Author's Note: While writing this, I imagined Sebastian Roche's body to be used as the form for Balthazar's vessel. The rest is pure fiction.

XXX

REJOICE SEBASTIAN FREELY, FOR YOU HAVE BEEN CHOSEN. I AM BALTHAZAR, ANGEL OF HEAVEN, WRATH AND JUSTICE AND…WHATEVER. DO YOU HEAR MY VOICE?

The said man's eyes screwed up in pain and he clasped his ears as the full force of a Heavenly voice blasted through him. The floorboards around Freely groaned and threatened to cave. The ceiling of his house shook and dust flew everywhere.

Who are you?! What is this? He found that he could not move.

All the glass windows in his house simultaneously exploded as the voice answered. I AM A BLOODY ANGEL OF THE LORD AND I AM IN NEED OF YOUR SERVICE.

An electric bolt of shock ran through him. An angel of the Lord?

DID I STUTTER?

He found that he could move again. Freely crossed himself before falling to his knees in the ruins of his once spotless kitchen and he hastily bowed his head. He was a man of God through and through and knew what the right answer was.

I-I am faithful to my Lord and Father above. For what purpose am I needed?

GRANT ME PASSAGE INTO YOUR BODY SO THAT I MAY FULFILL A GREAT AND GLORIOUS MISSION OF DIRE IMPORTANCE.

Yes.

And for the first time in millennia, Balthazar's mouth smiles and his lungs breathe air.

EH THIS'LL DO. He decided as he inspected his reflection on a destroyed tea kettle. A BIT OF AN OLDER VESSEL, BUT EVERYONE LOVES A DADDY.

XXX

I am so incredibly honored to serve. I have always been loyal to the faith. I have dedicated my life to bringing our Blessed Lord to His people. To me there is not greater purpose in life.

Balthazar could feel the gratitude emanating from the soul of the human he possessed. Excitement and pride seeped throughout the vessel he now wore. Balthazar went back into Freely's memories and found that he had led a pious life. Sebastian Freely found God at a young age and spent nearly all his time educating the unfortunate and young about God's love for humanity but no living kin. Balthazar searched around in the human's soul for any sort of darkness or malice but found nothing. The man was a kind and good soul that would be gladly welcomed in Heaven when his time came. He decided that such a man should be worthy of a dignified response from an angel of the Lord.

OKAY.

What is our great and glorious mission of high importance?

Seemingly not hearing him, Balthazar tugged at the shirt collar uncomfortably circling his throat and frowned at the plain, button down shirt that garbed his now non-celestial and squishy body. Adjustments would definitely need to be made. YOU HAVEN'T GOT ANY OTHER CLOTHES, DO YOU?

Um, Balthazar? I mean, s-sir?

BALTHAZAR IS FINE. He finally loosened the collar. OH THANK THE ALMIGHTY, I'M ALWAYS FOR A BIT OF DANGER DURING 'ME TIME' BUT GOODNESS, THAT WAS PUSHING IT.

If Freely felt any uncertainty then, he wisely did not mention it, but Balthazar could still feel touches of doubt coming from the soul. A skeptical vessel wouldn't do, the human might be given a chance to banish him from the vessel. A real-life miracle should do the trick, he decides.

YOU DARE QUESTION MY INTEGRITY? He ignored the human's frantic apologies. A DEMONSTRATION OF THE POWER THEN, GIFTED BY HEAVEN'S WONDEROUS LORD, THE GRACE OF ELOHIM HIMSELF. PRAISE UNTO HIM.

He snapped his fingers and the broken glass from Freely's kitchen transformed into a large, phallic shaped glass ornament. BEHOLD, I AM A TRUE ANGEL OF THE LORD.

Oh my God.

DO NOT FEEL DESPAIR, FATHER DESIGNED YOU ALL IN HIS IMAGE BUT VARIATION IN PACKAGE SIZE IS NORMAL.

The miracle glass dildo vibrated in agreement.

XXX

After going through his closet and proclaiming that Freely's wardrobe was a mixture akin to Peewee Herman and a middle age Dad, Balthazar immediately took them to the mall and picked out some ridiculously low V-neck shirts and jeans that showed off every curve of his ass and junk.

Is this really necessary..? Freely watched himself twirl around in the mirror of a Hot Topic. I'd really rather…dress my age.

AGE IS SOMETHING THAT DOESN'T MATTER. Balthazar said while cupping his new assets. UNLESS YOU'RE A CHEESE.

Women age like fine wine.

