Power Outage
Vainly I wiped a tear from my cheek. Damn it, damn this fear, this unadulterated fear of the darkness. Mello was right, I am just a baby. I play with toys like a child and I sleep with a nightlight. I truly am just a big scaredy cat. I flinched at the sound of the thunder outside and huddled into the blankets that I'd torn from my bed in a futile attempt to protect myself. My body had contorted into a strange circus act as I held my knees as close to my chest as my body would allow. The robot sheets surrounding me in a puddle of fabric did little to reassure my feelings of security.
I wanted strong arms around me. I wanted Mello in all seriousness. He had always been there for me. Sure, his love usually came with a snide comment or two, but what was love without a few of those? I wanted his hands on my back, rubbing small circles and his hot breath in my ear telling me in his silky voice that everything would turn out fine. I wrung my hands in the excess fabric of my sleeves. He should be here by now. It was a general understanding that I needed him here when the power went out.
I'd heard the giant oak crack not too long ago; it must have taken out the power line, I deduced. I knew what had happened and logically that should have been enough for me to move on and accept this as a freak happening in nature. I should have come to the realization that any fears in my mind were irrational, but for some reason my emotions didn't make the same connection that my brain had. What got me were the actual, factual occurrences of evenings such as this. I knew that I had nothing to be afraid of, but my rigid muscles and teary eyes didn't agree with me until Mello enveloped me with his warm body.
"Mello," I sobbed into my knee, swallowing the lump in my throat. I felt my heart in my chest hammering in fear and the adrenaline rushing through my veins at ungodly speeds. I wished he would come already, the fear was causing a sort of paranoia, I thought while searching the room for strangely shaped shadows. I was no longer afraid of the monsters under my bed, but I didn't want to become too careless with my fears.
I gasped at sight of the shadow my robot figure cast on the wall and dug my face into my knees. What the hell was taking him so long? Did he get lost? Oh god, I hoped not. I couldn't go about thinking such things. I had to believe that he would come to my rescue, because, he always did. I moaned to myself and rubbed my eyes with so much force that I hurt my right eye. I squinted in the darkness, wishing the lights would turn back on and everything would return to normal. No, the only light in my room was the eerie blue cast from the moon hanging low outside my window.
Mello's room wasn't too far away. My paralyzed legs creaked with the urge to get to Mello by whatever means necessary. I wasn't aware of just what kind of fear I was setting myself up for when this thought crossed my mind. Of course I should go to him. I nervously twirled my hair in anticipation. On second thought, maybe I should just wait.
"No," I vocally expressed my desire to get to Mello, frightening myself with the booming sound of my voice.
I threw my sheets to the ground and carefully put one foot onto the ground at a time. I didn't trust that everything was normal down there. Scary things could happen in the dark. I had decided that it wasn't a physical fear of monsters or anything of the sort, but a mental, psychological fear. It was as if the fact that I could not see, observe or analyze my surroundings left me blind as a bat in the world. I may have felt blind as a bat, but some way or another I made it to the door and out into the hallway. Most of the orphanage was still sleeping as power outages that occurred while there is no power on usually didn't strike too much displeasure amongst the inhabitants. If a tree falls in a forest and there's nobody there to hear it, does it make a sound?
The squeaking of the floorboards under my own feet began to unnerve me. I knew that there was nothing following me, but if Mello were there than there wouldn't be fear in my movements or weakness in my stride. The more I thought about it the more afraid I became. Steadily, my pace increased until I was full-out running to Mello's room, fat tears rolling down my cheeks uncontrollably.
Just as I was getting close I ran headlong in something in the darkness. My stomach clenched into a hardened pit about the size of my fist and my lungs refused to produce oxygen to breathe, while my heart momentarily decided to stop beating. I scrambled away helplessly, unaware of whatever it was that I'd run straight into. The alarm that it caused within me almost elicited an emotional and vocal response. I curled into a ball and scooted as far away as possible. I covered my eyes helplessly at least hoping whichever student it was, was nice to me.
"Near?" a familiar, silky, smooth and seductive voice called. The footsteps that followed could be none-other-than my Mello's. I crawled through the hallway, grasping at anything and everything that could be my Mello. When my tiny fingers clasped around his ankle I held on with a sort of might reserved usually for life-or-death climbing incidents.
