Comfort

Author: velja

Pairing: Buffy/Spike

Author's note: Ever since watching Season Five I wondered how Spike got to know about Joyce's death. They didn't show us, so I figured it out by myself. This takes place between the end of "The Body" and the 'Choosing a coffin' beginning of "Forever". I assumed the episodes must have had at least one night in between. One night Buffy needs comfort as much as she needs medical aid. She needs a friend and finds one where she'd never thought she would.

"Buffy, you're sure you don't wanna come?" Willow asked her friend for the umpteenth time when Xander stopped the car in front of the Summer's house. "You shouldn't be alone right now! Or, you know, we could all stay here..."

"I'm fine, Will." Buffy sighed, "I just need some air, some space."

She got out of the car and threw a glance at her little sister but Dawn avoided her eyes. She looked out of the other side window and said nothing.

"And thanks for taking care of Dawn, Will. I'll call you tomorrow, promise." Buffy said and gave her friends a little smile. Then she shut the car door and watched them drive away.

Her friends. Xander and Anya, Willow and Tara. And Dawn.

Buffy was glad that they had been with her at the hospital all the time. She really was. But after more than four hours of company Buffy felt like they were taking away her breath. She felt crowded, bothered. She needed space.

Space and...a good slay.

Therefore she was very thankful right now they had left her alone. Dawn would be save with her friends. She knew that. So Buffy would be able to patrol all night, to look for a really good slay. That was what she needed after all. One good slay.

Though she stood at the pavement like a frozen statue Buffy felt like her whole body was itching. Her fists seemed to tremble with need to punch something, someone. And she couldn't hold her legs still. She needed to run, to hunt. She needed demons; a hell lot of them. A bunch of vampires would also be good right now. Everything would be better than thinking. She needed something to force her brain off... something to make her black out what had happened...her mom.

Her mom who had been lying in this cold and sterile hospital wing. Her mom who was...dead.

Buffy turned around and stormed into the house. With Slayer speed she ran upstairs, changed into something more comfortable (black sweatpants and a gray tanktop) and went downstairs again to look for weapons. She rummaged through the weapon chest and finally took two stakes with her. Just two stakes. She needed to use her hands, her itching fists to fight and destroy. Right now she felt like she could rip a demon's head off just with her hands.

God, she was so angry!

With one last look at the couch where she had found her mom earlier Buffy ran to the back door and out of the house.

One good slay!

Something was definitely wrong, he could tell.

Spike had been standing behind 'his tree' in front of Buffy's house for about ten minutes when he saw her descend the whelp's car. The whole Scooby gang had been in there. From the looks on their faces and from what he had heard of their short conversation he could tell something wasn't right.

Something to do with the Nibblet and that Glory chick? No, couldn't be. Otherwise Buffy would never leave the Bit alone with the Scoobies.

But something...

Spike watched Buffy just standing there after her friends had disappeared. She seemed to be deeply in thoughts, otherwise she would have sensed him the second she'd left the car.

So what the hell was wrong with her? Why was she just bloody standing there like a damn goddess in stone?

Spike was about to move out of the shadows when Buffy suddenly turned and disappeared in the house. He could hear her running upstairs and no two minutes later down again. The following rumble told him she was looking for weapons. So there had to be some danger. Some demons to kill, some creatures to slay.

Spike decided to follow her on the quiet. Couldn't let her get hurt after all, could he? He threw away the half-done fag he had been smoking and prepared himself to follow her. But he wasn't prepared for her to take the back door. There was no way to hide for him; she had to see him.

So Spike braced himself and stepped out of the darkness of the tree into her way. Buffy let out a breath of surprise and stopped dead a few feet in front of him.

"Slayer," he smirked with his hands deep in the duster's pockets.

"Spike," Buffy sighed, "get out of my way!"

Spike took one step towards her and invaded her personal space like he always did. Curiously he asked: "And what would be your way, then? Dirty your hands with some demon's blood?"

