Uncharted Waters.

Synopsis:

Bluebell Hamada seldom got visions that were way too vivid for her to pass upon as random dreams. She had come to terms with the fact that they were memories of her past life, packaged with convenient knowledge that set her apart from her peers. She was young but she was smarter and more mature than the rest of them. But with all of that, she was more cynical. Bluebell knew of the cold, cruel world. And she knew of the equally cold, cruel people. The only person she trusted was her brother and now, he was gone.

And now, she's not too sure why she's standing in front of a group of people she is actually allowing herself to trust. Bluebell was led to them by Byakuran, someone she decided to put trust into. Though she's not too sure she's ready for these people. These people that called themselves the Vongola, a mafia family. But they'll be her family, they said. They'll all be her brothers and they'll all be her sisters. Those words seemed too good to be true though for some reason, she'll let herself believe it.

Life was difficult. Life was never easy. Life was hard to understand.. Even if she was accompanied by the experiences of her past life. "Just because I know how to swim, doesn't mean I can fight against the current of relentless waves in a cruel sea."

Pairings: To be decided! I'm thinking one sided love for Byakuran, maybe Kikyo. Potential pairings with Bel (though he's older) and perhaps Fuuta (same age) c: ... Though idk who she'll end up with~

Updates: I don't know how fast updates will be since I'm just uploading all my story ideas for the meantime. I have at least three other stories I'm trying to prioritize so.. Yeah. I'll try for weekly but I'm not sure. :o

Important Note: This is set after the future ARC.

Disclaimer: I don't own KHR (I could only wish) and I don't own my cover photo (I'm way too lazy to draw my own).

A/N: She seems mature now (could you blame her with some memories of a past life?) but I'll give her more of that canon character of hers once she decided to open up to people. c:
She'll meet the rest soon, not too far away. I plan on having her meet them while she's 9, an age I decided to set up since it's an AU. I'm not too sure how old she was in the future so I couldn't calculate how old she'd be in the 'present' time when Tsuna is around 15. I also picked a random last name for her. Time skip will in a few chapters.
Byakuran and Bluebell's past are based off of the Forth Secret Bullet Novel. And I'm not making up her past or anything, her brother died to save her. But I'm going to make it so that her legs are recoverable and not because of Byakuran's parallel knowledge's ways, haha.

Whether or not the past self knew of the KHR world... well. We'll see. :D (Because I've yet to decide. Opinions?)

CHAPTER 1

Bluebell stared absentmindedly at her parents who were bustling around in the kitchen, about to go to a party. They didn't even care. They never cared.

Oh no, never. It was always about the kind of earrings mom adorned or the kind of tie dad wore. About the impression they made or how many business partners they would gain. How they would look on camera or how people would see them.

It was about them. It was never about her. And even in the end, never about.. him.

The blue haired girl rolled the wheel chair down the hallway, only glancing idly at the pictures of their 'family'. Though the only 'family' she considered was her brother, and even now, he's gone too. Not by choice. Not like her parents.

At first she considered them busy. And then after years and years and years of hope, 'busy' turned into neglect. Eventually, neglect turned into heartlessness.

Mr. and Mrs. Hamada of the Hamada Co.! Wonderful. Her parents left often, never really coming home. They were always attending some sort of party, some social occasion, some business meeting, some kind of job.. and they didn't even spare her a second thought. Or even her brother, even when he left this world.

Sure, they spent a day or two mourning. They went through the whole funeral process but afterwards, they acted like he never existed. Only she. Only she stopped in front of the framed photos with a few hot tears rolling down her cheeks. Memories contained in dark wooden frames upon burgundy walls. Haunted by memories and the echoing thought that he will never come back. The only thing that stayed.. was the pain.

The pain never left. The pain will never leave.

The ever so warm smile that was present on the seven year old boy's face in this picture, that smile will never return. HE will never return. And ever since then, she cursed the world. And most of all, she cursed herself.

Her eyes fell to her pathetic legs, a result of her accident. She hated what happened to her legs but more so, she hated what happened to him. It was her fault too. If she wasn't so careless, if she wasn't so STUPID- He'd be here.

He'd be here and he would have continued to be her warmth. Her support, her family. He would have continued to care for her, the only person that truly does. The person that stood by her side, the one that cheered her on and praised her for a good job. The person that would have watched her at swimming practice and handed her a fluffy towel after she got up to endure the freezing cold. Like always.

But no. Because 'always' was broken, and 'always' wasn't so always because 'always' turned into 'not anymore'. That person was no longer here. And sometimes, she wished she joined him.

She wheeled herself out to the backyard, the cold breeze sent a shiver down her spine. But she didn't care.

She stared into the mass of blue, light blue water that reflected the sky above. Tainted by the familiar tealish blue color and inviting scent of chlorine. She came closer to the edge, staring down at her own pathetic reflection.