AND SOME MEN AGE LIKE MILK. TRUST ME, YOU NEED ALL THE HELP YOU CAN GET. "Darling," He flagged down a saleswoman. "I'll take these and all the blazers on the rack."

A British accent?

I THINK IT'S QUITE FETCHING.

The bubbly saleswomen popped her gum and blushed at the clothes he pointed out. "Oh, such nice choices! Are you going somewhere special tonight?"

"Only a date with God love."

Freely perked up. You mean…we're completing the mission you were given by the Lord himself tonight?

OH THAT..? YEAH SURE WHATEVER.

Too busy daydreaming about the details of Balthazar's mission from Heaven itself, Freely barely noticed as Balthazar busied with a rack filled with pendants. I'm so honored to be given the privilege of being in attendance while an angel completes his work for the Grace of his Lord and Father. This may be the most important night of my life. I cannot wait to see where you take us.

XXX

Freely took it all back. He wanted no more than to be blinded than see where Balthazar had taken them.

This is a den of inequity. We should not be here.

They were at dirtiest and cheapest looking dive that he had ever seen. Not that he would know as he had spent the entirety of his time in church instead of frequenting the red life district, but if Freely had to imagine a bar where every sort of terrible thing happened, this was the place. Grimy and dark, the smell of booze, cheap cologne and sweat saturated the hot air. Rough looking men and a few women gathered around poker tables, laughing and smoking freely while girls who looked like sin personified sauntered around with almost everything on display stopping only to wind around patrons and whisper promises of the best night of their lives.

Freely gulped; almost everyone was armed. Although the atmosphere of the bar was boisterous, tension hung in the air.

They strolled past an apathetic bouncer who waved them in without a glance. Balthazar nonchalantly wound his way around tables bumping into chairs and patrons alike without any regard to the dirty looks he was getting.

Can we…please be careful? Freely asked nervously. I don't want to start anything here.

OOPSIE DAISEY. His hip nudged against the biggest and baldest man's elbow, sending his hand of cards tumbling onto the table to reveal a straight flush.

"YOU FUCKIN' LITTLE CHEAT!" The enormous man whirled around. "I'LL SPILL YOUR GODDAMN GUTS ON THE FLOOR AND MAKE YOU EAT IT YOU SON OF A BITCH!" He smashed his beer bottle on the side of the table sending up a spray of glass shards and beer and lunged towards Freely with the jagged weapon. Every fiber of his being screamed at him to run, hide, duck, do anything to avoid the 300-pound freight train barreling towards him but Balthazar was in control. His body lazily sidestepped and the larger man went flying into the bar stand with a resounding crash.

Barely anyone batted an eye and the bartender only sighed, "Markus, I swear to God we talked about this last week. I'll have to cut you off if you stab another person again."

The said man scrambled to his feet and spat on the floor. "The fucker was cheatin' at cards Sean."

"I don't care, I ain't cleanin' 'nother one of your messes." Sean said. A dangerous gleam shone in his eyes as his hand reached for something beneath the bar counter. Freely could tell this was a man one didn't trifle with. "Either siddown or settle it outside."

The bald man made to lunge at him again but seeing the look on the bartender's face, he seemed to think better. Growling threats under his breath, he retook his seat and the bar eventually resumed its normal activities.

To Freely's utter consternation instead of hightailing out of there like a sane person, Balthazar happily plopped himself down on a stool that had seen better days and ordered a drink.

"Hit me up with something good and strong."

The bartender smiled showing yellowed teeth. "You got t'go somewhere else old man, all I got 'ere is cheap 'n strong."

Balthazar grinned back, "That'll have to do."

Um…Balthazar?

His drink arrived quickly and he nodded to the bartender who resumed polishing a glass with a filthy rag. I SENSE YOUR DISCOMFORT. YOU CLEARLY HAVE SOMETHING ON YOUR MIND, GO ON SPIT IT OUT.

Well it's just that… I…I should…. I should be teaching the celebration of the Sacraments and Divine Scripture for Sunday school right now. Or at home. SAFE. Not immersing myself in this…this dangerous decadence.

Balthazar chugged the pint of beer and smacked his lips. OH POO. I'M ONLY TAKING THE EDGE OFF AND I KNOW FOR A FACT FATHER DID NOT MAKE DRINKING A SIN.

It's Sunday.

Balthazar considered that for a moment. IT'LL BE OUR LITTLE SECRET THEN.

But I've never been drunk my entire life!

YOU'RE MISSING OUT.

