I have been away from fanfiction for many months now, but am endeavouring to rediscover my commitment to it in order that my unfinished stories might be completed. This was something that I abandoned about two pages in and I finished it today. I'm not sure whether any more chapters are needed, so opinions gratefully received!
Disclaimer: All you recognise in here belongs to JK Rowling.
Friday nights with the other marauders could be a bit of a trial, especially when Sirius or James had managed to smuggle Firewhisky into the common room. Remus tended to stay in the library as long as possible after dinner, hoping that by the time he was forced to return to Gryffindor tower that the others would have found their entertainment for the night. He loved his friends dearly, but it was now the seventh year they had spent together and Remus knew them all too well. If they had no other target, James and Sirius did have a tendency to pick on him. At best, they would be after some new way to pull off a prank they had been thinking up during Friday afternoon lessons, but if they were in a mischievous mood, Remus knew they could be nothing but trouble.
Remus had been thrown out of the library and was dragging his feet as he made his way up to the tower. He had seen a Firewhisky bottle resting in Sirius' trunk that morning and knew he would be in for another long evening if they had not found something to occupy them. There was no hiding from them now, though, unless he wanted to be in trouble for being in the school after curfew. Reluctantly, he spoke the password and crawled through the portrait hole into the bright common room beyond. Noise levels were at an all-time high and Remus felt a stab of hope, thinking he might be able to sneak through unnoticed and make the blessed sanctuary of the dormitory.
But it was not to be. No sooner had he entered the room then long pale-skinned fingers closed around his arm and pulled him towards the centre of the noise and chaos that was the common room on a Friday evening.
"There you are, Moony!" It was Sirius, Firewhisky making his drawling voice as unnaturally bright as his grey eyes. "I would say we've been waiting for you, but you've been ages so we started the party without you. We're playing … James, what are we playing?"
James Potter sat at the head of a circle of Gryffindors, his dark hair messier than usual and his black-framed glasses askew. In front of him stood several Firewhisky bottles, most at least half-drunk. "It's called, um, Shrimps? Pilchards?"
"Sardines," Peter cut in, grinning at Remus. Of the three, he seemed the most sober. Remus remembered that he had had a detention and obviously could not have been back in the common room very long. But he sat beside James with his hands curled possessively around a bottle; it wouldn't be too long before he caught up. "Do you know it?"
Unlike the others, Remus was half-muggle. He knew the game all too well. "Not out in the school?" he asked, but he knew that his hope was misplaced.
"It doesn't work in here," Sirius told him, grinning and handing him a bottle. "We've tried. Now have a drink, before you explode with fear. You need to relax a little more, you know. We won't go too far from the tower." He lowered his voice and his eyes softened as he added: "Face it, Moony, we could be doing so much worse than this."
That, at least, was true. Reluctantly, Remus shrugged and dropped his book bag to the floor. "Let me just place a silencing charm around the nearest corridors before you force me to drink?" he suggested.
Sirius' face transformed as a bright grin leapt onto his lips. "Just so long as you come back," he said, taking the bottle back from Remus' outstretched hand. "Do you need help?"
"I can't be sure you won't end up vanishing a wall or something in your condition," Remus told him, aiming for a stern tone but failing as Sirius looked up at him through his glossy, too-long fringe and treated him to his best smile. "I'll only be a moment."
It was unfair, Remus thought as he made his way back down into the school. But Sirius could make him do anything with that look. It was why he always ended up getting himself into tricky situations. He and Sirius had a close bond and although he was aware that Sirius used this to get his way, Remus could never refuse him. The silencing charms were deftly placed around the area Remus thought to be big enough for their needs and he made his way back to the common room, relieved that tonight at least the others would not cause him too much of a headache.
Sirius' quick eyes spotted him first and he bounded over to meet him, thrusting the Firewhisky back into Remus' hands. "All done?"
Remus nodded, taking a drink and struggling not to gasp as the liquid burned a path down his throat. "I've only covered a small area," he said. "But it should be enough. People won't venture too far in the dark. Have you decided who's going to go hide?"