Buffy raised her hand and pressed a stake at his leather-clad chest. "Once again. Get.Away.From.Me!"

Spike watched her determined face and took one step backwards. He raised his hands in a mollifying gesture and asked with concern: "What's the matter, Buffy? Is it just me or what else got you so bloody pissed off?"

He didn't see the blow coming. Buffy's fist crashed down hard on his nose and same time a well-placed foot slammed into his groin.

Spike flew backwards and landed flat on his back. "Bloody hell, Slayer!"

He writhed in pain with one hand pressed to his nose and the other one squeezed between his legs.

Buffy walked up and threw an icy glare down at the vampire. "I told you. I'm not in a joking mood. I need a real good slay tonight. And if you come near me again it will be you. Got it, Spike? It will be you!"

With that she walked away. After a few steps she suddenly broke into a run.

"Buffy..." Spike shouted and got up quickly. But the Slayer didn't look back.

She ran along the deserted streets till she reached the cemetery.

'God, I hope he didn't follow me!' Buffy thought and threw an angry glare backwards. But there was no sign of Spike at all.

Good! She couldn't deal with him right now. There was already too much going on in her head, no space for a neutered lovesick vampire. A vampire who kept turning up whenever she felt lonely, absolutely shattered.

Like the day, a few weeks ago, when she had learned that her mom needed to go to the hospital for a cat-scan.

She had been sitting at the back porch with her head in her hands, crying. She hadn't noticed him till he was right in front of her, with a large gun in his hand. What had that been for anyway? She'd forgotten to ask him. She'd also forgotten to send him to hell. She'd forgotten everything because...

("What do you want now?"

"What's wrong?"

"I don't wanna talk about it!"

"Is there something I can do?")

...because he had been so nice.

Spike had sat down next to her with a really concerned look on his face. He even had patted her back in comfort. Shy, clumsy and insecure, as if he was awaiting her rejection every second.

And she really should have rejected him, shouldn't she? Cause it was Spike! Evil undead Spike, or unevil dead, or...whatever. Spike!

But...

He had been so nice. Even after all she had said to him that day. The way she had treated him when he was telling her about killing the Slayers. She had been really mean to him. On purpose. She had wanted to hurt him...

("It wouldn't be you, Spike. It would never be you! You're beneath me!")

...she had wanted to hurt him because he had hurt her, too. What he had said about every Slayer having a death wish...even her. It had hurt her.

Cause it was true.

It was true and she knew it and he knew it and someday...

...someday it would happen.

What if he would be here right now? Without that chip in his head? Would he try to kill her? He had said he loved her but...if he could kill her, would he try? And she? Would she let him?

It would be an easy way out of everything. No more slaying, no more duty, no more fighting the good fight for destiny...

Being able to just close her eyes, just...rest. She could be with her mom again...be a family...

"Family..." Buffy suddenly snapped out of her thoughts, "Dawn!"

Dawn was her family after all. She was her sister, not just the key or energy or what the hell the monk had said. She was her sister.

And she would be all alone if Buffy...

"No, Dawn. I'm so not gonna leave you! How could I ever think of...ending...oh god! Never, ever again!"

Buffy's voice had risen with every word she'd let out. So no wonder the pack of vampires that were about to cross the cemetery suddenly looked around for the owner of that voice.

They started to circle her when Buffy suddenly looked up and said:

"Thank god! Finally something to occupy my mind. Ready to die guys?"

And then the slaying started.

Spike had been standing motionless on the lawn watching Buffy disappear into the dark night. For a brief second he had thought about going after her but even he knew something about limits. And right now he was at the end of one. Buffy had been serious about the staking, he could tell that.

Okay, she had threatened to kill him about a thousands times, all words, no actions. But this time...something had been different.

Spike pulled a pack of smokes out of his duster and put one between his lips.

The look on her face...

...determined, angry. No, more than angry, furious.

But also sad, hurt and...shattered. Like she was defeated, like...

...dead.

