Where Are You Christmas?
A/N: A story from the POV of a young Serah shortly after the death of the Farron Sisters' parents. It emulates the feeling I have about the holidays at the moment. Things are rough, even though I try to make the best of them..
Written to: Where Are You Christmas? By Elizabeth South
Where are you Christmas?
Why can't I find you?
Why have you gone away?
Where is the laughter?
You used to bring me
Why can't I hear music play?
The little girl sat on the edge of her window watching over Bodhum in a forlorn almost dejected way. She saw the way the kids and their parents were out ice skating and walking admiring the lights that adorned the houses all across her neighborhood... except for her house. It was dark and cold, and oddly quiet, unlike the way it was just a week ago. Tearstains soaked her face as she curled up against the window, snow gently falling outside, her pink hair cushioning her forehead against the glass as she felt the sobs coming back. She could feel the sadness returning. It was Christmas eve and she couldn't find a spark of joy anywhere in her heart.
Her blue eyes watched the people out there, and then they trailed back to her room, empty and despite the bright paint and the lights it felt empty. Ghostly images of what should have been happening around this time played in her head. She knew her mother would come upstairs to tuck her in tonight and tell her the story about Santa and how he gave to all the good girls and boys of the world. And then Claire would come in and they would tell stories and giggle until they both passed out in her room. Claire would sometimes sneak a few gingerbread cookies up for them to munch on too as they talked about Santa and what they hoped they'd get this year.
But this year, no mother to come in and tuck her in, and Claire hadn't spoken in a week. It was as if she was emotionally unable to utter anything without wanting to cry. The little girl slipped from the window and put on her nightgown and prepared to go to bed without a goodnight from anyone. As she sat on the edge of her bed she found herself crying again, and wandering to Claire's room where she saw her sister doing the same. Serah looked to her sister and crawled up on the elder's bed and sniffled a little before wiping her eyes. Though she was smaller than her sister, she did her best to hug the elder as tightly as she could. She could feel Claire's small soft sobs under her hug, and could help but find herself softly weeping and holding onto her sister tighter. Claire was the only thing she had left to rely on and cling to that was family. And she needed that right now, especially after how the last week had been. Claire's sobs had finally stopped when she turned and looked at Serah who was doing her best to compose herself.
My world is changing
I'm rearranging
Does that mean Christmas changes too?
Lightning turned and held her younger sister in a tight hug, almost reciprocating the gesture Serah offered her just moments ago. The tree had already been set up, the presents already under it. Set up just the day before the fatal accident that had taken their parents from them and leaving the two sisters to suddenly fend for themselves. Her hug was stronger though, and it was as if her heart was hardening up. The last of her sadness gone from her and now was the time to be strong for her sister who was obviously taking this harder than anyone of the two sisters. Lightning missed her parents just as much as any child. But, she had her little sister to be strong for, and as the night wore on they tried to talk about things to put their minds at ease.
"Sis? I'm scared, what if they try and separate us..?"
Serah sniffled into her sister's shoulder. Claire hummed an old carol they'd heard two years prior at a Christmas concert put on by Claire's school. The elder had a sweet soprano voice that drifted through the house as she hugged her sister and tried to calm her through the night. The sweet sound of her voice echoed through the empty house as she tried to even try to make her sister happy. The humming slowly became Claire singing the lyrics to the song for her sister. A song asking where had Christmas gone, and if it remembered the years when they were a happy family. Serah's sobbing slowly quieted into just the occasional sniffle, and then into nothing but soft snores. Despite Claire's urge to go and sleep, she instead set Serah down on her bed and walked downstairs. Seeing a clock blink four in the morning Claire set to work making Christmas breakfast and making sure Serah could have a good Christmas parents or not…
It would be time consuming labor, she got out her mother's old recipe book and began to work at the cookies and then as the hours ticked by, she had a big breakfast for the two of them prepared at their dinner table. Eggs, Cinnamon rolls, the works. Something sweet and something good for them as well, just like mom would make for them every year. She could hear Serah's feet excitedly run down the hall and then the stairs. She smelled the food and Claire sat at her chair with a smile, small and subtle but one for her sister when she saw the breakfast laid out for the two of them. Part of the younger sister's heart fell… she had smelled the food and thought losing her parents had been just a bad dream… but it was reality and a very tired looking Claire sat at the table sipping a cup of coffee like their father would on Christmas morning.
"C-Claire..? Y-You did this for us..?" she stammered and stared at her elder sister.
"Yeah, It's what mom would have wanted us to do." Claire replied with that same small smile.
