A/N first wincest fic, hope you like it :)

warnings: smut, swearing, smoking, drinking

Yes, Sam and Dean were close. Closer than most, but everybody had secrets.

Including Sam.

Especially Sam.

Sam was doodling on his finished homework, bored out of his mind. Dean was out, hustling for some extra cash. Sam sighed and his gaze wandered over to his duffle. He stared at the bag, considering.

Fuck it.

Dean wasn't going to be home for at least two more hours, and dad was on a hunt in another state. No one would find out. He opened his duffle and searched, digging through his stuff to get to the bottom until his fingers wrapped around a small box. He slowly lifted it, and looked around to see if anyone saw, though there was nobody there.

His secret, well, one of them anyway.

He tucked the small box of cigarettes into his pocket, and grabbed his lighter, before stepping out of the motel room. He sat out on the empty parking lot, where the Impala would have been if Dean were there.

Dean.

The thought of his brother sent sparks of guilt through Sam's chest, and he lifted a cigarette up to his mouth and lit it. He inhaled the smoke deeply into his chest, before exhaling. The menthol had a cool and slightly sweet taste. Sam only ever smoked menthols, he hated the bitter burn of regular cigarettes.

With every exhale, he relaxed a little more, and he was smiling slightly. Thoughts of Dean drifted around his mind, though they were decidedly less brotherly thoughts. He thought of his first wet dream involving Dean. He was twelve, and woke up covered in sweat and with an aching hard-on. Dean was snoring next to him, his dad on the other bed. He shivered as he his mind replayed the dream vividly for him. Instead of the usual ass and tits, he dreamt of intense green eyes, dirty blonde hair and sculpted muscles. Freckles, bowlegs, and strong arms bending him over an-

Sam shook his head to clear his thoughts, cheeks burning, and his pants a little tighter than before. He looked down at his cigarette, which was almost finished. He took one last puff before tossing the butt in the general direction of the trash can. He rested his head on his knees and closed his eyes.

He thought about Dean at the bar, hustling pool. Or maybe he picked up a girl, and he wasn't coming back tonight. A nice, pretty girl.

A girl.

Sam clenched his fists. Would things be easier if he was a girl? Would Dean pay attention to him then? Would his feelings be returned? No, Dean wasn't as tainted or dirty as he was. Dean wasn't stupid enough to lust after his brother. Dean wasn't fucked up enough to be in love with his brother.

Love was a fucking joke. Love wasn't beautiful. It didn't have happy endings like those cheesy romance movies Sam watched on the motel televisions. It wasn't painless, at least not for Sam. It hurt everyday, to be so close, but unable to touch. Part of him just wanted to come clean and get rid of the weight of his secret on his chest, but a bigger part of him was terrified of Dean's reaction.

Would Dean start hating him? Would he tell dad? Maybe they would decide they didn't want a son as fucked up as he was, and they would ditch him on the side of the road and they wouldn't look back.

Or maybe Dean would love you back. Sam chased the thought away immediately. Sam wasn't that masochistic. He wouldn't let himself hope for something so impossible. It hurt too much. It hurt so fucking much. Sam sighed, and started making his way back into the motel room.

On nights like this, Sam liked to drink. It numbed the pain, and made it a little easier to sleep. At least in his dreams, Dean loved him in that way. He grabbed a beer from the stash they kept in the fridge. Sure, Dean would be pissed, but Sam didn't care. He was sixteen, damn it. He could drink whenever the fuck he wanted.

Three beers later, Sam was sufficiently drunk and lying on one of the beds. It didn't take much to get him drunk, but Sam drank on an empty stomach, which intensified the effects of the alcohol. He was finally on the edge of unconsciousness when he heard the door open.

"Dude, what the hell?" Sam struggled to get his eyes open and when he finally did, Dean was staring down at him, annoyed.

"Wha-?"

Dean picked up one of the cans lying on the floor. "You finished off half the pack, you idiot."

"The oth'r half's n' the fr'dge." Sam slurred. God, he was so tired, and he was looking up at Dean's pissed off face. He was so hot when he was pissed.

Sam rolled over and tried to block the annoyed huffs Dean was making. He felt Dean climb onto the bed, lying so close Sam could smell him. His dick hardened in his pants, which resulted in a groan from Sam.

Of all times to randomly pop a boner, why now?

Sam tried to keep still, willing the boner to go away. But Sam's dick was pressed up against the mattress, and dammit, Dean, quit moving around. The mattress was creating friction against his crotch and Sam released a tiny whimper.

"You are so fucked up, man." Dean chuckled, attributing Sam's noises to his intoxication. He had no clue of the effect he had on his little brother, who knew exactly how true that statement was.

"You have no idea." Sam said darkly. Dean however, noticed that Sam sounded much more coherent. He also noticed the changed in Sam's tone, and it piqued his interest.

"Now, what's that supposed to mean?" Dean asked, pulling on Sam's hair lightly to make him face him. The shiver that ran down Sam's spine did not go unnoticed by his older brother.

"Nothing. Let me sleep, jerk."

"Not a chance, bitch. You hiding something from me?" Dean poked at Dean's side teasingly. It was always the same when Dean thought he had a secret. He would stop at nothing until he squeezes the whole truth out of Sam.

"Shut the fuck up and leave me alone." Sam whined, trying to squirm away, yet getting impossibly harder.

"So you do have a secret!" Dean was fucking enjoying this. Sam was way past the happy, tipsy stage. Right now, all his emotions were heightened and they were jumbled into one uncomfortable mess in his stomach. Why couldn't Dean just leave him the fuck alone?