Light blue hair, and cold blue eyes that accompanied it- the nine year old girl stared back at her. Pathetic, hateful.

She let the shawl fall from her, flying back into the distance. And with a heave, she let herself fall face forward to the water.

SPLASH.

The water was familiar. Though it was cold, freezing, stinging. The water was welcoming, accepting, but it was harsh. It fought her, it suffocated her. It was alive. And it wanted her to drown. But somewhere along the line, she supposed she was used to it. Before, she could fight it back. She would rip through it and she would swim.

This time, she was drowning. And she let it drown her.

Let her tears dissipate into the water, let it become one with it. Let her screams and agonizing cries turn into mere bubbles as if she were only trying to breathe.

Everything was hazy. Everything was how she preferred it to be. Muffled voices. Thoughts blurred.

"Bluebell! Bluebell- Damnit, child."

"You stupid girl, what do you think you're doing?" Trying to drown. Leave me be.

"Not again. Agh- my gloves are getting wet!" Just let me drown then. Spare your precious gloves.

"We're going to be late, dear. Call the caretaker. We don't have time for another one of her silly episodes." Silly. If she wasn't choking on water, she'd have scoffed.

"Isn't the new counselor coming today?" Why? What's the point?

...

"Ah, on time." Father's voice.

"Welcome, you must be Byakuran." Mother's.

"Hm? A pleasure to meet you." ...Who?

She groaned, stirring. Her vision was unfocused as her eyes opened to the ceiling above. The sight of a familiar white ceiling and lavender walls made her frown.

"You're much younger than we assumed."

"Ah but my credentials are all that matters." She turned to the new voice. A teen with white hair and lavender eyes. Slightly tall, lean, skinny.

Slowly, his attention shifted over to her and he smiled. "Ah, and you must be Bluebell-chan."

She parted her lips, looking from him to her parents. Mother's short light blue curled hair, blue eyes. Pearl earrings and some fancy clothes. Father had slick black hair, blue eyes. Some more fancy clothes and apparently today he sported a silk, probably high quality gold tie that matched mother's dress.

They muttered things to each other before leaving, not a single word to her. No 'I'll be home' because they wouldn't be, not even a 'I'll be back'. No, never. Not really, anyways. There were only a few things they ever said to her. 'You better behave' was a common one. 'Eat all your food' was the other. 'You're excused' was heard a lot too. 'Keep up your grades' was also something. 'Don't embarrass us' was another line, one she didn't like to hear at all. But never a 'how are you' or any form of appraisal or words of love. Never.

"Who are you?" she croaked slightly before clearing her throat.

"I'm Byakuran."

She frowned before turning away from him, pulling the blanket higher up over her shoulders. "Go away. I don't need another counseling psychologist." Her parents tried counselor after counselor but she refused to speak or even go to physical therapy. Her thoughts, her suffering, will be her burden. Her legs, her mistake, will be her punishment.

She heard a faint chuckle from behind her. "My, aren't you a young thing to have experienced a load."

Bluebell didn't answer. Sure, she was only nine. But nine years taught her well and the books she read only accompanied what she experienced. The world was cruel, she knew. And that was all that mattered.

Plus, those visions- No, perhaps those memories, served her purposefully. She had come to terms with the fact that it was her past life. And even then, it wasn't a good life.

Bluebell felt the other side of the bed cave in and whirled around to find him sitting on it. "Hey-"

He chuckled again. "Why don't you talk to me, Bluebell-chan? I'm sure you'll feel better."

She scanned him. Too young of a face, surely no older than a high schooler. "You're like what, fifteen? What do you know?" she frowned.

There was something different about his expression when he smirked. "I know a lot, Bluebell. Trust me. Plus, I'm what they call a... child prodigy. Though Bluebell, you should slightly understand."

Her blue eyes narrowed but she didn't reply. She'd be damned if her past self didn't at least know elementary or even middle school math and other subjects.

"Would you like to go outside for air?"

"No."

The teen hummed from behind her. "How about we play a game then?"

"No. I want to be left alone."

She was.. a bit different than other people, she knew that. She had always been more mature for her age, way more mature. She was only nine yet she knew she had the mind of a teen at least around fifteen. Though she could kind of figure out why. It must be those dreams, those visions, those memories.

Underlying all of those dreams, visions, and memories were knowledge. She had knowledge, stored from someone she expected to be in her past life. In fact, she believed that she might have been American in her past life, that would make the most sense. She could read high school or higher level (English) books and she knew the basics up to most middle school level courses.

But like what she expected to be 'normal', she couldn't remember and understand everything. And like everyone else, she had her weaknesses just as much as she had her strengths. History was okay, she was sure she learned more American history than Japan's. Mathematics and English she excelled it. She wasn't so great at Science but it was doable if she studied. Japanese was a bit harder due to her realization and she wasn't the best at memorizing the more uncommon kanji. Sometimes she thinks she might have been Japanese American but like most people, she wasn't too in touch with her native language as much as she used English. Therefore reading was a bit slower and writing was even more difficult.