Sirius frowned, shaking his head, but brightened just as quickly. "It should be you," he said. "You know the boundaries of your charms. You'll be able to find the best place."
"I should have seen that coming," Remus muttered, but wasn't as bothered as he thought he might be. For one of the Marauders' schemes, this was remarkably tame, and he would be far more at ease if he was not sneaking around the school looking for someone else. He took another draught of the warming liquid as Sirius explained his plan, letting the whisky soothe his worries for once.
"Leave your wands here," Sirius instructed everyone, "and any other magical accessories you may have." His eyes flicked up to James' as he spoke, before sweeping the rest of the circle. "Last one to find Remus is the loser and buys the Firewhisky for next weekend."
This was agreed to and Remus was waved from the room with two minutes to find somewhere to hide. He had already chosen a spot and he kept to the shadows as he hurried along the corridors, only using one secret passage to speed up his flight. Reaching the bottom of a spiral staircase almost hidden behind a suit of armour, he leapt up the stairs and through the second door he came to. The room was big and seemed to be used these days only for storage. He was grateful for his lupine night vision as he soundlessly crossed the room, easily avoiding the precarious towers of crates and boxes. It was in the far corner that he settled, just out of reach of the moonlight that crept in through one high window. He stretched out comfortably on the floor and settled back to wait in peace. He knew that it should take quite a long time for even the most daring Hogwarts' explorer to find him.
In that, he was wrong. It was less than five minutes before the door opened and a dark shape slipped through before the catch clicked shut again. Soft, deliberate steps padded across the floor and then something cold and wet pressed against Remus' cheek.
Remus yelped in surprise and was glad it was dark as he felt the dark flush creep across his face. There was a slight noise beside him and then there was a soft chuckle.
"Gotcha," Sirius whispered, so close that Remus could feel silky dark hair brush against his skin.
"Using your animagus form has to be cheating," Remus whispered, not altogether unpleased that he had been found so quickly.
"Using secret passages and a hidden staircase has to be cheating too, if it comes to that," Sirius retorted instantly. "You do realise the only person that has even the slightest chance of finding you apart from me is James?"
Remus shrugged. "I hadn't really thought about it," he replied. "We found that passage in second year. That gives everyone one else more than four years to have tracked it down. It really isn't hard. Did James or Pete have the map?"
Sirius shook his head, the movement barely perceptible in the gloom. "I've got it," he said. "I hid it in the dorm earlier. Do you know what else I have?" Before Remus had the time to answer he felt something heavy and made of glass pushed into his hands.
"I should have known you'd bring a bottle with you," he said, smiling and shaking his head.
"You should know me better than that, Remus," Sirius chastised lightly. "I've got two. Cheers." There was a 'clink' as he tapped his bottle against the other and Remus felt obliged to take another drink. He had been happy enough to have an evening alone with his thoughts, but couldn't be upset with the way things were turning out so far. It wasn't often that he had the chance to be alone with Sirius. Since their first day, Sirius and James had been practically inseparable and Peter was more often than not found skipping along behind them. It was only in more recent times, when James had applied himself more seriously to his pursuit of Lily, that Sirius would actively seek out Remus. The two had become much closer since the first full moon when Remus' alter ego had bonded so easily with Sirius' animagus. It had given the two a strange insight into each other's' psyche that was quite unique.
There was something … different about Sirius tonight, Remus thought, as he took another sip of the fiery liquid. He was unusually intense, even for him. He had not been quite the same since he had finally made the choice to leave his home. There were days when he was worryingly quiet and withdrawn. Remus had chanced to walk into the dormitory one day when he was in one of those moods and had called his name. The fire that had burned in Sirius' grey eyes before he blinked it away was both fascinating and terrifying. It had been clear that Sirius had not wanted to talk and Remus had not yet dared to ask him what was wrong. But this mood was something new; something Remus did not know what to think of.
