"Come to Mama, Sarada," Sakura invites her daughter into her arms with a bright smile.
Sasuke gently passes the girl to his wife. The moment her small form leaves him, making herself comfortable in her mother's arms, there's a sudden feeling of loss inside his chest.
"Papa?" Sarada turns her small head to her father, unsure why he's suddenly refusing to carry her anymore.
"Papa is going away on an important work, Sarada," Sakura explains.
"Papa… is going away?" she looks back at her father.
Sasuke's throat goes dry, he swallows hard, "Yes… Sarada."
"When will you come back? Sarada wants to play with Papa," she pouts puffing her cheeks.
When will I come back? I… I don't know Sarada. Maybe by the time I do, you would no longer be eager to play with me.
"Papa will be back as soon as his work is over. So, say goodbye to him properly."
"Goodbye?"
"Yes. Say bye bye Papa, be safe on your journey," Sakura smiles again although she'd rather not.
If anything, she wants to be upset just like her daughter and ask him not to leave. Maybe if she requests him to stay for today, he'd listen? Would it be too selfish?
It's not like I'm asking him to stay forever. Just one day. I'm letting him leave me… leave us... for who knows how long. Is it too much to ask for just one more day in return? He can leave tomorrow. Then we'll have another day to spend together. The three of us. Doing something fun, turning it into a memory we can all treasure.
But she knows it won't change a thing.
Even if he does stay today, once they're here tomorrow and he's about to leave, she'd feel like this again. She'd want to ask him to stay again. Even if he stays for another year. Because there'd never come a day when she'd be ready to bid goodbye to him.
But the thing is: she still has to. That's how it has been. Always. By now she has started to lose count of how many times she has watched him leave where she couldn't accompany him. For various reasons.
One would think that by now I should've gotten used to it, but that never happens. Every time it hurts the same if not more.
"Papa, bye bye. Be safe," Sarada repeats her mother's words with a cheerful smile. Making her chubby cheeks look even chubbier; not understanding very well what exactly these words imply.
"Bye Sarada. Be a good girl and listen to your Mama. Okay?"
"Sarada is a good girl," she declares happily, unaware of the huge change that is taking place in her life.
"I know," he smiles gently and then taps the baby's forehead with his two fingers, "I'll see you next time, Sarada."
The girl gives a big smile exposing her baby teeth and Sasuke's eyes almost tear up.
"Here," Sakura holds out the lunchbox; neatly wrapped in a fabric decorated with the Uchiha Clan's emblem.
A lunch she prepared especially for him. Who knows when he'd get to taste her cooking again.
"Ah," Sasuke takes it from her.
His mismatched eyes look into a pair of green ones.
I know exactly what you're going to do. You'll over-exert yourself to fill the void left by me. You'll take it upon yourself to do all the things that her father… I am supposed to do for Sarada. Without a single complaint. You'll go through all the hardships of the world for my sake. You've done it before. You'll do it again. And it hurts to see you go such lengths because of me.
I wish I could stay here, with you and Sarada. I hate making you go through all of it alone.
Sakura tries to come up with something to say. But she can't. Because what she's feeling at the moment aren't words she can voice. No, she is supposed to send him away with a smile. She has to be strong.
Why is it like this for us? It always has been. And looks like it always will be. We've spent more time apart than together. Even now, when we belong with each other, it still doesn't change.
Why is it always us, Sasuke? Why is our time always limited?
A silent teardrop escapes her eye without her notice and rolls down her cheek. Glistening in the morning sun.
Sasuke feels a stabbing pain in his heart. His hand twitches to wipe it away, to console her.
But what can I say to make you feel better. Do I even have any right to do that?
With the powers I wield, this is the only life I can have. I can't run away from my responsibilities. And the hardships they bring along.
But you could. You could've chosen someone else, someone with whom it would've been much easier for you.
But you didn't.
Instead, you waited for me, even when you knew very well how difficult that'd make things for you.
If that doesn't give me the right…
He lifts his lone hand, gently wiping away the dampness.
This warmth, her warmth, who knows when I'd get to feel this ever again.
His touch breaks the strong resolve that was holding Sakura back and tears start streaming down her face; way beyond control.
So much for sending him away with a smile.