"Can't say I like that!" the vampire muttered and started walking around the house. He decided to look for Joyce inside. Just look at her, watch her doing something. Perhaps he could find out what's wrong with the Slayer by watching her mother. Was worth a try, wasn't it?

And by the way it had always been soothing, reassuring to watch Joyce. The steadiest of the Summer's girls, the rock. The anchor. Watching her always made Spike Just watching her without being seen. Being talked to.

Not that the lady would talk to him anyway. Ever since Buffy had closed the door in front of his face, ever since he had been disinvited the day he had confessed his love for Buffy, Spike had been completely excluded and ignored by Joyce as well.

But somehow he could understand that. Understand her.

It's not that she didn't like him any more. Oh, well, she never really said she liked him. But she'd always been friendly, always had a cup of cocoa and marshmallows for him. She'd always talked to him like he was a normal guy, a real person and no monster. She had treated him like one of her daughter's friends. Well, she'd also treated him like a twelve year old boy sometimes, but...hey, that's what mothers do, right? No matter how old you are (and, well, he was about three times her age, wasn't he?), they'd always gonna treat you like a child. But somehow...he'd liked that. Nobody had been as friendly towards him as Joyce had in a long, long time. Well, not since his own mom.

Perhaps every mother was like this? Well, at least every mother should be, right?

That's why Spike could not blame Joyce for shutting him out.

He knew that Joyce, like every mom, just tried to protect her daughter. Protect her from an inappropriate, unfortunate, star-crossed love affair.

That's what mothers do after all. Protect their children, love them, and make sure they have everything they need.

'So why the hell is the Slayer out there alone when she's kind of blue? Why isn't she sitting in the living room with a good cup of cocoa, soothed by her mom?' Spike wondered.

He had surrounded the house and was now standing on the front porch. Everything was dark inside; no one seemed to be at home.

Spike sighed and leaned against the window of the living room. Tonight he wouldn't find an answer to Buffy's odd behavior, would he? And if the Slayer would find him still lurking about her home when she returned he would be turned into a pile of dust quicker than he could cock his eyebrow, right?

"Guess I'll better be going."

He let out a deep and unneeded breath and was about to walk away when a sudden scent let him freeze in midair.

Spike cocked his head and sniffled slightly.

No doubt, the strange smell lingered everywhere around him. The window, the porch, the whole house seemed to be swamped with something...

...something disturbingly familiar. A smell of...death.

Spike furrowed his brows. "What the hell..."

Death. Everywhere around him. Somebody had just died inside the house.

But who...The Nibblet had been in the whelp's car and Buffy was out there somewhere. So who...

And then it hit him.

"Oh god!" he stammered. Spike fell backwards off the porch. He scrambled back to his feet and started running past the tree towards the back of the house. There he looked around for something...anything to support him. To prove him wrong. It couldn't be, could it?

Not Joyce!

"Oh god, Buffy!" he suddenly whispered and sank down onto his knees. He buried his face in his hands and kept kneeling on the lawn for what seemed like a lifetime. But eventually Spike rose from the ground and wiped away the tears that had been rolling down his cheeks.

He walked over to the back porch, sat down on the stairs and started smoking.

The fight had lasted much longer than the vampires had thought it would. And the ending they had intended had definitely been another.

Now Buffy was standing in the cemetery with several piles of dust around her. One of her stakes lay a few feet away from her where the last of the vamps had disintegrated after she had thrown it at him.

The other stake was, much to Buffy's unease, stabbed through the midst of her left hand. She didn't know how the hell this could have happened.

The vamps had neither been very clever nor strong but somehow they had managed to nearly defeat her.

If she hadn't rolled away her body quickly enough it would have been her heart at the end of the stake right now. Not just her hand.

Buffy thought briefly about pulling the stake out but then the wound would bleed like hell. She had to be prepared for that. She needed supplies, like bandages and antiseptic. She had to head for home.

"No more slaying tonight," she sighed and suddenly tears blurred her sight. "Why can't anything go right today? Why do I always have to fail?" she sniffled and wiped away the tears with her healthy hand.