Serah sat in her chair and they began to eat their breakfast, never once eagerly looking over to the tree like they would have every other year. They instead talked about things like school and what was to come in the future. It was also then that Claire announced her intention to join the Bodhum Guardian corps as soon as she was of age. Which was coming in only a few weeks, she'd be sixteen and then she'd be off in the military. Serah nodded, she knew it was what had to be done in order to keep them financially stable and having a roof over their heads. As they finished eating and put their dishes in the sink, they went to the tree and opened their gifts quietly. Except for one gift each. Those gifts would be saved for when they had a new family to celebrate the holidays with. Serah and Claire sat together and admired the gifts and talked about how their parents obviously knew them all too well…
Where are you Christmas?
Do you remember
The one you used to know
I'm not the same one
See what the time's done
Is that why you have let me go?
Life was different now, Serah now sat in the arms of Snow as she curled against him as Lightning returned from upstairs with a set of gifts from long ago. Fang raised a brow at the dust covered packages, and Serah's eyes widened and a hand suddenly rested over her mouth and Lightni- no. Claire smiled and kneeled down to her sister. Cerulean eyes aglow with a long lost Christmas spirit that Serah had watched fade when Claire went through the military. Hope tilted his head in curiosity and Vanille sat on the edge of her seat as if this was the scene from an amazing movie and she was waiting to see the ending with all the suspense in the world. Sazh held Dajh as the boy conversed idly with his pet Chocobo.
"I think it's time we finally open these. We've got a new family now don't you think Serah?"
From those words a genuine smile that lit up not only Claire's face, but the face of her younger sister was born. Serah jumped up from her seat and almost knocked her sister to the floor with the force of her hug, tears rolling down each of the Farron's cheeks. The others didn't know what the sudden emotional outburst was for but waited patiently, or rather semi patiently as Fang crossed her arms and rolled her eyes with a smile as if she knew what was going on within the minds of the Farrons. Fang had an idea of what was happening but she wasn't going to spoil it as Serah wiped the tears from her eyes and Claire did the same as she looked at the group of people before them. When Claire spoke she sounded different, much different than the soldier Lightning.
"These presents were the last presents our parents gave us before they died. We had set up the tree and presents a week before Christmas Eve, and our parents passed just a few days after setting up the tree. So when Serah and I opened our gifts that year we vowed to keep one unopened until we found a new family and new people to celebrate with. And we both know we finally have that new family we had been looking for, for so long."
"Claire, I can't believe you kept these all this time… where did you keep them?" Serah asked.
"I can't tell you, otherwise you'll go snooping for your gifts every other year from now." Came the reply.
The two women sat back down, one in the arms of Snow and the other resting her head on Fang's shoulder as the Pulsian woman watched the two Farrons. Whispering idle comments about how Cocoon customs were still weird to her no matter how much she loved her girlfriend. Vanille giggled as the two sisters opened the packages to find two small velvet boxes and within them contained two pendants, one completing the other, written in the Cocoon alphabet 'Never Forget'. Serah and Claire's expressions were matching, a mix of shock and awe and they both then put the items of jewelry on Claire finding herself suddenly reaching to Fang for a hug. The Pulsian complied, holding the Farron as she felt a few tears escape her eyes.
Christmas is here
Everywhere, oh
Christmas is here
If you care, oh
If there is love in your heart and your mind
You will feel like Christmas all the time
For the Farron sisters this was a bittersweet exchange, knowing that they finally had let go of a shadow that had followed them for years, the door closed to their old lives and opened to the light of a new life with these people that they had spent so long with. Serah thought back to Noel for a moment knowing he went to his own time again and life was set back in balance all in time for the holidays. Looking to Snow the younger Farron leaned up and kissed his chin before snuggling back into a comfortable position as gift exchange began for all of them. Sazh passed out his gifts to them first, Dajh opening his with the same gusto Snow had when he was eating a good meal. Serah giggled at the little boy whose eyes lit up when he saw his gift from his father. Hope and Vanille opened theirs carefully, Hope receiving a new boomerang. Not one meant for battle, but one to use just for the pleasure of it. Vanille got a beaded necklace, which she absolutely adored. Fang and Lightning opened theirs, Fang being a little less unceremonious than Lightning.
Fang grinned at the gift she received from the elder man. A taming spell to learn so she could finally ride into New-Bodhum on the back of a behemoth king like she threatened to do so many times to Lightning which only received a sigh from the pinkette. Light opened her own gift to see a picture frame and a picture inside that had all of them together, and she smiled. Sazh spoke then, his voice a little gruff as he scratched the back of his head.
"Heh, it's so you don't forget any of us if you go on an adventure without us again." He said.
Light nodded and laughed lightly, leaning back against Fang who was busily reading the details on this spell so she could finally accomplish the one thing in life she strove for (that didn't include actual life goals, she just really wanted to scare her girlfriend.) Serah and Snow opened their gifts and Snow got a new beanie, his old one had been ragged and worn down after all of his adventuring, so why not get the guy a new beanie? Serah received a small voucher, which allowed her to get her own pet Chocobo from a local chocobo breeder of any color and breed. The younger Farron giggled and squealed in excitement as she happily planned with Snow what chocobo she wanted as a pet.
