[Well, Err. Hello :] This is my most recent story. I don't own anything at all. I don't own south park, cheetos, tila tequila, or Tha Joker and Soulja Boy xD
WARNING: Contains Drug Use, Mild Sexuality, and Strong Language.
Reviews would be veryyy nice :3]
"Listen, Kyle, do me a favor."
"What?"
"Please don't tell anyone I'm related to you. Okay? This is a pretty small town, and I don't want to be known as Kyle's cousin."
"Alright, fine. I won't."
After Amanda's parents got divorced, her mom was left without a home, a job, or a husband. Her Aunt Sheila offered to let them move in, and that was the best they could do. She was going to spend her sophmore year at a shitty hick town school. Just when she thought she had highschool figured out. It was depressing, to say the least. She had her cousin Kyle to hang out with, and he was cool, but they weren't as close as they had been as children. I mean, they were friends on facebook and shit, but that was it. She missed Denver, badly. Not only had she left her best friends, she'd also left her boyfriend Joshua. They'd been together for five months, and she had to break it up. He wanted to have a long distance relationship, but she knew she couldn't deal with that.
Amanda was a pretty girl, short, curvy, and blonde with a winning smile and bright blue eyes. She fit the part of The All American Girl looks-wise, but was more of a strong-minded party girl with her own life plan. She was worried about this new school, as she had expressed to Kyle earlier. She didn't want to be known as Kyle's cousin. The first day at a new school was tomorrow, and everyone at that school knew everyone. Except her. She'd be the new kid.
"Dude, Amanda. Calm your shit, okay?" Kyle laughed. "It isn't a shark-tank and you're not a piece of steak. Most of the people there are nice, except for one or two assholes. If anyone messes with you, they'll be hearing from me, okay?"
"Fuck you, Kyle." Amanda grinned. "I can fight my own battles. It shouldn't be too hard, I mean isn't this town full of farmers and shit? Your school mascot is a fucking cow."
"It's a pretty bad-ass cow."
"Sure, okay."
Amanda had missed her cousin, and it would be pretty cool to hang out with his friends. She was always one of the guys, anyway.
"Hey, shit. My friends might be coming over in a little bit. What am I supposed to say to him?" Kyle remarked, looking over his shoulder.
"Uhh...Hey, this is my mom's friend's daughter. They're staying with us for a while."
Kyle nodded, grinning.
Around ten minutes later, the doorbell rang.
"Yo, Kahl! Open the fucking door!" He heard the obnoxious voice of Eric Cartman.
Kyle opened the door.
"Don't get your panties in a bunch, fat-ass." Kyle snapped, opening the door.
Stan hadn't changed much over the years. He'd grown to 5'9, and had taken to wearing bright red converse. Other than that, it was just the same Stan as they'd known in fourth grade.
Kenny hadn't had a haircut in a year and a half or so, so his hair had grown to a little longer than shoulder-length, but that was mostly hidden under his orange hoodie. He was by far the tallest of their friends at 6'2, and he probably wouldn't grow anymore.
Cartman had probably changed the most out of all of them. After three tries at fat-camp, he had finally lost a little bit of weight. Although he was still overweight, his baby-bump had grown to a beer-belly and it seemed as if he had gotten a breast reduction. He was taller than Stan, but much shorter than Kenny at Kyle at 5'11.
After a little bit of talking among them, Amanda stood up and walked up to them. At 5'0, she was a midget in comparison to them, and it must've been a shocker when she said:
"So, who brought the party?"
Everyone looked at her dumbfounded.
"The Party..." She said, doing a hand gesture that looked almost as if she'd been spooling thread.
They all stared at her. Stan scratched his head.
"The pot, you dumbasses." Amanda snapped.
They were all silent.
"You're kidding me. You guys haven't ever smoked pot?" Amanda was dumbfounded. Back in Denver, it was the norm to light up for the first time at the age of thirteen. These kids were almost sixteen, and they'd never smoked?
Kenny raised his hand. "I smoked with my brother in Denver last Summer."
"Oh seriously? Do I know him? What's his name?"
"Bryan McCormick." Kenny answered.
"Ohh shit, I do know him!" Amanda beamed. "My friend Casey brought him to her senior prom. They fucked in the back of the car. I was there with my friend Jackson. We were so fucking smashed." She laughed.
"Kyle, I know you've smoked. You know, back when my mom was visiting your mom around thanksgiving last year?"
Kyle nodded, remembering it. It was a lot of fun, he wasn't going to lie.
"How do you guys know each other?" Stan asked.
"Our moms are best friends." Amanda answered, not missing a beat.
"So, none of you smoke?"
They all shook their heads no.
Amanda smiled sympathetically.
"It's alright, I have a little bit of the "party" upstairs in my bag." She raised one eyebrow, smiled, and started up the stairs.
"Aren't you coming?"
The boys looked at eachother, and started up the stairs. By the time they were in the room, Amanda already had her stuff ready. She had emptied a swisher of it's contents and had poured a few green buds out of a tiny container and was rolling a blunt.
"Come on, I'm not loading a gun. Don't piss your pants." She said without looking up at the boys. She licked the paper, and held up the big beautiful blunt she'd just created. She slipped it in her shirt along with a bright green lighter, and casually walked out of the house to the back. The boys followed, except Stan.
"Dude, what if we get caught?" He asked Kenny.
Kenny unzipped his hoodie slightly.
"We won't. We're about to get stoned with a hot girl and you are worried about getting caught?"
"Yeah, come on Stan. Don't be a pussy." Cartman said, walking around to the back.
By the time they got Stan out there, Amanda was lighting the joint and taking a hefty toke. The boys watched in amazement as she exhaled the thick milky smoke and held out the blunt, waiting for someone to take it. Since Kenny was the most experienced out of them, he took the second hit. He passed it to Cartman, who took a little hit and started coughing.