He dropped down to one knee and laced his arms around me, holding me close and whispering reassuring words of solace. Suddenly, it was as if there was a sort of weight lifted off my shoulders. If I'd known better I would have thought he let me sweat it out just a little bit. I cried all of the tears that had built up inside of me right into Mello's chest. The comforting rise and fall of his hard chest made it easier for my hyperventilation to cease. When Mello had rubbed my hair so much that the tangled curls all settled out I had finally regained composure.
"Close your eyes Near," Mello encouraged, his hand lightly brushing over my face. I gasped at the pleasurable feeling of his fingers on my skin and did as he said. It was all darkness, but it was my familiar eyelids. I didn't feel that unnerving fear any longer. I hugged Mello around the waist and squeezed him tight enough to convey that he was never allowed to leave me. He chuckled heartily causing his stomach to move about under my chest. He leaned down and kissed the top of my head before putting his hands onto my hips.
"Mello…" I whined unaware of what he was planning. Mello lifted me up and into his arms as he carried me to my room with a sort of confidence in his stride. He was my man of the night. He had zero fear of the darkness or the cracking thunder assaulting our ears. He was a remarkable creature. He quietly hummed to himself and to me as he carried me back to my room. It wasn't long until his large strides reached my door. He opened it without hesitation and set me on the bed. I heard him close the curtains and sit beside me, the creaking coils complaining under our combined weight.
"I worry about you," he said solemnly. I turned my head, though I did not yet have the confidence to open my eyes. I heard Mello sniff, as if he were trying to disguise something. With my curiosity greater than my fear I peeked through my thick eyelashes to see tears welling up in Mello's eyes. "What will you do when I leave?" he said, his voice watery sounding even to me.
"I don't want you to leave," I replied. He made a sick laugh then wiped his eye with the back of his hand. Slowly, be begun to nod to me. I didn't know how to react.
He leaned down and kissed me softly, his lips feeling like butterfly wings upon my own. I felt a shiver run down my spine, but I didn't fight it. He pulled back again, his hand dropping from my cheek and his eyes opening to stare at the wall. I moved to get onto my knees and face him. I didn't yearn for his touch; however, I did want his attention. As his mind wandered in the distance I couldn't help but worry about what he was thinking about. I was pathetic and I was holding him back.
"I know that you don't want me to go," he mumbled. He appeared to be in the process of saying more, but I didn't want to hear his plans of disappearing from my life. I threw myself at him. Somehow I ended up with my arms lying uselessly over his shoulders and my lips crashing onto his. He dutifully obeyed my wish and wrapped his lengthy arms low around my waist and explored our kiss. I didn't want it to end, but I was becoming lightheaded just as Mello stopped. He forced me to sit beside him, as if I were a distraction from the words he had meant to say. I waited quietly, feeling the static in the air. He took a deep breath and snarled his lip in a look of displeasure. "I know that you don't want me to go, and that's why I haven't yet," he said, each word measured as though he'd clearly thought it out. This time a tear escaped his eyes and dropped onto my bare bed. I shook my head.
I wiped his cheeks helplessly to rid the tears and looked at his sad face in the darkness. He didn't want to hurt me. My mouth had made the decision to speak before my mind had time to cope, but without warning I spoke the words that I knew he never expected to hear.
"Leave," I demanded, my voice gaining an icy edge to it. He looked down at me shocked. "Leave tonight and I'll tell Roger where you've gone in the morning," I explained, fiddling with my hair as I nervously figured out what I, myself, would do. His eyes were wide and his mouth gaped open in a strange manner.
"Really Near?" he asked, his voice shaking.
"It's clear that you want to go out into this world. Do it," I dared. My voice sounded almost threatening as I knew it was what he wanted, but it was never what I had wanted for us. He shook his head.
"I couldn't," he began, putting a hand to my jaw line. I slapped it away and looked at him with a hard gaze.
"Damn you Mello! Just go, I've come to terms with it, stop teasing me. You—"
Before I could finish my sentence he leaned down and put his lips to mine. I didn't fight it; instead I took it for granted. This was the last time I would feel his lips on mine. I leaned in allowing his hands to absentmindedly run up and down my body. His hair tickled my forehead and we fought for dominance in the kiss. I tasted the salty wetness of his tears and the sweetness of his mouth. He licked my bottom lip playfully and rested his hands at my hips, clearly glad that I had finally agreed to grow up a little on my own. I could feel the desperation in the kiss though.
He wanted individualism, he just didn't want to say goodbye either.
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