Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto, but I sure wish I did.

This is dedicated to everybody out there who has ever acted selfishly, or who has been the victim of a selfish act.

Ths is dedicated to everybody who has ever wanted to understand a selfish person; because I always wished I did, until I got to know a whole bunch of them. And believe it or not, they all have their reasons for acting the way they do - even if it doesn't make it any better.

This is dedicated to everybody who has ever had a best friend, and who has betrayed or has been betrayed by that best friend.

And furthermore, this is dedicated to my ex-best friends, who, even if they don't have the slightest clue about it, helped me become the person I am. Although I hate your guts (both of you) and wish you a happy life in hell, I'd still like to remember the times we had together. Thank you for being the completely self-obsessed idiots you are, because without you there'd have been a lot of great memories that would have just passed me by without me even knowing that they could've been.

(And no, this is not a true story. Although me and my best friend fell for the same guy, our story is far less dramatic than this one. But this is a story dedicated to... well, just read what I wrote above.)

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Once I was in 7th grade, we read the book Holes in English class. We had a test about it, too – a test that majority of the class failed since the Royals had not read it, and thusly, the others followed their example. Me, being the outcast/failure/nerd I was, didn't really care either way, since it'd be hopeless trying to suck up to the Royals – they hated me anyway, for whatever reason they had – and so, I read the book.

One of the test questions was, "Cruelty creates cruelty. Motivate your views on the statement, giving examples from the book."

I remember very clearly that I wrote; Although it's indeed horrible when people are cruel to each other, it does not justify the victim's actions if the person in question is being cruel to others because he/she has been treated wrongfully in the past. As a matter of fact, one should be even nicer to others, as they of all people should understand what it feels like – to be treated wrong.

I firmly stuck to my belief back then. But I was naïve. I didn't know that puberty is the stage when people change the most – when nerds have the chance of becoming Kings or Queens, or vice versa, all depending on how they develop exterior-wise, how much they party, how much cruelty they show in order to gain the rank they wish, or in order to be demoted because of their lack of beauty, popularity or cruelty.

I didn't know that I'd have that chance myself to prove my own theory wrong.

sin #1
cruella de vil

dear nobody,
it's empty in there.
Sometimes it hurts. Like there's a little tiny person hitting me on the inside of that empty space.
Like that little person wants to get out. I can almost hear her crying.
I wonder, who is she? Why is she crying?
I want to make her stop crying. Her tears hurt.

I would've liked to say that I was a nice person, up until then.

Sadly, that wouldn't be true.

Now, I'm sure that if you asked the people who supposedly knew me – like my father, or my classmates for that matter (excluding Karin, Ami and Kin, who'd probably tell you the truth about me, although they didn't actually know it was true), they'd all tell you that, oh, Yamanaka Ino was a very friendly and happy child.

I wish I could've believed them. Or to be entirely honest – because this entire thing that I'm writing right now is supposed to compensate for my complete lack of honesty the last 20 years – I believed that I was nice for almost ten years. I made myself believe that.

But on the outside, I was nice. Even my father, who worried so much about me that he spent as much time as he could despite his very busy schedule (businessmen seldom have spare time to socialize with their seven-year-old daughters who can't stop ranting about different flower combinations in order to make the perfect bouquet), couldn't tell my true persona.

I think my mother could. On some level, before she left, she probably had the slightest insight of my true self, because even now, I can hear her words ringing my ears that night when she left;

"Don't call me selfish. They made me like this. And like they made me, they'll make you… or maybe they already have. In truth, you're just as selfish as I am in wanting to keep me here."

The words struck me. Hard. It felt like with each word, she was disclosing something that should not be revealed to the public; my dirtiest little secrets all poured out for everybody to see. In reality, it was just the two of us alone in that tiny little hall of ours, but in my five-year-old heart, it felt as though she was shouting out everything I didn't want others to know about for the rest of the Konoha, for the rest of the world, and I wanted to scream, "Stop! Shut up! Be silent! Please…", but my words failed me.

And everything else failed me, too.

I really wanted to argue against her. I wanted to protest with every fiber of my being and heart – but I found no words. I stood there, staring at her mutely, my blue eyes wide open in shock while the woman I idolized and cared the most about in the whole wide world walked out of my life, her last words breaking something inside of me, something that shattered into a thousand pieces of glass, and she trampled these shards with bleeding feet, crushing me as well as herself.