"Damn!" Amanda giggled. "Chill, dude. This really is your first time!"
"Bitch." Cartman grumbled between coughs.
Amanda just laughed.
In about ten minutes, the blunt was crushed under someone's shoe and they were all experiencing what it was truly like to be high. They were all laying out on the grass, staring at the sky.
"That cloud looks like two squirrels." Amanda squealed. "That shit's fucking crazy!"
"That cloud looks like...Tila Tequila." Kenny mumbled, dazed.
"Fuck Tila, dude. Her tits are fucking fake." Amanda criticized.
"Yeah, but she's still hot." Stan jumped in.
"You want a hot girl? Scarlett Johansson." Amanda said dreamily. "She is sexy as fuck."
"Are you a like, lesbo or something like that?" Cartman snorted.
"No, I'm not. But I've probably gone farther with a girl than you have."
"Fuck you, bitch! You don't know me! You fucking carpet-munching slut..." Cartman slurred.
Amanda sat up.
"If I'm a 'fucking carpet-munching slut', then that basically means you're agreeing with me, right?"
"Oh dude, she fucking told you!" Stan and Kyle snickered.
"Oh shitfuck man, when Cartman gets the munchies his ass is going the fuck home!" Kyle laughed.
"Aw, Kyle knows about the munchies. I'm proud. I've taught you well." Amanda giggled.
"Seriously, he's going to fucking eat our whole house..." Kyle continued.
"Like it's the fucking gingerbread man house! Holy shit, that's great." Amanda cracked up, and since the drugs had made it seem like everything was funny, everyone else did too.
After around seven minutes of non-stop laughing, Amanda said she was going inside to get changed into her pajamas.
Kenny watched her walk out.
"Damn, dude. She's fucking sexy." Kenny smirked. "You hittin that?"
"Oh fuck no, fuck no!" Kyle said, fake-gagging.
"Dude, you should. You aren't related. It's all good. Are you guys like, sharing a room or some shit? Hot."
"Fucking hell, Kenny. You're disgusting. We're like brother and sister. I've known her since I was like two."
"So, does this mean I can?" Kenny smiled suggestively.
"You're free to do what you want, dude." Kyle said, holding his hands up.
"Yeah, man, if I wasn't going out with Wendy I would totally go out with her."
Cartman stuck up his nose. "I think she's a fuh-fucking loser carpet-muncher."
"Dude, nobody cares what you think Cartman. You're a fucking fag." Kenny retorted.
"Hey, I am not!" Cartman snapped.
"You are, dude, you so are..." Stan began.
"Holy shit, dude! Amanda's in the window!"
Everyone's eyes went to the windows, except Kyle's.
"Oh, fuck no. Don't do that, you guys." He said, covering up his eyes.
Amanda was changing out of her baggy flannel shirt, revealing a tight-fitting tank-top.
"Look at the fucking tits on her!" Kenny said admirably.
"She is pretty hot, but Wendy..."
"Nobody gives a shit about Wendy, Stan. You've been with her since you were eight. Find someone new, dammit. Even if you don't want to, stop being a fucking Buzz-Killington." Kenny snapped.
Amanda kept her shirt on, but she did take off her pants.
"BOYYYY-SHORTS!" Kenny practically shouted, clinging onto Stan laughing.
Stan pushed him off, afraid of being called gay.
"I Don't Like The Thongs, Let Me See Ya In Ya BoyShorts!" Kenny started play-rapping, probably being a lot louder than he realized due to the marijuana.
Kyle was biting his tongue to try not to punch Kenny in the fucking face and tell him to stop talking about his FUCKING cousin.
"Dude, Kenny, I'm taking you to Rehab. No more drugs for you." Stan chuckled.
"I Like The Boy-Shorts, Believee, Bend Ovah, Let Me See That!" Kenny continued.
Kyle was about to stab Kenny in the fucking eye. Somebody else would have to say "You Bastard!"
Amanda changed into a pair of gray sweat-pants, and kept her tight tank top on. When she came back outside, she had a bag of Cheetos and a couple of beers.
She took a drink of the beer, took a handful of Cheetos and put the beer and Cheetos in the middle of the circle of boys.
"Where'd you get the beer?" Kyle asked.
"My mom." Amanda answered. "Why, isn't it Kosher?"
"Haha, you're funny. Not."
Cartman was unable to respond to this remark, because while everyone was admiring Amanda in her window, he had fallen to sleep. Why had he fallen to sleep? Because the easiest way to hide an erection is lying on your stomach.
Amanda smirked at Cartman's sleeping body, and cracked open his beer and poured it on his head.
Cartman squealed like a girl, and began to cuss out Amanda.
"You fucking drunk wanna-be Ke$ha cunt bitch stupid fucking whore slut lesbo motherfucker I'm going to fucking kill yo-" But he quickly stopped when Amanda held up a bag of cheetos.
He was unable to keep his focus, and took a handful.
"Fuck all of you. I'm going home." He snapped, taking another handful of the cheetos and starting on his short trek home.
Amanda would've never, not in a billion years admitted it, but she thought he was kind of cute. Pathetic and angry, but still kind of cute. Like a really fat basset hound.
Kenny and Stan looked at eachother.
"Shit man, we should probably be going home too." Stan said, picking up his beer.
"Fuck, yeah. He's right." Kenny agreed, taking a gulp out of his.
"Nice to meet you, Amanda!" Stan smiled, waving goodbye.
"Thanks for 'the party'." Kenny smiled, standing up shakily.
"No problem, guys, anytime."
As they left, Kyle turned to Amanda.
"Amanda?"
"Hm?"
"Close your fucking window."