Then she started running towards Revello Drive. By the time Buffy reached the backside of her house her hand was aching like mad. Every step of her feet seemed to reverberate in it, every thump her racing pulse made sent a throb of pain through it.

"Buffy!"

The familiar voice startled the crap out of her cause she hadn't noticed the black-clad figure sitting on the back porch in front of her. After a gasp of shock Buffy kind of whined:

"No, oh no! Not again! I don't have the nerves for this anymore! Spike, for god's sake, leave me alone!"

She looked down at the vampire who now raised his head slowly. When her tear-strained eyes met his dark blue ones, she suddenly fell silent.

Spike's eyes were full of sorrow and pain and concern and love and understanding. Every single feeling she knew was mirrored in his silent gaze. For a few seconds neither of them spoke. Then the vampire cocked his head slightly and his eyes traveled down to her impaled hand.

"You're hurt!" he said.

Buffy broke out of the reverie that was Spike's eyes. She glanced at her hand and snapped: "I know!"

"You need to pull that stake out." Spike raised from the porch and walked up to Buffy.

"I know that!" she repeated and started walking past him to the back door. He stopped her by grabbing her upper arm and turned her around.

"Buffy..." he swallowed, "let me help you."

"No!" she broke her arm free from his grip.

"Buffy, you can't take care of the wound by yourself. How are you gonna bandage it with just one hand, tell me?" A slight touch of anger crept into his pleading voice.

The dismissive answer that was already on her lips got stuck in her mouth when Buffy looked down at her hand. Damn, he was right. She would never be able to bandage the wound properly with using just one hand. Damned!

Spike noticed her hesitation and sighed in relief. He took her by the right arm and led her upstairs to the door.

"Shall I pull it out now?" Buffy seemed to speak to herself but nevertheless Spike answered: "Wait!"

He looked around the porch and found a small tea towel lying on the garden furniture. "Here, take this. As soon as I pull the stake out you press it down, okay?" He looked for an understanding nod but met a frown in her face instead.

"You take it out?" she asked worried.

Spike tried to give her a reassuring smile. "Don't worry, pet. I'll be careful!"

Buffy was about to protest but something in his voice seemed to calm her down. It was all concerned and...yeah, soothing.

"Okay!"

Spike took her hand in his right one and put the other one around the stake. Then he let out a sharp breath, braced himself and... pulled.

It hurt, yes, but Buffy was sure that things could have been worse. Somehow Spikes gentle touch affected her much more than the pain. Where his hand had steadied hers hot tingles were sent through her flesh and bones.

Much worse than the pain, worse and ...wonderful.

"Hey, press the towel down, will you?" Spike's voice pulled her out of her thoughts.

Right, the towel, yes.

"This needs antiseptic and a proper bandage." She heard him say.

"First aid kit. Kitchen!" Buffy was still wondering about the softness of his touch. Probably because he was still holding her hand in his cold one.

Spike seemed to notice it, too. He let her go and stepped back a little.

"Kitchen, huh?" he frowned.

She would never invite him in, would she? Well, better not to wait for something that would never happen. He knew that. So he tried to sound as casual as possible: "Just go inside and collect it. I'll wait."

Buffy threw a strange glance up to him. Then it hit her. He couldn't go inside, he had been disinvited since...

Buffy blushed and mouthed: "Okay!" Then she went inside.

When Buffy returned to the porch with the first aid supplies under her healthy arm Spike was taking off his duster and placing it at the banisters. He took the kit out of her arms, led her to the stairs and forced her to sit down.

Then he placed himself to Buffy's left, took her hand in his and started disinfecting the wound. Buffy flinched and let out a painful hiss.

"Sorry, pet." Spike whispered.

"No, it's...it's okay," Buffy answered, "can't expect it to not hurt I suppose."

Spike frowned. Did she mean the wound or had she just said that because he used to be a brutal killer?