I didn't realize until several years later that it was my heart that broke that day.

dear nobody,
I told daddy to make it stop hurting today. I told him I wanted to go to the doctor.
Daddy started to cry.
I hate to see daddy cry. Karin said to this boy in school that boys aren't supposed to cry.
But daddy cries. I've only seen him cry twice though – once today, and once when mommy left.
Even when he doesn't cry, it feels like he has a tiny person crying inside of him, too.
I think if mommy came back, they'd stop crying.

I wasn't like the other bullied kids.

I knew that. The others were queer – one of them was fat, another too thin, a girl even had the outrage to have pink hair; that's why Karin, Ami and Kin hated them. They were too 'weird' for their liking. They didn't fit into the pretty picture they had drawn – they were too ugly or simply didn't fit. So they were ostracized.

Me, on the other hand, fit perfectly into it – which was the problem. I melted so perfectly in and still outshone everybody else that it threatened them. Karin, Ami and Kin were supposed to be the princesses, the leaders, the ones everybody were supposed to look up to. I might take that away from them. I was unintentionally posing a threat to steal their thrones away from them, and so, I was ostracized along with all the 'failures'.

I didn't care too much about it, or at least I told myself so. The other kids surprisingly didn't hate me – although they let Karin, Ami and Kin boss around with everybody without as much as complaining, they didn't really hate me. So I was allowed to be with them, and I was happy for that.

But they didn't satisfy me. I wanted – no, I needed a friend – somebody who'd stick up for me, somebody I could rely on, somebody I could dump and still have there waiting for me when I come back after wherever I've been running away to.

These people weren't like that. They were statists – people standing in the background I could have conversations with, but I could tell they weren't about to let me throw a tantrum and just stand there and take it.

The other rejects were perfect. Like me, they were looking for somebody they could rely on. However, some of these rejects had the same personality as me – bossy. I couldn't have that. If I were to have a friend, I couldn't have one that'd unexpectedly run out on me the way I would – I'd want somebody who'd just quietly let me do that and not do the same to me.

Then I met her.

She had always been in the background for me. When I looked for a friend, I didn't necessarily see her as an option – she had drawn so very little attention that I had barely even considered her a possibility. Later on, I amazed over the fact that I hadn't noticed her. It was hard to miss her pink hair.

Her name was Haruno Sakura.

She was petite – so extremely fragile and thin that it seemed possible to snap her in two just like a twig with just your thumb and forefinger. Not only that – she looked weak, too. So very vulnerable, with her fear-filled apple-green eyes, carefully covering her large forehead with a pink fringe that wasn't even supposed to be there, the strands poking her in the eyes as she quietly sobbed.

She wasn't half as cute as me – or rather, she wasn't cute at all – and that made me confident. That made me strong. And happy.

"My, my, don't you look troubled," I cheerfully greeted the crying girl as I approached her. "So you must be the girl with the large forehead."

Wrong approach. Sakura immediately flinched back, and looked at me in fear. Her left cheek was still blazingly red after Karin's slap, and she clutched the ends of her hair tightly – probably afraid that I was going to pull it, just like Kin had done.

I pulled back slightly, giving her some space to relax. "My name is Yamanaka Ino. What's yours?"

"Ha-haruno Sak…," her voice lowered a level for every syllable she spoke, and I could barely hear the end of her name, although I already knew what it was.

"What?" I inquired. "I can't hear you."

"Ha-haruno Sa-saku…"

"I can't hear you at all. You're a quiet one, aren't you?"

"Haruno Sakura!" she shouted at last, clenching her fists together as the ends of her pink strands were released from her grip; her eyes shut together tightly, but fluttered open again, startled, as I put my hand underneath her roseate bangs, as though I was going to check her temperature.

"So, they're teasing you about your forehead…," I mused, still wearing a smile, as she quietly started to sob again. "You know what, come back to this place same time tomorrow, okay? I'll have a surprise for you!"

The next day, I gave her a red hair-band, which I tied around her hair. Frankly, the color did not match her hair, but she did look just the slightest better, even if it enhanced her gigantic forehead.

"Karin and the others will keep teasing you about your forehead and hair if you keep hiding it. If you show that you're proud of what you have, they'll stop doing that!" I lectured her firmly, my hands on my hips, feeling very much mature as I did so. She looked at me in wonder.