Anyways.. the most her parents found her was strange, abnormal. They bragged about it for awhile but then when she started speaking and acting mature, they gave her this look as if she didn't' belong. But then again, when did they ever give her a look as if she did belong? She was like a rare prize that no one ever got, warranted they brag about it, but in the end she was a strange prize. And they didn't truly care about the prize, only the value.

[ Days Later. ]

Bluebell eyed him as he placed marshmallow after marshmallow into his mouth and she was idly wondering if he ever heard of the 'chubby bunny' game her friends used to play in her past life.

"Have you ever, uh… played this game with marshmallows?" she asked as she set the mug of hot chocolate down on the glass table with a small clink noise. She was cynical but she wasn't that rude. Sometimes she wasn't in the mood but today she didn't feel so bad. So today she didn't mind making conversation. It's not like she was telling him her life story or her feelings.

He raised an eyebrow as he continued to squish a marshmallow in between his thumb and index finger. "What kind of game?"

"It's like a competition between people to see how many marshmallows you can inside your mouth, taking turns," she explained.

Byakuran hummed for a moment, an amused expression his face. "I see. Then, do you want to show me?" he grinned before eating another marshmallow. How could he eat so many, she wondered. It seemed so sweet.

She watched him, scanned him. Unsure if she should get close to the man, to trust him. If she were to grow attached.. if he were to leave her too, she wasn't sure what she'd do.

...Then there was something creepy about him. Byakuran got up (gracefully, she might add). He walked over to her side and plopped himself down beside her on the cream leather couch with his bag of marshmallows and set it on her lap.

...It was like he knew what she was thinking sometimes. And she didn't like that, not at all. It made her uncomfortable. There was something about those lavender eyes of his that seemed to be able to see and reach down to the deepest parts of her soul.

Not to mention, he was so close. Though she was nine and he was like seventeen. Surely that didn't mean anything to him. But to her and her more mature mind, close proximity was making her- rather, her heart, a bit suffocated.

"Um-"

"Why don't you start?" he smiled encouragingly.

Bluebell supposed a game couldn't hurt. It didn't mean anything. She wasn't letting him into her life just by playing a game. She wasn't trusting him or opening up to him.

"The marshmallows didn't do anything wrong, you know. You don't have to glare at it," he chuckled. Bluebell's eyes widened. She didn't know she was glaring at anything.

"Uh, okay," she muttered before picking up one soft cylinder like marshmallow. She placed it in her mouth, tasting the all too sweet of it before stuffing it to the side. "You go," she mumbled in a funny way because of the marshmallow.

He hummed with an amused expression before doing the same. Bluebell picked up another one and repeated the action. Then.. suddenly something dawned on her. "Dwis is totahllwy unfwair" which in other words is: 'this is totally unfair'. She's pretty sure he has a bigger mouth than her. She was young too. Though she's not too sure if mouths grew. They do, right?

"Is it?" He chuckled before placing another one in.

...

..Okay. She kind of choked and died at four. More like three and a half because the rest of the fourth one killed her. Bluebell isn't entirely too sure how he's fitting seven but she's too busy coughing to question him.

"That's an interesting game," he said afterwards. "Want to play again?"

"NO!"

He laughed as he continued eating more marshmallows and she's thinking that she wouldn't like to eat another one in a very long time. Ugh.

"So, would like to start physical therapy then?"

Of course. She didn't even know she was in a good mood until it was ruined. "No."

And she shut him out again.

[ ... ]

But he kept coming back. Despite all the times she told him she refused to do what his job required him to do, he still kept coming back. Everyday. And everyday at two o'clock in the afternoon, she found herself glancing at the clock before staring down the front door.

Surely it was because she dreaded him coming, not looking forward to it. At least that's what she told herself to think.

Although Bluebell couldn't entirely deny the fact that his presence lightened up her dark and cold house like rays of sunshine. His presence was warm, inviting, welcoming. If she didn't hate herself to think it, she would perhaps realize that Byakuran's presence felt like her brother's. One that she loved and now missed all too much.

The click of the door made her jump, even then she still found it weird how he had a key to her home and that parents didn't mind. They trusted him too much and she found it entirely dangerous that he had such a power: to have people trust him easily.

Bluebell unconsciously straightened her back and brushed down her long skirt, quickly fixing the two little ponytails on her blue hair. ...What was she doing? What a ridiculous nine year old she must have looked like. But then again.. what a ridiculous nine year old she was.

"Ah, hello Bluebell-chan. Were you waiting for me?" he grinned with a playful tone. A marshmallow bag was clutched in his arm, of course.