Stalling for time, he drank some more, realising too late that this would not help matters. Remus was not much of a drinker and already his head was beginning to feel heavy and unclear.
"I'm cold," Sirius said suddenly, breaking the long silence. "I forgot about that when I decided Padfoot was the best shape to track you down in."
"Sirius, you wally, didn't you bring anything to wear?" Remus asked in mock exasperation. "What happens if one of the girls finds us and you're sitting here in nothing?"
That made Sirius laugh. "I can hear you blushing, Moony" he drawled. "Can't you just summon me some clothes?"
"What makes you think I have a wand?" Remus retaliated instantly. "It was your decision to leave them in the Tower, if you recall." But as he spoke, he shrugged off his robe, handing it over. "Put this on," he said, his voice soft again and concerned as he could hear Sirius' teeth chattering.
"How can your robes smell of the library, Moony?" Sirius sniffed pointedly, but Remus could hear the smile in his voice as he spoke.
"I'm surprised you recognise the smell," he replied, grinning. "Do you even know where the library is?"
"I resent that," Sirius retorted, giving Remus a push. "Of course I do. It's the place James and I set fire to when you were finding your hiding place just now."
Remus drew in his breath sharply before the ridiculous lie processed in his brain. As Sirius dissolved into mirth, he growled and pushed him over, holding him to the ground with one arm. "Why do you persist in making fun of me when you know I can overpower you with one hand behind my back?" he demanded in a hushed whisper as he remembered they were supposed to be hiding.
"Maybe if you let go more often, I wouldn't need to provoke you," Sirius replied. "You're far too stuffy and you know it. And besides, who says that you have me powerless?"
Before Remus could react, he was pushed backward and pinned firmly against the wall, the dark shape above him suddenly breathing hard.
"Perhaps you're not as strong as you think." Sirius' low words were spoken mockingly as he leaned forward to whisper in Remus' ear.
It was not lack of strength that kept Remus motionless, but overwhelming confusion. What was Sirius up to? Clad now in only a thin t-shirt, Remus could feel the heat that poured off the boy leaning over him and could hear his pounding heart and too-fast breathing. Sirius' scent, spicy and exotic, invaded his nostrils and mingled with the FIrewhisky, making him dizzy and breathless. Silky hair brushed against his cheek again as Sirius pulled back from him slightly and Remus had to bite back a moan. Almost robbed of his sight by the darkness of the room, his other senses were in overdrive and the smell and feel of Sirius so close was almost too much to bear. Confused and a little afraid, Remus was nevertheless certain he would not back down until he discovered what Sirius was doing.
Still sat on the floor, his legs out in front of him, it took Remus only a moment to work out exactly where Sirius was and then he kicked out with one leg, hooking his foot under Sirius' knee and sending him flying. Leaping after him, Remus caught him before he hit the floor and held him in mid-air for a moment before regaining his balance enough to pull Sirius up and hold him against the wall, using the whole of his body to pin him in place. "You know you can't beat me in a fight," he whispered, trying his best to keep his voice even, although his breath came in irregular gasps. "What are you trying to do?"
"Provoke you," Sirius replied instantly, his voice oddly strained.
"Why?"
Sirius did not speak or even move for a moment and then he pulled his arms free, wrapped them around Remus' neck and pulled him into a fierce kiss.
Instinctively, Remus tore himself away, eyes wide and heart pounding wildly. "Sirius?" The one whispered word throbbed with confusion and sudden fear. Terrified that Sirius would run without explaining, his hand shot out and caught one slender wrist.
But he hadn't tried to run; hadn't even moved. "Don't try to rationalise anything," Sirius warned softly. "Just let yourself feel for once, Remus. Don't think; just act. It never has to leave this room if you don't want. I promise." As Sirius spoke, he moved towards him again, reaching out and then turning them both so Remus was pressed back against the wall.
Remus felt fingers tangling into his hair and closed his eyes, fighting for breath as Sirius' lean body moulded against his. He pushed his thoughts aside, concentrating on the feel of one strong hand curling around his neck as the other ran down his side, burning wherever it touched. He couldn't fight it. His arms wrapped around Sirius' Quidditch-honed body as their lips met again. Nothing could have prepared Remus for the emotion that flooded through him, his need and desire as Sirius kissed him back hungrily. Following Sirius' advice, he let his body take over, not stopping even when his hands found their way through the robes Sirius wore and feasted on the burning hot, tightly muscled flesh beneath. Remus had been kissed before, but that had been a girl and those gentle, sweet lips could never have awoken his passion like this.
Eventually, he had to pull back. Weak from lack of oxygen and overwhelmed by what had just happened, Remus could not find the strength to move away but dropped his head to Sirius' shoulder and clung to him as he fought to breathe. His heart was pounding so fiercely that it shook his whole body and he would likely have collapsed had it not been for Sirius' arm around him. He could only be relieved that he was not the only one in this state. Sirius too was struggling for breath and Remus could feel him trembling. Together, they managed to sink to the floor in a tangled heap of limbs.
"Sirius…?" Remus managed eventually, the dizzying high fading slowly to be replaced by cold uncertainty. "What just happened?"
"I'm glad you asked," Sirius said brightly. "That was a snog, Moony. It's what we call it when two people share a mind-blowing kissing experience…"
Remus cuffed him across the back of the head with more impatience than he would ever normally show. "Don't be an idiot," he growled. "Why did you just do that?"
"I assume I can't get away with saying it was because I wanted to?" Sirius was stalling, Remus knew it. There was a slight hitch in his voice that, had it been anyone else, Remus would associate with nerves. But Sirius was never nervous, no matter what the situation. "Remus, how long have we been close for? That more-than-mates close that we are, not like how we're friends with James and Pete I mean. And you can't say I'm talking rubbish because I know you aren't like you are with me with anyone else; I've checked. It got me thinking about all kinds of things, but mostly that I now know why the girls have stopped hanging around me like they used to. I just presumed that it was because I've kissed so many of them that the rest would be betraying their friends if they got with me. But that's not it, is it? It's because in every way except the actual physical one, we have been in a relationship for months. Don't you see? I tell you everything, I want to be with you all the time, I nurse you when you're sick and cuddle you when you're sad. Amortentia smells like books, chocolate and that smell the forbidden forest has when it rains on the night of a full moon. If this is all nonsense to you, Moony, then we have a problem and I will have to feed myself to the giant squid. I'm going to stop talking now, and I need you to react to everything I have just said, OK?"
Remus, who had been listening to his friend's peculiar eloquence in open-mouthed awe, could only blink. The last thing he had been expecting to happen when he had broken curfew and gone out to hide in the school was this. The first suspicion he had was that it was some kind of cruel prank, but there was no mistaking the earnestness of Sirius' voice, not to mention that he refused to believe anyone could kiss like that and not mean it. And he knew that Sirius had not been out with a girl in quite some time.
And it was true that Sirius told him everything, regardless of what Remus would have to say on the matter. And yes, he did look after him as he recuperated from the full moon, and comforted him when he needed it. What Remus could not believe was that he had not noticed until Sirius had said so.
"Remus?"
He blinked and focussed as the softly-spoken word that barely ever fell from Sirius' lips registered in his brain. He only ever used Remus' real name when he was in deadly earnest. Even though the dark room did not allow him even a glimpse of Sirius' expression, Remus knew his brow would be furrowed and he was worrying at his lower lip with his teeth. Heart turning over, Remus reached out and found Sirius' hand with his, lacing their fingers together with an unhurried grace at odds with the frantic beating of his heart.
"I think," he said slowly, wondering how his voice could sound so normal when everything he thought he knew had changed, "that you need to tell me whether you planned all of this or if it is just an impulse."
There was a sharp intake of breath in the darkness and Remus knew that he had hurt him by questioning his sincerity. Sirius had never lied to him, not once, but this…thing… had filled Remus with uncertainty.