"Ino-chan!" one of the other girls – those who I didn't consider real friends – called to me. "Are you coming? We're playing tag!"

"Yeah, I'm coming!" I turned back to Sakura with a wide grin. "Are you coming, too?"

She nodded slowly, looking as though she was about to ask something, but thought better of it. Then, just as I swiveled around and started running, she cried out, "U-um…"

"Yes?" I said, feeling slightly impatient, as I pivoted around again.

"Wh… why are you doing all of this for me?"

I smiled widely. "There's no 'why', is there? I want to help everyone, that's all!"

And then, for the first time, she smiled. It was unforgettable. I'm sure that, if I hadn't been the way I was, I probably would've felt proud for causing such a miracle – since Sakura had arrived at our school, she hadn't even smiled once.

But when she did, she was just so adorable, I felt for puking. Boiling venom filled my insides, and I felt impatient and frustrated – why had I picked her? She was prettier than me. She radiated such purity, such innocence, that everybody would like her better than me.

"You're such a nice person, Ino-chan!"

Immediately, the venom disappeared, replaced with the sweet taste of triumph. Yes, indeed I was. I had saved an outcast, I had turned her from a nobody to somebody. Of course they wouldn't prefer her over me.

After all, she was only cute when she smiled. And she had nothing – nothing – on me. I was intelligent, I was beautiful and cute, I knew more about flowers, I was charismatic, I was so much more than she ever was and ever could be.

dear nobody,
mommy loved flowers.
She said to me that Yamanaka means "among the mountains", and that the mountains are cold, and without any flowers.
Nobody, do you think that if I picked enough flowers for mommy,
she'd come back home?

I think my first thought when I saw him was, "He's perfect."

I remember it clearly, the first time I saw him, no matter how clichéd it sounds. I was sitting on top of the hill in the park, Sakura by my side, teaching her how to make a bouquet of lavender, daisies and waterlilies that we'd have to wade out into the pond to pick, when he arrived.

He was gorgeous. Even at the tender age of eight, he had aristocratic features, a posture that radiated pride and self-confidence – self-confidence which he in truth lacked – and he had obsidian eyes, so deprived of emotion that I could almost imagine that they were real gemstones – cold to the touch. His raven hair was a carefully organized mess reminiscent of a chicken's butt – a hairstyle that would've ridiculed every other bearer but him – and skin so smooth and so pale, he could've almost been transparent.

"Who is that?" I breathed as I could only stare to marvel at his incomparable perfection.

"That's Uchiha Sasuke," one of the girls that me and Sakura constantly accompanied said, sounding very much like she had forgotten how to breathe; "he used to attend the same kindergarten as me, but then he moved away."

"Seems like he's back in town," another girl remarked, her voice dreamy as we all watched enviously as Karin flung her arms around the God Named Sasuke, squealing her 'welcome home' greetings whilst he was trying to pry her death-grip off him.

It was at that moment he turned to look at me.

As clichéd as it sounds, my breath was literally taken away. It was hitched in my throat, and unbeknownst to me, I was holding my breath as my eyes widened, and I wondered dazedly if it was an epiphany. He looked like an angel from a distance, but with his eyes on me, I felt like I was bathing in his glory, as though he was extending his hand to me from afar to join me in his perfection.

"Sasuke-kun," Sakura suddenly uttered by my side, her voice cracking through the protective shield of euphoria which had isolated me from the rest of the world for merely a second. I looked at her incredulously – Sasuke-kun? Why were they so familiar? How come she knew him? – and on her face was the widest smile I had ever seen on her face.

And God, she was beautiful.

She wasn't even cute, or pretty. The way her apple-green eyes gleamed, the way her lips slowly rose upwards like some wilted flower being reincarnated – she looked so goddamned happy.

And I hated her for it.

"You're back," she stated matter-of-factly, but at the same time wondrously, as though she was just digesting the fact.

I realized the other girls were just as shocked as me – particularly Karin, who wore an extremely nasty face expression, as though she had just smelled a painfully sour odor – and also that Sasuke had stopped struggling from the latter's grip.

And it also dawned upon me, with horror, that Sasuke had not been looking at me.

He had been looking at her all along.

"Aa," he replied simply, and for the first time since he had arrived, his lips cracked into an arrogant smirk. A smirk so gorgeous it made my heart almost burst, and I had to restrain myself from doing something drastic, as though pushing Karin away and cling to him in her stead.