"Hey, luv, I'm trying to be gentle here." He began to pull the soft bandage around her hand. Not too tight, not too loose. It looked like he had done this a dozen times before.

Spike's work was thorough but quick. And every time his fingers stroke hers in a tender touch Buffy felt hot shivers running down her spine.

He was very gentle indeed. She would never have guessed that. Fact was he was as caring and nice as the other night. The night he had offered her some comfort at the very same place they were sitting now.

"You really are."

Spike looked up to her face with an eyebrow drawn.

"Gentle." Buffy smiled slightly.

Spike turned away his eyes. He was really glad that vampires couldn't blush. Otherwise he supposed he wouldn't have had enough blood for his brain to work right now. Especially since most of his blood was currently heading for the opposite direction of his body.

Ever since he had started to lay a hand on Buffy's hand Spike had felt an increasing tightness in his black jeans. But as disturbing and awkward as the lump in his pants was, the one suddenly sticking in his throat took him more by surprise.

To be this close to his Slayer, to be allowed to touch her without being slapped in the face...it was more than he could bear right now.

His usually cool façade had already started to crumble when he had noticed Joyce's death earlier. Now it suddenly came crashing down. In an instant his hands were trembling slightly and his eyes began to fill with tears again. He forced himself to meet Buffy's glance and whispered:

"Buffy, I'm...I'm so sorry!"

The young woman smiled at him teasingly. "The Big Bad is sorry?" And more serious she added: "What for, Spike?"

The vampire breathed hard. "You know. Your...your mom!"

The smile on Buffy's face froze. Oh god! How could she have forgotten?

A horrified expression crept onto her face as soon as tears started to overwhelm her hazel eyes. The unbandaged hand of hers went covering her mouth but it couldn't stop the sobs and whimpers from coming out.

"Oh god! Oh god, I forgot!" Buffy cried, "How could I forget? Mom!"

And then the sounds were muffled because Buffy pulled her legs up and threw her head down onto her knees. Her hands clutched her head and she sobbed desperately.

Spike didn't know what to do. He stared helplessly down at this picture of misery that used to be his tough Slayer. Despite her destiny, despite all the strength and determination she possessed Buffy seemed to be still a child after all. Just a girl who had lost the dearest and most important person in her life.

And who now had nothing more to cling to.

Spike shifted an inch towards the sobbing bundle of Slayer next to him and lay an arm around her. Cautiously, as if ready to pull away at the slightest sign of repulsion.

When it didn't come the vampire hauled Buffy closer and put his other arm around her as well. One second she stiffened slightly but then she relaxed and let herself sink down into his embrace. Spike pulled up his knees so that the Slayer was kind of safe in his lap and clutched her tight to his chest, close to his heart that, if it would beat, would threaten to burst out of his chest.

Buffy's muffled sobs suddenly became broken ramblings that Spike could only understand due to his vampire hearing.

"Oh, Spike! I...I found her, a-and she was j-just lying there, and I...I couldn't do anything! Spike, I couldn't h-help her! And now she's dead! She's really gone! Forever!"

"Shhht, it's okay, luv. It's okay!" he tried to soothe her and somehow it seemed to work. After a while Buffy's sobs went more quiet and her body stopped trembling violently. But neither the Slayer nor the vampire dared to let go of each other.

With Buffy's head buried in the curve of his neck Spike followed a sudden urge and started placing tiny little kisses on her forehead. He stroke her hair back softly and noticed something wet on it. Probably tears, he thought.

He didn't get the fact that it were his own tears dampening her beautiful golden hair and skin. He wasn't even aware of his crying till Buffy suddenly lifted her head to watch him closely. Her bandaged hand came up to trace the wet lines his tears had left on his pale face.

"Why...why are you..." Buffy's voice broke.

The formerly Big Bad tried to wipe away his tears quickly. Now that Buffy had gained back a little strength he was embarrassed to the bones that she'd seen him weak. But before he could reach his face Buffy grabbed his hand and pulled it down settling it on her knee.