She frowned before clearing her throat and glancing away, making sure to glare at the wall ahead of her. "Of course not."

And days like this went on. Days where he tried to talk to her, days where she willed herself to not talk to him. She was scared, in all honesty. She was scared of getting close to him. Scared of giving him the power to break her.

It happened more than enough times for her to have learned her lesson in her past life, she remembered. And she won't put herself in the position for that kind of vulnerability again. At least, not easily.

[ ... ]

Today...Today was warm. A warm July day. Sunlight filtered through the windows and the white sheer curtains were pushed back to the side. The room was bathed in pure sunlight and perhaps the usual, nonliteral dark and cold feeling of the house was forgotten again.. like when her brother used to be around.

"Why don't you talk to me, Bluebell-chan? It'll make you feel better," he said as he wheeled her over to the living room.

The blue haired girl sighed. This wasn't the first time he asked her and she's sure it wouldn't be the last. She was starting to wonder if he genuinely cared, if he was doing his job, or if he was just curious.

"What for?" She frowned. 'Feeling better' won't bring her brother back and it won't right the wrongs of her mistake.

"I want to be your friend," he grinned.

"Why? Is that another fancy way of trying to actually do your job?"

Byakuran hummed and she almost decided to shut him out. He didn't know the answer- "It is my job but I could have left since you're one difficult patient," he joked but she didn't find it funny. "Though I didn't since, I like you."

The words alone made her eyes widen and her face flush. "What-" Out of all excuses, she didn't expect that one.

"You're a very cute little girl," he mused happily as he ruffled her hair. Something she could admit wasn't so bad.

"I don't make friends," she muttered. Her only 'friend' was her brother. Bluebell didn't trust people. No, people were not trustworthy. People lie and deceive, and then they leave. People that are close to you give you a warm sense of security and then when they walk out, they leave you shattered with the broken pieces of false hope. At least that's what she learned in her past life.

"Won't you make an exception for me?" he grinned, tone slightly playful. But she wasn't joking about this at all.

"I have a condition for friends," Bluebell ended up saying.

"Oh?" he mused. "What would that be?"

"That they won't leave me."

Byakuran's expression grew serious and she immediately regretted saying it. In fact, she was about to wheel herself away but then he spoke again. Although she was afraid to hear it, she wanted to know. "That's a reasonable request."

Does that mean it's possible? Does that mean that since he wanted to be her friend, he'll stay by her side?

He wasn't a bad person. And if it's him, she supposed she'd be okay with it. Him being her friend. Him being by her side.

"You won't leave me?" She asked, blue eyes glistening.

"Bluebell, you can't stay with a person forever." Of course she knew that. Bluebell also knew her brother never meant to leave her. It didn't change the fact that he was.. gone.

"So, you can't promise me," her lips dipped into a frown and she glanced away, eyes slightly burning and threatening to spill tears. The lump in her throat was hard to swallow.

"You don't have to worry," Byakuran reached out a hand to brush the side of her cheek but she flinched away. He crouched down at the side of her wheelchair to the direction she was looking in but she turned the other way. She was being childish, Bluebell knew. But could you blame her? She technically still was a child.

Though when he grabbed her hand, her head whipped over to his direction. Staring, glaring.

"I will support you for as long as I can," he said with a gentle smile.

"And what happens when you won't anymore?!" Her tone grew with distress and even though Bluebell willed herself to yank away her hand, she couldn't get herself to do it.

His smile faded as he watched her with those reading eyes of his and Bluebell found herself glancing away, staring down a glass vase of flowers as if it did something wrong to her.

"I won't leave then," he spoke softly. She refused to look back. If she did, she'd cry for sure. "But I won't be by your side all the time."

"What's the difference?" She bit back tears as she asked with a shaky weak voice.

"The difference is, you'll grow stronger without me but I'll be always be here for you when you need it." She heard a shuffle and the warmth of his hand left hers. For a second she was scared he was going to leave but he stayed. He stayed. Though she was still eyeing down the poor, unoffending vase.

Bluebell considered his words for a moment in silence, one that seemed to uncomfortably stretch on for awhile.

"But for now…?" Her voice only came out as a faint whisper, a bit afraid of his answer. As if he could actually hear her, he'd change his mind.

"For now I'll be by your side," he said as he ruffled her light blue hair, leaving it in a mess as he chuckled. Bluebell vaguely wondered if this was the beginning of a very big mistake. What she wondered more was why she let herself fall, hoping he'll be there to catch her.

"You promise?" She looked up to Byakuran, blue eyes against lavender. Full of hope, and perhaps maybe admiration. Maybe something a bit more. "Pinky?" She gave a small smile as she held up her smallest finger and he grinned before hooking it with his.

"I promise."

Thanks for reading!
Drop a review if you have time, it'll be greatly appreciated. c: