A/N: This is just some soppy nonsense that came to my head while watching the episode with Valentine's Day in the new series. Hope you like it ;).
Some Day
Dear Thomas,
Truth is what we're always seeking for but what we don't want to hear. I want you to know the truth. It's not easy for me to do this because the truth can be different from we expect it to be, from what we hope. It can be uncomfortable and even scaring sometimes. And it's not sure we'll feel better once the truth is brought to light. But I cannot hold this back anymore. Since I met you for the first time I think about you every day. You're in my mind and it feels like something is missing when you're not there, beside me, near me. You're the better half of me. I eventually found the part of me that I realised was missing the day I met you.
First I was afraid of the thought but now I have accepted it and I want you to know it, I want you to know me.
People always say love is the strongest of all emotions and now I know what they mean. But love has more than one side. It can be hurtful, disappointing, unrequited. It's just the same as with truth. Our lives are one big search for truth and love but once we've found them we're not sure if we want them anymore, if we're ready to deal with all their facets. I can only speak for myself but all I can say is that I want both. Every bit of them with all the side effects. No matter what it takes. You are my truth and my love. You are the brightest star in my sky. You're the one thing that keeps me alive, the only thing I need. I wouldn't know how to live without you and don't want to. It is a mystery to me how I managed earlier before I knew you.
I don't know what you feel and you might feel nothing at all but I know that there is something inside of me that longs for you. Deep down I knew it all along. That's the truth. But as you know the truth can be scaring sometimes.
I know it will take some time but I will be patient. I don't mind waiting, however long. Profound relationships have to develop slowly. There has to be trust and truth. For now it is uncertain if there ever should be something like this between us. But until this day comes, however far away it may be, I will wait.
Because I love you.
Happy Valentine's Day.
Thomas blinked away the tears that started to blur his sight. Never before had he read a more beautiful letter, let alone received one. He had never gotten any valentines so this moment was as special as a moment could be. He had found the letter on the floor near the door this morning. Somebody must have slipped it into his room through the slit under the door. And Thomas dared to think that he knew who this somebody was.
It must be Jimmy. Who else would write such words?
He couldn't be absolutely sure yet but except from the words, the fact that it had been secretly slipped into his room instead of being given to him by Carson at breakfast was more than a hint. The writer didn't want anybody to know about the mere existence of this letter. A smile crept onto Thomas's lips. This had certainly brightened his day. Valentine's Day had always been some kind of torture for him because it reminded him every time very clearly and unmistakably that he would never have a lover. But now the deepest of his wishes, hidden away in the depth of his soul, was eventually about to be fulfilled.
Dreams can come true. You just have to wait.
He had waited long enough and still he couldn't believe he was holding this letter, this affirmation that there was someone in this world who truly loved him, to whom he was special; that he was holding it in his hands.
The truth.
It wasn't so bad after all. In fact it was brighter than he had expected it to be.
When he was walking down for breakfast this morning he was still wearing the smile. Thomas had never felt any better before. The prospect that that someone really loved him, and that this someone might be Jimmy made his heart beat faster. It was as if it was dancing a joyful dance to a cheerful melody, only audible for him.
Thomas took a seat at the table in the servant's hall right across from Jimmy. When his eyes met the footman's gaze he smiled. And Jimmy returned the smile, shyly and with flushed cheeks.
So it was him.
Thomas told himself that for this moment that was enough. A smile, deep blue eyes assuring pale blue ones. It was enough for now Thomas had the certainty that there would be a relationship eventually.
Some day.
Jimmy's right. It has to develop slowly.
And for the first time in his life he allowed himself to hope that there was a little bit of love for him in this world. Because now he knew.
Happy Valentine's Day.