"It's okay, Spike. I won't tell anyone, promise. But I'd never thought I'd see you cry."

"Bloody hell, I kind of liked your mom." Spike tried to back away in defense but Buffy held him firmly in place by sliding her healthy arm around his neck.

"And she kind of liked you!" she answered with something between a smile and a sob.

"Yeah, well, the lady's never been the best judge of character, has she?" he tried to joke, "not like you, Slayer!"

"I'm startin' to get that her opinion has always been closer to the truth than mine!" Buffy's voice was barely audible, even for his vampire hearing.

"What?" Spike watched her face incredulously, "I mean...what?" he repeated.

Buffy looked up into his deep blue eyes. They were full of doubt, insecurity and, well, shyness. But they were also radiating strength, longing and pure love. They were...yes, angelic. Buffy couldn't think of any other word for them.

'How could someone with such eyes ever do something evil? How could he ever be evil?' Buffy thought while staring at Spike who didn't know what was going on in the Slayer's mind. All he could tell was that there was something between the two of them, something he'd never dared to hope for.

'Is she really telling me she likes me?' he wondered. Seemed like she was, with her hands all over him and all. He tried to focus on her face; away from her tiny little fingers at the back of his head where they made his hair stand on end.

"Buffy?" he asked cautiously. "Luv?"

Buffy's gaze traveled from his electrifying eyes towards his well-shaped mouth and back again. She raised her head, her face merely inches away from his. If he would breathe now she knew she would be able to feel it on her own lips. But although Spike usually breathed out of habit (not out of need cause, duh, vampire), now there was no steam of air coming from his lips.

He simply was too caught in the moment, too overwhelmed by what was happening here and now.

Spike leaned forward a little and brushed his mouth softly against Buffy's lips. The very moment of this first tender touch both Buffy and Spike closed their eyes in delight. Spike let out a growl from low in his throat. 'God, her lips are as sweet as honey!' he thought while he carefully let his tongue slide along her lower lip, gently asking for permission to go any further.

Buffy responded by opening her mouth, teasing his tongue with her own. A sudden jolt flashed through her body like a lightning. Every inch of her skin tingled with electricity. 'Oh, boy, this is incredible!' Buffy thought and a soft moan escaped her lips, 'I've never thought a kiss could be like this!'

Soon their kiss deepened. What had started as a tender and cautious tasting suddenly heated up more and more. Tongues were battling and teeth were teasing and the moaning and grumbling increased.

Spike softly cupped Buffy's face with both his hands to pull her even closer. Then his left hand traveled up to her neck where it got caught in her long golden hair. The other hand went down her back to linger on the very end of her spine. His fingers started trailing along the hem of Buffy's top and when they touched bare skin the vampire suddenly felt like being covered in hot sweat despite his lack of body heat.

Buffy, too was feeling hot shivers catching her body everywhere Spike touched her. She let her unbandaged hand trace a path along Spike's sharp cheekbones up to his short blond hair that seemed to be all curly suddenly. It wound incredibly soft around her fingers.

Her injured hand had rested on Spike's left leg when the kissing started and was now slowly moving upwards. But before Buffy reached the noticeable bulge in his pants Spike suddenly broke the kiss and stopped her hand on his lap.

Panting heavily he pulled away from her to look into her questioning eyes full of arousal. With a sad smile he managed to explain finally:

"Buffy, you know I love you more than anything in the world. I would give my life for you and more. And right at the moment I would do anything to make your pain stop. But this," Spike gestured between him and her, "this won't help. Perhaps you'll be able to let yourself go for a short time, to push the pain aside. But it won't go away. Tomorrow it would be worse cause this is not what you want. Believe me, you...you don't want me the way I want you. You don't love me like I love you, so..." he broke off helplessly.

Buffy's eyes began to fill with hot tears again. "Spike, if you really love me then don't stop!" she begged and tried to pull him back near.

But the vampire resisted the urge to give in and to kiss her again.

