Disclaimer: I don't own Les Miz and I certainly don't own the AT&T commercials that this is based off of. I'm sorry if this isn't so funny, but I have other ideas and if you have any please do share.
[MARIUS and EPONINE are in the background. EPONINE is chatting perkily, while MARIUS sits awkwardly, with an uncomfortable expression on his face. MARIUS'S PHONE is in front of them, speaking to camera.]
MARIUS'S PHONE: Beeeeeeep! Hey, this is Marius's phone. Marius can't come to the phone right now because he doesn't have AT&T. He's just hanging out in the Gorbeau House, pretending to pity the [makes quotation marks with fingers] "poor Jondrette girl", while she tells him how hungry and cold she is today. Oh and you should hear her laugh
[at that moment, EPONINE laughs though it sounds more like a cross between a witch cackling and a crow cawing. MARIUS flinches.].
So, by all means, yes, keep calling Ursula to tell him that you live on the Rue Plumet now, and that you'd [assumes girly voice] absolutely love [drops girly voice] for him to stalk you again. We'll just have to make due with your handkercheif. I guess we'll just stay here and pray for a fire, or a police intervention, or...even for Courfeyrac to stop by.
[sarcastically] What could be greater?
[sighs and looks back at MARIUS and EPONINE, where EPONINE is now almost on top of MARIUS, but he keeps just pushing her away. MARIUS'S PHONE walks offscreen, humming 'Bring Him Home']
Sorry I know it was short.