But as my eyes met his, I knew in that very second that in his eyes, there was no me. Not even a trace of me.

There was just her, and in her eyes there was just him, and I felt like I had been ostracized, forbidden to join their perfect little world, because I was that disturbance which would ruin everything. I had just been brought there to watch – not participate.

And then, the spell was broken as he turned away from us; my breath returned, and my sanity with it.

But the door to their world was still there. And it was locked – and now out of my reach, and even sight, completely.

dear nobody,
my daddy says that I've beautiful, blue eyes, just like mommy.
He says blue is as 'vast as the sea and the sky', and that it represents happiness, or something like that.
I'm not quite sure what he means, but he says blue is a happy color.
When I asked mommy, she said that blue isn't happy,
that blue is the color of tears,
and that the sky might be blue, but it still cries,
and that the sea is just a collection of the sky's tears.
Nobody, do you also think
that blue is an unhappy color?

If I said I was completely shocked, it would've been a lie.

I knew I had it coming. The way she silenced whenever he was close, her cheeks reddening to match her hair tie whenever they spoke; it was quite obvious what she felt for him even before she voiced her thoughts.

But even so, I really wished she hadn't.

I think I was vehemently trying to deny the blatantly indiscreet clues being thrown in my face; that I was running away from the truth, because it was easier.

Because it wasn't included in my plans.

I wanted – no, needed – the perfect vulnerable little friend who'd keep me company. Who'd come running to me when I was crying even after I had caused the fight by saying hurtful things; who'd stand by my side no matter how I betrayed her; who'd be the bridesmaid at my wedding, who'd catch my bouquet and marry some passably acceptable guy.

Not somebody who'd disturb my perfect plans of Finding, Conquering and Achieving the Perfect Prince Charming.

Not that I had even thought as far at the age of eight – at least not consciously. But even so, I can tell now that even back then, I was looking for that kind of friend, and that my goal of getting Sasuke had been set already – just not voiced out loud.

And she was about to spoil my perfect plan of getting what I wanted.

"Ino-chan, I think I like Sasuke-kun."

So, I was still taken aback when she had said it out loud. I had been hoping that she'd keep quiet about it – and so, I'd innocently pretend like I was completely unaware of what feelings she harbored for him. At some point, I had even convinced myself that she'd just forget about it.

I guess my penetrating stare of shock was enough to make her backtrack, to make her hesitate; her cheeks flushed a deep shade of crimson as she stuttered, "I, um… I just wanted to tell you that, Ino-chan, because… we're… we're friends, aren't we? And… um… I'm not sure if I should tell the other girls…"

I could just blink at her, unable to quite digest the fact that she had uttered her feelings out loud. Finally, as she shifted uncomfortably from foot to foot, I finally gathered my speaking abilities and told her calmly, "Well… this sure comes as a surprise."

"It does?" she questioned, unable to mask the doubt in her voice. It was apparent that she had believed her feelings were blatantly obvious – for me, perhaps, although I had shut it all away, unwilling to see what was staring me in the face. But for the rest of them, she must've been grateful that they did not notice what I saw.

"Yes, well… I always thought you hated Sasuke-kun," I lied smoothly without as much as breaking a sweat. "That's what it seems like, anyway."

"Really?" she exclaimed, tones of panic obstructing her light voice, turning it slightly shrill. "Do you… do you think Sasuke-kun thinks so, too?"

"I don't know," I replied with mock thoughtfulness, shrugging casually. "Maybe he does."

Sakura's apple-green eyes widened, anxious; but with hope shining in her eyes, giving them an unnatural sparkle I didn't want to apply to them. "Then… then, should I make sure he thinks that I don't hate him?"

"No!" I half-shouted, my act of coolness breaking as a hypnotized person out of his trance; horror-struck, I contemplated my options. The first option was to let Sakura have her way, and let the right pieces fall into the puzzle; she and Sasuke would perhaps get together, and she'd be crowned his queen. The other girls would envy her, but at the same time admire her, and I would fade into the background.

This first option scared me beyond belief. Those who read this may not understand; to you, it may only be an act of superficiality, but to me, it was the world. She would inevitably take everything I had always wanted, and I would fade into what was originally her role.

The most talented actress could simply not settle with anything but the main character.