"I wouldn't go so far as to say I planned it out," Sirius murmured, only the slightest hint of the hurt he clearly felt apparent in his tone. "Re, this is not just some random act of madness. It's the only thing I've never managed to talk about with you; I was too confused and I didn't want to lose the closeness we have. It's not easy for me to trust, especially not when it's such a big secret like this. It's hard to get any real alone time without a guarantee that we won't be disturbed. I had to jump at the chance. Don't hate me for this, will you? I can feel you doing your jaw-dropped-staring thing and it is starting to frighten me. Just say the word and I will go and make my appointment with the squid."
There was only one way to shut him up, Remus realised. That and it seemed like a sure way to let Sirius know that whatever this was between them, he was not averse to seeing where it went. Reaching out, he curled his fingers into silky black locks, leaned in and kissed him.
"Stupid bloody ,maurader-style hiding…." An angry mutter made Remus pull away, breathing hard. He tensed but Sirius arm moved to wrap around his waist and he could feel his silent laughter.
"Moony, if you're not here I swear to Merlin I will send Peeves to follow you around for the next year!"
More cursing followed and then James Potter appeared in the thin sliver of light from the grimy window. "There you are!" he cried triumphantly, his grin widening but falling almost instantly as he realised that they were not alone. "Bloody hell," he groaned in frustration. "How did you find him, Padfoot? I only did because I bribed one of the portraits! Everyone else gave up hours ago."
"Pity he didn't."
The whisper was so faint that Remus barely caught it, and it made him blush furiously. He dug Sirius sharply in the ribs to quiet him, but nodded his silent agreement of that statement against Sirius' shoulder, earning himself another silent laugh.
"What did you bribe the painting with?" he asked, pulling free of Sirius to get to his feet, before turning to pull the other boy up beside him.
James chuckled. "Trust me, Moony, you do not want to know," he said. "Come on, let's get back. You two might have been happy all cozy up here, but I want to go back to the party."
"You have no idea how cozy we've been," Sirius muttered, but not really for James' ears. "We should play this game again."
Remus, although still confused by what had passed between them that night, had to agree.
It was not until they went to bed that night that Remus had a chance to speak to Sirius again. The exuberant boy had spent the latter part of the evening as the life and soul of the party, so full of energy and bright laughter that more than one person had asked him what potions he had been illegally sampling. Peter had taken himself off to bed hours before James had passed out in the common room. Remus prepared to levitate him up the stairs but was stopped by long white fingers closing about his wrist.
"Better not," Sirius said, raising an eyebrow as he looked down at Remus' wand. "I trust you but I know you'd never forgive yourself if you accidently hexed him instead of levitated him. Give me a hand to lift him?"
Remus tucked away his wand and moved around Sirius to lift James bodily instead. There was certainly no-one watching them who was sober enough to remember that a seemingly frail boy was easily able to pick up someone bigger than he was and toss him over his shoulder. He reached the dormitory and lay James down on his bed, throwing a blanket over him before he turned to see Sirius watching him with a slight smile tugging at the corner of his lips. "What?"
Shaking his head, Sirius chuckled at him. "You wouldn't expect it to turn me on knowing that you could overpower me without even trying, would you?" he said.
Flushing a deep scarlet, Remus ran an unsteady hand through his hair. "I…I don't know how you expect me to answer that," he managed, meeting that bright gaze with some difficulty.
Sirius' smile softened and he closed the distance between them with slow, silent steps. "Remus Lupin," he murmured, reaching out and brushing his fingers along Remus' burning cheek. "You are wholly adorable and it would be my honour to continue this another day. I believe I have tried your patience more than enough for one night and I honestly think if I push you any further you might just panic or snap. I just want to tell you that I fancy the pants off you, have done for ages, and what happened tonight was brilliant." With that, he possessed himself with one of Remus' unresisting hands, bowed to press a light kiss on his knuckles and with one last soft smile, disappeared off to his own bed leaving Remus standing in the middle of the dormitory, staring at where Sirius had just been, lifting his hand to his mouth.
