Title: Leave My Mind Leave My Body
Pairing: Stahma/Amanda
Rating: T, you could say there's little bit of adult sexual content :P but nothing to traumatizing.
Summery: If Stahma and Amanda's conversation went differently the night Kenya got taken away. Stahma/Amanda "T" rated femslash.
I DO NOT OWN ANYTHING. DEFIANCE BELONGS TO WHOEVER CREATED IT.
I hear footsteps and think they're Nolan's. I need a minute. But it isn't the law keeper at all. Stahma. All white, and bearing a strangely comforting and uncomforting smile. She bows her head politely in Castithan greeting. "Can we find somewhere, to talk?"
A simple conversation in the street. About my sister. And Datak. My mind never leaves the subject of Kenya. How can I find her? I need to find Nolan.
"Have I ever told you how fond I am of your sister?" I hear Stahma say it, but I'm not completely aware of my response. I didn't know they knew each other. Stahma talks of her husband, he goes to the NeedWant for the Night Porters she says. Night Porters?
"Night Porters?"
"It's what you're sister likes to call her prostitutes." Oh. I didn't know that. Stahma thinks it's a lovely name, and then something about Kenya being proud of her work. I blink, but I can't concentrate fully on what she's saying, my thoughts are all on Kenya. I need to go and find her. Stahma asks something about Kenya. I give her my attention, but I shake my head no, subconsciously answering whatever it is that Stahma's question was. "The dear thing throws her arms around me, and squeezes me so tight I can barely breathe. And whispers in my ear, your husband is so wonderful. Thank you so much for agreeing to share him." Datak. Datak and Kenya. Kenya sleeps with Datak. And Stahma knows. I don't know what to say.
"Wow" I say. Stahma says something about Kenya having a special gift. I need to find Kenya.
"That's why I want to help her." And I'm listening again.
"How?" She calls Nolan a hothead, so is her Datak.
"All Datak wants is the respect he deserves. Give him that, and your sister is as good as rescued." I ask her how Datak would take this respect. Stahma brings up Bel. Bel Jarret, former councilman, died in the Volge attack. God, I should be searching for Kenya. I say that Bel Jarret was brave, he was.
"I can't even imagine how hard it must be, knowing you have to appoint someone else to take over his seat on the town council. With so much important work to be done, it can't stay vacant for long." Stahma says all of this with a lingering smile. Wait what? She wants Datak on the council, I can tell.
"You want me to appoint Datak to the town council?" I'm not sure how that came out. Kenya. It could have come out as a growl and I wouldn't have noticed. Stahma speaks of healing, and moving foreword. And she's rooting for Kenya. Kenya. Stahma is done talking now. I don't have any words left. But tears are coming I can feel them in my eyes. I close them. Where is Kenya? I don't have a response, and I don't want Stahma to think I'm weak for crying. I turn to leave. A hand stops me. Stahma frowns sympathetically at me, but it could just be pity. She wipes away the tears that escaped. Stahma stares at me for a long time. I need to go, I need to find Kenya.
Stahma's hand reaches out and touches mine. Kenya, I need to find Kenya. She drags her fingers lightly up my bare arm, tracing a long scar, courtesy from the Volge attack. I need to go and help Nolan, Kenya could be dying. I push Stahma back, lightly; I don't want to be aggressive with her. She closes the distance immediately, this time pressing her body up against mine. My mind is clouded with thoughts of saving Kenya. Stahma places a feather light finger to my jaw and turns my head; I'm staring straight into her lavender eyes. I shouldn't be doing this; I should be doing something else…. She leans in, her ethereal beauty just inches from my face, she turns towards my ear.
"You need to be distracted, you seem so tense." She smoothes down my hair and wraps her arms around me. Distracted from what? I feel Stahma pull back after a moment. And she looks into my eyes again.
"Stahma." I hear myself mumble her name, but I'm uneasy, there is something more important going on I know it. Stahma makes a shushing noise and coos something in her own language: 'Don't be nervous.'
I wrack my brain, I should go and find Nolan, I can't remember why but something big is happening and I would remember if I could get away. I push back once more. Stahma reacts instantly, again pressing her body against mine, more forcefully than before. I gasp. Oh.
"You need to be distracted." More Castithan words follow, but I don't know their meaning. I whimper and shake my head, I have a bad feeling. Stahma shushes me again. She places a tender palm on my cheek and slowly leans in. I should go. Her lips meet mine. Oh. I pull back with wide eyes. Stahma crashes quickly into me again, now she's lost her Castithan poise and she's kissing me forcefully. Her hands are holding my face to hers, but I wasn't planning on pushing her away. I forget now why I was so nervous, but a lingering dread is lying deep within my bones and the only thing I know, I shouldn't be here. I reach my own hands up to Stahma's white face and cup it, mirroring her actions. I shouldn't be here but I don't dare leave now.