"Sa-Sasuke… I'm sorry… I"
I didn't want to send you away like this. I didn't want to make you feel bad about leaving. But I keep thinking about going back home. Where the three of us had been spending the last few years, together. And from now on, you won't be there. Everywhere I'll see, I'll think how you're not there anymore. I'll miss you Sasuke. I'll miss you terribly.
"It's alright."
You don't have to force a smile when you're feeling like crying. I don't need that. Show me your tears, they'll remind me that you're waiting here, Sarada is waiting here for me. It'd give me strength.
I made darkness my home when I was far too young. I had shut my eyes for good and refused to see any light. But in the end, I found light once again. But now, once more, I'm on my way to travel the path of darkness.
However, this time, even if I have to spend years in the dark, my home is here, with you two. I will come back to you two no matter how long it takes me.
Sakura sees the agony in his eyes.
What am I doing? Just how can I be so selfish? I'll be here, surrounded by people I've known throughout my life. I'll wake up every day on our bed, I'll live in the house that is filled with our memories together. I will see Sarada grow up. And to my luck, she resembles you a little too much.
But you? You won't even have a roof over your head most of the time. Where would you sleep every night? What would you eat? God knows what life you'll be living from now on.
You lost your family when you were just a kid. You've spent so much time alone even though it was you who taught me the pain of loneliness. And now that you have a family again, you still can't be with us. Isn't this so unfair? Haven't you done enough already?
But knowing you, what can I say?
You're just like that, sacrificing your own happiness for the sake of this world. Without anyone even knowing. You'll do whatever it takes to secure a better future.
And as your wife, I take pride in that. So, I will do everything I can to support you. I will face every hardship that comes my way. Because compared to you, Sasuke, my sacrifices are nothing.
"Please be safe," she smiles through her tears.
That's all I ask. Please remember that we are here, waiting for you to return to us. I know how sacrificing you can be, but unless it's the only way out, please don't throw your life away. Please don't leave us, Sasuke. Please.
"Ah. You too. Take care of yourself and Sarada."
"We'll be alright. We'll be here in the village. Naruto is here, Kakashi Sensei is here, Tsunade Shishou is here, all of our friends are here. Nothing can happen to us."
I hope so. I've lost everything once. I can't even bring myself to imagine going through the same pain once again. I never thought I'd be able to love someone like that ever again. I was afraid to risk it all over again. But you made me.
So, Sakura, please be safe. And take care of Sarada. I know you will raise her properly. I have faith in you.
He looks at Sarada.
I won't be here from now on. How many precious moment I'd miss? I won't be here to share your happiness with you. I won't be here to console you when you get hurt. I won't be here to take care of when you fall ill. I won't be here for so many things…
I am sorry, Sarada.
I am sorry, Sakura.
Always… always…
"Sasuke Kun," Sakura's voice shakes a little despite all her efforts to stay strong.
Sasuke lifts his hand and taps her forehead, "I'll see you next time."
He brings his lips to gently touch her forehead, then Sarada's.
Warm tears flood her cheeks, Sakura finally gives up on trying to hide them.
"Bye, Papa," Sarada says, a little confused by now.
"Bye, Sarada."
"I'll be back," he looks Sakura in the eye as he utters those words.
Believe me, Sakura. I will be back. No matter how long it takes. I will come back to you. I know it's a really cruel thing to ask you, and especially after how many times you've already done this before. But, Sakura… please wait for me.
"Please be back."
I'll wait for you. I don't care how long it takes. How many weeks, months, years, decades. Even if the pink of my hair turns grey, I'll still wait for you.
Always.
The sun shines in the eastern sky, the morning still young. The woman stands at gate of the village, her baby daughter in her arms. The man's dark figure keeps getting farther and farther away from them with every other step he takes.
Both of them vow in silence, this isn't goodbye.
Note: My friend made me listen to BlackPink's Stay and that led to this one shot.
I'm posting this today (it's already 16th here) because a year ago I found ffnet and that was my introduction to the world of fan fiction. Back then I had no idea that a year later, I'll have my own fics with people actually following them. This is where I found all my favourite fics and this is also where I started as a fic writer. This was where people supported a complete newbie and gave her the courage to pursue writing seriously. Coming across ffnet was one of the best things in my life.
This fic is to express my thankfulness to all my readers who have supported me in any way. I treasure you all more than you can imagine.
Much love,
June ヽ(o＾▽＾o)ノ