot forget you. Even the times I wish I could do so just so I did not know such love and kindness existed in the world.
I would never trade the love we shared, my sweet Daniel. But not knowing you would make this life as the Queen so much easier. To not know that a hand could be so kind, that a touch could be so precious, so tender. To not know that a kiss could bring such warmth and such love, that it could leave you feeling whole and overjoyed. To not know that a man's breath could taste sweet, that it could heat your skin and leave you shivering in excitement. To not know that a bed could be shared willingly. To not know that such intimacy could be enjoyed.
To not know any better would be a gift, my love.
But even in those darkest times, I would never give up knowing you. I love you more than words could ever say, more than any gesture could ever show. I will love you until my very last breath and I will never regret it. But that does not allow me to miss you any less.
You made me brave, my love. Even if it was just enough to face a new day, you made me brave enough to do so. You brought such joy and such life wherever you were. You made me happy in a life I had no business feeling as such. You made me smile and you made me feel at home in the world even if it was for only a few short moments in a day.
I miss that feeling of home most of all.
You gave me a reason to wake every morning, my loving Daniel. And I fear now, without you here, and in the hands of the king, I am running out of reasons to wake every morning.
Every evening that I return to my bedchamber bloodied and bruised, I am so tempted to give up and leave this world. I know you are watching me. I know you see what trauma ensues every evening. It breaks my heart that you must watch and that you must watch so helplessly. I am losing strength, my love, and I want nothing more than to fall in to your arms once again and never leave them.
It would be so easy to see you again.
A drop of poison. A well placed knife. A spell gone wrong. A slip of my foot dancing upon the tallest turret. Or perhaps I should deny the king my body and allow his temper to send me home to you.
I simply know I cannot bear much more, my love. I cannot force another smile, I cannot bring another laugh, I cannot paint over another bruise, I cannot sing another lullaby to Snow White, I cannot force myself in to another glittery gown, I cannot sit at the right hand of the king everyone so blindly adores for one more meal without shaking, I cannot look in another mirror and tell myself that I will be alright for I know everything is only going to get worse.
I cannot do this anymore, my sweet Daniel. I am tired. I miss you. I love you. I want you here. But I know you will never come back to me. I know that no matter how hard I try, you will never return. I can, however, go to you. And there, no one will ever be able to hurt us.
There is nothing here worth living for. I have no strength left. They have broken me, Daniel, and I have no will to try and mend what they have done. I am hurting, my love. And you are the only one who can fix it.
I do not know what to do. But I do look forward to the day we meet again.
I love you, Daniel.
Your Regina
David sat on the trunk bothered all the way down and through to his bones. He felt sick to his stomach and confused beyond reason. His skin was crawling with unease and horror and his head was dizzy with what he had learned as he mindlessly refolded the letter and let it hang in his fingertips. He sat in silence, unsure of what to do with the information he had found and completely helpless against the tears that fell from his eyes.
They had gotten Regina so wrong.
So miserably wrong.
It changed everything. Absolutely everything.
And when he heard her footsteps coming back up the hall, he had never stood so fast in his life and was just as quick to hide the letter and envelope inside his jacket. Then with a quiet sniff and a clear of his throat as he wiped his cheeks dry, the woman came back with an armload of random items and her eyes focused on the floor so she wouldn't trip. He simply watched her with an entirely new respect and admiration.
She was so much stronger than he could have ever imagined. Her progress so much more incredible than anyone realized. She was absolutely astounding. And there was no longer a wonder in his mind as to why or how she had become the menace of a queen she had been. It made sense now. The Evil Queen kept her alive. And while she had gotten rather out of hand, David understood her now and it had his tears building once more.
"I was thinking I should perhaps let Belle look through these books before I burn them," Regina started as she tiptoed through the mess and dropped her armful on to the table beside David, "maybe she would like some. Or perhaps wants some for her library. I don't know, what do you think?" She asked as she turned her head to him with her hands on her hips but her contemplative expression quickly fell in to one of confusion and concern.
"I think she would appreciate the offer," David replied with a nod and tried not to look her in the eye while she analyzed him so closely.
"David?" She frowned as she tried to catch his eye, "are you…are you crying?"
"What? Me?" He chuckled but tears sprung free despite his best efforts and had to shrug his shoulders, "maybe."
"Why? Is everything alright? Is Snow alright?"
"Yeah, no, everything is just fine," he assured and made himself look her in the eye only to find himself stuck there wondering just what exactly she had gone through in her life. And when that letter had been written. How many more years had she endured with the king before she had finally gotten him killed?
Suddenly that final written sentence in her diary wasn't so silly. In fact, recalling it had his brow furrowing deeper and his effort multiplying tenfold in to keeping himself from bursting in to tears. He had come to adore the feisty little woman and learning that she had gone through such unnecessary suffering broke his heart. But the king was dead.
"Did you touch something strange? Or-?"
"No, Regina," he laughed lightly with a shake of his head as more tears fell, "no I was just thinking."