For the hours to come, laughter was shared and stories were told. But none were more interesting than the ones where Fang would stand up in the middle of the circle of friends and family and tell grand legends that she grew up with. One such legend was interrupted by Vanille who giggled and told Fang that she sounded like the old storyteller from their childhood. It earned a laugh from the huntress who continued with her legend like she never missed a beat. She spoke of the great spirits who guided them through their lives and that the ancestors whom lived before them were the spirits whom created the stars in the sky. Grinning she looked at Vanille and gestured to her, telling the younger to come over and assist her.
"I'm not the best singer, but Vanille I think you remember this one."
"Of course I do Fang! This was my favorite song to perform during the Spring Festival"
They performed a song that described their legend. Their voices ringing out in a perfect harmony that nobody expected. It was a song honoring the past generations, and it seemed to fit, Fang honored her parents, the people who gave her life but protected her from death during the War of Transgression, she honored the spirits of Claire and Serah's parents whom were up there watching their daughters grow into women and become the people they were destined to become. She knew they watched on with pride, happy with how well their daughters had turned out and what wonderful people they'd become.
"Great Spirits of all who lived before, take our hands and lead us fill our hearts and souls with all you know…" Their voices began the song, and ended with that chorus. Even Dajh started to sing along with them.
Lightning, Serah, and soon all of them became entrapped and entwined with the legends of the Pulsian women. And that's when Fang handed out her gifts. Starting with Snow, whom she handed a pendant carved from stone by hand. His pendant was of a behemoth, representing someone who was powerful but loved just as much as he could destroy. Serah was next, with the symbol of the otter representing a cheerfulness and motherly nature, something all of them saw in Serah. Next was Dajh whom got a pendant of a young chocobo representing his young and naïve nature while his father had the pendant of an adult chocobo which represented his unyielding loyalty to his son and his strength to survive against all odds. Next was Hope whom gained the symbol of the eagle, representing a man who was regal and mature, and was able to assess a situation and balance it with ease. Vanille was given a new version of her old totem; a new adamantoise totem was presented to her, the Adamantoise representing a peaceful healing being which described Vanille to a tee. Going to Lightning she then presented the soldier with the totem of the gorgonopsid which represented a warrior who was able to take the lead in a pack and defend not only herself but her family with the ferocity of an alpha gorgonopsid.
As Fang sat down they all questioned her as to what her totem was. Sighing the woman took out the totem she had owned since five hundred years ago. "Thing is guys, I don't remember what my totem is, and mine is too worn down."
This caused Vanille to jump up and giggle, presenting Fang with a refurbished totem, one that held the striking resemblance of a dragon. And that was when Vanille spoke up for a confused Fang. Lightning raised a brow, as she studied the rock. A dragon was twined and curled around itself wings spread out as it faced outward in a roaring posture.
"The dragon represents a warrior, a person who dedicated themselves to not only the Yun clan but the village. Fang you received this totem because you embodied the strength of a warrior, the loyalty of a kinmate and the love of a mother for all people you befriended. But the dragon also represented a protector and a guardian spirit over the mountain villages. When you showed us your connection to the dragon lord you were the guardian of not only Oerba but of all the mountain villages you came to know."
It was as if Vanille had memorized the definition. Laughing and ruffling the redhead's hair she took the totem and rolled her eyes before putting it around her neck. The group of friends spent the rest of the hours together talking and laughing until Sazh had to put Dajh to bed, and then Hope began his drive home with Vanille. Leaving Lightning, Fang, Serah and Snow in the Farron residence. Lightning curled up against Fang, smiling slightly with the dimming light. Snow carried his now half asleep wife up the stairs and to their room leaving the two of them downstairs. Lightning stood suddenly beckoning Fang to stand with her. Gripping the pulsians waist they danced gently in the dim light of the dying fire in the fireplace. Her sweet soprano voice rang out once again as she sang the final verse of that old carol she performed at her school so many years ago…
I feel you Christmas
I know I've found you
You never fade away
The joy of Christmas
Stays here inside us
Fills each and every heart with love
Where are you Christmas?
Fill your heart with love
A/N: Okay so like. This turned out a lot happier than I thought it would and it tickled my Light/Fang itch, and it also tickled my itch to write a holiday story which emulated the bittersweetness of the holidays for myself this year. This story does have a few dedications, one being to a good friend of mine. Yoshiyuki Ly, you're an amazing friend and writer, and I'm glad I got to know you. ErgoGeisha you're an awesome person too! And, Iacio Singularis Sanctimonia, there are very few words I can say to you without making myself an awkward turtle, but I'll try I guess. You and I have stuck together through shit only until recently. Just because I needed freedom doesn't mean I don't wish to be friends with you.