Irritation grew into red, hot sparks of anger in Sam's chest as Dean continued to poke and prod. He must've been drunker than he thought because Sam blinked at the next thing he knew, he was straddling Dean and his hands were on either side, framing his older brother's face. Dean had shut up, staring up at Sam in surprise, and another indescribable emotion.

"You really wanna know, huh?" Sam growled, Dean shuddering underneath him, trying not to seem nervous, and failing. Sam was proud of himself. Dean was always calm and collected, and yet here he was, sweaty and unsure.

"The reason I'm so fucked up," Sam leaned in, his lips brushing Dean's ear. "is because I'm in love with my big brother." Sam whispered, before finally, finally, pressing his lips softly against Dean's. He ground his hips against him to let Dean feel his erection, to really drive the point home.

And then it hit him.

Sam was kissing his brother. He was screwing everything up.

Shit.

Shit. Shit. Fucking shit.

Sam pushed himself up and started crawling away. Chest heaving, eyes watering. He needed to get away right now.

He was stumbling towards the door when a hand gripped his wrist. Sam froze, but he willed himself to face Dean. But when he turned back, he didn't see any of the disgust, hatred, or anger that he was expecting.

"I'm sorry, Dean."

"Shut up and get back here."

Dean pulled him back onto the bed and this time, Dean was on top. And he was kissing him. Hard.

Sam gasped, and Dean seized the opportunity to push his tongue in and explore. They made out heatedly before pulling away for air.

"Dean, wh-what? What was that?" Sam gasped out, horny and confused, but relieved that Dean was not kicking him out.

"You think you're the only one who's fucked up, baby brother? Sammy, I've wanted you for so long." Dean started kissing Sam's throat, and worked his way down.

"You," Kiss. "and your stupid dimples," Kiss. "soft, sexy hair," Kiss. "and your innocent doe eyes," Sam choked as Dean's tongue circled his nipple. "let's not forget those fucking pouty lips." Sam's back arched as Dean continued working his way down Sam's body, skin tingling where Dean kissed.

Finally Dean reached Sam's zipper. His eyes never left Sam's, unbuttoning his shorts, then using his teeth to pull the zipper down. Sam's dick was embarrassingly wet as it finally sprang free of any restraints.

"Commando huh?" Dean asked, smirking at Sam.

"I-uh..." Dean saved Sam from having to reply by moving back up and kissing him somehow managing to be possessive and gentle at the same time.

"I think that's fucking hot." Dean whispered, nipping at Sam's lips.

"Fuck me, please Dean just fuck me." Sam pleaded, arching his back and thrusting up against his brother.

"Not when you're drunk, Sammy. Making out is one thing, but what you're asking for? I want you to be completely sober before you ask for something like that." Dean said seriously, kissing Sam's temple tenderly.

"Ungh-but Deeean," Sam half-whined, half-moaned. Dean could rarely resist Sam when he used the puppy-dog eyes, but the sight of Sam moaning beneath him, all flushed and pink, it nearly made him lose all sense of control.

"As much as I do want to fuck you into the mattress, it's not the right time." Dean said, but Sam was having none of it.

"You're a fucking tease y'know that?" Sam said petulantly, making Dean smirk. "Getting me all sexed up, then leaving me hanging? Fucking cruel."

Sam flipped them over, effectively wiping Dean smirk off of his face. He raked his nails down Dean's chest, making him shiver. He pulled down Dean's zipper, and pulled his rock-hard dick from inside his boxers and oh shit he's huge. He gave Dean's dick an experimental stroke down his shaft, which made dean moan out load, sounding so pornographic Sam almost came right there and then.

He leaned in and wrapped his mouth around the tip of Dean's dick, lapping up the precome dripping from the slit. He moaned as he took more of it in, the vibrations sending liquid out of the slit like a broken faucet. Sam hollowed out his cheeks, sucking on Dean's cock as if his life depended on it. The whole time, he kept his eyes on Dean's face, his perfect lips forming an 'o' shape, eyes closed and blissed out. Sam smiled, lips tightening around Dean's dick as he bobbed his head up and down.

"You little…unf...shit. Wipe that…ahh…smile off your…ungh…face." Dean managed to choke out. Sam lifted his mouth just enough to give his brother a smug reply. "It's a blowjob, Dean. We're not having sex." After that, Sam licked a stripe up the shaft before taking Dean in as far as he can, eventually deep-throating his big brother and where the fuck did Sam learn to do that?

It wasn't long before Dean was shooting load at the back of Sam's throat and Sam was swallowing it all up, a little bit dribbling out the side of Sam's mouth. Their chests were heaving and Dean was limp on the bed. A minute passed before he was able to speak.

"That was the best blowjob ever," Sam smiled proudly at his brother's praise. "but we still have to take care of you, baby boy." Sam was suddenly reminded of his still achingly hard dick. Dean reached over and gave it one, two, three, four, hard pumps and Sam was coming all over himself. He blushed, stammering apologies about how little it took to get him to climax. Dean ignored him, licking Sam's body clean, before lying back down, pulling Sam with him. It was a little gross, since both of them were sweaty and sticky, but neither of them wanted to move. Dean was asleep in minutes, though Sam laid awake, thinking about what had just happened.

They would probably have to talk about it in the morning. No matter how good Dean was at avoiding awkward topics, gay incest was something they needed to discuss.

Was this going to be a regular occurrence, or something that they would both deny ever happened between them? Sam decided to worry about it the next day, but for now he was perfectly content in Dean's arms.

A/N should i write a sequel about the morning after?

send some constructive criticism in the reviews

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thanks for reading :)