Unconvinced but curious, Regina frowned deeper as she shifted her weight and moved her hands from her hips so she could fold her arms. She was worried and confused for he only seemed to get worse with every passing moment. And while the shepherd was a rather tender hearted man, he was by no means known for breaking down in to tears at the drop of a hat. So she asked gently, "about what?"
David could only shake his head as a million words flew through his head but none that he could say aloud without alerting her to what he had read. He didn't want her to know, nor did he wish her to be reminded of any of it. So he didn't say anything right away and instead stepped forward and pulled her in to a big hug that startled her more than anything else. But slowly her arms hugged him back. Albeit light and awkward, but a hug nonetheless. And he let out a long and slow breath in to her hair, trying with all his might to ensure it didn't come out as a shaky sob.
"Are you sure everything is alright?" Regina pressed as his arms held her almost too tight. It truly had been the last thing she had expected from him and while it didn't necessarily bother her, she wasn't exactly thrilled about it either. As far as she was concerned, there was no reason he should be hugging her and absolutely no reason she should be hugging him. But something had bothered him enough for him to need such a gesture. So confused as she may be, she hugged him back and didn't protest.
"Yes," he promised as he nuzzled his face in a little deeper into her neck and shoulder. "I just haven't given you enough credit."
"For what?"
"Everything."
"Seriously? David. Are you sure you didn't eat anything weird? A lot of this stuff has been down here for decades and that's not counting the years in the Enchanted Forest."
"I haven't eaten anything," David laughed as he released her from his hug only to gently catch her head between his hands so he could better see that worried and frowning face of hers. "You are just a truly incredible person and I haven't given you enough credit," he told her earnestly and she stared at him for a long while with a frown before she took one single step forward. But it was only so she could reach the back of her hand to his forehead to check his temperature and it made him laugh through his tears eyes but she only frowned deeper and dropped her fingers to the side of his throat to measure his pulse.
"You seem fine," she acknowledged with a slight raise of her brow and a shake of her head, "but you are speaking absolute nonsense."
"It's not nonsense," he defended and she raised a single brow with her head still between his hands. "You are a powerful figure, always have been. You were the queen, you are the mayor, you survived Rumplestiltskin's teachings, you unleashed the most powerful of curses with the very highest cost, you made it through a loveless marriage, you lost the love of your life, you had a horrible mother, you built a new life for yourself, you have a son, you are a wonderful mother, you are strong, you are beautiful-"
"Yeah, okay, Charming," she cut him off with an incredulous look and a light laugh as she lifted her hands and gently pushed away his wrists so he would let go of her head, "I think being underground all day is starting to get to you. So how about you take these books up to your truck and get some fresh air. Okay?"
"It's not the air," he argued with a smirk and she smirked right back with folded arms and raised eyebrows, "I mean every word. But I will happily take these books up for you, your majesty, for it is why I am here and I have become rather fond of you."
At a complete loss as to what had gotten in to him, Regina gave a single laugh and shook her head, "I'll be sure to change that," she promised and he laughed in reply but there really was something different about the way he was looking at her now. Like he truly was seeing her in a different light and was eagerly trying to appreciate her more. It was strange and rather unwelcome. She was only just beginning to enjoy his company.
"And take a walk while you're up there, Charming," she nodded at him and he laughed as he lifted the books from the table and turned to the stairs out.
"It wouldn't change anything if I did," he assured gently and she merely furrowed her brow, at a complete loss as to what had gotten in to him. But before he left, he turned back to look at her straight on, "Regina…"
"Yes, David?"
"Back in the Enchanted Forest when you were stood in the courtyard to be executed, were you looking forward to seeing Daniel again?"
"Well that is a random question," she laughed in slight unease and surprise but as he silently awaited an answer, she gave an honest one, "yes. I was," she answered timidly and he watched her for a moment before he nodded his head just once. But before he could say anything, she spun the mood with a bitter but playful jab, "but your dear wife once again saw to it that I never did get the chance to be with him."
Despite the playful edge she held in her tone and the mischievous glint in her eye, David couldn't bring himself to laugh at the comment. He could only pull off a feigned smile that he knew she saw right through.
"You don't wish the execution had gone through though, do you?"
"No, David, of course not," she denied quickly and was genuinely worried about what had happened while she was down the hall, "life may have put me through the ringer but I am not suicidal. What is this about? You are worrying me."
"You don't need to worry about me," he promised and then without another word, he gave her a small smile and then took the load of books up the stairs with every intention to follow her instruction of taking a walk. Just to gather his bearings before he returned to finish helping with the work in her vault.
Regina stood baffled staring at the bottom of the stairs where David had disappeared to. Then after a moment of heavy thought, she walked over to where he had been standing and picked up one of the old diaries and flipped through its pages. But she found nothing at all that would have caused such and sudden lapse in his emotional state. So she clapped the book shut and walked back down the hall with a shake of her head and every intention to get back to work.
None the wiser to what David had found.
And he would never speak a work of it to anyone.