"No, sweetheart. No, I can't."

He couldn't believe what he was doing. Here was his Slayer sitting close to him, begging him to make sweet love to her, to make her feel something. And he refused to give her what she wanted because...it wasn't right? It would be like abusing her?

'Oh, sod off. You're a vampire, abusing people is what you do!' Spike tried to convince himself. But not his Slayer. He couldn't do this to her.

But somewhere deep inside Spike knew that this was not the only reason for him to back away. Although his heart did not beat he knew for sure that it could still break. And if he would give in to Buffy and love her and she would reject him afterwards (and there was no way she wouldn't, was there?) he knew he wouldn't be able to deal with it. He was sure that it would be too much for him to bear.

So it was better to nip this in the bud, wasn't it?

Suddenly Spike noticed that Buffy had let go of him. She slid away a few inches and turned her head to her right. Away from him.

He swallowed hard. "Buffy..."

"Leave me alone, Spike!" The Slayer tried hard to not let him see how much he had hurt her by breaking the mood. Okay, so she didn't love him, he was right. But that didn't mean that she didn't want him right now, did it? Buffy was sure she knew what she needed right now. Something to take her away from all this. Something to make her forget...

But all at once a small voice got through to her from inside her mind. 'Buffy, think! Would you really sleep with him and then dump him afterwards? Could you do that? And if, then you'd rather stake him right here and now cause that would destroy him! And by the way, how would you ever dare to look into his eyes again?'

Buffy sighed. Spike had been right, this wasn't to be the right way after all. As good as the kissing had felt...what had slowly been growing between them in the past few weeks was too valuable to loose it again so soon. And not for something like this...it wasn't worth it!

"Buffy, please! Pet, listen..." the vampire tried to make her look at him again but the Slayer refused to meet his pleading glance. So Spike took her chin in his hand and forced her head in his direction. He felt wet on her skin and when Buffy finally looked at him he could see that she had started crying again.

"Buffy, I know how you're feeling..."

"No!" the Slayer suddenly shouted, "You have no idea how I'm feeling right now! You don't know anything about it! My whole life is crashing down on me! A few weeks ago I learned that my sister isn't my sister. Every single memory of us being a family is fake. Fake, you know?" Buffy looked at the vampire with tears spilling down her face, panting heavily. All the anger and desperation built up in her suddenly came crashing down. She knew it wasn't fair to lash out on Spike; he had been all nice and comforting to her. But she couldn't help it! Before Spike got the chance to reply something Buffy continued: "And now my mom is dead. She is dead and I will never see her again. She died while I was out there on some fucking Slayer duty! Oh Spike, I'm so sick and tired of it!"

She started sobbing uncontrollably again.

When Spike's hand came up to wipe away her tears she didn't back away. Buffy felt too tired to even reject his touch. When Spike pulled her into another embrace she let him do so.

"I'm so tired of everything!" Buffy whispered against his chest.

"I know, pet!" Spike eventually replied. "I know right now it bloody well hurts like hell. It surely looks to you like you lost everything. But you mustn't forget this," he lifted her chin and gave her the most reassuring smile he could manage despite all the pain he felt for her, "you are not alone in this. Do you understand, luv? You're not alone. There are the Watcher and your Lil' Bit, and a whole bunch of Scoobies. The Whelp with his girl and Red of cause with her Wicca. Whatever you'll have to go through, you can be sure that you're always gonna have your friends." Spike blinked away a tear that threatened to leave his eye and added softly: "And you'll always gonna have me! Always, luv!"

"Thank you, Spike," Buffy sniffled but had stopped crying, "thanks for being a friend!" She rested her head on the vampire's chest again and closed her eyes.

Spike swallowed hard. She'd actually called him a friend! He couldn't stop a single bloody tear from falling down but somehow Spike suddenly didn't seem to care at all.

"You're welcome!" he smiled slightly and placed a tiny little kiss on Buffy's hair.

She'd called him a friend!

...to be continued...or not? Let me know it!