Stahma doesn't wait for me to open my mouth before she pushes her tongue through its barriers. Oh. Stahma. My own tongue fights back, and my hands leave her face to grab her shoulders, I rise up on my toes and pull her into me even closer. I feel Stahma smile through the kiss, I feel Stahma's chest against mine, and I feel Stahma's hands leave my face and weave into my blonde hair. Stahma. She hums softly, almost a whimper but I feel as though Castithan's don't whimper, they don't do anything to show that they're losing their self control. I suppose I'll find out eventually. Whatever it was, it was the loveliest sound I've ever heard. Stahma's hums make me think of bells. I step back from her body if only to allow an inch of space for my hands, as they've left her shoulders to travel down and rest on top of her breasts. Stahma hums into the kiss again, and it definitely was a whimper so I know now that her composure is falling to shtako. Stahma, bells. I smile and pull away from her mouth. Air. Her smile is astounding and manages to calm me and flip my stomach all at once. I lean in again, and our smiles collide into another kiss. Stahma resumes her occasional sounds of pleasure, and each one sends shocks straight down to my centre. Stahma, Stahma, Stahma. My mental tourettes is making her name redundant in my head.
"Stahma." I break the kiss and say it out loud, making it real again. Stahma puts her forehead against mine, she looks to the side.
"Isn't it lovely Amanda?" She's smiling. Stahma.
"What?" I look to the side. She gently takes my hand off her chest and stretches out her arm, taking it with her. She flattens her palm vertically and I mirror her actions. With our palms pressed together I can see that her hand is bigger than mine, but also, definitely more feminine, I let out the air I was keeping in. Stahma's hands are so feminine.
"The contrast," She explains, gazing affectionately at our hands. "Your skin against mine, it's so different from all the white. All white, all the time. And now, your hands are tan against mine." She moves her arm up through the air, and then arcs it back down to her side, my palm still doesn't leave hers; she laces her fingers into mine. Stahma's hand glow against mine, Stahma is holding my hand. Stahma. I sigh.
"And your face," She finally disconnects her forehead from mine, and uses her free hand to once again cup my jaw, "So warm, and not so white. Your eyes, they're golden, and not so white." Not so white. But Stahma, Stahma's all white, all the time. She glows, ethereal, beautiful. Stahma glows. I take a moment to look back at her, her lavender pools suck me into a trance. I'm lost. I throw myself at Stahma. I attack her mouth with my lips and tongue. Stahma responds quickly, shoving one hand back into my hair and the other taps tentatively down my stomach. I moan. Stahma's hands upon me. I can't even take it. Stahma giggles into my mouth, she drops her hand even lower. Stahma. Stahma's laugh sounds like wind chimes.
"Yes." I sigh when she reached the button of my jeans. Her hand stops, I bring my hips up to press even harder against her hand. Stahma giggles. Wind chimes. Stahma trails her kisses off my mouth and sucks on my neck. Ooh. I latch my hands onto her back like claws. Her hand slips into my jeans, and I say something, but I hear it only after it's said.
"But what about Datak? What do you think you're doing? Are you cheating?" I shouldn't have said that. I had no control over my voice when I said that, my body was responding to one thing while my mind focused on another. I should've thought. I should take it back. To my surprise, Stahma smiles. That beautiful, extraordinary smile. And Stahma's still glowing. Stahma pulls her hand out from my panties, I suddenly feel very empty. I don't want to look, I'll see how shamefully aroused she made me in so little time if I look. Stahma must have wiped her fingers off on her dress. She places her hand back in mine, just like before. Stahma.
"Datak," She says affectionately. Stahma's still holding my hand. Stahma's still cupping my face and caressing it with her thumb. She looks at me, and she's looking into my soul. "He's angry, and wanting respect. Tonight, he will stay inside, simmering. He'll never know." Stahma plants a kiss on each corner of my mouth, and one on my nose, and one on my forehead. Each kiss leaves a burning sensation, bringing me back to reality, out of Stahma's guile. Know. No. No. I am not supposed to be doing this. What am I supposed to be doing? Why is Datak mad? He wants respect. He said I had no respect. And because I lacked respect, that was the reason he wouldn't help me find my sister. Kenya.
"Kenya." I say. For the last time I push back, and Stahma doesn't come for me. I'm back. Business. "Kenya," I repeat. "Datak, he'll help if I appoint him to a proper position?"
Stahma looks surprised, confused, and just slightly dejected. I give her an expecting look. She looks back at me, and regains her elegant composure. She's back. Business.
"An appointed position will surely aide in the survival of Ke- your sister." Stahma folds her hands together in front of her body. I nod my head.
"It's done then. I have to go." I turn to leave, I'm feeling everything at once. I haven't breathed in a long time. I feel a hand on my wrist. "Stah-"
"Please," Stahma looks at me with unreadable eyes. I have to go. She smiles anyway, and gives me a lingering kiss on my cheek. Oh. "I know you're sister will be alright." She frees her grip on my arm and I leave. I walk quickly away, breathing heavily, the tension between my legs is dissipating. Kenya is important now.
Stahma. Stahma's smile. Stahma's chest against mine. Stahma's hands in my hair. Stahma sounds like bells. Stahma's hands. Stahma's skin. Stahma glows. Now Stahma sounds like wind chimes. Stahma has my essence on her fingers. Stahma. Stahma's inside my head now. An obsession, a need. But Kenya. Kenya. Kenya. Kenya is important. Kenya is in danger. Stahma. Kenya. Stahma. Stahma. Kenya. Datak. Nolan. Stahma. Kenya. Nolan. Kenya. Kenya.
This was my first piece of fanfiction. You have no idea how happy I'd be if you guys gave me some feed back :)))))) REVIEWWWW!