It's Sunday afternoon. Why in God's name are we getting drunk on Sunday afternoon? I thought you said we were completing your mission.

WE ARE. I'M TRYING TO GET US LAID.

What?! Freely shrieked and Balthazar poked a finger in his ear in annoyance. That's what you came down from Heaven for?! Your 'great and glorious assignment' given from God himself?!

CAREFUL THERE. NO ONE CAN HEAR YOU BUT I SURE CAN.

God commanded you to have…to have sex?! In MY body? WHY?

GOD WORKS IN MYSTERIOUS WAYS. YOU UNDESTAND DON'T YOU?

He gritted his teeth and fought the urge to scream. Yes…

BUT YEAH, I WANT TO GET LAID. FIND MYSELF A STRAPPING YOUNG MAN…OR WOMAN. I'M NOT PICKY.

Someone might as well have told him the Virgin Mary was a total anal whore, his brain wouldn't have short circuited any less. For all his fifty years, he knew angels as spiritual beings intermediate between Heaven and men; God's powerful and obedient instruments by whom He communicates His will to humanity, but this otherworldly creature before him, the very symbol of benevolence and chastity, spoke of performing premarital sex as indifferently as if he'd been talking about a wholesome weekend activity he'd missed out on.

SURELY YOU HAVE FUCKED BEFORE.

Excuse me? I've been chaste for my entire life, not to mention I prefer…women.

WELL SHIT, STRAP ON THEN. THIS WILL BE AN EXPERIENCE.

I…I really don't feel comfortable with this. Not to mention some Christen and Catholic chapters believe homosexuality is a sin.

FATHER MADE YOU ALL IN HIS IMAGE. Balthazar crooked an eyebrow. IF THERE IS SUCH THING AS GAY, WOULDN'T THAT MEAN GOD IS A BIT GAY?

Freely was lost for words.

HOW ELSE DO YOU EXPLAIN FLAMINGOS?

He spotted a figure heading over towards them and with every fiber of his being, prayed for salvation. But Balthazar downed the rest of his drink in one gulp. "Show time."

"Hey sugar," A woman that oozed a combination of sin and uncleanliness appeared at their side. She wore almost nothing but a sultry pout that promised everything you wanted to hear. "You look lonely tonight, you need some comp'ny?"

Balthazar ignored the spluttering noises in his head and put on his most charming smile. "Three's a crowd. I've got my friend right here with me, but I'm afraid he's a bit of a downer though," He winked suggestively. "He's a big boy but hasn't had any fun in his life."

"Oho," She nodded knowingly. "I know exactly what you need. The girls love breaking someone new in."

What is she talking about? Are you talking about my penis? Oh my G-, you're talking about my penis.

QUIET VIRGIN, WHAT'S YOURS IS MINE. Balthazar turned his attention back to the woman, "What's your name, darling?"

Her smile reminded Freely of stained silk and dead roses. Once beautiful, but time had taken its toll. "Charity."

Balthazar couldn't help but chuckle, "Well, Charity have you got any friends? I have a rather," He let his eyes roam hungrily over her body. "…large appetite."

"Oh honey," she purred as she stroked his exposed chest hairs. "Have I got friends. Wanna get out of here?"

"It's like you read my mind." They started sucking face much to Freely's horror.

No! That is it! I'm drawing the line right here! This is absolutely ridiculous! I can think of a million places I'd rather be than this Godforsaken nest of sin. What kind of angel are you?! I don't want to have sex with a prostitute. I can't even begin to start how wrong the very thought of you copulating is-

WHAT'S THAT VERSE IN THAT BOOK YOUR KIND LIKES TO READ? Balthazar asked as he lazily nuzzled into the crook of Charity's neck. JOHN 12:26 TO BE EXACT.

I-I..I.

OH YOU KNOW IT?

The words were dragged painfully out of him. 'Who-Whoever serves me must…must follow me; and where I am, my servant also will be. My Father will honor the one who serves me…'

THAT WAS MY HALF-BROTHER SPEAKING, BUT YOU GET THE GIST. HERE I THOUGHT YOU WERE A MAN OF GOD. OH WELL, I'LL JUST HEAD ON BACK TO HEAVEN AND LET FATHER KNOW THAT-

No! No…I'm sorry. I-I…. Freely deflated. I didn't mean to be presumptuous.

GOOD NOW KINDLY SHUT UP.

Freely was doing the possessed vessel equivalent of hyperventilating. I can't believe this, I'm…I'm going to lose my virginity.

DON'T WORRY I WON'T LET IT HAPPEN AGAIN.

XXX