The second option was easy, but cruel; I'd manipulate Sakura into believing that she had no chance whatsoever with Sasuke, as well as making the girls hate her for believing that she did as I would personally speak to them about her feelings; and she'd never be able to become his queen. Not with all the girls standing in her way as the obstacles. And eventually, her feelings would fade, and Sasuke would realize who'd fit best for the part – me, naturally – and all things would be just as they had been meant to be.

"I… I think that you should just take it easy," I forced myself to take on a calmer façade as Sakura stared, bewildered, at me. "Tell the other girls about your feelings. I mean, they might help you out, for all you know. And remember… friends should never keep secrets from each other."

"I guess you're right. I'm just afraid that Karin and the others will find out," she added weakly, her fingers unconsciously reaching for the side of her forehead; her eyes became slightly unfocused and her expression more monotonous, as though she was lost in memories she did not want to have.

"Of course they won't," I reassured her of the impossible – it was just as inevitable for Karin to find out about Sakura's feelings if she told the other girls, as it would be for Sakura and Sasuke to fall in love with each other.

But, I corrected myself with mental glee, not if I get to have a say.

"I sure hope so." Sakura's eyes, as well as mine, trailed to where the boys were; they all enjoyed a (loud) game of soccer, Sasuke wearing a blank, but still fierce expression as he and Naruto battled each other for the ball, both hoping to score a goal for their team; but in that moment, my eyes were not focused on Naruto – they never were – but on Sasuke, just like Sakura. And to my great disgust, her eyes softened at the sight of him, a smile creeping onto her face as her lips quirked upwards slowly, and her whole being just seemed to radiate something indescribable, something I wanted to have but maybe never would –

Happiness.

And in that moment, my envy turned blacker than ever, running through my veins like poison as I clenched my fists, crushing the flowers within them.

"So, Ino-chan…" Sakura turned away from him as her eyes gazed into mine, still with that contemptuous happiness, but with just the hint of a little anxiety. "Can you tell me completely honestly… do you think I have a chance?"

My eyes left hers as I once again threw a glance in Sasuke's direction; my heart skipped a beat as he returned my stare. But just as before, as I held his eyes in mine, they promptly escaped, looking for those of Sakura, and when they did not, he settled for staring at the back of her figure with an undecipherable face expression, his eyes just the fraction softer than they usually were.

And even just that fraction bothered me. No, that'd be an understatement – it didn't bother me as much as it made my insides boil.

And so, I turned back to Sakura with the sweetest (fakest) smile filled to the brim with sympathy I could muster, and said; "I'm sorry, Sakura, but I don't think you do."

As I watched her face expression fall as quickly as one would drop a newly boiled potato, the black envy inside of me turned to internal glee beyond compare. I was joyous, although I did not show it on the outside, as her eyes turned just as dark and unattractive as they had been the day when I first met her; as all of her utterly irritable happiness disappeared in the blink of an eye.

But little did I know, as I watched Sakura fall for the first time on the road of our friendship, that I was falling myself. I was free-falling down from the cliff my mother had built for me, that everybody surrounding me had unintentionally pushed me towards, just waiting for the day I'd fall down into the pits of sins gaping like a hungry monster below me just like my mother had once predicted that I would.

And little did I know that I had just taken my first step towards the selfishness and cruelty I had once feared.

Okay, guys, first of all, I've got to apologize for being so slow on updating everything else. But if you read my, in my opinion, perfectly passable excuse on my profile, I guess you can understand why. (I guess the habit of ruining my computer runs in the family.) Thank you for all your reviews on my other fanfics!

My life has been hectic lately; I don't even know where to begin describing it. Freshman year is over in a couple of weeks, believe it or not, and it has been.. well, dramatic in a way, I guess.

This fanfic was something I wrote quite recently; I guess I felt inspired by my ex-best friends as well as all the prep bitches in school. (Yes, believe it or not, I was in their clique for a couple of months. Let me tell you, all the high school drama stuff you thought only belonged in movies? Um, join the preps for a couple of weeks, and you'll see that it's ALL true. Yup. I've had enough drama in my life already, so I decided to just quit hanging with them (also, their attitudes sort of got on my nerves).)

Anyway, I hope you enjoyed the chapter. I know it hasn't been the most eventful one, but I'm trying to focus on making you understand Ino rather on the events so far. (Yes, there'll be more drama later tee-hee!) Please leave a review and tell me what you think, love y'all!